“Because…” He grinned and took a step toward her before leaning over again. “I like to see you get flustered. It’s rare to see you stumble. You, who don’t even think twice about skinning someone alive, and yet you fidget like a fool when people are in your space.” He smiled.

And before he realized what had happened, he barely dodged a hand, heading right for his face. “Why do you always have to resort to violence? Is solving things always about using your fists? Or in this case, your palm?”

Quick flashes of painful memories flashed through her head, making her flinch and clench her eyes shut.

She was only two at the time: she was filthy; her dark hair was unkempt and tangled; her clothes, an itchy potato sack with worn out baggy trousers; and she didn't even have shoes so her feet were red, calloused and dirty.

“You ungrateful little shit!” Sir Gorou screamed and hurled a punch into her face, sending her flying across the room.

She was so hungry, she had stolen food from the kitchen and Sir Gorou had caught her.

“Have I not fed you enough?! You dare to steal too?!” He ran over and kicked her in the stomach, making her vomit all the food she had engulfed. He let out a frustrated breath, running his fingers through his hair as if wanting to pull them out at the roots. “I’ve told you to stay in your room and never come out.” He muttered. “If you’re so hungry then eat it!” He roared pointing at the giant chunks of soggy bread and potato chunks she had puked onto the cold stone floor. “Go on!”

With a shaky hand, she slowly reached over and picked up each piece and placed it into her mouth. It had a slightly bitter taste from her bile, but she was too hungry to care. Even the soggy bread was wonderful as it melted in her mouth and she didn’t even have to chew it.

But she couldn’t stop crying. Her head was spinning and throbbing horribly from where it hit the wall. The side of her face was swollen from the punch and her stomach ached horribly. She cried so hard that she couldn’t breathe. All the air had run out with the screaming wail and never bothered to reenter her lungs.

First he had told her she isn’t a girl, and that she must live as a boy. For boys are strong, they aren’t weak. Boys would never have to endure the hardships girls will go through.

For months that was beaten into her, and hence she wasn’t allowed to eat. Because the malnourishment, the skin and bones will slow the body's maturation and thus – hide her from the world.

But she was so damned hungry, she thought if she could get just a little – just a bit of bread, or even a crumb – it would settle this turning in her stomach.

Sir Gorou grabbed the back of her shirt and picked her up, shaking her in front of his face. “Breathe you fucking idiot! Your face is turning blue!” He scolded and slapped her across the face.

She took a big gasp of air and continued to scream and wail loudly, causing Sir Gorou to clench his eyes and scrunch his face from the ear splitting noise. His clenched fists shook as he tried to hold in his anger and frustration.

“Shut up.” He hissed, but she couldn’t help it, it hurt so much and she couldn’t understand why she was in trouble again. She just wanted something to eat, that was all. “I said SHUT UP!!!” He bellowed and threw her down the hall. She bounced and slid across the floor, hitting the opposite wall with a loud bang. Blood flew out of her mouth with the air forced out of her lungs.

Darkness surrounded her and she no longer felt any pain.

It was all gone.

When she opened her eyes again, there was an old man that had punctured her side with something sharp, but she was too exhausted to scream or cry. She just listened to the whistling noise as the pain in her chest subsided and a warm glow emanated through her body.

The man left and now it was just Sir Gorou, knelt next to her on the ground again.

When she finally took in the sight of him, she scurried into the corner of the room, eyes wide like a cornered animal – waiting for that killing blow.

Sir Gorou approached her calmly and knelt beside her again. “You know why I hit you right?” He said in a most calm voice, and she couldn’t tell if she should be more afraid or if she should be glad he wasn’t screaming anymore. “I only hit you to make you stronger and when you misbehave.” He ran a gentle hand across the crown of her head to soothe her shaking, and sniveling.

“I don’t want to hit you, but you have to behave and listen to me. As long as you aren’t bad, I won’t hit you, you know that right? I just want what’s best for you. I only give you what you need and you shouldn’t take any more than what I offer, you understand?”

When Tsugi didn’t answer, his body tensed, just as though the air around them did.

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He grabbed a handful of her hair, pulling her head up to look him in the face. Her left eye was still swollen shut and the other was bloodshot. “What did I say about answering when I ask you a question?” He hissed through gritted teeth.

“Y-y-yes…s-s-sir.” She stuttered.

He slapped her – hard, sending a ringing into her ear. “Try again.” He hissed.

She sniffled, doing her best to stifle the little whimpering cry. “Y-yes…s-sir.” She squeaks.

Another slap across her face, “again.” It repeated again and again like some kind of satanic ritual. His voice never getting louder, always calm and collected compared to the dangerous aura Tsugi felt revolving around her.

“Yes…sir.” She finally mumbled after her face was unrecognizable. Hell, she wasn’t even sure how her busted lip was still able to form shapes.

