After indulging my unquenchable crazy girlfriend, with a new dress for me, pink and far simpler... at last, we headed to our dinner.
The place was quite rustic, with yellowish lights all around. We settled at a fancy and round table meticulously arranged for dinner, waiting for a manservant to take our orders while we explored the options.
Some time later, a manservant arrived. "Oh, Crimson!" he greeted with familiarity. "Fancy meeting you here. May I take your orders?"
What the fuck...?
"Hi, Ramoné," she replied casually, as if there was nothing out of the ordinary! "Yes, I'd like this, and some red wine."
"Wait, wait!" I exclaimed, my hands banging on the table. "How are you here?! Weren't you at Zafferbridge?"
"Oh, you must've met my twin brother, Ramon," he replied with a friendly smile. "I'm Ramoné; pleased to make your acquaintance."
Their names literally have the same pronunciation!
I sighed in resignation, holding my head with the palm of my hand. "Whatever... I'd like this, thanks," I said, showing him my choice.
He happily nodded. "Very well, I'll bring the wine shortly."
He walked away, and Crimson looked at me with an amused smile.
"What?" I asked.
She chuckled, resting her head over the palm of her hand. "Nothing. Your reaction just made me laugh."
"It was bizarre..."
"Hm, I suppose you could say that. It's common for me."
Moments later, as Crimson and I conversed, he returned with the red wine. I eyed it... I had bad memories with that...
Surely, this time nothing bad would happen.
However... Crimson's eyes, initially only for me, slowly drifted away, staring at something beyond. Her expression turned... perplexed?
"Oh, Crimson..." a female voice from behind called.
Oh for fuck's sake!
I grabbed the bottle of wine and hid it under the table to prevent anything bad from happening.
"Claudia..." Crimson murmured, directing her attention towards the source of the voice.
Blinking, I turned behind. Two women were there: a blondie, and one with short and dark hair.
"It seems you're doing good," the one with dark hair remarked.
"You know her, Claudia?" the blondie asked, resting her hand on the back of my chair.
She nodded. "I've told you about her... She's Crimson."
"Oh, the unhinged one," she remarked with a wry smirk before glancing at me.
"You're her new girlfriend?" the other asked me.
I just tilted my head, perplexed.
"Claudia..." Crimson said, regarding her with a stare that clearly hinted to leave me alone.
"It'd be best if you left her alone," the blondie said to me, leaning closer, resting her arm over my shoulder. "She won't show the slightest regard for your well-being. You're nothing but her toy. She's just using you."
"Huh..."
"She's right," Claudia also chimed in. "You can't trust her. She'll only leave you heartbroken, and disgusted... You'd be better off walking away from her now."
At that moment, my eyes shifted to Crimson. For the first time ever... she genuinely looked distressed, without saying a word.
Why...? She could literally turn these two girls two to ashes if she wished to... But, somehow, she seemed to be affected by Claudia's words...
"Why don't you join us?" the blondie proposed with a friendly smile, leaning closer to my face, reclaiming my attention. "We could enjoy a nice dinner together. We'd love to have you at our table!"
Casting momentarily Crimson's unusual reaction... these girls were disturbing me, and ruining our evening.
So, I reached for the knife on the table. "Um... could you leave me and my girlfriend alone?" I politely asked, directing the knife at the blondie's throat, nudging her chin. She shrieked, turning pale as her breath caught, leaning back at the cold touch of the knife. "We're trying to enjoy a dinner."
The blondie chuckled nervously. "L-looks like she found another lunatic for herself."
"Let's go, Mary," Claudia said, dragging her from the arm. "Let's leave these two alone and enjoy our own dinner."
The two went away, and I redirected my attention to Crimson, who looked at me with surprise.
"What?" I asked her, though my tone came out a bit more bitter than I had intended.
"You... said I'm your girlfriend," she simply replied, smiling.
"Oh..." I blinked, thinking about it. "Did I? It must've slipped out. They were annoying me."
She just kept smiling.
"Anyway..." I digressed. "We can resume our evening."
I leaned down to retrieve the bottle of wine I'd hidden under the table, and Crimson raised a brow. Then, she burst out laughing. "W-why was it under the table?"
"I hid it!" I hastily replied to her laughter. "I've got bad memories with wine, so I hid it as soon as those two girls approached."
She laughed even harder. "Were you afraid they'd take it from you or something?" she continued, wiping at the small tears of amusement forming in the corners of her eyes. "You... you're incredible..."
