Lucinda's face is currently an inch from mine, and I'm sweating.

But let's rewind the tape for a second.

...

Five minutes ago

"Mr. Luciani," Lucinda is at a loss for words. "My relationships are none of your business."

"For sure, for sure," I nod. "But how about this. Are you sure you are not trying to seduce me?"

"Excuse me?"

"You are clearly trying to. I just picked up on some signals. But you do look like you are already in a relationship, so it's fine. I don't do that, anyway."

"What are you even saying?! I'm not even in any relationship!"

I smile.

"Aren't you, now? Damn. Must have picked up the wrong signals. What do you say we go out for..." My brain goes into overdrive, bestowing me with a photographic memory only when trying to pick up a chick. "We go out for some nice lidulae. I might know a place. Or I could make a lidula lasagna, and you come over to eat it?"

"Do you have a place?"

Huh. Right.

"Yes, but not exactly close. I can cook at your place if you don't want to walk through a couple of dimensions. It's fine with me."

"How do you even know how to cook lidulae?"

That's what she's focusing on? Women are always a wonder.

"I might not have a class, but I know what I'm doing. Lidulae are similar to eggplants. Tell you what, I slice them up, fry them, and then we layer them in a casserole. Above and below each layer, we put soft cheese mixed with scales of harder cheese and a mix of onions and black pepper. We blend it all together with some tomato sauce and bake it in the oven. I'll make some crunchy bread for you as well. What do you say—it's a date?"

I can hear her stomach grumble loudly from over here, and she does look like she's salivating a little. Now, here's the magic. She scans me up and down, stops on my face as I smile at her with perfect teeth, and I recline back a little—I don't want to appear too threatening. If I’m right about what I'm dealing with here, she's the equivalent of a college student on Earth. And guess what? In my short twenty-five years, I've learned that what these college women crave the most is well-cooked food.

Her eyes show a titanic struggle, but suddenly, a cold thunderbolt settles in her irises as she slowly gets up, places her hand on the chair, and moves her torso across the narrow wooden table.

Yeah, this is how we got to that point. Never tempt a woman with food that’s too good—she might try and take a bite of you. So...

Lucinda's face is currently one inch from mine, and I'm sweating.

"Luciani, if you keep behaving like this, I'll have you thrown in prison."

I honestly have no idea what she just said because I'm staring at a face with barely any make-up, but still more perfect than anything you could ever imagine.

Also, her irises are purple.

I don't know how that escaped my attention before. Is it because of her gargantuan bosom? I don't think so. Is it because the barely bosom-covering vest’s color is... what color is that vest again?

Anyway.

"Luciani," she says with a steady voice. "Are you going to behave?"

As I stare at her, I feel sparks flying everywhere.

Oh, boy. Have I just met my future wife?

"Officer Lucinda, I'll try my best not to misbehave. But I'd rather you punish me directly than end up in prison," I wink at her with my customary tongue-click.

She lingers to stare at me from up-close, then slowly gets back in her seat, throwing her hair behind her shoulders and acting as if nothing has just happened between us.

"Your clothes," she suddenly says, looking at my black suit, "I have never seen them before. Is that a new Human fashion? I recommend you get some Elven garbs if you don't want to become an even bigger target in Amorium. The Watch is swamped with work. We don't want them to have even more problems, do we?"

"That is a very good point," I say. "I'll get something else to wear, I guess."

"With your height, you might want to cover your ears. That would make you pass for an Elf. Maybe."

I avoid retching out loud because I don't want to offend my beautiful angel. But no, thanks. I'm good as a Human. Not covering these beautiful, round ears of mine.

"I'm good as is."

You could be reading stolen content. Head to Royal Road for the genuine story.

"Suit yourself," she shrugs, not proffering any more advice.

"Already suited," I smirk.

"What?"

"Right. This thing I'm wearing is called a suit. Black is usually reserved for very elegant occasions or funerals."

She perks up and writes down those details in what I suppose is my 'file.' Sadly, I doubt it will ever be helpful to know what clothing customs they adopt a few dimensions away.

"So, which of the two were you involved in?" She asks, pointing at my clothes.

These Elves really love pointing at stuff, don't they?

"The latter, sadly."

"Someone close to you?"

"My mom," I guess my cheek twitches a little, and maybe my eyes become a bit wet when the truth-stone on the table becomes green.

I know it's silly—asinine, even. But seeing a truth-stone somehow confirm what I just said is painful. It's been three days since her death, with her funeral being arranged mostly through intermediaries. As I've already said, I can't do paperwork—I know it sounds like a joke, but it's not.

"Sit ei terra levis,” Lucinda says, “it means...”

“May the earth rest lightly on her,” I finish her sentence.

“You know the ancient tongue?” She looks extremely surprised.

“Just a few words.”

“Well, I wish the best for your mother,” Lucinda says warmly.

"Cheers to that," I reply.

"Was your mother good to you? Were you two close?"

I don't know what's up with Officer Lucinda and me, but this doesn't look like a straight interview, does it?

"I can't really imagine a life without her. She was probably the reason my life never became a huge mess. But I guess, now that I got teleported here because of this," I tap the book, "I don't have to worry about that, at least. New start, new life."

