When I woke up to silence, I went through a roller-coaster of emotions, after having woken up to the incessant sounds of sparrows for weeks their absence was throwing my mind for a loop. For some reason, my initial thought was that I was still in the taxi depot and that I had dreamed everything after that as some kind of wild escapism, the moment of depressed panic that followed only lasted until I remembered I couldn’t dream. I managed to wind myself into a different panic of course, as I had been sleeping with Anna and I don’t think she had ever woken before me naturally. I only had a few moments to descend into irrational wild scenarios of what could have happened while I was sleeping until there was the creak of the door being opened.
I heard a couple of garbled footfalls as I speculated who it could be, maybe-
The jarring sound of porcelain shattering was sharp and distinct even through the murky obfuscation of my brain working off stored power. “Ah fuck.” Oh! There was Anna, ok so she just got up before me somehow. There was a sound that must have been something placed upon the desk then I could hear the odd clatter of porcelain hitting itself, not sure what was happening I let out a ding to get her attention, I needed to know she was ok if nothing else.
“Oh, you’re awake!” She responded sheepishly. “Sorry, I almost got everything here. Uh, at least it was only the bowl with the wood chips…” There was a second’s silence then she continued. “You been awake long? Going to be up soon?” She asked hopefully.
Erch-cha
It can’t have been more than a few minutes and it would be a while before I was up to temperature yet.
“Oh… Would you mind if I started ahead of you? I didn’t really get that much in me last night.” Thinking back, she had been far more preoccupied with me than the pizza.
Ding, Ding, Ding.
Hopefully, she got that I meant for her to eat, I was relieved when I heard the clack that I assumed was a spoon on her bowl.
“Mmm, woth yuh mmiph-“ She started saying something then stopped for a moment presumably to swallow after a few cycles of her spoon. “Would you mind if I talked at you for a bit? There’s something that’s been bugging me.”
Ding. At this point, I would be happy to listen to her reading out the table of contents of a dictionary it had been so long since I had been with her.
“I probably should have apologized to Molly last night, but I was too… I dunno cowardly to do so. I- uh- that’s the first time I’ve talked to her in- fuck I don’t even know- a month?” I was surprised at both her admission and that the first thing she wanted to talk about was this. “I just don’t know what I should do, because like, I utterly lost it at her when I first found out.”
“Fuck that was also probably the worst first impression I could have given your family too, I looked like I had just rolled out of a dumpster with how little notice I had before being picked up. And they must as they’ve only ever seen me raging or depressed.” I would say they also saw how she was yesterday, but I can’t speak yet nor can I actually say I was entirely aware for all of it. Plus, I’m sure my parents would have understood how she had felt, I expect they were going through the same rollercoaster of emotions just maybe not as publicly.
She sighed before continuing unaware of my thoughts. “I was hard set on it being entirely Molly’s fault for the first few weeks, I was a complete bitch to her the times I saw her at the info meetings that Summers would have us in for all the time.” There was a clatter followed by a pause, I could only guess that she had been setting her bowl down. “Once I cooled my head a bit and those guys killed a big pile of riot cops in France, I kinda started to be a little bit more objective. But by that point I didn’t know what to do, I’d been ripping into her all the time and what’s worse is that she just took it without refuting anything. Then I started avoiding her because it felt too awkward to say anything. What was I going to do? Say ‘Oops sorry I blamed you for getting my girlfriend maybe killed’?”
“Uggghhhh. The fuck am I supposed to do. I don’t think anyone would want to interact with me after I was like that to them.” There was a loud clang, after my initial shock I tried to figure out what it must have been. When she continued a few moments later muffled but closer then before, I guessed that she must have dropped her forehead onto my torso. “I managed to fuck everything else up while you were gone too. I bombed like half my exams, at least most of those courses I can work around or were available this summer so I can probably still graduate on time. Maybe.”
There was a long pause before she continued again, if she had been sardonic before it didn’t sound like she could keep it up. “I should say I-I’ve missed out on-n seeing my friends b-but hey, you know I don’t have those. Fucking was a F-F-Fucking idiot and fucking r-ruined it with yours by losing it all the time, so now everyone fucking probably fucking knows m-me as that bitch who lost her marbles...”
Oh dear.
While I knew I must not be far off from being able to move or speak, it didn’t make the next few minutes any better as she descended into sniffling and mumbling to herself. In theory, this could have let me have time to at least formulate a response, but actually trying to string the words together seemed just out of reach. Like I knew what I was trying to put together conceptually but the sounds just slid off my mind, I just didn’t have the processing power to both listen to the sounds around me and figure out what vocalizations my speech would involve. It occurred to me that despite speaking feeling as natural as it ever did normally, in this sluggish half-awake state I could perceive my brain attempting to place the sounds together only for them to get disrupted as I reconsidered.