I could feel my cheeks burn because of her. "S-shut up...! I just wanted to save myself and this dress!"
After that, and after a big sigh on my part, Ramoné brought us our dishes, and our evening continued. Though... I wasn't enjoying it...
Crimson seemed... distracted. Why? Had those two already done their irreparable damage? It's not that Crimson looked sad, but... sometimes she smiled, while many other times she was clearly thinking about something else! Her eyes seemed lost while she stared down at her food... And now, we only had to wait for the dessert and the dinner would've basically ended! And this is the memory of it...?
"Crimson, now you're seriously making me angry."
"Huh?"
Okay, maybe I could've phrased that better... The big eyes of surprise she gave me weren't really... welcome.
"Sorry but I really don't get you," I told her, still unable to give a rest to my sharp tongue. "I was looking forward to this. I want to have a good time with you, and I'm also trying my best to make you happy; both you and your insatiable thirst, along with your questionable nature. And then, what? Two random hussies come to our table, and you shut down on me the whole dinner?!”
She looked down at her plate with a bittersweet smile. "Sorry... You're right."
"What's wrong?" I urged her. "Are you disliking our dinner? Are those two girls much more interesting for you to care about it? Your mind has been elsewhere the whole time."
She shook her head. "No, Snowflake. I really am happy that I'm having this dinner with you, I am, and I'm not thinking about them."
"Then speak. What is it? After those girls made those comments about you, you went quiet. You could've turned them to ash on the spot if you wanted to. What happened? What are you thinking about?"
"I..." she hesitated, still not looking me in the eyes. She took her time, and after a deep breath, she finally looked at me. "I was afraid. I was afraid you'd listen to them, and that you'd join them."
"What...?"
She slowly nodded. "I don't care about them, Snowflake. But I care about you... and I don't know what I would've done had you joined them..."
"But I didn't join them, and you still acted like that..."
Still hesitating, her lips parted, and her eyes drifted back to the table once again. She pushed herself away from it, along with the chair, which scraped against the floor.
Warmly smiling at me, she patted her thighs. "Come here."
I blinked. "Huh, what?"
"I'm sorry for how I've acted throughout our dinner, and I'll explain myself if you sit on my lap."
"Um..." I blinked some more, turning around to look at the place. Many people were there; the room was definitely crowded, and... her request was embarrassing. "Y-you can explain from there..."
She shook her head, clicking her tongue. "Tsk, tsk, tsk. I won't say a word unless you come here."
"Ugh..."
I hated it... I wanted to know, but sitting there in such a place with so many people was a clear declaration of our relationship...
"F-fine..." I looked down, fidgeting with the hem of my dress, gathering the courage to get up as I imagined just how I'd look sitting there with us being dressed like this...
Eventually, I obliged. Slowly, I lowered myself onto her lap, with my body slightly turned to the side.
"Not like this," she scolded, pushing me back with a slap to my lower back.
"Huh…? How, then?"
With no explanation whatsoever, she grabbed my wrist and tugged me against her. I stumbled, and practically fell over her. Grabbing my thighs, she lifted me higher and pulled me close. One hand gently held my side, while the other settled at my back holding me in place. Now I straddled her, staring at her, burning red.
Too close! Too close for comfort!
Meanwhile... she just continued to stare at me with that same, satisfied smirk.
"L-like this…?"
"Yeah," she quipped. "Is that a problem?"
"Well… no, I guess. As long as you speak…"
Yet, I was met with silence, and tender eyes.
"You can speak now..." I encouraged.
"Oh, I will, but I never said precisely when," she teased.
"... There are knives on the table..."
She attempted to contain a laugh but failed miserably. "Is this how assassins always solve their problems?" she managed, snickering.
"Want to find out?"
"Hmm… I just might."
"Come on, Crimson... Why are you keeping silent now?"
"I just love watching you blush like that."
"..."
Thankfully, not long after, with a soft smile, and sudden serious eyes, she exhaled. "That girl with black hair... She's Claudia, and she was my ex-girlfriend before you. She was my longest relationship, but in the end... it turned out like all the others. She was disgusted, and it ended in the blink of an eye."
"Is Claudia better than me?"
She shook her head. "Claudia is nothing compared to you."
"Then stop thinking about her," I simply and logically reasoned. "Why is she still on your mind?"
"My mind is not on her, Snowflake. She might be a goth; a bad one, even. Still, she's nothing when compared to you. I mean it; you don't have to be jealous," she reassured.
