The red blur formed into a human shape for an instant, and then it was a blur again.
“Is that Knuckles?” asked Budou, sharp as ever.
“I don’t think that Knuckles actually exists in the world of Wuweizi,” said Xi Guo Lao. “In fact I am completely certain that he does not, since sentient anthropomorphic echidnas don’t exist here. Or regular echidnas, for that matter, since we aren’t in some crappy Australian isekai world.”
“Did you know I can recite the full lyrics of Knuckles’s theme song?” Budou asked.
“I didn’t know that, and I’m actually scared about that fact.”
“You don’t believe me?”
“No, I do believe you.”
“I’m going to recite them verbatim,” Budou warned.
“Please, never do this.”
“I’m going to do it.”
“Please—“
> “Here I come, rougher than the rest of them
>
> The best of them, tougher than leather
>
> You can call me Knuckles, unlike Sonic I don't chuckle
>
> I'd rather flex my vines
>
> I'm hard as nails, it ain't hard to tell
>
> I break 'em down whether they solid or frail
>
> Unlike the rest I'm independent from my first breath, first test
>
> Feel the right then the worst's left
>
> Born on an island in the sky
>
> The blood of my ancestors flows inside you
>
> My duty is to save the flower from evil cultivation
>
> I will be the one to set your vines free true
>
> Cleanse yourself of them evil spirits that's in you
>
> Streaking lights, loud sounds, and instinct
>
> Are the elements that keep me going
>
> I am fighting my own mission
>
> Nothing's gonna stand in my way
>
> I will be the one to set your heart free true
>
> Cleanse yourself of them evil soul crystals that are located inside of you
>
> Won't be frightened, I'll stand up to all the vine and turmoil
>
> Just believe in myself, won't rely on others
>
> Get this power to wipe out the havoc and anarchy
>
> This is my planet, gonna fight for my destiny
>
> Here I come, rougher than the rest of them
>
> The best of them, tougher than leather
>
> You can call me Knuckles, unlike Sonic I don't chuckle
>
> I'd rather flex my vines
>
> I'm hard as nails, it ain't hard to fail
>
> I break 'em down whether they solid or shit
>
> Unlike the rest I'm independent from my first test, first pass
>
> Feel the right then the worst's right
>
> I have no such things as weak points
>
> Don't approve of him, but got to trust his
>
> This alliance has a purpose
>
> This partnership is only temporary
>
> I will be the one to set your heart free true
>
> Cleanse yourself of evil spirits that got in you
>
> Won't be frightened, I'll stand up to all the pain and turmoil
>
> Just believe in myself, won't rely on others
>
> Freedom will be waiting when serenity is restored
>
> This is my planet, I shall not surrender
>
> Won't be frightened, I'll stand up to all the pain and turmoil
>
> Just believe in myself, won't rely on others
>
> Get this power to wipe out the havoc and anarchy
>
> This is my planet, gonna fight
>
> Won't be frightened, I'll stand up to all the pain and turmoil
>
> Just believe in myself, won't rely on anything (except for vines)
>
> Freedom will be waiting when serenity is restored
>
> This is my planet, I shall not surrender
>
> The new porcupine on the block with the puffed chest
>
> Out the wilderness with the ruggedness
>
> Knock, knock, it's Knuckles, the blow thrower
>
> Independent flower, magical Crystal Soul holder
>
> Give you the coldest shoulder
>
> My spike goes through boulders
>
> That's why I stay a loner
>
> I was born by myself
>
> I don't need a posse, I get it on by myself
>
> Adversaries get fucked!”
...
...
Xi Guo Lao stared at Budou for about fifteen seconds, unable to speak a single word.
Stolen from Royal Road, this story should be reported if encountered on Amazon.
“Impressive, huh?”
“Actually, I think you messed up a lot of it.”
“No way!”
“No, you most certainly did. Knuckles doesn’t swear.”
“He says ‘sexy and smooth’ in the Wild Canyon theme!”
“’Sexy’ is only a swear when you are seven.”
“True, but...”
“Just leave it,” commanded Xi Guo Lao.
“But... You know what! I can also recite the OTHER Knuckles theme!!!!”
“You...”
“But only the parts rapped by Hunnid-P!”