She had fallen silent by the time I felt my senses pull themselves into clarity, lifting my hand from where it lay at my side seemed to take an eternity as I was moving at absolute minimum viable operating pressure, but I persisted until I was able to bring it to stroke her cheek.
“you haven’t ruined anything,” I began still trying to figure out how to articulate what I knew as my voice rose from barely a whisper. “No one under this roof would judge you for being emotional over something as dramatic as what happened.” I slowly pushed myself partially up so I could look at her more directly. “By the same merit, your SO being maybe suddenly dead sure sounds like a pretty good reason to fail some classes. It’s still ‘just’ university, I’m sure it will work out one way or another.”
She was looking at me doubtfully, but a hand came up to hold mine against her cheek without any apparent thought from her. I gave her my best attempt at a goofy grin before continuing. “I can’t imagine how screwed I am on the coursework front, there were like three major projects I didn’t finish and all my exams.”
She snorted. “I bet you’ll get some loophole or something, if nothing else Dr. Summers seems to be able to lean on people to get stuff.”
“Probably true,” I admitted. “Did you ask him for help with your exam stuff? I expect he would.”
“God no, that seems…” She struggled for a moment or two. “Corrupt?”
I shrugged, only being propped up on one arm meant the motion was kinda awkward, causing her to shake a little as she was still resting her chin on my belly. “Probably, but if you’re worried about graduating on time-“
“Not that much!” She denied.
“If you say so… how bad does it look right now? It sounded like you have a plan.”
She sighed. “It’s got no margin for error left, and I am going to have to hope they keep the cryptography course available next spring. It’s conflicting with the summer version of software engineering and I need that for my first semester courses-” She suddenly broke off with a growl and her other hand came up to push her hair out of her eyes. “Ahhh who cares about that, you keep on distracting me.”
“Well, I am naked, I would hope so,” I responded to defuse her with a grin, she clearly attempted to keep up her anger but the frown I could just see flickered with a smile before she pushed it back into place.
“What am I going to even say to Molly or your roommates? I wasn’t exactly the best at keeping my temper while you were, well…” She stumbled into silence.
“I’m pretty sure my Mike and Jake would find it awkward to even acknowledge, but River would probably encourage you to thank all three of them rather than asking forgiveness.” I offered speculatively. “Usually, it’s better best to be able to offer the same support you got when other people need it, even if it’s just keeping your cool while someone vents.” She was giving me a raised eyebrow, I ‘coughed’ the sudden blast of sound from my burners not particularly good at distracting from the steam that was heating my face. “I uh, kinda lost my shit last year over a course I was on the brink of failing for like half a semester, so I have some idea how they might react.” I admitted sheepishly getting a dry laugh in return.
“And Molly?”
“She sure seemed to be offering a connection as she was leaving last night,” I answered with a smile. “I would just be honest and apologize next time I see her, what’s the worst that could happen?”
“What if I never-“
“Bah, if nothing else I am sure I can arrange an incidental encounter.” I pushed my voice a note higher. “Oh Molly I broke my bus pass when I fell on it in the middle of raunchy sex with my girlfriend, could you pick me up on the way to work? Oh and I need to borrow a shirt, I haven’t a thread left. Thanks! You’re the best.” She was giggling as I made a ‘click’ sound to announce the completion of my supposed call.
“You wouldn’t!” She denied.
“Hmm, yeah it’s probably inaccurate. You are usually pretty considerate of my clothes.” I admitted with a grin. She gave me a pointed look for a moment or two then rolled her eyes and released my hand so she could push herself off the bed enough to lean in for a kiss.
While I let her break it off when she was ready, I did end up pulling her back down with me when I let myself drop back onto the bed. She was kinda falling off of the mattress as she had been crouching next to it before the kiss, but she was laughing so I don’t think she was too uncomfortable.
“Tease,“ She accused me, I could only smile in return. Her expression turned into a rather cocky grin, which set my burners all a flutter. “Now get your breakfast into you so we can make good on your excuse.”
----------------------------------------
“I kind of feel bad touching you when you’re all nice and clean like this,” Anna said quietly as my head lay in her lap, my arms loosely about her waist. She was tracing the panel lines of my back with her fingers, the gentle touch making my mind attempt to slip away. “I can see my fingerprints being left behind.”