"A goth?"
"Hmm-hm."
"What's a goth?"
She looked amused now, tilting her head. "Hmm... You really are the vanilla girl, aren't you?"
"... What are you saying? Is that an insult?"
She chuckled warmly at that. "No, it's not. Don't worry about that; it wasn't an insult. I'm just trying to say that, no matter what, you're more to me than she ever was."
"I still don't understand..." I confessed. "What's your point with that?"
She stood silent for a little bit. "You've always opened up with me about your love doubts, your mother, and things like that... But I've never told you about mine."
I leaned closer. "I'm listening."
"I've been looking for it for a long, long time... I had many experiences, many girlfriends before Claudia. I thought she could finally be the one, but even she turned out not to be that. So, after a long time... I came to my own conclusions."
"Your own conclusions?"
"Love does not exist..." she murmured, her eyes softly looking into mine. "There is no such thing... Therefore, there is no true happiness. And as a result, there is no way for me to attain it..." She then smiled at me, and her tone turned warm. "Or that's what I thought..."
"Hm..."
"I truly love you, Snowflake," she continued. "And you're right. I could turn those two girls into ashes if I wanted to. But... I have my doubts I could bring myself to do the same to you. And there... I feared you might go with them. I wouldn't have blamed you if you did. At the same time, I didn't want to allow that. I didn't know how to react, and I have no idea how shattered my heart would've been had that happened. But it didn't. You didn't listen to them, and you called me your girlfriend right in front of my ex. That... gave me more joy than I thought it would; I couldn't stop thinking about it. And during the whole dinner... I kept thinking about it. About the fact that this is happiness... that you are my joy... and I just didn't know what to say anymore."
I could do nothing but blush... that unexpectedly warmed my heart, and my eyes burned a little, and I didn't know what to do, nor what to say. I internally blamed her for that. So, I just looked away, and tried to reply with what my heart suggested. "I... I also love you, Crimson..."
"And I want to continue like this," she went on. Her voice soft, so soft... my heart couldn't stop telling me to kiss those lips as they moved. But, at the same time... too much embarrassment. "I want to continue this journey with you. I want to keep warming up those cold hands of yours, making you laugh exactly like I did this morning, and even more, seeing you blush as you try to hide that beautiful, embarrassed smile. Tease and torment you all day long, just to wear you out and bring you to bed, to hear your cute, shy little moans before you fall asleep in my arms like a puppy. Wake up to that sleepy moon in your eyes, and do it all over again..."
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"You didn't have to go into details..." I reproached, blushing even more at her damn shameless boldness in public.
"I wanted to."
"Yeah, I could see that..."
"Just like I want you to feel comfortable with everything I am, and everything I give you." She still went on...
"I am comfortable."
She shook her head with a smug smile. "Not enough."
"What... do you mean?"
Her hands slid up, gently leaning me closer. "Just how long do you plan to make your eyes go back and forth to my lips before you finally decide to get a taste of them, Snowflake?"
Ah... "So it was noticeable..."
"You're hopeless," she said with a smirk. "So worked up, breathing heavily…"
"It's your fault. You're embarrassing me..."
Clearly, she was amused by my reaction. "Why are you even so embarrassed about people knowing about us?"
"I don't know..." I murmured as I faintly shook my head. "I guess it's because of my mother's story…?"
"Oh, your mother definitely raised you to be a reserved lady. She spoiled you a lot, didn't she? A real mama's girl. I don't mind one bit, Snowflake. It makes it easier for me to get under your skin, literally, since I can be the opposite."
She was blatantly teasing me, and this was a big problem! When it came down to teasing, Crimson was not as powerful as my mother. At least, not until now, because she was holding back. But without restraint, who knows? And where was my power in this?!
"You're just a thirsty bitch."
She laughed heartily at that. "Hmm. Here, Snowflake, here... Allow me to help you."
While one of her hands remained on my side, the other went for the back of my neck. She brought me even closer, until our forehead touched. I could hear nothing but my heartbeat speeding up.
"Crimson..."
"Close your eyes."
I swear, I hate this girl with all my heart...
With a sigh, I relented. And, in the end, I managed... a little kiss.
My eyes slowly fluttered open; I was still dangerously close to her, and she faintly shook her head. "Again."
I exhaled deeply, and followed her lead once more. This time, the kiss was longer. After our lips parted, I felt a deep, awkward sense of emptiness. I closed the distance again. Now our kiss was deep, and I was finally able to let myself get lost in its magic.