Sir Gorou was never one to admit defeat, he would kill her again and again, like waterboarding her, until she did as she was told.

“Good.” He smirked and let go of her hair, patting her gently atop her head like he didn’t just get done slapping her black and blue. “See? All you have to do is listen and do as you’re told. Remember, I’m only doing this for you, to make you stronger. You don’t want to be weak right?” He gritted his teeth. “Right?” He said sternly.

“Yes…sir.” Her voice was quiet, timid.

“Being weak you will never make it anywhere in life. So if you’re going to be weak, you’ll be better off dead. And we don’t want to die right?”

“Yes-s….sir.” She tried so hard not to stutter and yet –

She scrunched her face, preparing for a blow, but hoped – prayed to anything that would listen, that he didn’t hear the slight stutter.

“That was a close one.” He hissed. “But seeing as you did pretty good today, I’ll let it go…just this time.” He drawled and stood to his feet. “Now, you are forbidden to leave your room. Do the exercises I showed you and practice your reading. Strength will only get you so far in life, but if mixed with knowledge you can do anything.”

***

“Tsugi.” Lugo called frantically. “Tsugi, are you okay?” He had her by the shoulders and was shaking her.

She shrugged off his hands. “I’m fine.”

“Tsugi?”

“Yes it’s me! Why do you keep asking if it’s me? I’m not possessed or anything.” She inhaled sharply – calm. She can’t be like him – like her father. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to always resolve things with my fists. I never realized I did that.” She walked around him and headed for the house.

“I-I was just joking.” Lugo chuckled nervously, catching up to her.

“No you weren’t. And don’t be sorry. I never realized I did that. I’ll be more careful about it from now on.” And though it were true, she couldn’t help but hate herself a little more every time she admitted it.

“No, it’s fine really. I find it to be the more playful and fun side of you.”

“Well, I don’t. Solving issues with violence does not bode well with me.” Especially to those she actually cared about – like her friends – her friends – she had friends.

“I just want to let you know that I don’t mind that side of you. It’s not like you beat the crap out of me, it’s just all play after all. I mean – I’ve seen you go full out and those moments of play are nowhere near when you are serious, so I don’t mind them.”

Tsugi let out a weary breath, as though she had a long, long day. “Please don’t take it personally.” She turns to face him with a smile on her face, but the smile doesn’t reach her eyes. “I just mean to say, I will do my best to not always resort to violence.” She turned on her heels and headed into the house.

She heard him mutter something behind her, but she just continued to her room and got ready for bed.

She sat on her bed and pulled the ocarina out, playing a soft melancholy melody. After all the events that had occurred, she needed something to soothe her to sleep and hoped she didn’t have any nightmares.

As she played, she remembered the flight with Lugo on Arzo as they soared through the skies. The wind and thrill sent a blissful feeling coursing through her body once more.

Then the kiss crossed her mind and sent a flush up her cheeks, but she continued to play. Her melancholy tune turned more adventurous and gleeful with her more joyful memories coming into light.

Thinking of the kiss still left a weird tingly feeling on her lips and in her chest, and she still didn’t know what to make of it.

She smiled and placed the ocarina in her lap as she ran a finger down her sternum and stopped right on top of her beating heart. She tapped at the tingly feeling and listened to the hollow knock on her chest between her breasts.

Only during bedtime and in her room, would she unbind her chest. Her breasts would surely be noticeable if she had left them unbound, but here – in the privacy of her own room – they can breathe.

“That was beautiful.”

Startled, she quickly grasped the blanket and pushed it against her chest, glad that her back was toward the door. “What the hell are you doing in my room?!”

“What? You act like you’re a girl or something.” Lugo chuckled and walked in to sit on her bed. “You were playing it so beautifully, I was drawn to it like a kryan’s song. Next thing I knew I was watching you play.”

“Well, I’m done playing. Can you go back to your room?”

“Why? You act like you’ve never slept next to me before.”

“I would’ve never slept next to you if I had a choice!” She hissed through her teeth which were surely bared. If only she could manage Val’s fang’s that seem to pop out whenever she gave a murderous smile.

“You always have a choice. You could’ve slept in the barn with Ruzo, or just not slept at all.” He shrugged and plopped down onto her bed, bouncing her on the other end.

“Well, I have a choice now, so will you go to your room and sleep there?” She scolded but he didn’t answer. “Lugo!” She held the blanket tight around her chest and turned around, only to find he had completely knocked out like he usually does.

She was completely aghast, “How the hell are you asleep already? You literally just laid down!” She sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose.

“Don’t kill the fool. Don’t kill the damned fool.” She hisses to herself and wraps herself in the blanket, leaving for his room instead, ensuring to lock the door behind her.