20. Lewis: Scientific community

Walking into the building turned barracks I found myself knocking on the door of where the three veteran pioneers were staying. Creaking open Valentine peaked through the door to see who it was then opened it wide letting me in. Looking around the ruined room I saw the scientist Collette sitting with her head in her hands on the edge of the ruined mattress. Valentine asked me to keep her company while he searched for their friend in the market place leaving quickly before I could agree. Sitting next to Collette she rolled her head to the side with a tired smile.

“You’re the Cerberus operative, aren’t you? Where’s your Crusader and outlaw friends? You all seemed to be getting on so well.”

“Artur is with the mercenaries, Tarasov's out looking for Flux. We heard he was on a job right now and he went along to find him. Should be back in the morning. I came here to talk about your work if you don’t mind.”

Nodding she faced me with her back against the wall prepared for a long conversation. Questioning me how I found out about her I revealed Noah informed me about her after we initially met. I’d been dying to meet such a prestigious scientist of the zone to talk about the theories I had been forming. She simply giggled once I was done inspiring a rush of irritation before she cut me off.

“You think this place operates with any form of reason? Displays some pattern? This place is true chaos my friend. It operates on a level beyond our understanding.” Talking to who I idolised was proving to be highly disappointing.

“How can you say that? You’re one of the most veteran field scientists in the area. I would’ve thought you of all people would see that any phenomena can be understood.”

“That just goes to show how little you know. Tell me what exactly have you researched?”

“I’ve studied the tears mainly, noting their effects, locations where they appear, frequency and lifespan.” Shaking her head she looked up as if I were a child.

“You’ve been studying a symptom. Your information is still invaluable. In fact I’ve seen your name appear on numerous reports on tears. You’ve saved a lot of lives but you aren’t anywhere near solving this mystery.” Forcing back frustration I pushed further for something useful.

“Well you must’ve noticed something of note surely.”

Sighing she searched her mind for a moment which quickly saw her eyes shoot around wildly. Trying to question what was wrong she reached into her surgical pack searching for something asking how many dissections I’d performed. Replying that I hadn’t performed any earned a scowl quickly shaken away as she drove the handle of a scalpel into my palm to pull up her sleeve presenting her arm to me.

“The organs. I have to know. You need to show me.” Shocked I put the scalpel down and braced myself for any sudden action. She just sat there looking at the scalpel on the ground as her face fell apart in despair. The wild grin being replaced with the agony of ignorance over the contents in her arm.

“Please… I have to know…” Looking into her eyes displayed a mind ripped apart by forbidden knowledge. Gently taking hold of her shoulders I tried to delve for that information without breaking her psyche.

“Know what? What about the organs?”

Trying to collect herself she finally went through her own theories. She told me in gruesome detail the number of autopsies she’d performed on countless horrors mentioning the organs present in every single sample. Revealing her ideas suggested they were antenna for receiving the psionic forces native to the zone. That it was some form of network. She wasn’t sure how it functioned but she went on to describe the horror it had all inflicted on her mind.

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It all began as morbid curiosity. The overwhelming desire to learn from an unknown mutated leg reaching her slab that she cut through with such enthusiasm discovering such incredible structures. Finding the unrecognisable leg to be human drove her ambitions forward alongside an insatiable wanderlust. Entering the zone immediately proved to be a mistake almost perishing within the first week if it wasn’t for the kindness of an old man with nothing better to do.

Given a second chance by Noah the friends saw themselves constantly elbow deep in the zone’s mystery and terror. Trying to make it a safer place by removing threats or spreading knowledge of the madness within it’s borders was all channeled through Collette’s bright mind.

Such knowledge was never meant to be understood by mankind she stressed. Over the years she’d been here she commented on how her studies began to fail in quenching her curiosity and no matter how grand the sample or theory she went long into the night staring into the abyss of her samples. It was the organs that saw her satisfied though.

Every creature she opened had the same structure within them no matter the form or size. The seemingly stringy grossly enlarged nervous system that radiated with corruption. They were everywhere in everything corrupted even the husks which had just lost the spark of life their vessel once carried. Every time she did as little as stare into the abyss the organs displayed she felt her mind slip a little more every day. Every connection brought her closer to enlightenment.

“That’s why this place is beyond our understanding. To understand it we have to give in to it’s corruption and when we do we lose ourselves and the ability to understand entirely.” Taking in everything she had said she put out her arm again.

“I feel so close. So close to understanding. It’s going to take me away I know it. It’ll take me once I know. I can’t know but I have to. Do you understand how that feels? That your only purpose will see you destroyed? Do you?”

With her body begining to shiver I placed my arm around her letting her head rest against my shoulder. All the curiosity had been bled from me after she went through her discovers and the effect they had on her. She seemed to have nothing left but to die but she pressed on. For what I wasn’t sure, basic survival instinct or something more, it was a mystery but here she was.

My mind went back to what I left behind. A man I loved who I promised to return to after a year. A year had passed not long ago and there was no hope of returning before I met Noah. Apart of me understood the horror Collette was experiencing. The absolute despair that all I had left was what I studied but now she didn’t even have that, in fact it was the thing that would see her killed by her own hand. Beginning to calm down she tried asking questions to distract herself.

“So why did you come here?” Sheepishly I looked around the room. While noble at first my reasoning was about as impulsive as her’s.

“I wanted to drive forward human rights so I could marry the man I love. I thought by coming here I’d secure a respected position in the scientific community when I got out to have some power behind my voice. Didn’t have an exit plan though.” Collette chuckled unevenly.

“You’ll be lucky to ever see him again. I guess we can both relate as impulsive idiots.” We sat in silence for awhile as despair settled in for both of us before she spoke up again.

“I hope you see him again. Try forget what you learnt here and enjoy what you have. It’s not too late for you.” Looking down I saw a hopeful smile that someone might make it and to her that was enough right now. Replying I tried to instil same hope into her as well.

“I’m sure you’ll find something to go on once we all get out.”

“I hope I do. Oh god I hope I do.”

Looking at her arm again she let it hang loosely from her side exhausted. As she fell asleep I left to where Noah was staying. Walking down the road I found Benedict and Valentine sitting on a bench watching three drunk mercenaries on the ground stargazing or bumbling around. Smiling Benedict offered a seat as Line had the bright idea to try climb one of the trees growing from the concrete for a better view of the area.

Enjoying the calm of the night now that most pioneers had concluded their business it would’ve been perfect if not for the never ceasing firefight. Watching the mercenary fall from the tree earned a laugh from everyone who had congregated to the area. Such innocence inspired hope that things could go back to normal once we left, even for Collette. One day I felt that we’d all share a drink over the stories of this place without the horror often accompanied with them.