In the haze, I could feel my heartbeat steady even while pounding loudly. Such a weird and unique sensation… though, I didn't mind.
When it was all over, I opened my eyes once more. She looked at me, happy... and satisfied. "So, do you feel better?"
I couldn't even understand why I chuckled at that. "Hmm-hm..."
She smiled softly at me. "Good girl. You must learn to show your true colors without holding back."
"It's still embarrassing... and I don't even know what I really am..."
"That's fine. It just means we'll discover it together. But don't hold back. Alright? I'm the only one who has to restrain herself."
I tilted my head. "Hm? You're holding back? Don't tell me you're still holding back."
She shook her head with a grin. "What I mean is, I have to hold back from laying you out on this table and devouring you like my dessert."
"Jeez..." If I had managed to calm down my embarrassment, it now returned stronger than before, accompanied by a merciless heat rushing to my face. Truly, I should've expected this when I fully opened the door to a bitch. That being said, seeing her… free and joyful like that was, in itself, a victory on my part. "You're shameless..."
"I've got nothing to hide," she quipped, staring at me with twinkling eyes, as if challenging me. "I love you, and I love your body. I literally cannot wait to get home and tear that dress away."
So this is the fourth...
"C-can you just tone it down a little?" I asked; the situation was beginning to feel overwhelming, and my voice came out shaky because of that.
She giggled, and kept on with her teasing, overly amicable tone as she squished me against her. "Now that's a demand. Don't blame me, Snowflake. Blame them; if they don't hurry up, I really might just have you instead."
"Do you have a brake somewhere?! A turn-off switch?!"
"You know how to shut me up," she provoked, leaning closer.
I sighed heavily, and leaned against her shoulder; just conversing with her was making me mentally exhausted. If this was what Crimson was going through when she said she felt overstimulated, I totally get what she meant now. And she was the only one to blame. "Seriously... shut up for a bit."
A chuckle immediately escaped her. "You're so damn adorable..."
Just breathing against her neck, I allowed my heart to calm down while her hand affectionately stroked my hair. Thankfully, she allowed me to breathe and clear the fog inside my mind, even if just a little.
"Can I ask you a question, Snowflake?"
I nodded as I shifted into a more comfortable position, looking into her eyes. "What is it?"
"Are you really okay with not asking for anything?"
"Hmm? What do you mean?"
She looked at me intently before giving me an answer. "I'm taking everything from you... Your smile, your tears, your body... You're letting me do anything, but you're asking for nothing in return. Are you truly fine with that?"
"Oh... Well, it's just that... there really isn't a lot I'm... interested in. I want... I just want you to love me."
"I love you. I do. But isn't there something you'd like from me?"
I shook my head. She looked a bit... troubled by the matter, though...
Was I being a bad girlfriend...? I understood what Crimson meant; my mother also tried to lecture me on this, once. Relationships are about a constant give and take; not for nothing, a couple is formed by two people. But, just as it was with my mother... I've always been more than happy to receive her love and ask for nothing else... What more could I've ever asked for?
"I... really am happy that you love me, Crimson," I reasoned, hoping to bring her reassurance. "All I need... is your love; that you accept me for who I am. Are you... not okay with that?"
"I am," she quickly replied, though I could sense some doubt. "I'm just surprised, that's all."
"Was it different with... Claudia?"
She gave me a reassuring smile, as if brushing it off. "It doesn't matter how it was before, Snowflake. Do not compare yourself with her. I love you for what you are, seriously."
"But would you love me more if I were a... goth? Whatever that is…"
She chuckled. "Hmm, honestly... I think you'll look much better with a different style," she said, and her expression turned thoughtful, her head tilted. "Say, Snowflake... would you allow me to pick your clothes from now on?"
"Huh?" My surprise came out louder than expected. I closed my mouth right afterward. That was an odd request; surely something my mother would've done. She did, actually. Still… "I'm... fine with that, I guess."
Her eyes grew softer. "See? That's also what I'm talking about. You're fine with everything."
"I mean... it's just clothes... My mother also picked them for me; I don't think that's strange. And I'm not fine with everything."
"Hmm..."
A weird silence settled between us, and... an alarming realization washed over me. "You're going to make me wear clothes, right...?"
She almost laughed at that. "Of course. Just what was going on inside that dirty little mind of yours?"
