I was not disappointed in myself. I did clear the dungeon by slaying the minotaur. But I would be lying if I said I wasn't, at least, disoriented by my behavior.

When confronted with the unknown, the human mind instinctively tries to make sense of it using logical reasoning and past experiences. That is only natural.

My mother imparted me indispensable lessons on how to deal with the unknown. At first, she emphasized the importance of confronting adversities of little importance, known to everybody, such as embarking on the journey called life, little by little. When dealing with something for the first time it's only natural to find it hard, such as taking our first steps into the vast world. Then, as we grow, what was once hard becomes our standard, allowing us to go to the next level. Eventually, as I matured, my mother's teaching evolved into the hardest challenges; unknown to mankind, yet known to her. Her teachings were so hard that I still don't know the true meaning behind many of them...

Yet, despite my affinity for the unknown, I've begun to question my understanding since arriving in this city. I had to acknowledge the possibility that, perhaps, I wasn't up to the task...

Cold blood, nerves of steel, readiness, awareness... I had everything. And yet, I found myself struggling to understand my own emotions.

"Mom... what is happening to me?" I lowly murmured, sat in the guild's lounge by myself.

It was late evening; Laura instructed us to wait for the leader's response. Meanwhile, we were assigned two rooms inside the guild. Joey had already gone to sleep. I was sure to pass the judgement, but what about him? He did nothing...

As time passed, I found myself staring blankly at my backpack resting on my knees, lost in contemplation, when I suddenly remembered Joey's words.

"Oh... that's true. Joey said something was glowing inside my backpack, when I was dead. Was it my codex...?"

There are only two cases where the codex glows. Well, three, to be more precise.

First: The codex emits a glow of its same color whenever opened. The spells within it, indeed, emit light as if written with a magical and fluorescent ink. One could discern the power of a libromancer by the brilliance of their codex; the brighter the glow, the more the spells contained within.

Second: The codex illuminates when a spell is active, even if its pages remain closed, hinting at the magic at work.

And lastly... whenever a new spell appears on the codex; it would briefly radiate, as a way to notify you about it.

I reached into my backpack and retrieved my codex. As I opened it, a gasp of surprise escaped my lips, while a new glow illuminated my face.

"A new spell!"

A new spell was really written on the pages of my codex. Why? How?! Ever since I acquired it, not a single addition had been made to its pages.

"Huh, how strange," I mused as I read it. "It almost sounds like someone's name..."

The urge to pronounce it surged within me, my heart accelerated just at the sight. I really wanted to cast it to test it out, but I couldn't. Not inside the guild. No one knew the effects of a spell until they pronounced it for the first time. And there were many cases where catastrophes occurred just because someone decided to test them out. I had to wait and to calm myself.

"Hmm? What are you doing here all by yourself?" Laura calmly approached me from behind, speaking softly, before sitting next to me.

"I can't really sleep," I admitted; literally torn between emotions and events I never encountered before...

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"You don't appear as someone in need of cheering up, but at the same time, I can tell you're lost in thoughts. Is something troubling you?" she gently offered a listening ear.

I pondered on what to do; Laura seemed an experienced woman, she reminded me of my mother, in a way, and I needed advice...

So, reluctantly... "Laura... have you ever felt... fear?" I stammered.

"Hmm?" she tilted her head.

"Well... you know what, never mind. Sorry, I'll head to my room," I quickly shook it off as I got up, but I was stopped just as quickly by her hand, grabbing my wrist.

"Don't be shy. You're practically a member now. It's part of my duty to ensure you're fine. Please, explain..." she reassured as she gazed into my eyes.

With a hint of hesitation, I sat back, averting my gaze to the ground as I let out a sigh. "Well, to be fair, I don't really know what it is. It's just that... since the trial to enter this city, I've been hesitating... My body acts strangely when I'm facing danger, and today was no exception. You must've seen it... fear is holding me back."

"You performed really well, Argenta, you shouldn't worry about that, you can believe me on this," she reassured. "And, about your question, naturally, I've experienced fear. I'm a mother, after all. I fear that my daughter might hurt herself, every day," she said, bringing her hand over her heart. "But... are you really being honest with yourself? I've observed you today," she then added, keeping her voice calm and reassuring.

"Huh, thanks, Laura. But what do you mean?"

She chuckled. "Argenta, you're just fooling yourself."

I looked at her, perplexed. "Sorry, I really don't understand..."

As my confusion kept enshrouding me, Laura slowly came closer to me, speaking even softer than before. "Why don't you think back on what happened?" her hand gently posed on my cheek as she kept reassuring me with a warm smile.

A wave of unease suddenly washed over me. "Um..."

"Recall how you felt when its blade almost grazed your eyes."

Unconsciously, my mind recalled the scene vividly: the wind had stung my eyes and I jumped backward.

"Tell me, how did you feel at that moment?" she whispered.

"Um... I..." I struggled to find the words. However, my body remembered: I could feel my heart accelerating, its pace quickening with each passing moment. A shiver ran down my spine as my breath grew heavier.

"Argenta," Laura whispered my name once again, her voice barely audible as she kept her eyes locked onto mine. "Do you get it?" she asked as her gaze pulled me in deeper.

Where was she going with that? What was she implying? "I... maybe? I don't know, Laura, just tell me if you have the answer..."

She giggled. "Argenta, yours is not fear. How could it be fear? After all, you were smiling the entire time during the fight."

My eyes widened upon hearing such a statement. "Huh? I was?"

"Poor girl... You've been trying to figure out your feelings so intensely that you're unconsciously holding them back. Don't fight it, Argenta. Just close your eyes and remember... The cold blade grazing you, the blood pumping as you dance with Death..."

Driven by curiosity, I forced my trembling eyes to close, and relived the fight once more. Every single moment of it.

The piercing gaze of the minotaur, its sword grazing me, a whisper away from marking my flesh.

The suspense of each move, the tension in the air.

My blood boiling inside me like molten fire, the adrenaline fueling the chaos in my mind...

"Argenta... living on the edge excites you, doesn't it?"

It felt so absurd I could hardly believe it for a moment, but in the blink of an eye... her words were like clarity in a sea of uncertainty, a beacon in the darkness.

"Hmm..." I murmured, still adapting to the wicked truth.

For some reason, ever since that dragon's claws took my life... something unfolded inside me.

"You revel in evading Death's grasp, Argenta," she remarked.

Ever since I've experienced Death's embrace, my heart has been secretly searching for its icy touch, in a constant struggle against my body, fully aware of its danger.

"Yes... I think you're right," I swallowed, trembling in the face of the realization.

I found myself tightly embracing my own body as I relived the sensations of that fight, my breath becoming erratic and ragged.

Laura was totally right. I was not just excited, I felt aroused... That feeling, that sensation... It was addicting, it was intoxicating.

"You're absolutely right..." I admitted. "You're right, Laura... The legs trembling, threatening to fall. The heart hammering against my chest, each beat reminding me of my mortality. The strength leaving me, making me feel weak and vulnerable. The fuzziness obscuring my thoughts... I love it. I love everything about it," I confessed, my voice trembling, giving away my embarrassment as Laura kept caressing my cheek.

I was not afraid of death. No... the only thought of it thrilled me. I was exhilarated by it.

Laura looked at me with a serene expression. "Then, what do you say to a job that's tailor-made for you?"