The little ball of light bounced impatiently. “Well?”

[Oh, sorry, uh... ma’am?] There was a definite feminine lilt to the little ball’s voice, but yet something told me that wasn’t quite right. Still, I decided to hedge for the sake of politeness. [But... what do you want me to ask you?]

[Boss?] Zapper looked up from where he was currently engaged in a series of high-intensity belly rubs from Riley. [Everything alright?]

[Yeah, Zapper, it’s fine. I was just surprised by this, umm...] I glanced at the hovering light ball out of the corner of my eye. [You... aren’t an insect, are you? Because Zapper and insects...]

“What??? Do I look like some sorta mindless buggy bug to you?”

[No, no. Though with the way everything is these days, you wouldn’t be the strangest thing we’ve run across. Not even the strangest bug, now that I think about it.]

“Well, I’m not! An bug, that is—or strange!”

[Okay, okay.] A thought occurred to me. One I didn’t want to voice out loud, just in case. Trying to act all subtle about it, I closed my eyes, waiting to see what color dot appeared for the little creature. If she was a monster...

Nothing. The only dots I sensed were the two blue ones for Zapper and Riley to my right. Far as the little ball of light went, it was as if they weren’t there at all.

I breathed a sigh of relief and opened my eyes. Immediately, I could tell the light ball was giving me a rather flat expression. How I knew that, when I couldn’t even look at her directly without squinting, don’t ask. It was just intuitive. A system prompt, maybe?

“You were checking that I wasn’t a monster, weren’t you?”

[No! Well... maybe. But you’re not!]

“Duhhhhh. I could have told you that, honey. Now, about those questions—”

I noticed Zapper was still watching me. Riley, too. The little pup rolled over and jumped to his feet. [Boss? Why are you talking to yourself?]

[I’m not! I’m talking to...] I trailed off and glanced at the little light ball.

“They can’t see me,” she confirmed, as if reading my unformed thoughts. “Or hear me, either. Only you can.”

[Oh.] I paused a second, then added, [Why?]

“Because you’re the one that paid for me. Though not in, like, a hooker way, y’know, but for my services. Non-hooker services. Just good ol’ fashioned interface and strategy advice. Combat strategy, though I suppose if you did need help of a more flagrante than fracas variety, I could probably offer a point or two...”

She trailed off, her attention seeming to focus elsewhere. “Seriously, is this the best dialogue the system could give me? And what’s with this hokey-pokey accent? It sounds like I should be chewing on a strand of hay and wearing plaid overalls. Sheesh...”

Meanwhile, something finally clicked inside my head. [You’re my guide. The adventurer’s guide.]

“Bing bong, give the puppy a prize!” The little light bobbed up and down excitedly. “So, now that we’ve gotten the requisite epiphanies out of the way, you about ready to get down to business? Because I gotta tell you, I’m not exactly feeling overly appreciated at the moment.”

[Sure, sure, I’ve got loads. Hold on a second, though.] Turning, I quickly explained the situation to Zapper as best I could. The little dog cocked his head at me the whole time, his tiny brow furrowed in concentration.

[You got all that?] I asked, once I finished.

[Sure, Boss! Whatever you say!]

[...Really? That doesn’t sound like you understand at all.]

Zapper’s tail wagged. [If you say you haven’t gone crazy, that’s enough for me! I believe you!]

[Um. Okay. Great. That’s... great.] Shaking my head, I turned back to the little bobbing adventurer’s guide. [Alright, tell me everything.]

The guide’s bobbing motion slowed. I got the impression she was giving me a flat look again. “What.”

It wasn’t a question, but I still choose to treat it as one. [About the system. I want to know everything. Why it’s doing what it’s doing to us. How it works. Everything.]

“Yeah, okay, honey, it seems we need to cover a few ground rules. First, I can’t tell you everything. That’s not how this works.”

[But you said—]

“I said to ask me questions. Like, specific questions.” The little ball let out a sigh. “Look, you know how when you look at something long enough, the system starts to flood your brain with information?” She waited for my nod, then continued, “I’m like that—only I’ve got access to a much larger database of knowledge. Second only to system administrators. But also limited to two topics.”

She bobbed to one side. “First, to questions directly related to your interface. So, if it’s about fusing items or evolution or what skills to pick, I’m your girl.”

