“Are they really going to kill us all?” Kiwi asked. “I really want to go on an adventure, and dying it a major impediment to that goal.”
“I’d like not to die too,” said Xi Guo Lao, “but we’re outnumbered thirty to three. And I’m the highest leveled of us all at just Level 14. How are we going to fix any of this?”
“Well, they’re all women (except for Harold),” said Budou. “Women are statistically weaker than men at peak strength, which means there is nothing to fear from these silly little female beasts pretending to be strong.”
“I am pretty sure that the men vs. women thing is only at the absolute top levels of athleticisim,” said Xi Guo Lao, “and also doesn’t take soul cultivation into account. And, not to be rude, but we aren’t exactly at the peak of physical perfection ourselves, so saying that we are automatically stronger than these extremely muscled, extremely buff warrior women with green skin and curly green hair is really a stupid thing.”
“You’re a cuck,” Budou said, ending the entire conversation with a resounding thud.
Of course, though, they had been arguing with each other long enough that the green warrior women had them completely surrounded on all flanks, and escape was now impossible.
“This is pretty bad,” Kiwi said. “I know all three of us have character shields the size of planets, but I feel like we are in a bit of danger.”
“A bit,” said Xi Guo Lao. “But there may not be anything we can do but fight now.”
Stolen from its rightful author, this tale is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.
“Fight... I don’t love fighting as much as I do adventuring,” Kiwi said with a tepid voice, “but I’ll fight if I must. Because it’s kinda fun too, hehehe.”
“We’re all gonna die,” Budou whined. “I guess I’m in. We can be like Butch Cassidy & The Sundance Kid.”
Kiwi cocked his head to the side. “We’ll go out fighting to the death and not live to see the next morning?”
“No, we’ll run out, guns ablazing, and then a freeze frame will hit us so that it is technically ambiguous whether or not we actually died.”
“Have you actually seen Butch Cassidy & The Sundance Kid, Budou?” Xi Guo Lao asked. “They definitely died.”
“Not necessarily!!!”
“Yes, pretty necessarily! The gun sound effects at the end were pretty evident!”
“You underestimate the sheer power of Robert Redford and Paul Bettany.”
“You mean Paul Newman.”
Budou scoffed. “Uh, no? I mean the two Marvel Studios stars Robert Redford and Paul Bettany, who played Vision and that one Hydra guy, anti-respectively.”
“You just said ‘anti-respectively’ and I sort of hate that you even exist right now.”
“That’s what my parents say to me all the time! And my girlfriend.”
NOTE: Budou did not have a girlfriend. He was just saying that to cover up for the fact that he was single and kind of bitter about it.
“You’re a pathetic loser.”
“Thank you. But, what are we gonna do about the warrior ladies surrounding us and about to attack?”
“I guess we’ll have to go out in a blaze of glory and hope a freeze frame preserves our ambiguity for all time,” said Xi Guo Lao.
They readied their xi the best they could and leapt into battle—