RJ
Feb 16, 2014, Sunday.
Ever since stepping foot into Chloe's house yesterday, I have been preparing for the inevitable occasion of meeting her mother. But it did not occur to me that she would be primarily speaking in my long-forgotten mother tongue. Chloe should have warned me; I could have brushed up on my Chinese a little bit.
As we come out of the bathroom, all cleaned and freshened up, Ms. Lee has scooped a bowl of porridge for each of us and is adding cuts of fried dough onto them. She looks up as we scurry over to the dining table. "Kuài lái chī zǎo fàn, hái zǐ men." Quick, come eat some breakfast, children.
She flashes me a warm smile that calms my unease. Now I know where Chloe gets her smile from.
"Aiyo! Sit down, Māma, and let me do it." Chloe rushes over to take over the work. There is a glint of confidence in the way she speaks Mandarin Chinese that is different from the way she usually speaks.
"Thank you, Chiarong. I hope you don't mind century eggs, Ruijun. I made pork and century egg porridge."
I shake my head vigorously. "I, uh, don't... uh... I like. I can eat."
Oh god, I really need to revisit my Chinese lessons.
Chloe chuckles as she sprinkles salt and pepper onto the bowls. "She doesn't speak Chinese at home, Māma, so her Chinese is not good."
"Ah, I'm sorry," Ms. Lee apologizes. "I wish I could speak English better."
Frantic, I shake my head again. "No, no, I speak. I also understand."
Ms. Lee gives me an encouraging smile before turning to Chloe who is serving us the porridge. "What a sweet girl. How come you've never brought her over before?"
Sweet? That is one adjective I have never heard for myself. Hoping the heat in my face does not show, I keep my head down and dig into my breakfast.
"We usually study outside," Chloe explains.
"Oh, really? She's helping you with your studies?"
"Yeah. She's very smart, Māma. Top of the class and everything."
"N- No..." I try to protest, but my subpar Chinese skill is stopping me.
"Top of the class? Wow!" Ms. Lee stares at me as if Chloe had just told her I won the Nobel prize. "I'm so glad you're studying with Chiarong, Ruijun. This daughter of mine spends way too much time working and not enough time studying."
Chloe sticks her lips out into a pout. "I do study, Māma!"
"Not enough. You should stop working and become as good as Ruijun."
"Māma, I told you, I will only quit my job once you get your surgery."
"And I told you that you don't have to worry about that. I'll only do what we can afford."
"We can afford the surgery. I'll work until we can."
Ms. Lee lets out a loud sigh. "This daughter doesn't listen to her mother."
Unable to help resolve the argument, I sit on the side and watch in both shock and awe. I have seen a few fights between Jon and his mother, and I have been in too many fights with my own mother, but I have never seen a mother-child argument like this before. This is so... affectionate. So warm.
A whirl of emotions hit me like a storm. I get it now. I get why Chloe is the way she is. I get why she is working her soul off for her mother. And I get why she insists on being at Tropic Falls.
Ms. Lee turns to me. "Help me convince her please, Ruijun."
I glance at Chloe, who is now sulking as she finishes her bowl of porridge. She casts me a hard look and I avert my gaze.
"I, uh, study with she," I say in my ever-so-broken Chinese. "She do well in school. No worry, ma'am."
That made both ladies crack a smile—Chloe, snorting at my poor Chinese skills, and her mother, beaming at my response.
"I'm so thankful for you, Ruijun," Ms. Lee says with so much sincerity that makes me blush yet again.
When we are all done, Chloe stands up and collects the dishes. Before I can follow her into the kitchen, Ms. Lee grabs my hand and holds me back.
"I hope we didn't make you uncomfortable, Ruijun. Chiarong tends to get like this when I try to stop her from working."
"No, no uncomfortable," I try to assure her.
"Okay, good, good." Ms. Lee folds her hands and shakes her head. "I just worry about my dearest daughter, you know?"
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Dearest daughter—bǎo bèi nǚ ěr. Those four words pierce me in the heart. Have I ever heard any of my parents say things like that?
"She works too hard," Ms. Lee continues. "I see her coming home later than three o'clock at night sometimes, you know? All I want is for her to enjoy her one and only youth. Study hard, rest, play, hang out with friends, not work and work and work and work. I feel like I failed as a mother if that is what she ends up doing in her youth."
I gawk at her with mouth agape. I don't know how to tell her that she is the furthest from failure as a mother.
Staring at her, I finally notice her eyes and the way they glaze over me. She is looking at me but not really seeing me. And when she blinks, she blinks hard as if a regular blink is not enough to soothe her eyes.
My heart crumbles. What did Chloe say it was again? Glaucoma? Of everyone on Earth, this had to befall the nicest lady I have ever met. I clench my jaw in frustration.
Ms. Lee leans forward. "Ruijun ah, can you please try to convince Chloe to leave her job? I will be forever thankful to you."
I nod my head slowly and she sits back in relief.
"I'm so happy she made a friend like you," she adds with a grin. "How did you like the porridge, by the way?"
"Oh, uh, good, very good," I stutter out a response, pointing two thumbs up. "Ma'am, you cooking good."
