[Go, Zapper! Flank them!] I braced to launch forward into the slimes’ midst. These had already gotten the drop on us, but if Zapper could get the funnel up, we could limit the numbers that came after. It was our only real chance without retreating and trying again.

Then, the slimes came to a halt several feet away, other than a slightly larger blue one that hopped forward. It had no mouth that I could discern, only a pair of comically large eyes near its center that looked straight out of a Japanese cartoon.

The slime bounced up and down excitedly. “You’re here! We’ve been so worried!”

[Um...] I glanced at Zapper, who was still hovering nearby. He looked just as confused as I felt. Turning back, I asked. [You can talk?]

“Of course, silly! It would be hard to handle customer service if we couldn’t!” Its voice was strangely high-pitched. I had no idea where it was coming from, but the monster was clearly speaking out loud like a human. Weird.

Turning, it started bouncing back towards the others. “Please follow me!”

With another glance at Zapper, I cautiously started after the monster. The other slimes parted as we approached, and while I tensed, expecting an attack at any moment, they merely drifted back to desks and tables as we made our way into the warren of cubicles.

“I was worried the front desk wouldn’t find anyone to send,” the slime said as it led us further inside. One eye drifted back to look at us lazily. “We’ve been keeping the crime scene undisturbed, so hopefully you can make short work of this situation and we can all get back to work!"

Crime scene? I wondered. Out loud, I asked, [Pardon the possibly stupid question but... aren’t you monsters?]

“Yep!”

[Doesn’t that mean you should be attacking us?]

“Nope!” The slime spun around so fast I almost ran into it. “Don’t worry, I’m a good slime!”

Its eyes squeezed together until they were just two little upside-down v’s. I got the vague impression it was trying to be cute, but combined with the rest of the situation, I just found myself more on edge.

“Ah, here we are!” It pushed aside several chairs that were forming a barricade in front of one of the cubicles. “I’ll let you two go ahead on your own. If you need anything, my office is at the end of this row!”

With that, it slithered off. I watched until it disappeared around a corner, then leapt over its slime trail and entered the cubicle.

[Are we safe here, Boss?] Zapper asked nervously. He glanced behind us, where several other slimes could be seen working at desks. At least, I assumed they were working. Not sure how they got much done without hands.

Though I’d certainly managed without them so far, so who was I to judge.

[I don’t think we’re in any immediate danger,] I assured the dog. [We just need to figure out what we’re doing here.]

With that, I scanned the small cubicle. It contained a few papers on a desk, a computer in a corner showing a picture of a kitten on the screen, and a chair lying on its side.

And on the floor, what appeared to be the remnants of a popped balloon.

After several moments, I realized what I was seeing. A dead slime. So this was a crime scene. One of monster murder, it seemed.

Floor quest available!

Office Assassination

Someone hasn’t been playing by the rules. Office politics are complicated things, but usually killing your coworkers is kinda frowned upon. That’s where you come in.

Determine who committed this heinous crime, but beware: guess correctly, and you’ll earn the boss’s accolades, but guess wrong and you’ll face their ire—not to mention a small army of pissed-off coworkers. So don’t just murder-hobo your way through this level. Unless that’s your idea of a good time, in which case, go nuts.

Task: Locate the murderer

Time limit: 2 hours

Reward: 1,000 XP, Blue Quality Loot Box

I blinked and dismissed the message that had leapt suddenly into my vision. Okay, we had our floor quest. Now the only question was: what did we do about it?

[Let me see if I understand the situation correctly,] I said, more to myself than anything, though Zapper nodded along. [First, these monsters appear to be non-aggressive, so long as we’re working on their quest. Second, if we play nice and figure out who the murderer is, we can get out of here with minimal bloodshed. Guess wrong, and we’ll be back to fighting the entire floor.] I glanced around at all the yellow dots surrounding us. [Let’s try not to do that.]

[Sounds like a plan, Boss. I guess we’re lucky they can understand us, huh?]

[Yeah. That is a little unusual,] I admitted. Not to mention frustrating. Why could these random monsters hear our thought-speech, but Riley, a member of our own party, couldn’t? I should be used to these kind of system shenanigans by now, and yet...

As if on cue, a message appeared in our party chat, once again filling my vision.

Riley: Hi doggies! I’m getting hungry, so I’m going to have some cereal now. Come back soon!

Cereal? She just had breakfast! I thought indignantly. I sent a message back to her, though Zapper beat me to the punch.

Zapper: Woof! Woof, Woof!

Bubba: Woof, woof. Woof. Woof, woof.

There. I know she couldn’t understand, but hopefully my point got across.

