“The votes are in,” Kiwi said, “and they were decisive.”
“Decisive... in what way?” Budou asked.
Time reset, and then the laundromat scene began all over again.
Budou sighed while holding some wet clothes. Kiwi laughed about the funny part of the cartoon Avatar where Jake Sully trips over the vines in the forest.
Then, the true scene began.
“The results were...” Kiwi began. “They were not favorable to the status quo.”
“You mean...”
“Yes, I mean...”
“We are going to...”
“Yes, I mean...”
“We are going to fulfill the destiny of our ancestors and become the Keepers of the Soul, thus fulfilling Ghebville’s most important prophecy that was never mentioned before now?” Budou asked. “Because I, unlike everyone else in this story, am very good at keeping focus on what’s really important.”
“That’s not what we are here to do,” Kiwi said. “We’re here for ADVENTURE and EXPLORATION. If you know what I mean.”
“What do you mean?”
“We’re going to escape this time loop the only way possible, which is to explore... EACH OTHER.”
It was at that moment when Budou, for the first time, looked up to the top of the chapter and looked at its title.
“OH HELL NO.”
“The readers voted for it,” Kiwi explained to him. “They told us that we should forge ahead and fulfill our character arc by getting over our toxic masculinity and discovering our love for one another. They told us we should weather the inevitable bad ratings and reviews and reveal our true passions.”
Budou pushed his glasses up, pretending like he was a smart character once again. “But... That’s impossible. We’re both heterosexuals.”
Kiwi nodded sadly. “That’s true. I’m a heterosexual who loves lots of rad women. And you’re one of the suavest babe-killers I’ve ever seen, Budou.”
“Aw, thanks. I’ve been told that my cat-calling has been extremely complimentary to almost every women I pass who looks attractive enough, and I hope my honesty has brightened the days of every single one. You, too, Kiwi, have one of the nicest smiles among all my friends. Definitely in the top two, though Xi Log Gao definitely looks really cute when he smiles. Cute in the platonic way.”
“Oh, don’t worry. I know all about platonic cuteness. I’d have to say that you, Budou, are platonically adorable.”
“Hey, now. I didn’t say anything about adorableness being platonic. That’s a step too far towards romanticism.”
“I tend to romanticize a lot of aspects of adventuring,” said Kiwi. “In reality, adventures are long, hard, firm to grip, and can cause a lot of pain without the proper preparations. Adventures are fun and can create pleasure for you and your partner(s), but they require a mutual understanding and consent before they can proceed naturally.”
“Are you asking for my consent for...”
“I’m asking for your consent,” Kiwi said with the utmost of clarity. “The readers demand it.”
Budou’s breathing became heavier. “But I... Me, in an R-18 chapter? In the middle of a time loop? I don’t know if I’m ready. I don’t know if I can do it.”
“You can do it. You can do it with me. Together, anything is possible.”
“Together... But, Kiwi, what if something goes wrong?”
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“Nothing will go wrong,” he said. He stepped over to Budou and put a hand underneath his chin. “I’ve done this before.”
“You’re—WHAT?!”
“I’m not a virgin,” Kiwi said. “I have experience.”
“You traitor!” Budou shouted. “I thought we were in this together. We are the return of kings, the men going forward without women because we don’t need those slimy ladies.”
“I never said any of that. In fact, I said the opposite,” he told him. “I have had plenty of girlfriends.”
“I-I mean, me too. Yeah. Tons of experience. Lots of women, who aren’t slimy and gross at all. But you’ve gone too far this time!”
“How?”
“I don’t know! I just hate—“
They smooched.
Right on the lips.
Kiwi held one hand against Budou’s chin, and the other now wrapping around the small of his back. Budou’s hands were preoccupied with rapidly taking off his trousers and undergarments.
It was that kind of kiss you see in the movies when you know stuff is going to go down. The music swells, the leads lock tongues, and the taller of the two is actively pushing the other towards the nearest wall so the passionate love-making can soon begin.
Sadly, this is a book. We don’t get a lot of that sort of visual stuff without a bunch of description, which scientific studies show that most readers basically just skip anyway. So let’s stop beating around the bush, and let these two men beat each other off.
Budou’s pants were completely and utterly off, and now he was bottomless. Kiwi followed suit, releasing his grip from his new lover and stripping down as quickly as he could.
But Kiwi caught an eye of something extremely R-18: An erect penis.
“Your penis is erect,” Kiwi said as he stripped. “And it’s quite larger than average.”
“It is, indeed, my Kiwi,” said Budou. “The blood flow into the tissues has increased, and now I am ready to deliver myself into you.”
“Wait, you think YOU’RE going to top?”
“I am the smarter, stronger, and more physically capable of us, so I think that I can serve very well by topping.
“But do you have THIS skill?” Kiwi asked.
“What sk—“
Kiwi’s hands grew three sizes that day. The fingers extended and somehow became even daintier than they already were.
Budou’s eyes widened. “That’s... Yaoi Hands.”
“Yep. I can grow Yaoi Hands.”
“Oh my...”
And then Kiwi’s own highly erect penis glimmered in the light reflected from the TV that, as always, played Avatar: The Last Airbender. This penis was also considerably larger than average.
“Top me, please,” Budou begged.
Kiwi, now completely naked, maneuvered around to Budou’s behind and then took hold of Budou’s very R-18, very erect penis. Then they did sexy stuff and made out some more.
I forgot to include the part where they lubed up but just pretend this Soul Palace has physics differences wherein they no longer need to apply lube because everything is just a bit looser and slippier anyway.
They had a lot of sex in the most R-18 of fashions, with Budou’s erect penis flopping around while his backside was throbbed against in a rhythmic passion. That is to say that Kiwi had entered his butthole with his larger-than-average penis.
Then...
“Time’s up,” Budou moaned.
Time reset, and then the laundromat scene began all over again.
Budou sighed while holding some wet clothes. Kiwi laughed about the funny part of the cartoon Avatar where Jake Sully trips over the vines in the forest.
Then they both realized what was truly going on here.
“KIWI,” Budou shouted. “WE AREN’T HAVING SEX ANYMORE.”
“That’s...” Kiwi’s brain broke as both of these rational time loop experts realized what was going on here. “AWESOME! XD”
Their libidos were just as high as ever, but their bodies had reverted to their pre-sexytimes state. Any refractory period they might have faced, no longer applied whatsoever.
“We can have infinite sex for the rest of our looped timeline,” Budou said. “We can BOTH top and BOTH bottom. Forever until we get too bored of it.”
“But sex is never boring.”
“Exactly!”
And thus their next thirty minutes, and the following thirty minutes, and a great many of the following thirty minutes would be spent trying out every conceivable sexual act and position they could possibly think of.
Eventually, they would escape this time loop, and they would be better off for it. But this R-18 chapter would finally be what changed their character arcs, because now Budou wasn’t quite as insecure about himself and Kiwi had finally reaffirmed himself and overcome his loneliness.
Everything was happy, except for the readers who unfollowed and gave out 0.5 reviews, who were all losers except for the ones that are only doing it ironically, in which case they used the code word “Banana Pantry” somewhere in their review to indicate that they were in on the joke after all.