"You're the one saying I have a dirty mind. Seriously?" I deadpanned. "After all the things you've said and done to me, you're the one saying that..."
"Hmm. Yes, I am."
The urge to facepalm was strong, but I settled for a sigh, shaking my head.
"I'm genuinely curious to know what your boundaries actually are," she murmured shortly after.
"What are you talking about now?"
"About us, of course."
Her expression returned to being thoughtful, and I could only gaze at her as she kept staring at me with contemplative eyes...
"Tell me, Snowflake..." she resumed with an overly punch-seeking expression shortly after. "I have a proposal for you. You, with all the things about your mother... you undeniably have an issue here. So tell me, how would you react if I asked you to call me... 'mommy'?"
"In your dreams."
"Oh, found them!" she cheerfully exclaimed with a wide grin, laughing.
Casting aside the itching hand that desperately sought my face, I think I saw where the problem lay... in me. As usual, I was the problem; this was an oversight on my part. I believe... it wasn't fair for me to continue like this. I'd always noticed all around me, with other people. Those who hold each other dear often resort to this: affectionate names...
My mother called me 'sweetie', because she loved me. Carolina calls Leonard 'honey'; though I'm not aware of the reason here. Perhaps Carolina is just weird. Then... Laura calls Elizabeth 'dear'. Selena even has two! Then, there's me and Crimson. She calls me 'Snowflake', but I never called her anything. And, I suppose... she desires that, because she sees me as someone special, and she also wants to feel special. She is special to me, after all...
"I know what you are to me," I proudly countered. "And no, you're not my mommy."
"Oh? Let's hear, then. What am I to you, little girl with mommy issues?" Even now, she mocked me with an amused smirk.
I thought about it... I thought about it deeply, about what Crimson truly desired. "You're my... sugar..."
At that, Crimson blinked, and her smirk... gradually faded, replaced by eyes wide with surprise. "Hm..." Her lips twitched, and she looked away.
W-what's with that reaction?!
"... Sugar?" I pressed.
She blushed even more! Huh?! W-what did I do?
"W-why are you blushing so much?" I asked her, genuinely worried.
"S-shut it..." she replied as nervous chuckles escaped her.
"Sugar?!"
Chuckling even more, she buried her face into my chest and pulled me closer. "You... you're really incredible," she whispered, her voice muffled.
I blinked. "Huh... are you... happy I called you that?"
She simply nodded, sniffing lightly, still hiding her face against me. And I had just realized... I've been relaxed for a while now, thanks to her, while she was the one truly embarrassed at this moment.
At that sudden understanding, I gently embraced her. "You know, I think, maybe... we don't have to keep it a secret anymore..."
Raising her head, she looked at me, still partially flustered. "About what?"
"About us..." I softly replied. "I mean, it's a bit embarrassing, but... I'm comfortable with you. In most cases, at least. And... I never hid the love I had for my mother. I never did. So... I feel like I also don't need to hide this, if nobody is going to burn us alive."
She chuckled. "You really have mommy issues."
"I'll punch you. I'll seriously punch you."
She ignored my threat, and continued laughing. She then shifted into a more comfortable position. "Are you sure? You're fine with us being like this even in our guild?"
"Yeah..." I blushed just thinking about it, but... "Yeah, I'm fine with that. I'm also fine with strangers knowing, like the people here."
She smirked. "Snowflake... I think the people here already know, even without us telling them anything, after the way we've been acting."
"T-that's not true... If someone asked, I could still tell them we're just friends."
"Just friends..." she repeated, raising an eyebrow, as if challenging me.
I blinked in confusion. "Um... yes?"
She took a deep breath, clicking her tongue. "Hmm, alright then. If someone comes here and asks, I'll just tell them that you friendly stuck your tongue inside my mouth, and that yesterday I friendly fucked you with a-"
"GIRLFRIEND!" Realizing my mistake, I immediately fixed it. "Girlfriend, I get it! Girlfriend! Girlfriend. You're my girlfriend. Now can you please shut up and not say such things in public?!"
She just looked at me with a smug smile, and wide eyes. "Hmm, louder, Snowflake. I think there are people outside that didn't quite hear you."
It hit me... I had indeed shouted. And now, all eyes were on us.
"You were really eager to announce it, weren't you?" she teased.
"S-s-shut uuup!!!" Panicking, I grabbed the knife on the table and poked her chest with it. "This is all your fault! Just how can you say such things in public?!"
To add insult to injury, she laughed heartily in the face of my panic.