RJ

Feb 4, 2014, Tuesday.

It is early in the morning, and everyone is waiting around the benches next to the quadrangle for the assembly call. Leaning against the table of my bench, I stare at the one across the way. Chloe's friends, Emma and Adrian, are sitting next to each other, scribbling furiously while pulling at their hair. There is still time until the morning assembly call, so I'm guessing they are trying to complete the Chemistry homework that is due today.

Chloe, however, is nowhere to be seen.

A frown spreads across my face. Yesterday was weird. Too weird. What was meant to be a fun weed-testing experience turned into a frustrating mystery. The thought of Chloe, or anybody in the class, needing money so badly that they would work at a place like that kept me up all night. It isn't right. She's only a student. A seventeen-year-old student in Junior College.

"Hey." Jon slumps next to me. His leg slams into mine, and I remember that I'm wearing a skirt and need to keep my legs closed. As I shuffle on my seat, he holds out a cup of iced coffee. "For you. It's black like your soul."

I snort in response and grab the disposable cup. Glancing towards him, I notice the rest of our clique gathered at another bench. They are all holding similar cups of coffee, probably courtesy of Jon as well. Audrey is spraying a sweaty—and whining—Logan down with an endless amount of deodorant, while Huimin is chuckling by the side.

"Thanks." I take a few sips before letting out a breath of relief. "Argh, I needed this."

An amused smile tugs at Jon's lips. He leans back and spreads his hands across the table that we're leaning on. "I don't even know why you're in school sia. The last time I went to see Markus, I couldn't even get out of bed. I had to call in sick and everything."

"It's okay lah, I didn't smoke that much."

"So why are you staring at them like that?" Jon asks, motioning to Emma and Adrian with his head.

"Huh?" I blink. The duo is now arguing about a question. Their squabble is so intense that Emma even knocks Adrian's glasses away from his face at one point. I rub my eyes. "Oh, nothing lah. I'm just zoning out."

Jon raises his eyebrows and gives me a once-over. "What time did you get home yesterday?"

"Like, two a.m.? I almost got caught by my mother sia."

"Oh shit, really ah?"

"Yeah. I swear that woman doesn't ever sleep lah. Can't even get some peace on a Monday night. Cannot stand it sia."

There is a short pause before Jon mutters, "You know, your mother is scary as fuck."

I laugh. I am about to comment something about his cowardice when I spot Chloe from the corner of my eyes. She is next to her friends now. Her hair is sweaty and messy as if she sprinted to school on foot. I hear her loud squeals of greeting, followed by her "This is due today?" exclamation.

Without her thick makeup from yesterday, the dark circles under her eyes are prominent. Once again, guilt pierces my heart. How did she get home last night? The trains were no longer in operation by the time I left, and she left much later than I did. Maybe I should have offered her a ride in my cab or something. I should have done more to help...

"Eh, RJ." Jon's voice snaps me out of my spiraling thoughts. "You zoning out again sia."

"Huh? Oh, yeah, sorry..." I quickly shift my eyes away from the trio. People at the other benches are either talking, dozing off, or rushing out homework. Logan is now sitting on top of the table, flanked by Audrey and Huimin. They are watching something on his phone and chortling like maniacs, but I can tell Logan is sneaking a few glances at Chloe.

Chloe. My mind comes back to her yet again. I massage the bridge of my nose and decide to ask, "Eh, by the way, do you know much about Chloe?"

"Chloe Lee?" Jon glances at her and then turns back to me. "Not really leh. She's too low-profile. I mean, Logan EC her lah, but honestly, he EC every single girl. Why leh?"

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I groan internally as I recall Logan's hopeless attempts in asking the poor girl out. "Nothing, nothing."

A knowing glint flashes across Jon's eyes. "Don't tell me you... you know..."

"Shut up lah." I roll my eyes. "Don't say things like that if you want to keep our pact hor. I was just asking only."

Before Jon can press further, the music blares from the PA system. I have never been more grateful for an assembly call. We hop off the bench and join everyone else in assembling at the quadrangle. The national anthem plays, signifying the official start of the school day.

---

"Just put it on my table, I'll get to it," Ms. Goh instructs me as I follow her into her office.

I put the stack of homework down and stare at the tall Chemistry teacher, wondering how I should broach the topic.

Ms. Goh notices my hesitation and smiles. "What's up, RJ? Go ahead and ask," she says as she sits and leans back in her chair.

Tapping my fingers, I think about the way I should go about asking. "Ms. Goh, is your... remedial class teaching offer still available?"