“We can always polish me up again,” I said preferring to stay with her rather than let my mind dissolve, despite the effort that was required. “It’s not like it’s that much work to get all fancy looking.”
“Mmmm, it was nice seeing you all done up yesterday.” She admitted bringing a hand up to lay on my cheek. “Can I see you like that again?”
“Of course, might need to get some local stuff though as I think that dress might be a little conspicuous for the next few months.”
“Huh yeah, I suppose so.” She agreed. “I guess I’ve not really seen anything like it.”
“It’s unique even over there, it was created specifically for that photoshoot I was telling you about.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. Apparently, that is one expensive dress when you account for all work that went into designing it to look exactly right for the specific angles they were going to take pictures of…“ I explained, having rolled over in her lap to look up at her. I got distracted by the view long enough that she started grinning clearly figuring out why I stopped talking, she took the opportunity to give me a quick kiss on the forehead. This was enough to break myself out of the lull. “Although, there’s no way it’s not going to be obvious it was me over there once people start putting things together,” I admitted recalling the cameras on both sides of the portal. “So maybe I just wear the dress anyway to lean into it?”
Support the author by searching for the original publication of this novel.
“Well, I fully endorse seeing you in it, I will say we need to get you some makeup too as that was great on you.”
“Really?” I asked uncertainly. “I wasn’t sure if you would like it, it’s not like I have had it on before.”
She cleared her throat and looked guilty. “I don’t know how you feel about it, but I really like seeing you girly.”
I laughed then reached my hands up to her face. “I don’t really mind it, and besides I’ve said I would do anything for you. Getting done up like that is hardly something I will draw a line at.” Then I smiled mischievously. “Although… there isn’t a convenient waistband for you to reach down.”
“Eep,” She squeaked blushing and pulling away. “That was one time! One time!”
“Aw, you weren’t going to make a habit of it?” I asked giving her puppy eyes, she spluttered in response, the blush spreading into her torso.
Oh, how I missed these reactions too.
----------------------------------------
Going through the box of stuff that had been in my backpack when it was left behind in the CRD truck was strangely nostalgic. Some stuff was missing but given the backpack had apparently gotten rather… bloody I overlooked the missing notebook that probably took the brunt of the damage over my laptop.
I stared at my phone with its half-broken rubber and plastic case, its absence for so long reminded me that the device had once felt comfortably sized before my change but now appeared gigantic. Honestly, I had kinda gotten used to not having it, and on the other side, the thing probably wouldn’t have had much use outside of being a clock and flashlight until the battery ran out. As I plugged it in, I wondered what kind of a bombardment I would get once I turned it back on.
Flipping through the other stuff in the box revealed the real prize.
“Man is it nice to officially be a person again,” I commented looking in my wallet at all my various IDs neatly in their place just where I had left them. “I wonder if I should get a fanny pack or one of those neck pouches cops in TV shows have just so I stop leaving them behind, it was bad one time but twice is starting to get silly.”
“What!” Anna exclaimed.
“Hmm?” I responded distractedly. “Ah, right. When I was kidnapped, they made me toss my backpack, so I lost my IDs for a little bit.”
“Not that, what do you mean not a person?!”
“Oh right.” Looked up a little guilty, I guess I only told Molly. “Uh synthetics aren’t people over there, none of them are sapient at least so far as publicly available and back-channel info I had says. Nor was there anything proactive in anticipation done either, no one was writing laws around a set of people that only existed in fiction. Sooooo, I wasn’t legally a person over there.” I finished with a shrug.
“That’s fucked up.” She was staring at me like I had kicked a dog or something.
“Tell me about it...” I agreed with a sigh.
I spent a few more minutes sorting through my stuff while chatting about the ethics of machine intelligence, before electing to head downstairs to see what my roommates were up to. Surprise surprise, Mike and Jake were back at fighting games, it must have been one of street fighter games as I at least recognized Ryu. River was working their way through a thick-looking novel in one of the armchairs, I couldn’t see the cover, so I had no idea what.
“Eyyy Sam, up for a round after this?” Mike asked without looking away from the screen. “I’m almost getting bored of kicking Jake’s ass.” Jake refuted him with some intelligible replies as he concentrated, I caught something about ‘cheap horseshit’ but that’s about all I could understand.
I noted that none of my roommates made any comment on the fact we hadn’t even emerged from my room until appreciably into the afternoon.