Ms. Lee is visibly pleased with the compliment. "My cooking skills are not as good as Chiarong's baking skills. Have you ever tried her cakes before? They're really good."
I raise my eyebrows as I glance over at the kitchen. "No, but I want."
She chuckles and winks at me. "You should."
Chloe returns to the table at that point. "What were you two talking about?" she asks, a small pout still visible on her lips.
"I was telling Ruijun about your awesome baking skills," Ms. Lee replies.
"Oh." Chloe blinks. Her pout tugs upwards into a smile as she looks at me with a knowing expression. "Want to do that today?"
Oh. The date I was asking her for before breakfast. I clear my throat. "Okay."
With that, we bid a farewell to Ms. Lee before leaving for the nearest supermarket.
The two of us walk in silence for a while. I keep my head down and my hands stuffed into my pockets. Ms. Lee's request rings in my head. A few hours ago, I would have been more than happy to take up her offer to convince Chloe to quit her job. But now, I do not know if I am able to do that anymore.
Instead, I feel terrible. I should not have made Chloe feel so bad about herself. I should not have screamed at her yesterday.
Lifting my head, I prepare to apologize, only for Chloe to cut me off.
"Maybe I should quit my job," she says in English.
I stop in my tracks. "What?"
Chloe stops in front of me and shifts on her feet. "Well, just- just now in the kitchen, I was thinking lah... I just- I don't really like the job lah, to be honest, and then yesterday, that happened, and- and I don't know, I'm scared lah. And then I keep thinking, like, if this ever happens again, I- I don't know..."
She gulps and continues, "And even if it doesn't happen again, I know that you don't like me working there in general lah. And now that we're trying this... girlfriend thing, I don't want to keep doing things that will make you upset, you know? Especially when I don't even like the job in the first place."
Past me would have been overjoyed by this. But now, my mind is a mess. I want Ms. Lee to get that surgery. Clenching my fists in my pockets, I ask, "So... will you stop working completely?"
"Of course not lah. Before working at Tropic Falls, I was working for this bakery. I was actually quite happy there, but the pay is just not as good lor."
"That's okay. You have me now what. I'll top up your loss with the money I earn."
"You need the money for yourself lah."
"I don't need it as much as you do."
"That's not true lor. I mean, you're living by yourself now too, pretty much..." Chloe muses as she chews on her lips. "RJ, if you really want me to accept your help, go back home to your parents."
"I can't lah. My parents... Your mother is an angel, so you wouldn't understand one lah."
"It doesn't matter, RJ. I hate to see you struggle like this lah. I hate that you're taking on so many jobs. You're going to tire yourself out like this."
"You're struggling too lor," I whisper. "Let me help share your burden lah."
Chloe does not argue as she looks out into the distance. There is no one around and nothing to see in the area but endless foliage and rows of government-subsidized apartment buildings.
I close my eyes and sigh. With a mother like Ms. Lee, I understand why Chloe wants me to go home. Our mothers are too different, and I am not sue if she can ever comprehend that.
"To be honest," I begin, "I didn't just run away from home on a whim lah. I've always wanted to get away from my family, even as a kid."
I open my eyes to see Chloe's unfathomable expression and press on, "The only thing really keeping me at home was because I know my parents can pay for me to go overseas for university. I'll get a degree overseas, get a job overseas, and then break away from my parents forever. They don't have influence beyond Asia so if I just leave this goddamn continent, I can finally leave the clutches of my family forever. Well, not my entire family lah, my brother is a good guy. I'll still keep in contact with him."
Chloe takes a few moments to digest what she has heard. "But you can't do all that, right, if you run away from home?"
I shrug. "Yeah, but it's okay lah, I can change my plans."
"No." Her tone is somber and adamant. "I don't want you to change your plans for me. Go back home, RJ, please. Go back home and then go overseas for uni."
"It's okay lah—"
"No, it's not okay! You're different from me, RJ. You have a plan in your life. I don't. I don't have anything figured out sia. You figured out a way to make your life happier, and I don't want you to throw that away for me!"
Tears form in Chloe's eyes and I reach out a finger to wipe them away. "I was able to figure things out because I didn't have to work like you lah," I say with another sigh. I take her hand. "What do you want in life, Chloe?" I ask as I caress her palm.
"Um, earn money for my mother's surgery?"
"That's just a short-term goal lah. What is your long-term goal?"
Chloe frowns. "Oh, I- I don't know lah." Her hand clenches up in mine. "I... don't even know what I want to do after I graduate."
"It's okay, we still have a year lah. You said you don't have anything figured out, well, I'll figure things out with you. We'll figure everything out, okay? As long as you're happy."
She lets out a soft chuckle. "You're sounding like my mother now."
I laugh too. I glance around me to check for onlookers before I pull her in for a quick kiss. "Okay lah, I'll listen to you. I'll go back home tonight. Happy?"
She does not look happy, but she nods. "I'll miss you though..." she mutters.
"Then let's enjoy this date as much as we can."
We continue our walk to the grocery store, but this time, I keep her hand clutched in mine. We hold hands even as we enter the grocery store, even as we shop, even as the cashier gives us weird looks.
We hold hands all the way back home.