Her eyes light up behind the pair of frameless glasses. A while ago, Ms. Goh asked if I wanted to help her teach a remedial Chemistry class for a bit of extra cash. At that time, I did not need the money, nor did I want to teach, so I rejected the offer. I would have never imagined that the former would be what changed for me.

"Oh?" Ms. Goh tilts her head to the side. "This is surprising. May I ask why the sudden change in mind?"

I know that simply saying, I need the money, does not cut it. Everyone in school knows I don't need the money. My eyes drift towards the stack of homework on the table. Chloe did not turn it in—she could not finish it, even with Emma and Adrian's help. I remember how she was averting her gaze from me as I collected the assignment from her friends.

I sigh. "Can you... promise not to tell anyone?"

Ms. Goh's expression becomes solemn. "Yes. What's wrong?"

"There's someone I know, and uh, I found out that they need money. I think it's affecting their school work and... I don't know, I... want to help, but I don't think my allowance would be enough." I pause before adding with a whisper, "And I also don't want my parents to know."

"I see..." Ms. Goh nods, pushing her glasses up as her brows furrow with concern. "Students with financial issues have it hard. When you're stressing about living expenses, it becomes so much more difficult to focus in school. And school is not free either, which makes it worse."

I lower my eyes. I have never had to worry about living expenses, or school fees, or anything much at all. The lump of guilt in me grows in size every minute.

"I'm sorry about your friend's situation, RJ," Ms. Goh continues, "but I'm happy you're taking up the teaching offer. I need the help and you're very good at what you do. It will be a good resume booster too, I promise you." She opens a drawer and takes out a folder. "These are the materials I already prepared for the week, but I'll need help preparing questions for the rest of the semester. I can email you the rest of the information later."

I flip through the folder. It contains the syllabus, condensed notes from the lecture, and some prepared extra homework for the week.

"Thank you," I say sincerely.

Ms. Goh smiles as she looks at me with a peculiar expression. "So, it seems that the famously aloof RJ is actually very caring hor."

"Aloof?" I feel myself getting defensive. "I'm not aloof." Aloof is what people call my mother, but I am nothing like her.

She chuckles. "You know, it also took me a long while to become financially stable. Young me would have loved to have someone care about me like that in the past. You're doing great lah, RJ."

My cheeks burn at that last sentence. I'm not doing great; I couldn't even help Chloe much last night.

"Anyway," the Chemistry teacher adds, "I'm glad you're doing this, but money is not the only way to help someone, you know? There are other ways."

I frown. "Like what?"

"Like helping them with their homework," Ms. Goh says, gesturing pointedly at the stack of Chemistry homework.

A small sense of dread rises in me—does she know who I'm talking about?

"Don't just share your wealth, you have so much more to offer." Ms. Goh winks as she taps her temple.

I know what she means, but the sentence sounds a little wrong. Before I can say anything, a knock on the door interrupts us.

The door creaks open, and Chloe peeks in from behind. Her eyes are already filled with fear, but they widen when they land on me.

"Oh... S- Sorry, Ms. Goh, I'll- I'll come back later..."

"No, no, Chloe, don't worry. I'll find you in a second," Ms. Goh reassures her. "I'm wrapping something up with RJ, so wait outside for now, okay?"

Chloe is more than willing to oblige, scurrying away—from me, it seems—just like she did yesterday night.

My heart clenches and I turn to Ms. Goh. "Why are you meeting her?" I ask. Does she know about Chloe's work? Is she going to expel her?

"Oh, that's confidential, but I'll tell you since you're going to be helping me teach. Keep it a secret, okay? Chloe's been doing very badly in all her subjects," Ms. Goh says as she adjusts her glasses. "I just want to talk to her to warn her about it, maybe give a motivational speech, tell her to try to come for remedial lessons, etcetera, etcetera. As your class's form teacher, I have a bigger responsibility to look out for you kids, you know."

"Oh." That is not much of a relief, but my heart calms down anyway.

"Yeah. Poor girl, it's not really her fault, she just has a lot to deal with..." Her voice trails off but my curiosity is peaked.

"What is she dealing with?" I probe.

"It's not my place to tell, sorry." Ms. Goh shakes her head. Then, she gives me yet another wink. "But this brings me back to my point. As you can see, there are a lot more ways to help someone than money. Think about it more, okay?"

My eyes linger on the door where Chloe was. The more I see that girl, the more the guilt in me increases. Ms. Goh is right, I should try to help in every way I can.

I know what I'm going to do after tennis practice today.