Okay, so she is a girl, I thought to myself. Good to know.

The light bobbed to my other side. “Second, to anything involving strategy. Mostly pertaining to combat, but feel free to shoot me more long-term dilemmas—I might be able to help, I might not. System can be kinda temperamental when it comes to how far it allows me to exert my influence when I’m currently locked into the beginner’s guide protocols.

“But otherwise? I’m not going to be much help to you. Always happy to offer you my opinion, of course, but considering I’ve only been alive for, oh, about seven minutes so far, I can’t promise my judgement will be any more solid than yours. Still, we’re in this together for the next sixteen levels. Might as well make the best of it. Deal?”

Stolen content warning: this tale belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences elsewhere.

[Um... deal, I guess. So you can’t at least tell me about why I’m here?]

The little ball of light laughed. “Why are any of us here, honey? Greatest philosophical question of all time, ain’t it?”

[No, I mean like here here. What has the system been driving me towards all this time? Why did I feel a constant call to come to this place?]

My guide was silent for so long I thought she wasn’t going to answer, or tell me that it was outside her protocols, or whatever. Then, “Huh. Well, that’s a dilly of a pickle if I ever saw one. I should be able to tell you about that. Can see that you’ve got something called the ‘Yukon Protocol’ activated on your profile, but when I try to expand it—” She jittered about, like she had gotten a rather bad electric shock. “Yeah, let’s not try that one again.”

The light ball’s focus returned to me. “What else you got?”

[Hmm.] Based on what the guide had just told me about her limitations, I knew general questions were out. That meant no answers about this dungeon, or the inhabitants and what potentially happened to them. No real surprise, but still frustrating.

But that still left plenty of questions about my interface and all its related functions. In particular...

[What can you tell me about the little box?] I asked. [The one in the bottom of my vision?]

“Uh, honey, you know I can’t actually see what you see, right?”

I didn’t, but decided not to make a point of it. [So there’s this box. I got it from a... what was it called... a ‘hotbar interface cube’. But I never got a tutorial...]

I trailed off. Mostly because the little light ball had started bouncing up and down so animatedly that it was drawing in all of my focus.

After a minute, she seemed to calm herself down. “Oh, now this, this is what I’m here for! That’s an easy one.”

[Yeah?]

“Yep! It’s your hotbar interface!”

She hovered there, exuding an aura of satisfaction. I just waited, expecting more. When no further details were forthcoming, I said, [Any more than that?]

“What more is there to explain? It works like a standard hotbar, same as any old videogame you’ve ever played.”

[video... game.] I tried to keep my voice neutral. Already the word had caused a cascade of images to flood my mind, of humans hunkered over boxes of metal in darkened rooms, their eyes ghoulishly reflecting the flashing images from the screens in front of them. My eyes began to water from the secondhand strain. I quickly closed them and gave my head a shake to clear away the flood. [This looks like a human thing.]

“Well duh, you silly billy, of course it’s a... human... thing...” She trailed off.

[...Yes?]

“Okay, I’m beginning to see a problem. You’ve never played a videogame, have you?”

I glanced down, thinking of the images I’d just seen. [I’m sort of lacking the proper skeletal structure to sit like that. Plus, you know, opposable thumbs.]

“Yes, yes, point taken. Okay, so... basic lesson time, I guess?” The guide’s light dimmed for a second, almost imperceptibly so. “Never had to do this before. Well, I guess I’ve never done any of this before, really, but don’t worry, honey, we’ll get the hang of it together!”

Before I could respond, she continued, “Okay, so you know how you open your inventory and use items? No, don’t answer, I know you do, I can see from the logs you’ve been using the inventory screen for a while. So, you know the gist, right? Go ahead and pull it up for me now.”

I did so, mentally flicking through my menus while the little light bounced back and forth.

-Inventory-

(1) Common Cores

(10) Waterproof Matches

(3) Safe Zone Generator

(1) MREs

(1) Potion of Effervescence

(4) Scrolls of Magic Missile Barrage

Chainmail of Icicle (lv 9) (+1)

[Now what?] I asked.

“Now we... hmm. You’ve got an interesting mix of stuff in there, don’t you? Not much useful, especially with that curse running through your system... but okay, we can work with this. Select those scroll for me, would you?”

