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Colonial History
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New footage appears with a voice talking over clips of three anuh-kaj dressed in operatic costumes, hissing and occasionally slamming their bodies into each other, as opera instrumental play in the background throughout different scenes. A scannable block of code is located on the corner of the screen throughout the duration of the segment.

Voice Over: Discovered during an expedition throughout the exotic and mysterious ruins of District 5’s southern lands, an ancient play was translated, and now finally adapted for anuh-kaj audiences. Playwright Wg presents, “Rigoletto.” Critics are saying about Rigoletto, “…interesting…,” “An honest look into the self-destructive habits of the Human race…,” and, “…feels like something may have been lost in translation…” Get your tickets today, by scanning the code on the bottom corner of your screen and experience, “Rigoletto,” at TAR24855, starting tomorrow.

New footage appears with assimilated human models striking various poses against various objects, in a brightly lit room, to smooth music. Soon, one of the female models pulls out a Beetle Bar, unwraps it, takes a bite and chews, all while a voice over is talking.

Voice Over: The next time you are hungry, grab a Beetle Bar. No fillers, minimally processed, and made from one hundred percent, free-range beetles.

View now shows wrapped bar sitting next to box full of the rest of the bars.

Voice Over: Beetle Bars. Get them exclusively at the nearest Valiant Ltd grocery today.

Valiant Ltd logo takes up screen with its tagline underneath.

Voice Over: Be bold, be beautiful, be Valiant.

New footage appears with an unassimilated human turning his head towards the sound of yelling and unseen destruction. A scannable block of code is located on the corner of the screen throughout the duration of the segment.

Voice Over: When facing the prospect of chaos, will you run away, or do you…

Heroic and exciting music begins as a cetacean officer lands from the air next to the human, who then turns to face the officer.

Cetacean Officer: Head toward it.

The human nods in agreement before turning to face the direction of the implied chaos. When he faces the supposed direction, he is now outfitted with the general gear and uniform accessories common to reservation law enforcers, and part of a large, assembled formation of others like him. The cetacean officer steps in front of the camera.

Cetacean Officer: We can’t keep the peace by ourselves. Be on the front line of law and order, scan the code on the bottom corner of your screen to join your reservation’s local law enforcers today. Your people will thank you for the safety and services you provide.

Did you know this story is from Royal Road? Read the official version for free and support the author.

A shield with the colonial emblem appears to fill much of the view.

Musical Chorus: Colony united! Colony strong!

New footage appears with assimilated human Entrepreneur Sj Sharpe, looking directly at the camera, while folksy music plays in the background. A scannable block of code is located on the corner of the screen throughout the duration of the segment.

Sj: I am Sj Sharpe of the Apiary’s assimilated on Tir-Torzor. I thank all for watching. You might know me from my show, the Daily Wise Up. I am also the author of such books as…

Cover of first book is shown.

Sj: SPAGHETTI! and Other Things that Exist Proving Cultural Appropriation is a Lie…

Cover of second book is shown.

Sj: Taming the Savage Race: An Honorable History of Civilizing Indigenous and Minority Populations…and…

Cover of second book is shown.

Sj: Unstoppable Me: A Guide on How to Become Successful.

Sj is in view again.

Sj: As you know from my show, I would never lead my listeners astray, because I know only the most levelheaded, brilliant, tolerant, and cognizant tune in to get nothing but the facts and no bullshit. It is why I talk a lot about the many conspiracies attempting to undermine this great system our benevolent leaders of the Apiary built to save the world. Now I am here to tell you about an opportunity to better yourself. Since the beginning of human history, societies had a fascination with shiny ores and minerals and a few forward thinkers, who would become leaders, wanting to collect them. Why?

Footage of anuh-kaj in human lab coats, one of which shows signs of discomfort wearing it, are pretending to use human science equipment but obviously have no idea what they are doing.

Sj: The greatest scientific minds of the Apiary preformed research on all valuable ores and minerals and discovered the vast range of healing and health properties they contain. That is why the rich and powerful throughout time horded their wealth and lived longer and were smarter than ordinary people on average. It was a well-kept secret up until recently.

Sj is in view again.

Sj: Now, you can have a share in this open secret too. All you have to do is invest in the Shiny Ore and Minerals Firm.

Footage of humans toiling away in a mine.

Sj: What you do is buy a share in their business so they can obtain gold, silver, and diamonds. In exchange, they give you something better than money as they make a profit.

Footage of a human in protective environmental gear lightly rubbing a metal file on a gold bar and dusting it over an open envelope.

Sj: Using revolutionary state-of-the-art technology, given to them by the Anuh-Kaj, they then shave off near microscopic ore and mineral particles into an envelope and send it to you.

Sj is in view again this time momentarily holding up a closed envelope.

Sj: Once you receive the envelope, you can enjoy their amazing health benefits, ranging from treating chronic ailments to improving your natural deficiencies. There may be people who say that this is a scam, but beware. If you ever listened to or watched my show, you would know those people are likely androids that work for an anti-human, global, baby-eating death cabal, behind many false flag operations wanting to make the Apiary look bad and stop you from becoming successful. Do not fall for their tricks. Be a true patriot and invest today.

Camera shows the name, ‘Shiny Ore and Minerals Firm,’ sitting above a pile of gold and envelopes.

Voice Over: To order your shares, scan the code on the bottom corner of your screen now. Invest in the Shiny Ore and Minerals Firm. You know shiny ores and minerals are valuable because they are shiny.

Footage fades out.