“Kayrux, are you awake?”

I opened my eyes to find myself being shaken awake by my mother. She had her horn sleeves on and a bag at her hip, which meant that she was about to head out. I groggily propped myself up on an elbow to look around better, and behind her I saw my trio of brothers getting their own bags ready. Did I sleep in? That’s odd.

I swung my legs over to the edge of the bed but didn’t make any attempt to stand up. Where was my motivation at? Gone, that’s where. I didn’t want to go shopping, nor did I want to try and force some ideas out of my head. I just wanted to not do anything. Juaki held out her hand with my horn-rings in her palm.

“Put these on and come with us. We might be just in time to get some late morning meals.”

My arm raised slightly to accept her offer, but there wasn’t any energy behind it. My head sagged to point at the ground with my eyes cast down to the floor. Just leave me here and enjoy yourselves.

“Kayrux what’s going on, don’t you want to go to the market?”

No, I don’t. Just go.

“Come on, we’re going now.”

She pulled on my limp arm, which caused no reaction from me. I felt the force being applied increase until I teeterd on the edge of the bed, but someone stepped up and stopped her.

“Mother, you shouldn’t do that. Tokols, Humey, please exit the room for a moment while I discuss matters with our sister.”

I heard two sets of feet shuffle out, and the grip on my wrist loosened slowly.

“Please do not force her along, it will only harm her. Allow me to help both of you. Please.”

My slack limb dropped onto my knee. Something was whispered between them before the green woman left the dorm. Mibata sat next to me, but he didn’t say a word. Minutes stretched by, and all I could hear was the quiet sound of his breathing accompanied by my own. The longer we sat there the more irritated I became with myself. I can’t just sit here doing nothing and waste his time. Come on, just do something Kayrux.

Mibata watched attentively as I slowly dragged my hand across my writing board, and once I was done he simply read my words without any reaction.

“I’m sorry. You have fun. I’ll be fine. No energy, just empty.”

A few moments passed, then I got a response from him.

“I know that feeling. It was when Humey was covered in burns, Tokols was in Tuleni’s care, and my sister’s legs had been broken that I fell into darkness. It starts slowly with worry and doubt, then it twists your desires until you can’t remember why you were doing the things necessary for living, and eventually it digs its way deep enough to get into your heart. Everything you hold dear is toyed with on a thread, and you retaliate by burning through everything you have in order to regain control. You lose sight of everything afterwards, especially the important things, and even trying to keep yourself alive becomes too hard. Have I described it well enough?”

I barely raised a hand to teeter it from side to side. He wasn’t exactly right, but that lost feeling was present wherever I looked. Even though he was right beside me, I felt completely alone.

“I wish there was a miracle cure for this ailment, one that could dispel even the lingering shadows hiding within me today, but alas there is no such thing. The only advice I can offer is to let others carry the burden sometimes. I have learned through Juaki, Tokols, and you that I can allow others to carry that darkness alongside me. The road may still be treacherous, but when someone is walking beside you there is less room for that void to grow.”

Maybe he’s right, but I couldn’t just toss everyone to the metaphorical wolves. There was so much going on just out of view and so many variables to take into account that I couldn’t possibly handle it alone forever, but I knew that if I played the part of decoy I could keep anyone I loved from getting caught in the crossfire. I could trust them with my life, but I wouldn’t put them in danger if I could avoid it. The less they know the less danger they were in, I just had to keep that going as long as I could.

Mibata’s presence at my side pushed a new idea to mind, one that I couldn’t ignore if I tried: I wasn’t alone. Think back Kayrux, to when your brother openly wept before you over the guilt he had locked away. Think back to his vow to protect you, to keep your secrets, and to stay by your side. Everyone in your family was the same way, you just need to let them help you. Start slow like with any other project and work your way up to some sizable changes.

I sucked in a deep breath through my fangs, embracing the cold feeling passed through my teeth to my jaw. Fingers curled around my own to apply a reaffirming pressure to the back of my hand as the tears fought their way out of my eyes. These weren’t tears of sadness, they were just a physical release of some of the stress I had wrapped myself in. I refused to allow this moment to become a full blown sob session, and with numerous quick breaths I was able to level myself out emotionally.

Mibata squeezed my hand tight to draw my attention before he spoke.

“Tuleni and mother have both told me in their own way to not feel ashamed of expressing true sadness or grief. Tears are the body’s way of healing the soul, they are a sign of progress, poisons of the mind are expelled through the eyes. These are things that Tuleni says, though I cannot comment on the credibility of her claims.”

