I’m in my apartment looking at the spellbook.

I know, I know; I should be sleeping. But this damn book has some really good ways to pique my interest, doesn’t it?

So, is it me, pal, or is it you?

There’s a warm feeling in my chest as I think about the realization that hit me about a possible way to work out an enchantment.

It’s weird. It’s not something that I would describe as ‘my usual demeanor.’ And I mean, ‘demeanor’ – what does that even mean?! But let’s not digress.

I’m feeling… giddy.

Bubbly. Dizzy. Gaga.

I’m feeling a lot of things right now.

It’s the same feeling you get when you are a kid, and you suddenly solve a weird mathematical problem, and you think, ‘I’m a goddamn genius!’. The problem is that you usually find out right after that you simply applied the most basic principles that someone had already pinned down even before Christ himself was born.

But I’m still feeling it.

I’m not stupid.

Something’s telling me, ‘You might be onto something.’

Am I actually good at magic?

It’s a simple question, isn’t it?

But what if the answer were ‘yes, you are incredibly good at magic’? What then? Do I go to the Nine Towers Academy and do whatever they do there?

What happens if you have an incredible talent for something but are not interested in pursuing a career in that field?

I mean, trading a tranquil life for magic would perhaps net me more undressed [Mages] like Lucinda—and that’s something to consider very seriously, ok?

See, I don’t mind learning magic while also baking some goods along with it. Actually, I would love to make that a thing. But what if my talent is so great that everywhere I turn, people will say, ‘your talent is wasted on baking, son, go save countries, and rescue princesses, and other heroic stuff.’

Isn’t that how they get the main characters in every other fantasy novel? Was Frodo really that interested in the ring of power compared to sucking the dirty toes of some cute Hobbit redhead? And I don’t mean Sam’s hairy toes. Ew.

But I have pretty much already taken the ring of power and slapped it onto my best appendage in a way that it is impossible to take off. I opened the book for a reason. The vivid memory of Truffles' injuries and the deep sense of helplessness that consumed me as I was ganged up on flashes before my eyes, and I can still feel the lingering sting from my bruised eye. And it's a cold shower when I remember what the reason for that is.

Protection.

My mother always told me to stand up to bullies and bash their faces. Yes. She was a very violence-inclined person for a middle-aged woman; well, it's not that surprising, considering she comes from the region of Italy where the Mafia was invented. My father told me that when they went to high school together, my mother knocked a few teeth out of a couple of harlots trying to piss her off.

I mean, is violence good? It depends on whether someone wants to order a pizza with pineapple.

People have offered me many chances in life. Hell, some even offered me incredible business opportunities when I was baking. But I don’t want that. Money, fame? Meh.

I want to enjoy my life.

I want to be a simple man baking his goods, coming home to his beautiful wife, and kissing her. I want to kiss my wife when I come home and only think about that. But, instead, if you want to open a mighty business or maybe be an [Archmage], kissing and fondling your wife is not the main concern on your mind, is it?

People call it ‘making it.’ I call it ‘hurting yourself.’ The more pieces of you are surrendered to the world, the more you can succeed. The more you sacrifice, the more you get. Maybe, if I had gone and did some television appearances, as I was proposed to a couple of times, I would have become more famous than Martha Stewart. And maybe higher than Snoop Dogg. Who knows?

But I don’t want that.

I do want to do amazing magic, but do I have to become an [Archmage] and do silly stuff if I want that? Will people come to challenge me, try to steal my knowledge, or even try to kill me if I embark on this path?

This is some heavy stuff.

However, having lived most of my life in a globalized world, I’m afraid that an equivalent of the Chinese kids capable of playing like Mozart at six years old would probably make me look like a fool.

I shake my limbs and shoulders and exhale vigorously, rolling my body left and right to come back to my senses.

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I think back to my decision: not choosing med school. It’s not the first time I've gone there, and it’s definitely not going to be the last. That was a pretty big crossroad in my life. The biggest one, maybe.

I think the greatest validation I have ever gotten that my choice was the right choice was when I read this book that started with ‘I was diagnosing someone with untreatable cancer, but unlike every other time I did it, this time, I was the patient.’

The guy was thirty-seven or something when he died. In the wake of his prognosis, he chose to have a child.

Can I be extremely brutally honest with you?

I don’t think that was the right choice.

Do you know what this man had to show to the world when he was diagnosed with metastatic cancer that was pretty much guaranteed to kill him?

Jack.

He hadn’t even finished his doctor’s training. He was just getting some good offers when life dropped the big C on him.

I think I cried myself stupid while reading that book. The sorrow that sprung forth from those pages... I think I could understand that much, much better than the average person. For a moment, I could use the gift that I had as a child again, I could see myself in his scrubs; I was able to read the diagnosis with my own eyes and feel the exact same turbulent vortex of emotions.

For a moment, I was him.

Until I wasn’t anymore.