“Heh, well I’m definitely not going to offer a different experience.” I countered leaning against the back of the couch, I noted Anna’s hesitation out of the corner of my eye. She was still at the bottom of the stairs one hand on the banister, the other fidgeting at her side. “Did you manage to sucker Anna into learning while I was gone? Or did you just go without a punching bag?” Anna looked a little betrayed at my bringing her up, but I was going fishing for how they thought of her. knowing that unless they changed radically it was like I previously presumed.
“I trieeed.” Mike whined. “She had excuses like studying, summer classes, and work. Can you imagine actually being productive? Couldn’t be me. But…” He then tossed me a predatory grin for an instant. “If she’s going to be around a lot again, I will be able to pin her down for it at some point!”
“Is that a threat?” I asked with a smile of my own, a quick glance back showing Anna having moved the doorway into the living room uncertainty still on her face. “You aren’t trying to scare her off are you, I have plans that necessitate her being around.”
“Nooo, I’m just trying to introduce her to the best type of games.” He answered innocently while bouncing around the character select screen, having barely eked a win from Jake in the previous round. “They are criminally underrepresented by my opinion. Gotta get the fresh bluuud you know?”
“Is that what you were doing while curb-stomping me every day for months?” I countered.
“But of course, your practically an old hand at this now. And besides, you can’t be new blood if you don’t have any-“
“Mike.” River piped up with a threatening tone and a glower over their book.
“Spoilsport,” Mike responded in mock anguish, selecting the random character option prompting a groan from Jake, I couldn’t tell if it was from the character or that Mike was trying to style on him.
Jake paused for a second before locking in. “You two want the couch?” He asked Anna where she was awkwardly hovering next to me.
“No no, it’s ok.” She denied even as he was already getting up to go to the other empty armchair, Mike shuffled to the end of the couch. “What?” He responded to a look from Jake. “Not my fault we don’t have enough chairs.”
I very much didn’t mind getting the chance to spend more time snuggling, at some point I probably ought to start doing stuff other than pretending to be a baby Koala but not yet.
“Did you try any games over there?” Jake asked a couple of rounds later. “Do they have them even?”
It took me a couple of seconds to understand what the question was, having already slipped a little. “Mmmeeeh.”
Ok, try again.
“Yeeeah.” I got out as I tried to shake off the lethargy that had started to set in. “Their graphics tech is p-bad so it looks primitive but I went to an arcade once and some of the people had home computers or consoles that could do stuff that looked like I dunno early 90s or something…”
It was almost surreal how easily the rest of the afternoon went by, just chatting and occasionally playing the odd round against Mike or Jake. In theory, I had spent all of last night doing the same thing at the party, but there had been a different kind of atmosphere then. Rather than hosting people while trying to catch up, today could have been just like any random day off chilling. That I had been missing in another dimension for almost two months and none of us having been sure we would ever be in the same room together again was almost inconsequential. The questions they had for me made it feel more like I had just been on vacation.
Miraculously there was leftover pizza from last night, so dinner for most people was sorted. Mike apologized for not really having anything prepped for me, but I was happy to just put together a sampler of stuff from the garage. After loading up a plate with a few slices Anna cleared her throat, when the others looked at her from their respective scavenging through the leftovers, she hesitated for a second or two. “Hey, uh. Thanks, for uh putting up with my shit recently. I erm…” She tried to articulate something for a moment or two before Mike jumped in. “Don’t worry about it,” He said dismissively while picking olives off a slice he had just emerged with. “Say, can I see a dip in that box? Mind tossing it my way-”
“What Mike means-“ River shot him a quick look he wilted under. “Is that we were all going through a trying time and supporting a friend going through the same thing is the least we could do.” Anna had a complex expression that was some mix of grateful and shocked, River continued with a smile. “If nothing else it shows you care. But!” They held up a finger, the smile still in place. “Just try to avoid taking out your feelings on people, just because you support someone that doesn’t mean you need to take too much of their shit, right?”
“Uh yeah,” Anna nodded flushing with embarrassment, thinking of Molly if I didn’t miss my guess.
“I call dibs on first go in the microwave.” Jake declared rising from his chair with his plate in hand, breaking the awkward silence that had hung for just a moment. “Hey, wait I was going to go!” Mike protested rushing to get out of his chair and to the kitchen first.
After dinner, I saw Anna off as she needed to at least get a change of clothes if she was going to stay any longer. As much as the idea of seeing her try to fit in mine might have been amusing, I don’t think it would have gotten anywhere given our size differences.