Turning back to the current situation, I noticed that five minutes of our two-hour quest had already elapsed. I wasn’t sure what happened when that timer ran out, but likely much the same thing as guessing wrong about the murderer. If we couldn’t figure out who was responsible, we’d need to retreat before that reached zero.

Stolen from its original source, this story is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

Our first task was sorting through the papers. However, they were all ridiculously boring. Just strings of numbers, sometimes with a note in the margins, but usually not. Neither of us could make anything of them.

After that, I briefly contemplated checking the computer, but between my lack of machine-operation skills and the fact that I didn’t possess the thumbs required to operate it, ultimately there wasn’t much I was likely to accomplish. Zapper did try nosing around the mouse while I studied the screen, but other than the desktop picture, there was nothing of interest.

[Okay, let’s try asking around,] I said, gesturing to the surrounding cubicles. [Maybe another slime overheard something.]

We made our way across the hall to a cubicle with a little plaque out front that said Zyllis. Inside, a yellowish slime hovered in a chair, talking into a headset. How did they manage to get those on without hands?

You know what? I probably didn’t want to know.

[Ahem.] I waited, but when the slime just continued talking, I tried again, more firmly this time. [Excuse me, can we talk with you?]

“Can I call you back Zam? The investigators are here.” The slime turned her big eyes towards us. “Why hello, gentlemen! What can I do for you today?”

[We were hoping to ask you about...] I glanced behind me and noticed the nameplate on the cubicle opposite. [...About Zichael. Did you happen to see anything earlier?]

“Sorry, hon, but I’m afraid not. I was out for lunch when it happened. Zangela can vouch for me, we went together. You can check with her if you like, she’s in the cubicle right there.” The slime’s eyes drifted to the wall on her left.

[Okay. Do you have any idea why someone would want to... pop, ah, Zichael?] I was having trouble getting through this with a straight face. Seriously, what was with all the ‘Z’ names?

“Hmm. Well, I’m not saying it’s cause for murder or anything, but Zwight did borrow money from Zichael a couple times. I remember hearing them arguing about it before. He’s got the cubicle just to the south, right there.”

[Ah, sure. Thanks.] I glanced at Zapper to see if he had any further questions, but the dog was engrossed in looking at a poster on the wall featuring an idyllic park setting. When I nudged him slightly, he tore his eyes away and followed me out of the cubicle.

[What’cha thinking, Boss?]

[I don’t know, we’ve barely got enough pieces so far. Let’s talk to everyone in the surrounding cubicles before drawing any conclusions.]

We moved next to the cubicle labeled Zangela. She corroborated Zyllis’s story, and also said she’d seen Zwight leaving yesterday looking angry. I had to admit, things weren’t looking great for this Zwight fellow.

I paused, then shook my head. What was I even saying? All of this was ridiculous. I was a dog, not an investigator.

Yet here I was. So if I had to sniff out the killer in order to progress forward, I guess I would.

Zapper and I poked our heads into Zwight’s cubicle next—it shared a wall with the murder victim. However, this particular slime appeared to be elsewhere at the moment.

[Look through his desk,] I told Zapper. [See if there’s anything of interest.]

While the dog leapt onto a chair and began sniffing about, I poked my nose in any unlocked drawer or container I could find. All I located were some old boxes of envelopes, and a few wadded-up gum wrappers in the garbage. Hmmph. Who doesn’t at least keep a few snacks around to help get them through the workday?

[Boss, I think I found something!] Zapper’s excited bark drew my attention. I joined him at the desk, where several sheets of paper were now spread out. On them were listed several dates, along with Zichael’s name, or occasionally another one—Zim. After each were hurriedly scrawled notes. Whoever had filled these out had either been in a hurry, or rather upset.

Monday, May 18th — Zichael — Replaced my blue pellets with green ones. I hate the green ones! Hasn’t told me where my food is hidden. Guess I’ll be going hungry this week.

Thursday, May 21st — Zim? — Unscrewed all of my pens slightly so they’d come apart while I was writing. I still haven’t been able to prove that it was him, but I know it was one of those two clowns.

Friday, May 22nd — Zim — Put my hole punch in a bowl of pudding. Who does that?

Tuesday, May 26th — Zichael? — Left a tack on my chair! He denied it, but I know it was him. This is the last straw. I’m reporting both of those clowns immediately. They’ll get what’s coming to them.

[Think it’s him?] Zapper asked. I shrugged noncommittally.

[Honestly, I doubt we’re going to stumble on the answer that easily. Let’s keep searching.]

Zapper barked, then went to leap from the chair... only to fall flat on his face. I glanced over him and saw that the seat of the chair was absolutely coated in a thick layer of slime. Slime slime? Whatever.