Using my own sheets as a rag to dry my tears, I finally looked up to see his face. A rare and delicate smile was placed on him that I was relieved to see. It took a moment, but the humor in his last sentence finally hit me to make me snicker.

“There is the Kayrux I recognize. Are you feeling better, and is there anything you require?”

You’ve already given me just what I needed, brother: the spark of hope. Using a metaphor for it: I was a steam engine with a cold boiler, and you came along with a torch to light the coals that had lost their flame. Like a great mechanical engine that had been awakened from its slumber, I too was revving up with an abundance of energy that needed an outlet. Mibata pushed himself up from his spot with his free hand while guiding me to do the same with our still entwined fingers. My legs were a little unsteady at first, but soon enough I felt my balance set in along with my confidence.

Mibata broke his hold on my hand to walk towards the doorway, which I noticed had my mother and other two brothers waiting there. They must have been listening in to see what was going on. A less understanding me would have assumed they were being nosy, but the current iteration knew that their growing smiles were born from the end of their anxiety surrounding my well-being. Mibata joined them and turned to look back at me so he could nudge his head towards the exit while waving me over.

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Fine, I guess you’ve convinced me to go with you Mibata. I grabbed my slate, money, and a small list of things I wanted to find. When I got close to the little gang mom reached out with my accessories in her hand, her eyes pleading me to wear them. Okay, Okay, I’ll wear the rings. I let her put them on for me before I pulled her in for an apology hug. You know what, I think I might try to enjoy today as much as I can to balance out how crappy it started.

…

Despite the earlier inconvenience I had made, our weekly trip to the bazaar went quite well, perhaps even exceptional. New supplies were purchased for the workshop and sent there by the merchants, and everyone chipped in to pack the pantry with all sorts of yummy things we had and had not tried before. More textiles, inks, paints, and even a few oddities were bought by us siblings, and I even managed to haggle with a literate merchant on getting a mirror for the house. We were just getting the cart full of groceries to the door when I heard laughter from inside of our house. I peered around the corner, and much to my surprise it was Bahruk and Yabtin sharing a mug of beer in the pit. Yabtin noticed us before we could react and was already waving at us excitedly as he climbed out of the seating area.

“Hello, I am here again!”

My reaction was to simply squint at him, unsure if he was being comical or just dumb. Tokols on the other hand was quick to skitter up to him and wrap him in a hug, which unfortunately resulted in his back being covered in spilled beer. Ugh, that’s going to stink for a while. Wait a minute, I just had an idea for my brothers' sake. I chalked up my plan for mom to read, and after a little deliberation she eventually nodded along with my suggestion.

Everyone pitched in to get the supplies unloaded, and with dad’s help we were able to mount the mirror in the hobby room where it wouldn’t get damaged by sinking it into the wall. My brothers were all chatting with Yabtin about where he had gone and what the surface is like this time of year when mom snuck over to dad to whisper my ideas into his ear. His eyes flicked over to me, and for a moment I could see some hesitation as he too mulled it over. I showed him a smile and a thumbs up, and just like that his expression changed to one of acceptance.

Once all of the small talk was done and my brothers were tasked with making a midday snack together by our mother, Bahruk pulled Yabtin aside to continue this odd game of telephone that had finally made its way to the intended recipient. Unlike my parents, my uncle seemed to be immediately thrilled with the idea I had sent his way and was nodding along eagerly. As expected, he was the one to step into the center of the boys and state my orchestrated plan aloud.

“Heya boys, Yabitn wonder if you've ever been to baths here? Sands of the desert caught in my scales, wonder if you like to join as well. My brother offering to pay for big bath, all five kobolds here fit easy even big boy Humey. Maybe we go together, share stories of wyvern lands, show you Yabtin’s spells.”

Humey and Tokols didn’t miss a beat as they agreed to his suggestion, both eager to hang out with their cool uncle just as I had hoped. Mibata turned to face me, but once I pointed to the door and gave a thumbs up he too joined in the excited fervor in his own reserved way. They quickly scarfed down their lunch and were rushing out the door after Bahruk with Yabtin bringing up the rear. He stopped by the door and took a moment to unbuckle his jacket as he handed it to me.

“Careful, is loaded. Feel free to examine it, just don’t break it. Was very expensive purchase.”