And I understood the terrible need to leave a lasting legacy, something intrinsically yours, to the world; which he fulfilled by having a child.

Fuck.

Sorry, mom, but... Jesus Almighty. Every time I think about that story, I feel like the world is about to crash on my head. All those years dedicated to others and nothing for yourself, telling your little soul that one day you will do something important, that you will have children at some point.

Listen, I was lucky to have had two parents. I was lucky to have had two people who loved me to death. All they did, they did out of love. They were like those Chinese parents working themselves to death in some seedy sweatshop to give their offspring the best possible shot at having a better life.

But is the better life going to college and becoming a doctor or a lawyer? Is the best life making as much money as possible? What happens if life throws the big C at you, huh? Do you show your degree to it, hoping it will spare you?

Look, success is great.

I did achieve success very early in my life and career. Back on Earth, I had enough money not to worry about almost anything. I could have retired at 21. And I had a great job, a few good relationships, and a wonderful mother. Until I didn’t have one anymore.

But you know what?

My mental sickness might have stripped me of most of my knowledge, most of my capabilities and, at times, made my life a living hell. But I will always remember my mother and my father. At any point in time, no matter what, even on my deathbed, I will shed a couple of tears for my family, but I will go with a smirk. I know that whatever is beyond this life, my mother is there waiting for me with a hot lasagna and a huge batch of Sicilian cannoli. Whether I will be sharing those with St. Peter or with Buddha, it doesn’t matter.

And, perhaps, when I talk about having a family as soon as possible, I’m not even doing that for myself. Me? I’m good, man. I have all the memories I could have hoped for. But I owe it to my children to have a great family. I owe it to my future wife and her massive titties. I need to squeeze those huge mounds enough times that when I pass out choking on a candied cherry of a cannolo, my wife will always remember what my touch was like and my children my oddities.

I look at the book.

Yeah.

That’s it.

Learning magic is not bad in the same way that learning how to bake is not as bad as being consumed by a profession like being a doctor or a lawyer. Magic is not bad as long as it does not destroy your life.

I will use magic to protect myself and the people I love to ensure they can live safely and soundly. And I’ll use it to make cakes, bread, and all the pastries in the goddamn world.

I dry a couple of tears from my eyes.

Let’s go, baby.

I smirk at the book and its stupid Cantrips.

I have cracked much tougher nuts in my life. This? This is lightweight, baby!

Let’s roll!

I rub my hands and activate [Advanced Mana Sense].

Before slipping into [Deep Focus] or using my [Light Manipulation], I simply ponder the problem.

I’m clearly doing something very different from what dear Claudius explained.

His [Lights] were extremely weak, and they looked as if he had conjured them by mistake. Even if I did not pay attention to the spell matrix, I could conjure much better [Lights] than that! God, if he was here, I’m not even sure I could summon some terrible [Lights] in order not to give away my secret!

And I’m pretty sure he did not add movement to that spell through the matrix itself. He was just dragging the Mana around. But why would he do that? What happens when you have to conjure a proper [Fireball]? How would you move that? You can’t just drag it like a lazy dog that just wants to sunbathe his ass on a random curb by your house, right?

And this brings us to the problem at hand.

How do I make the [Lights] spin with just the spell matrix?

The book said that you can’t imprint movement on the matrix itself. I mean, not on the structure. You can obviously use the polarity.

However…

One vector only moves in one direction. So, if I wanted a true physics-approved circular motion, I would need—two vectors of power.

This is an interesting conundrum. Wait. No, not interesting—deadly conundrum. That’s because I either solve the problem or get executed in 333 days.

Well, how can we avoid that?

So, maybe I could anchor the center and have a moving vector?

I wonder if you could do any of those two things with just a spell matrix.

UNLESS.

I look at the matrix and imagine a cube before me to make it easier to elaborate on some theories.

What if I anchor one of the starting points by focusing some Mana in one corner of the imaginary cube? Can I do that?

“Book, can I anchor one part of the spell matrix in place?”

The book flies up from the top of my reddish blanket and hovers in front of my face. The problem is that the ink appears in splotches, not forming any coherent text. Some random words start materializing before disappearing inside the pages once again.

Have I broken the thing?

I stare at it for five minutes before anything happens.

Then, the writing appears slowly and with different calligraphy than usual.

‘Yes. You must charge one part of the matrix with enough energy to offset the nearest Mana path generated in the opposite direction.’

Ok, I guess that a ‘Mana path’ is the trip my Mana takes on the squiggly lines of the matrix. And the offsetting thing should refer to making a stationary Mana charge that doesn’t get displaced by the nearest vector.

So, I basically nail down one corner strongly enough so that the closest starting points do not affect it. If there is more than one, I probably need to add that to the equation, right? I mean, it’s probably better to incorporate that from the start and simply begin with a corner, create two vectors on two sides, and sum their energy.

Easy-peasy, lemon squeezy.