[Sorry, Boss, I should have checked first,] the little dog said as I tugged him free. He gave an animated shake as I set him down.

[It’s my fault. I should have realized everything these monsters touch would be coated in the stuff.]

We moved towards the cubicle that shared the opposite wall with the murder victim—and here I came to a stop as I saw the nameplate. Zim.

The other prankster... What would this one have to say about his supposed co-conspirator?

We stepped inside. A slime hovered over their desk studying some papers, their eyes swiveling towards us one at a time. The effect was so unnerving it took all my effort to suppress a shudder.

“Greetings. You two the investigators?”

[Suppose you could call us that. Mind if we ask you some questions about Zichael?]

“Sure.” One of the slime’s eyes drifted back towards their papers. “Can’t tell you much, though. Hardly knew the guy.”

[Oh?] That didn’t exactly match with what we’d read in the notes, but then again maybe this Zwight was just making assumptions. I pressed on ahead. [Did you happen to hear anything earlier? See anything?]

“Yes to the heard, no to the seen. I caught what sounded like a fight, but by the time I managed to break from my work, Poor Zichael was a goner. Hey, did the boss say what they’re doing with his cubicle? It’s slightly bigger than mine and I wouldn’t mind an upgrade.”

[Uh, I’ll be sure to ask about that. Now, do you know if Zichael had any enemies?]

[Afraid I couldn’t say, I didn’t know the guy.]

[Right, right.] I felt like I was hitting a dead end at every turn. I glanced at Zapper for assistance. He was currently shaking his paws about and not paying the slightest bit of attention.

[Zapper!]

[Huh? Oh, sorry, Boss! More slime got me.]

I sighed. [Thanks for your time. We’ll let you know if we have more questions.]

[And be sure to let the boss know that I want that cubicle upgrade!] the slime called after us. Yeah, sure. I’d get right on that.

The last cubicle, directly across from Zim’s, showed a nametag that read Zanley. I poked my head inside. [Excuse me—]

“WHAT?” The word was more a chewed-up growl than actual language. I paused, taking in the slime before me hunkering in their chair. They glowered back, eyes not cute in the least. The whole creature gave off a bad aura.

Pressing forward, I said, [We’re investigating the murder—]

“Well, obviously. I didn’t see or hear anything. Now, if you excuse me, I have actual work that needs finishing.” Zanley turned away, apparently considering the conversation done. I glowered at them, then forced myself to take a deep breath.

Fine. Want to be rude with me? See where it gets you.

I padded over, and once I was in range, activated Claw Slash. My claws tore through the chair’s metal base, sending it pitching violently to one side. Zanley the slime gave a surprised yelp as they tumbled onto the floor.

[Just a few more questions, please,] I said as the slime rolled to a stop and squinted up at me. I gave them my best smile, using all my teeth. [Do you know anyone who might want to cause Zichael harm?]

“Hmmph. How should I know? Zyllis, maybe. She’s always complaining about his excessive noise. Apparently he and Zwight have had their share of arguments.”

More evidence towards this Zwight. [And you suspect Zyllis? Wouldn’t Zwight be the more likely candidate?]

“How should I know??? You’re the investigator, not me.”

[What about Zim? Did he and Zichael ever talk?]

“All the time. Seem like the best of buds if you ask me.” The slime was now surveying their broken chair. “If you’re quite done, I’d like to get back to work. Lots to do before I can go home to see the wife and little slimeballs.”

I thought about laying in with more questions, just to annoy him, but honestly, I couldn’t think of anything else to ask, so I retreated from the cubicle.

[Wow, you were so cool in there!] Zapper said as I joined him in the hall. [I especially like the part where the chair fell over.]

[Yes, Zapper, that was sort of the whole point.] I sighed. [So it seems like the evidence is pointing towards Zwight, but I don’t like the fact that this Zim lied to us about not knowing the victim. Something doesn’t feel right.]

[Maybe it wasn’t either of them?] the little dog suggested.

[If so, then that leaves us without anything to go on at all.] Glancing up, I noted the timer showed an hour and fifteen minutes remaining. [We’ve talked to everyone nearby, so maybe we just need to expand out to other cubicles. At least until we can pin this Zwight down for questions.]

[Good plan, Boss. Or we could just ask him right now!] I followed Zapper’s gaze and saw a small blue slime frozen in the doorway to Zwight’s cubicle. Its eyes drifted over to look at us. They were wide with fright.

“Gelatinous jelly shots!” The slime began shuffling quickly away, its eyes spinning around its body in all directions.

Huh. Well that certainly wasn’t a mark in their favor.

[After that slime!] I yelled. Zapper let out an excited bark and gave chase.