With those words he was gone, and inside of his jacket was something I had been curious about for a while now. I carried the jacket and its contents to the hobby room to place on my workbench while Juaki secured the front door with the makeshift blockade that we had yet to upgrade. It’s on the to-do list, probably three or so renovations after making a magic refrigerator, but not before a little firearm inspection. Lo and behold, tucked in his jacket behind an inconspicuous flap that held a small case of ammunition was his weapon of choice: a genuine handcannon.

I’m not exaggerating when I say that it was a hand-cannon, as this thing was basically an upsized flintlock in appearance with a barrel wide enough for my finger to fit down if I were dumb enough to ever point this thing at myself. Just as the book we owned detailing naval warfare had alluded to, this piece was break action and would chamber something they called paper cast ammo. Breaking it open revealed that the main chamber was a wide cylinder that rapidly tapered into the barrel that was only half as wide. The jarring lack of mechanisms made sense when I saw that the method of firing this weapon was the usage of a single rune being fed along a channel of silver flowing from the “trigger” to the “hammer”. I haven’t seen a rune like this before, but I will come back to it once I check the ammo.

Opening the wooden case that was held in the opposite pouch revealed that the ammo was indeed cast in paper. Each can-like shot was a yellowed white paper shell with a metal ball protruding from the end, and each one had quite the weight behind it. Yabtin would probably forgive me opening one of his shells for research purposes, right? Whatever, I could probably make him a better gun some day as an apology. Using a small blade I whittled away at the topmost edge of the cylinder until it popped free, revealing that the inside was entirely packed with a black powder. No wonder this gun was so overbuilt, this much gunpowder was enough to make this musket supersonic*!

I began to inspect the actual rune that would make this device work, and after a few experiments I was unable to discern how it would work. It had all of the making of the heat rune, but everything was much finer tuned and built more like a mana collector. There was no other way than to actually pull the trigger. I ensured that Juaki was still in the kitchen using her fire magic to hug a pot until it boiled before going over to the center of the hobby room for my test. The weapon was currently broken in half, with only the trigger slash handle in my hand and the barrel on the table, when I pulled the trigger.

A puff of sparks came from the rune as a small bite was taken out of my mana, which my sensor runes told me was approximately two mana. Since this was such a small rune it made sense that it would use a lot less power than one of my own runes. I pulled the trigger a few more times, each giving the same result even when the trigger was held down after the sparks. I had read about these: cog-limiters. There must be a gear inside of the handle that has rune lines carved into it, but the line from the trigger to the rune would only align for a moment after a full trigger pull. Give this thing a magazine and it would be a functional semi-auto.

I reassembled the gun and tried the trigger a few more times, and unsurprisingly it had the same effect on my mana even though I could no longer see the sparks inside of the barrel. Every piece of information I was able to gather was taken note of, along with a sketch of the weapon as I broke it down. The firing mechanism was indeed just a runed cog attached to a spring system designed to prevent the weapon from jamming and keeping the circuit running. A clever and basic design, one that I had a reference to from my book already.

There was a small tinge of disappointment in the small amount of information I could unravel from this gun, but I didn’t let it bother me. This was a world of magic, it made perfect sense that there would be many mechanisms they could skip over due to having magical means of doing it. Nevertheless, I made sure that the gun was in perfect working order before tucking it back into Yabtin’s jacket along with the seven remaining shots. Oh yeah, I still had this black powder lying around.

I assembled an array along my right hand to mimic the gun, and after a few short tests to find the sweet-spot for mana I could replicate that quick burst of sparks the gun managed. I placed my claw by the pile of black powder, and as expected it caught the moment the sparks touched it. The fire of the rapid burning dust was unimpressive, but the smoke it produced was prodigious. I had to evacuate the hobby room for fear of choking on the rancid fumes, only to be met with the annoyed scowl of my mother.

“Kayrux, what are you doing? Have I not taught you that fire in the tunnels is dangerous?”

Sorry, I didn’t expect it to be so nasty. Seeing this, I was much less impressed by the size of the gun. Such an impure mixture of gunpowder was awful, and anyone using it was basically just getting a smokescreen alongside a bigger, louder arrow. Okay, maybe a really fast and scary arrow, but not one I would lug this thing around for.. I would have to make my own black powder if I wound up making munitions, as any sold by merchants was probably going to be just as pitiful. Here’s to hoping that my passing grade in chemistry class was good enough in that regard.