[What, and use them here? That doesn’t seem like it would be a good idea.]

The little ball did a loop that gave me the impression she was rolling her eyes. “You couldn’t use them here even if you wanted to. Ever tried activating a weapon in a safe room before?” I shook my head. “Well I advise not attempting it, because they won’t work. Anything that could potentially hurt another user or the structure of the safe zone itself is disabled in here. Not that there aren’t workarounds, but let’s not focus on those disturbing implications right now, okay, honey?”

I was having trouble following everything the guide was saying, so I just nodded.

“Great. Now, with the scrolls selected, go ahead and drag them to your hotbar.”

Not entirely sure what she was getting at, I tried moving the item. The words turned somewhat see-through, still listed on my inventory but with a second set now floating around in front of me. I was so surprised I almost let go. [I didn’t know I could do that!]

“Isn’t that why you paid the big bucks for little ol’ me? We’re just getting started. Now, if you could continue...”

Focusing on my screen, I moved the words over to the hotbar. The moment they touched it, the words disappeared, and a little picture of a pile of scrolls appeared inside the box.

[I did it!] However, my excitement was short-lived. [Now what?]

“Now? Now you get to use those handy little scrolls whenever you want! No digging through inventory screens or wasting precious seconds in combat. Just glance down, focus, and poof!” She must have been tracking my eye movements, because she suddenly shot downward until she was in the center of my vision again. “Not right now! I already told you, it won’t work inside a safe zone! Just remember that for the next time you’re in a fight, okay?”

[Yeah, I can do that.] I let the little box fade to the back of my awareness, and the guide sagged in relief. She perked up again a moment later.

“Oh, and one other advantage to those little cubes—and part of why they’re so pricey. You know how you can’t access your inventory on a dungeon floor until you’ve cleared it?”

[Yeah?] Realization kicked in. [You’re saying I can use items in my hotbar?]

“Bing-bong! Another prize for the puppy! Your prize is knowledge, in this case.” The little light ball bobbed happily.

[Wouldn’t I be better off putting something like my cores in there? If I could keep healing myself, most of these fights would be a lot easier.]

“Go ahead and try that, honey. It’s easy enough to swap out your hotbar items.”

I did as she directed. Or, tried to. Whenever I moved one of my cores down to the hotbar, the words just snapped back to the inventory list.

“It won’t work,” she said, after a moment. “Probably the system’s way of keeping you from getting too much of an advantage. Though if healing is your biggest concern, you can always pick up some scrolls the next time you’re in a dungeon shop.”

I remembered Prometheus mentioning something about healing scroll back when I was with him. I hadn’t given it much thought at the time, but now their existence made a lot more sense to me.

“Alright, first problem down!” The guide did another loop, a happy one this time. “What you got for me next?”

[Hmm.] A thought occurred to me, one that I’m embarrassed to admit hadn’t come into my head before. Hesitantly, I asked, [Do you have a name? I keep calling you ‘the guide’ in my head.]

“Huh. You know, the system didn’t really give me any parameters about names!” The little light went still in thought. Then she started bobbing again. “Just call me Guide. Simple and to the point. Not like I won’t know if you’re talking to me, anyway, and it’s not as if I need to worry about conversing with anyone else!”

[I can do that, Guide.] I wagged my tail in pleasure. Our pack had grown a bit bigger, even if one of its members was only visible to me, and another we still couldn’t communicate with directly. Puppy steps.

In any case, before I could think of another question to ask, Zapper came padding up to me. [Boss, Riley says she’s hungry, and I could go for a quick snack myself. Maybe a steak or two, to tide me over until dinner.]

[Zapper, why don’t we just have some steaks for dinner?]

[Great idea, Boss! I like the way you think.]

“Is he always like that?” Guide asked. I started to respond, but my own stomach beat me to the punchline, letting out a low rumble I felt down into my bones. I guess it had been a few hours since our victory feast on the second floor.

[Okay, I’m sure I’ll have more questions for you later,] I said to the little flickering ball. [But right now I’ve got more concrete matters to attend to. My pack needs me. Dinner first, answers later.] My stomach let out a gurgle of agreement.

“Hmmph. You sure know how to make a girl feel appreciated, don’t you, honey?”