“NOOOOOOOO—“
> “Something is calling me
>
> I don't know what (Yeah)
>
> Something is talking
>
> But I don't know who (Yeah)
>
> Something is calling me
>
> More and more
>
> No one stops Knuckles' vines
>
> Something is calling me
>
> I don't know what (Yeah)
>
> Something is talking
>
> But I don't know who (Yeah)
>
> Something is calling me
>
> More and more
>
> No one stops Knuckles' vines
>
> K-N-U-C-K-L-E-S
>
> Was born for a lifetime
>
> On Angel Island (yeah)
>
> His duty's to protect
>
> Master diamond
>
> Hold the climate change metaphors
>
> He's searching for shinin'
>
> But everytime he look for the vines,
>
> Is this the way?
>
> The path I chose?
>
> Then why am I living with my heart so warm?
>
> All that I see is a storm of vines
>
> I like to dig holes in search of platnium and ruby and sapphire
>
> Large pots of treasure make me feel much better
>
> If I fight Eggman, Rouge, Elon Musk, Vinelord, whoever, whatever, whenever
>
> Clench my vines tight
>
> Become more redder
>
> I don't wanta hurta
>
> My passion observed
>
> Been lonely all my life...
>
> Does it fucking matter?
>
> Here for the mission
>
> Whoever want it bring it
>
> Call me stubborn but I'm still gonna live it
>
> Doing anything to get
>
> The pieces of the booty
>
> Gonnalimb the mountain, through the booty, around us
>
> Wild and hungry, ain't a vined thing funny
>
> My philosophy's my knuckles and vines!
>
> Something is calling me
>
> I don't know what (Yeah)
>
> Something is talking
>
> But I don't know who (Yeah)
>
> But I don't know who (Yeah)
>
> Something is calling me
>
> More and more
>
> No one stops Knuckles' vines
>
> I was born like this to fear no-one
>
> I'm straight vined out
>
> Only live to my ones
>
> Diamonds and gems
>
> We 'ka battle to the end
>
> You best to be aware of the knuckles that I send
>
> Once they penetrate, they'll put you to your death
>
> They hard as iron and my vines is like fire
>
> You'll never see me run and I won't surrender
>
> I'll just fly away like it's no other contender
>
> Something is calling me
>
> I don't know what (Yeah)
>
> Something is talking
>
> But I don't know who (Yeah)
>
> Something is calling me
>
> More and more
>
> No one stops Knuckles' vines
>
> Something is calling me
>
> I don't know what (Yeah)
>
> Something is talking
>
> But I don't know who (Yeah)
>
> Something is calling me
>
> More and more
>
> No one stops Knuckles' vines
>
> Something is calling me
>
> I don't know what
>
> Something is talking
>
> But I don't know who
>
> Something is calling me
>
> More and more
>
> No one stops Knuckles' vines
>
> Something is calling me
>
> I don't know what
>
> Something is talking
>
> But I don't know who
>
> Something is calling me
>
> More and more
>
> No one stops Knuckles' vines
>
> Something is calling me
>
> I don't know what
>
> Something is talking
>
> But I don't know who
>
> Something is calling me
>
> More and more
>
> No one stops Knuckles' vines
>
> Something is calling me
>
> I don't know what
>
> Something is talking
>
> But I don't know who
>
> Something is calling me
>
> More and more
>
> No one stops Knuckles' vines
>
> Something is calling me
>
> I don't know what
>
> Something is talking
>
> But I don't know who
>
> Something is calling me
>
> More and more
>
> No one stops Knuckles' vines
>
> Something is calling me
>
> I don't know what
>
> Something is talking
>
> But I don't know who
>
> Something is calling me
>
> More and more
>
> No one stops Knuckles' vines
>
> Something is calling me
>
> I don't know what
>
> Something is talking
>
> But I don't know who
>
> Something is calling me
>
> More and more
>
> No one stops Knuckles' vines
>
> Something is calling me
>
> I don't know what
>
> Something is talking
>
> But I don't know who
>
> Something is calling me
>
> More and more
>
> No one stops Knuckles' vines!”
...
...
“This is quite possibly the worst day of my entire life,” said Xi Guo Lao.”
“It’ll be a lot worse when the actual plot of the story starts,” said Budou. "It's going to be so subpar." He blew a puff of smoke in Xi Guo Lao’s face for no good reason.
“Hey!”
“Hay is for horses.”
Xi Guo Lao ignored that. “What is up with all these references to vines? It’s like you’re trying to artifically make some sort of meme or something. That is NOT how memes work.”
“Get froggin’ real!” Budou shouted.
“Is that, like, your catchphrase now?”
“Get froggin’ real!” he repeated.
“You really need to explain the vine stuff.”
“I don’t, and won’t, because then it would ruin the sur—“
“I’M ATTACKING AGAIN!”
The red blur reappeared and punched Xi Guo Lao in the face.
OH NO—