My mind feels like it’s floating, but still… those two felt familiar...

They said I was their big sister…

Then, the familiarity suddenly left my body, like a flurry of warm wind brushing my skin.

...

After the warm comfortable wind, a gross feeling of sweat underneath my clothes wrapped my skin and kept me wide awake.

The scenery changed as I peeked through a tiny hole from the cupboard to see a figure carrying a dripping knife. It felt too real at the same time, it’s like I’m watching someone playing a game.

Huh? Game...? … what game? who?

I saw a black shadow walking through the dark house. Its light steps made me think twice if it was a ghost or a figment of my imagination. But nothing can deny the fact that I saw my dad die by its hands.

Everything felt real at the same time it felt like watching TV. My limbs feel heavy and my chest felt tight. With the tense atmosphere, I can already foresee my death, but I know, no, somehow I knew that I won’t die.

The red blood dripping on the floor seemed vivid and even in the dark, it felt like it’ll glow bright red while the metallic smell forcefully invaded my nose, it smells gross but it was something I was used to.

Yeah, I’m supposed to be used to it… So why am I here again? Why do I have this feeling of incongruity?

My body trembled while my thoughts were brushed away with a tiny hiccup that resounded upstairs. It wasn’t loud, no. Not enough to be heard normally, but under the cover of the unusually quiet night, that tiny sound resounded throughout the house.

No!

Knowing my mom and brother were upstairs, fear gripped my throat tight, hands clammy with tears swelling in my eyes.

The stranger ran silently upstairs and I heard my mom’s scream echo upstairs.

“WHO ARE YOU?!”

Then my body moved by itself.

I don’t know why, but I was sure that fear kept me stuck hiding in the cupboard, but the thought of losing my mom made me climb the stairs. It made me forget my fears.

Deja vu? No, it doesn’t matter right now!

My heavy legs moved but I still felt weak in the knees. Climbing with my quivering legs, my foot slid on every step, hitting my knees on the edges and making me buckle and scramble at each step.

As soon as I reached for the nearest room, what I saw was my brother falling from the closet.

“...b-big sis! Mom…! She’s in our room!”

Screaming loudly as he could, his eyes begged me to save my mom, but my body moved on instinct because deep in my heart I already knew my parent’s intention.

The reason why dad hid me under the cupboards and why Lulu is in the closet… they knew… I knew.

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Without thinking, I pulled my brother and we ran as fast as we could. We ran away from our home.

We ran and we ran. Then after running for so long, I did nothing but walk. I walked until the sun shone from the sky, barefoot and with my brother on my back.

And by the time the sun reached the highest peak, glaring into my eyes, my vision shifted.

It was another memory. One of the more vivid ones.

Another one?

A flurry of petals and leaves flew right in my face, it was the middle of spring, I wore worn-out clothes and sat on a bench. Beside me was a well-built gentleman. One of the people I respect the most, but this is just another old memory. Again, like watching an old movie and reminiscing about what happened, he spoke to me.

“Ning told me to take care of you before she left. Do you want to come with me and join my company? I can guarantee high pay.”

He smiled sweetly, contrary to the nature of his job offer. This man was a good friend of my master. After I’ve traveled all over the world, master suddenly left me in the US alone in the middle of this park.

I thought it was the usual, so I waited.

Two, three seasons passed, I was still in the park. Then he came.

I heard master worked with him before by training his people and favors were easy to ask because of trust, so when she calls, he comes. Although, I also heard about the lucrative business he’s in.

“I don’t need money. I need information.”

Yes, I only need information, I need to find who killed my parents. Since that time I walked barefoot under that humid night and glaring sun, I vowed vengeance, or at least find out the reason why my parents had to die and why we almost died.

The cold hatred never dissipated and even fear won’t stop me until I get closure, that was the one thing I was very sure of.

Seeing my face, the man sighed looking like he aged a little bit. This salt and pepper haired old man massaged his forehead.

“Every single one. Oh Ning, my dear Ning!”

He complained and he ruffled my head roughly.

“... all the more you need to join then.”

A warm wind blew bringing summer with it. The glaring sun peeked out of the clouds and blinded my eyes…

What now? Another memory?

As I opened them from the glaring sun, the smell of gunpowder assaulted my nose. And with my ears ringing, I can feel something warm hitting me at each tremble of the ground.

In front of me unfolded a battlefield.

We were mercenaries. I was a mercenary.

In my hand I held an MP5 I picked up somewhere and on my shoulders was the arm of my best friend.

“You can just leave me you know?”

His hair was sticky from sweat, blood and god knows whatever stuck on his hair. His caramel-colored skin showed how much he loved the sun, but right now, soot completely covered it. This man who’s smiling even without his leg is my best friend.

“I would, but then I thought I might need a meat shield.”

I said as I smiled mischievously.

“...and we’re still going to Hogwarts remember?”

I said as another bomb exploded near us. We flew a couple of meters and the last thing I saw was the glaring sun, splattering mud and exploding flesh.

“Oho.”

When I opened my eyes, a girl was looking over me. I felt that she was the most beautiful thing in the world, like a doll made to be perfect.

Like glittering gold, her hair unnaturally shone even though no single ray of light hit her hair. Her golden eyes like the sunset on the beach flickered like liquid gold.

“You’re not gonna pull your knife on me this time?”

She smiled sweetly. A smile that can captivate any heart. Confused, I tilted my head. As I looked around where I was, the whole white place seemed familiar. Plain white, no light, not even shadows were cast. Where is this?

“Where is this?”

I asked. I don’t seem to remember anything, only those vivid dreams of myself that felt so detached.

“Oh? What’s this? You forgot who you were?”

As she frolicked around the white space, a trail of glittering gold followed. I felt that her whole form was made with the obsession of gold.

“Pretty, no? This was the first offering my beloved... “friend” gave me so I took quite a liking to it.”

As she said so, she flicked her hair and specks and drops of gold fluttered.

“Now. I need you to sleep again, okay?”

Lightly touching my forehead with her dainty fingers, I felt her warmth until darkness overcame my eyes. Then... I went back to sleep.

No! Wait…!

I was swallowed by darkness. I couldn’t move my body and slowly succumbed to sleep.

Yeah, let’s just sleep...