I've accepted long ago the fact of being an anomaly.
Not that I had a choice in the matter, to begin with. Life often puts in front of us clear answers: yes or no. Those who try to defy destiny or are not happy about the options given may opt to forge a path that doesn't originally exist. It's a forced road, and it could very well be far more hazardous than the options life naturally offers us. However, at the end of it, may reside glory.
Do I defy destiny?
I can't tell... but I can state with certainty that I don't like accepting the situations life lays before me.
What people expect from an anomaly like me is to be put in her place, accepting the situation as it is, drowning in my own misery without daring to rebel. However, I refuse to do so, and I'm ready to get stronger, and get more spells in order to defy their expectations.
I still can't be totally sure, but it seems clear enough that my only way to get more spells is... to die. There's still more to be understood, and while I'm somewhat enticed by it... my body...
"Move!" I shouted internally as my legs paralyzed once again, the impulse of punching them igniting within me. "Move, body... move!"
My body didn't agree with me at all...
"Ondashield!" Jerald summoned, making his ugly and stupid arch-shaped green barrier materialize in front of me.
"First Inferno!" Crimson followed, causing the creature to burst into flames.
My legs kept on shaking as I clutched them in anger. "Why...?" I asked myself internally, gritting my teeth. "Why...?!"
"Hey, Snowflake..." Crimson approached, holding my shoulder from behind. "What's wrong? You're trembling."
I turned to her, noticing her worried eyes as they trembled. "I... nothing. It's nothing, I'm just tired," I said, giving away my anger as I averted my gaze.
"I ought to ask..." Jerald stepped forward. "What happened after you went to check deeper? You've been acting strange ever since."
"Nothing. Nothing happened."
Jerald grumbled, obviously dissatisfied with my answer.
"Could..." I stammered, releasing a sigh as my anger grew within me. "Could you leave me alone, just for a bit?" I murmured.
"Huh, sure..." Crimson replied, seemingly surprised, but still decided to assist me. She walked me towards a tree, and I let my body relax, leaning my back against it. "If you need anything, call me, alright?"
"Yes. Thanks, Crimson."
As they went ahead, I let my body slide until I sat on the ground, breathing in and out, in and out...
"First thing first... let's expel this mana." I concentrated hard enough to force the mana out of my body; the amount was making my skin itch. It took a while, but eventually I expelled it all, finding myself panting from exhaustion at the end.
I gazed at the sky before taking my codex in hand, glancing once again at the new spell, and the one before it. Hopefully, now I could cast it without suffering the worst headache I've ever experienced in my entire life. But I still had to wait to test it out.
"I have to ask Joey if something happened to me while I was dead, other than the fact that my codex was glowing..."
My body regenerated, somehow and without a doubt. This time, I had lost both arm and leg... and head. But none of them were around apparently, and luckily.
"And you..." I abruptly glanced at the demon. "You're making me tired."
I wanted it to disappear so I could focus only on my task, but even that was hard. How could I dedicate myself to it when the image of that Reaper's blade kept flashing in my mind as soon as a monster charged at me? Making me feel like I could faint at any moment, my breathing irregular, my heart about to burst out of my chest...
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Ah, I love that sensation!
Unfortunately, my body didn't agree with me... and now I had to find a way to not be a burden to my guild.
"But how...?" I asked myself, scratching my head furiously in search of a solution. "How?"
I stared at my hands as I released a heavy sigh, my incompetence eating me from within. "How can I...? I need something to block out this fear. Something that will prevent me from thinking about it..."
As I groaned, leaning back, thinking about a solution, a striking realization hit my mind, causing my eyes to widen. "The Dynamic Zone..." I murmured to myself.
I clenched my fists, determination surging through me. "Of course! How could I not think about it?"
I stared blankly ahead, considering the idea. "But it'll be complicated... I need to enter it beforehand... I'm not as skilled as my mother, but it's a solution."
I let out a sigh, finding myself more relaxed as I stared at the bright sky above my head once again. "If I keep at it, eventually I'll be able to enter and exit the Dynamic Zone just as effortlessly as my mother did, maybe."
