Despite the suggestion to lay low and not stir up trouble, I found that putting more focus on hanging out with Raevu was a much easier way of handling such a task than actively working towards being sneaky. She and I would do our scribing, which was now split between learning two new languages and doing scribe work in Old Pteronian and Imperial Jani’nan, then spend our free time doing stuff that I thought would not be common for kobolds. Turns out getting your scales painted in a certain way was actually a bit like getting your nails or hair done, and for entertainment there was actually a small live theater hidden way back on one of the lower levels that I’d never even heard about, and most surprising was the existence of a sport arena vaguely like a basketball court. I felt so disconnected from the actual lifestyle of kobolds now, not knowing about any of the daily activities beyond working, eating, and trying not to get murdered. Fortunately I had my friend to guide me and show me just what options were out there, even if I was partly absent in a mental sense.

Raevu must have realized early on that I was a bit distracted as she led me around the city, and it was on our third day of the week that she changed her approach. Instead of going to unfamiliar places, she led me to a familiar restaurant area which just so happened to be in the same food court as Myu-Mill and Blop’s stall. I made sure to greet her on our way while allowing Tim and Blop to exchange another wary greeting, then went off with my friend to this dine-in sort of place along the back wall. Soup, that was the specialty of this place, big bowls of warm and comforting soup. We spent a few hours there, slowly enjoying a few different flavors and colors of kobold cuisine, while Raevu told me about various topics and personal matters.

I paid rapt attention to everything she said, but not once did I ignore the fact that there were three of those eyes looming outside of the plaza. She told me about how her father had gotten the name of Wraith by having semi-transparent skin that showed off his insides in the right light, all while I watched as one of the eyes crept closer around the adjacent storefront. A story about how her parents had met due to her mother placing an order in the armory for arrows from the man who would one day be hers was spoken, all while a second eye slipped into one of the air ducts. We shared a chuckle as she joked about her mother’s fashion sense and desire for feathered hats, all the while the last eye lingered around the stall of Myu-Mill.

I would love nothing more than to zap all of them and watch their owners come scrambling to pick them up, but being discreet was my best option here. If they get in close I’ll make it look like I’m going to try and grab one, but I won’t take one down with mana. Maybe if I make it look like I didn’t know how to shut them off, they would think that some other tall blue kobold with black horns and silver stripes had taken one of their toys away. I didn’t have hope for this plan actually working, but there was always a slim chance that they might just buy it. Perhaps I wouldn’t even need to, since they were so keen on keeping their distance from the eatery.

Raevu’s claw jabbed into my arm just under my scales while I wasn’t looking, snapping me back to the present with a soft yelp.

“Kayrux, you still here, right? Am I boring you now?”

I shook my head trying to dismiss that notion. You’re not boring me bestie, there’s just another plot to spy on me going on right now. Yeah, like I could ever let her in on that. I had no doubt that she could grasp the concept of being spied on by invisible magic gadgets all the time, but I didn’t want to stress her out with things beyond her control. She didn’t need to get wrapped up in the conspiracy matters, at least not unless it affected her. I quickly wrote an explanation for my absent mindedness for her to see.

“Sorry, I was thinking about something. You’re not boring, I swear.”

She rolled her eyes and took a sip of water, her fingers drumming around her cup anxiously.

“You’ve been a bit off since the week start. Do you want talking about it? We can go somewhere less noisy for aloneness.”

I would very much like that. These creepy ass eye drones are making me feel incredibly uncomfortable, and something told me that it wasn’t just their eyes on me. Shifty eyed patrons giving me the occasional glance, the cook by the soup pot squinting at me, the kobolds in the plaza loitering by the mushroom roaster, any one of them could be a seeker spy in disguise. I nodded in confirmation slowly, then the two of us left the establishment.

We went across the food court and over to the lifts, but in truth it seemed like we weren't going anywhere. We passed by the spot where I had been goaded into losing control of my magic, and a shudder went down my spine. We walked on, my eyes glued to the floor as Raevu kept pace beside me. I wanted to let her know that we were being followed at the moment, yet it felt unfair to so abruptly shove her into the mess I was in. Seriously, can't these spies and floating eyes just do something other than follow me around? Wait, I can't sense them anymore now that we're at my house. Wait, why the heck are my place all the sudden?