Taking the opportunity, I grabbed my phone to see how much I missed. Turns out, a fucking lot! I stared in dismay at the number of unread notifications on the various communication apps, before deciding to ignore most of them and just open discord. There was a pile of DMs waiting for me, not sure where to start I started with the one which I thought would probably require the least emotional toll. There were just a few from Molly, and they were all from today.
Ex4ctPlac3: Hey Sam, no rush to get back to me on this but would you still be down for coming in so I can catch you up on Monday?
There were a couple of hours between that and the next message.
Ex4ctPlac3: We had your mum in today
Ex4ctPlac3: Shes getting one of the rooms off the main labs
Ex4ctPlac3: I like her
Ex4ctPlac3: Sounds like we might be getting some of her team joining us and that they are bringing your sister over
IndustrialCat: Sounds good!
IndustrialCat: I imagine Alica and Drew will gush over her lmao
I fired off a quick response then flipped through the DMs from Anna, they were… painful. She had responded to me letting her know I would be out at work. As had been usual for us, there were a few memes and a couple of articles relating to the con we had been to she had sent me, then eventually she had asked when I thought I might be back and if she could drop by after dinner. She had waited a while for a response and then asked if everything had gone ok. There were a couple of other increasingly concerned messages I could just about get through, but I had to put my phone down after I got to the end.
.
.
.
AceW0mbat: Someone from the CRD is coming here to pick me up
AceW0mbat: Are you ok?
AceW0mbat: Did something happen?
AceW0mbat: Sam?
I don’t know how long I had been staring at my phone where it lay face down on my desk before I jumped when it buzzed with a new message, wiping the tears out of my eyes I flipped it over to see who it was.
Ex4ctPlac3: Probably
It took me a moment or two to remember what she would have been responding to, then her next message came in and I was able to get back into it enough to respond as normally as I could.
.
.
.
IndustrialCat: I imagine Alica and Drew will gush over her lmao
Ex4ctPlac3: Probably
Ex4ctPlac3: We got a phone for your mum coming will give you number when its set up
IndustrialCat: Nice, how is she taking the tech?
IndustrialCat: She was excited about it when I was telling her about it
Ex4ctPlac3: She is not impressed by our automation or lack of emission scrubbers on cars
Ex4ctPlac3: lmao
Ex4ctPlac3: Very excited about semiconductors and displays though
Ex4ctPlac3: Oh yeah
Ex4ctPlac3: Summers said he is working with school on your exams
IndustrialCat: Ugghhhh
IndustrialCat: I’m so fucked
Ex4ctPlac3: lol
Ex4ctPlac3: have fun
Ex4ctPlac3: they are gonna give you like two weeks of time to study I think
Ex4ctPlac3: GTG
Ex4ctPlac3: portal hand over stuff
IndustrialCat: Later!
That out of the way, I went to have a look at our server. It was a lot different from what I could remember, notably it got way more than four people and a single channel now. There was a mix of screen names I recognize as belonging to Anna, Kat, some of the changees, and then a bunch of others for which I have no recognition. Beyond the people there were a bunch of new channels like ‘University’, ‘CRD Crew’, ‘Meetups’, ‘Ear Noise’, etc. I was dumbfounded for a moment at how much more there was, it had basically been the same for almost three years before now.
It got extra weird when I realized one of the channels was just titled ‘Sam Updates’.
Trying to shake off some of the discomfort at the necessity of such a channel I tapped into the channel with the still generic name of ‘Main’, I initially tried to read some of the back scroll then gave up when I saw it was something about the merits of how different chains pizza’s taste as leftovers. I hovered for a long second trying to decide what to write, then distracted myself by labeling the people I recognized.
I eventually gave in and tried to be at least somewhat comedic about my first message.
IndustrialCat (Sam): Hi
IndustrialCat (Sam): I have learned I have somewhere around two weeks to relearn my entire semester for exams
IndustrialCat (Sam): I am going to die
supJim (Mike): lmao
BellingMouse (River): How bad is it?
IndustrialCat (Sam): Well if any of my exams were on modern history for the other dimension I could ace it
IndustrialCat (Sam): I haven’t had to even think about real math in like two months
TooManyTeeth: @IndustrialCat welcome back!
TooManyTeeth: I am sure @Ex4ctPlac3 will be down to help with math
IndustrialCat (Sam): Hello
IndustrialCat (Sam): That would help lmao
IndustrialCat (Sam): Sorry but I dunno peoples screen names
IndustrialCat (Sam): Who dis?
TooManyTeeth: NP
TooManyTeeth: Its peter!
This seemed to unleash a stream of other introductions that occupied most of my time till Anna turned up again, after which I had quite a different preoccupation.