I blinked, pulling my knees to my chest. "Now that I think about it... did my mother go through this?" I wondered as my head turned away from the sky. "Is this why she could enter and exit this state just like that...?"
For some reason, the idea of it sounded... grim.
As my mind kept wandering, the sudden tremor of the ground pulled me back from reality. More monsters were coming, and my team was running in my direction as well, seemingly intended to prepare to fight.
Ah, had my expulsion of mana attracted them? Oopsie...
"Felinchant," I murmured as I prompted myself up. "Breathe in, breathe out..."
I closed my eyes, slowly shaking my head as if trying to push the thoughts out of it. So many thoughts, too many thoughts...
"Breathe in, breathe out..." I could feel my lungs get filled to the brink, threatening to explode, only for them to be emptied again as I exhaled.
"Breathe in..." My chest heaving with fresh air. "Breathe out..." My whole body relaxing, releasing all the doubts...
"Snowflake!" Crimson shouted, the shaking of the ground getting more violent.
"Iroshield!" Jerald cast.
I snapped my eyes open, dashing to the side and dodging the charging monster, almost mesmerized by the leaves that fell from the trembling tree it crashed into. Nonetheless, I sprinted forward with my dagger, leaping above the creature and deftly planting my blade into its neck before slicing through it, letting its dark-blue viscous blood gushing against me.
Then, I went for the next one, jumping across, decapitating it before it even had a chance to react. Finally, I dashed forward to the last one, slicing through its leg and making it fall. Unable to defend itself, I simply and casually finished it by severing its neck, more blood splattering my skin and clothes.
A grin spread across my face as I turned to my team, while a giggle escaped me. "Like I said, I don't need your spells, shield boy."
- - - - - - -
I stepped into the guild's lounge, finding Laura tending to the Fairies' Moonlight. This was the first time I had seen her so early.
"Good morning, Laura," I greeted.
"Good morning, Joey," she replied with a faint smile, her eyes momentarily meeting mine before returning to the delicate blooms.
"It's a surprise to see you here so early. Usually, I'm the only one here at this hour."
She chuckled softly, a hint of weariness in her voice. "I'm finding it hard to sleep peacefully lately," she admitted, her fingers gently caressing the petals. "I'll miss this scent once I'm gone..."
A sudden feeling of melancholy enveloped me. "So, you're really leaving the guild?"
Her expression turned wistful as she nodded. "I really wouldn't want to... but at the same time, I can't bring myself to stay here anymore."
I've never been really good with words, and so, as usual, I struggled to articulate my thoughts. I wished to be helpful, to offer comfort, somehow, but what could someone like me ever do, when even these kinds of people were struggling...?
"I see..." I replied; all I could say.
"Don't be sad," she said softly. "I'll still be in Zafferbridge; I'm not leaving Elizabeth alone, and I'll lend a hand from time to time if Leonard needs it. But at the same time, I really have no purpose here. I don't even explore dungeons anymore, and you shall take over my duties with the Leader."
"That's not true at all," I blurted out. "I'll never be able to do your job as diligently as you do. And there are so many things only you're able to do. I feel like... Elizabeth will be really sad about it."
A soft chuckle escaped her lips, a bittersweet smile gracing her face. "Elizabeth... she will become an incredibly powerful mage, I'm sure of it," she murmured, turning towards me. "Would you take care of her in my stead, Joey?"
"I... can't promise such a thing."
"Hmm? How come?"
I turned my gaze to the ground, painful memories of the past resurfacing as my lips pursed together. "No one can replace a mother... I realized it with Argenta."
Laura covered her mouth; despite the efforts, a stifled laugh escaped her. "Sorry. I didn't mean it like that," she said, waving her hand. "I have no intention to abandon her. However... she tends to bottle up things for herself, and I'm afraid I won't be able to help her as much once I'm gone..."
"Ah, sorry," I chuckled nervously, scratching my head.
"By the way..." she said as she stepped closer. "May I ask you what kind of relationship you and Argenta share?"
"We're best friends. I've known her since my childhood," I replied, smiling fondly as my mind recalled the times. "Without her... I feel like it would've been much harder for me."
She exhaled. "I see..."