Charles suddenly answered that claim, his words appearing and vanishing at the corner of my vision.

“Kayrux unaware of surroundings, instinctively sought to return to safe location. Home nest proximity to consumption area minimal, one location that surveillance impossible, and large enough for ally to enter in addition to self. Logical choice.”

You're a smug little spot, you know that don't you? I have half a mind to think you're actually getting snarkier.

“Impossible. I am only what Kayrux decides, whether by cognitive choice or by subconscious need.”

Right, so the background processes in my brain are telling you to sass me now, eh? We'll chat later about the cognitive dissonance between what I need from you and what you are doing, but right now I have company. I turned to Raevu and smiled sheepishly at the undoubtedly awkward silence of me staring at the door without opening it. She cocked her head to the side, almost as if she hadn't even noticed me spacing out. Maybe she was just admiring the new door, which was made from the same stone as the walls and matched the color gradient perfectly.

I grabbed hold of the copper handle, shoving hard to get the initial momentum of the door going so we could enter. Nobody appeared to be home yet, which was not uncommon due to a scribe’s day being as long as it takes to meet quota, which my friend and I were capable of doing with a few hours to spare. I gestured for her to enter before I shut the door, then we both went into the dorm room. I wasted no time in plopping down in the main seating area and getting comfy, though it appeared something had utterly astounded my friend. I raised an eyebrow in question, and recieved an answer I didn't expect.

“That is a lot of furs.”

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I looked down at the deep earthy colors of the sitting area and wondered if it was uncommon for there to be this plush of a cushion to sit on, the four beds lined with just as many pelts, and remembered that there was also the main den, my parents’ bed, and also the hobby room couch pit. Wait, didn't mom say once before that she got all of these pelts herself whenever she went monster hunting? Damn mom, you must just be a walking slaughter mill looking for every creature to add to your home furniture collection. Regardless of that morbid thought, I waved for Raevu to join me in the couch bowl, to which she responded by making an about face and falling beside me atop the furs. I could tell from the sigh of relief that escaped her that she was especially comfortable here.

“This is the best-bestest nest ever. I not know how you have so many skins, but this is awesome. Oh, is soft too.”

I didn't really know how to respond to a compliment like that, as this was the first time anyone had said something nice about where I lived. She continued to relish in the bliss of a comfy bed, meanwhile I sort of fumed on trying to think of some kind of response. Do I respond and potentially ruin the moment, or do nothing and possibly make things awkward. Decisions, decisions, all of them wrong. I finally settled in replying to her, but as I glanced over to see if she was still rolling around I instead saw that she was propped up looking down at me.

“So, we here in your home now where it quiet, you want tell me what bothers you?”

Not really, but I can't exactly avoid it after bringing you here now can I? I pushed myself up using my tail and elbows, then set about trying to explain things in a way that would avoid revealing too much about what was going on involving the cult. Going down the topics of what was bothering me, it felt as though there wasn’t much I could really tell her without opening the can of worms. The cult was tied to the dragon, which was tied to me and my magic, which then tangled with my previous life and the spies and visions in my head… ugh, maybe I can just lie about what’s eating at me and spare her the misery. I kept writing something down only to wipe it all away until Raevu looked over behind me and pointed to something.

“Hey, what’s that?”

I looked to where she was pointing and felt my heart drop to my stomach like it was made of lead. Somebody, and by that I mean myself, had forgotten to cover the conspiracy wall after expanding on the things Faerkurch had said. Thankfully the only thing that was uncovered was the talk about the dragon’s three requests, and from here it was impossible to read much even while squinting. I quickly jotted down an explanation and dropped my slate in her lap as I bounced over to the wall and gently placed the sheet back on the nail. I came back as Raevu finished reading my words, and looked back at my writing afterwards.

“That’s a secret, please don’t look!”

I lamented my sudden reaction and hasty words, especially after seeing the dejected look in my best friend’s eyes. Her voice was barely a mumble under her breath, and when I sat on the edge of the bowl to get closer she looked up and spoke with some form of renewed conviction.

“Kayrux, I want knowing what is wrong with your life. You are sad and hurting, and I cannot be good friend if I do not know how to help you. If secret can’t be shared, that is fine, but I will not pretend there is no problem. Please let me know what harms you, even if it is big secret!”