Lucinda bites her lower lip, deep in thought for a second. She doesn't seem to remember I'm actually in front of her—she's that deep in her mind. I'm not bothered by it, though, and I stay silent, both of us enjoying the calm before she snaps out of it and, in my case, her otherwordly beauty.

"Luciani," she clears her voice, "baker, not a [Mage], but with a spellbook allegedly taken from a Dragon. A Dragon which was not on Epretos, right?"

"I don't think so? Even if—"

The truth-stone flashes slightly green, less potent than before. Nonetheless, Lucinda cuts me off. "It's not on Epretos, it seems. Better for you. Otherwise, you'd have to undergo a special interrogation by the Royal Guard. No rogue Dragon is allowed to nest in Epretos without the Kingdom of Lucerna knowing. But it seems you really don't know anything else about this Dragon, right? Nothing that would point to it being a danger for the country."

"Oh, no, for sure. She clearly minded her own business."

As the truth-stone flashes green, Lucinda's hand hovers over the page before she resolves to scribble down a few words.

"Thanks, Officer."

I see what she did here.

Kindness.

We underestimate how a little gesture of kindness can change someone's day. She just avoided me getting questioned by nastier people because of my mysterious origin. And the thing is, I can't really tell them much more than this. I avoided outright saying that I'm from another world because... well, it seems like something that would get you in trouble, no?

But still, Lucinda did me a solid one there. I don't think the equivalent of this country's secret service would be happy with my vague replies about a potentially nasty Dragon. In those cases, the suspect usually ends up beaten up pretty badly.

I mean, in TV shows, at least.

"I don't know what you are thanking me for, Mr. Luciani. I'm just doing my work. I might come and visit Happy Bakery, though, if you get employed. That... dish you mentioned—well, it sounded pretty good to me."

"You're not used to good food?" I ask, looking at her clothes. From how she dresses, you'd kind of imagine she's rich. I don't have that big of a frame of reference, but that's my impression from the little I've seen so far.

"My family thinks that indulging in food is not good for business. Food is to fill the stomach, not for pleasure."

"Your family is stupid," I say before I can stop myself.

DAMN.

I shouldn't have said that. Come on, Joey. Dating 101: do not insult the girl's family. Everyone becomes defensive when you do—even those with the worst families don't like to hear it.

"They..." She sighs and doesn’t finish the sentence.

Uh-oh. Family problems?

"Anyway, let's get through the rest of the interview. I just need to know a few things, and you'll need to bring the spellbook to an [Enchanter] to get it appraised."

"Yeah, Lucillus mentioned that. I don't have any cash on me, though."

"Cash?" She looks at me, confused.

"Coin?"

"Oh. Human expressions, I suppose. The Watch will fund the inspection. If you flee the city before your spellbook is appraised and we ensure it's not cursed, you'll be considered a fugitive—a criminal."

"Good. Don't flee the place. Gotcha."

"Gotcha?"

"Sorry. I got it. Message received, Houston."

"Houston?"

"Nothing. It's a... Human expression. Never mind. I don't know any [Enchanters] here. How does it work? Does Lucillus or Antoninus pick me up, and we go together?"

"No," she smiles, "it has to be an officer with magical aptitude and knowledge."

"Damn, Officer Lucinda. I suppose you'll have to escort me there, right?"

"Maybe," she smirks. "But now. Let's move onto the rest. State your name out loud and clearly, and spell it for me."

"Joey Luciani, J-O-E-Y. L-U-C-I-A-N-I."

"Can you fill this out for me?" She takes a piece of paper with some stuff scribbled on it and hands it over to me.

"WOAH," I say, sliding back with the chair and standing up. "Sorry, can't do. I don't do paperwork."

She raises her eyebrows as she looks at the paper, checking if she has perhaps slipped a dagger into it.

"Are you serious?"

"As serious as I can be, Officer. Can't fill out forms, sorry," I smile apologetically and nod at the green truth-stone. "Lucillus said he'll take care of that, though." Green, again.

"Did he?" Lucinda frowns. "Lucillus?"

"Yeah. He said so. We clicked. We are friends now. Pals, buddies. Whatever."

Ignoring the parts of my speech she probably didn't understand, she simply takes the piece of paper back.

"You might end up in prison one day if you refuse to comply with simple orders," Lucinda says.

“It is in your interest to know that I can declare you not just unfit to receive a city approval to work here, but I could also flag you as a dangerous individual.”

The truth-stone flashes green.

Oh, it goes both ways.

That’s interesting.

“I would rather go to prison than have to go through all the forms for the city,” I say with a bright smile, “but I’m happy I got the most beautiful Officer in the city with me, so beautiful I could even go through a library-card registration process if you were my library clerk.”

Green, green and green.

Not a lying bone in this body, Officer Lucinda.

She scoffs at the cheesy compliment, but you know what? As I always told my mom, dating is like game theory.

And that was pretty much it. I have no idea how game theory works, but neither did my mom.

Officer Lucinda bends to fish something out of her loose robe and slowly rests a stick – oh, that’s a magic wand! – on the table.

“I am entitled to use force in case the subject has any intentions to harass me in any way, Luciani," there's playfulness in her eyes, but the truth-stone flashes...

Green.

Oh, boy.

“I wouldn’t mind you using force on me, Officer Lucinda,” I flash a wink at her.

And the other thing that flashes is…

Green, baby.