Shit. looks like there’s no way to escape it now. I slumped forward with my slate in hand, unsure of how to phrase any of my problems. Maybe I need to tell her who I really am, to let her know who I used to be. I looked back into those icy blue eyes of hers and saw that same flicker of worry and determination that I had seen before in a similar situation. She was like my brother Mibata the way she looked at me. Maybe I would be lucky and her ability to understand me would be just the same as his as well.

I put my chalk to the wooden panel and let out a tired sigh, and even as my nerves shook from the anxiety and my heart hammered in my chest from fear, I did not stop writing until I had explained everything about my past as an Earth human. If she was going to know, she was going to get the full course, and the full course meant knowing what kind of person I was.

…

Perhaps I was spoiled from my brother and grandmother on how people reacted to learning I was reborn. They were ecstatic, understanding, and most of all patient. Raevu was…not as calm as they were. Enthusiastic and eager, maybe, but I was getting too many indications that she was on the brink of going hysterical at a moment’s notice. My explanation took a bit longer than I thought it would take to get her into a state of understanding, but the slow pace and frequent pauses to allow her to pace around the room kept her stable until the end.

Once I was through explaining I slipped forward until my full body was within the couch pit, my own exhaustion being the deciding factor on whether I should remain still for her to formulate her words or not. What was this newfound sense of relief I was feeling right now? Was I really holding this much stress in by not telling her about how I really was? Knots in my mind were coming undone, and a tension I had never noticed released like a pressure valve finally popping open.

My sudden release of pent up stress caught the attention of the pacing yellow kobold, and in the blink of an eye she was sitting across from me with her eyes narrowed to needle points. Forget the euphoria I was just feeling, this was a sudden trip down memory lane to when I was scared out of my mind that Mibata was going to lose it after learning my secret. Raevu’s lips pursed, her nose crinkled, and the beginning of a snarl appeared as I shut my eyes, but there were no shouts of indignation or anger. Instead there was a hitch in her breath, followed by an unsteady exhale as she calmed herself right before the death blow.

“You should have told me sooner.”

I opened my eyes and looked up to see what emotion she was displaying. Was she angry or sad? I couldn’t tell.

“I get why you wouldn’t tell me, but it is my duty as a true ally to not go back on my word.”

She reached up and clutched at something hanging from her neck, and only now did I notice that she was wearing the amulet I had made her. Until now it was concealed just beneath her chin due to the shape of her head, but now that I saw it I couldn’t take my eyes off of it. I remembered the vow we made, but this was something I thought would count as breaking it. She had given me so much trust and I had kept such a huge secret from her, and yet she was still willing to forgive that and remember that promise.

She looked back to me with a worried expression, then after a moment looked down to the side so she could change into a smile. I could tell from her eyes that this wasn’t a forced smile, but it was one that was hard to manage from how conflicted the emotions in the air were. My chest felt so tight all of a sudden and the room started to fade away as I looked at her. My lips trembled as I tried to fight back the tears, but this was all just too much for me to handle. I let my head hang low in both shame and embarrassment, unable to look at her now that the gravity of her words were finally hitting me.

I’d taken the assurance of forgiveness from my family for granted multiple times, always assuming that no matter how reckless I was that they would understand that this was just how I was. With Raevu, I had been careless without considering how she would react, and for the first time it felt as though my ignorance would lead me to lose someone I deeply cared about. I betrayed her and had no way of atoning, even though I was already forgiven. Dammit Kayrux, how many times are you going to screw up before you finally realize that you’re a moron?

No matter how hard I pawed at my eyes the tears wouldn’t stop pouring out, and every sniffle led me to exhale ragged breaths that shook my body. I felt Raevu’s arms around me pulling me forwards into her embrace, doubling me over as my larger body curled to fit into her grasp. She shushed me and pulled me tighter as I shook in her arms, her cool scales on my own making a soft scratching sound with every unexpected movement. Helpless and a mess I found myself clinging to her like she was my sanctuary in a storm of emotions, and in many ways she truly was my anchor right then. It didn’t matter to me how long we were there, only that she was able to understand just how woefully apologetic I was for misusing her faith in me for so long.