We all awoke early the next morning, even Riley. By the time I’d finished stretching and performing my morning shakes, she was already out in the kitchen, searching through the cereal cupboard. A moment later she plopped herself down in front of the television, clicked it on to a random show, and started shoving handfuls of dry cereal into her mouth.

[See?] Zapper said, coming to stand next to me, his tail wagging. [She’ll be fine, boss! I don’t think I’ve ever seen her so happy!]

[Yeah, maybe.] I still didn’t like the idea of leaving the tiny human unsupervised, but the fact remained that we couldn’t stay in this safe zone forever, and we couldn’t leave the dungeon without exploring. For better or worse, the human needed to be left to her own devices.

Still, that didn’t mean I had to like the plan. Or even be comfortable with it.

Shaking my head, I went in search of my own breakfast, which consisted of another steak from the fridge along with a packet of mildly spicy chips. Don’t judge, I needed a little variety in my diet. After all, as a wise pooch once said—a dog cannot live on meat alone.

At least, I’m pretty sure some wise dog said that. Okay, I said it, and I’m pretty wise, so it counts.

After Zapper and I finished eating, I poked my head out the cabin’s front door. The lobby of the building was quiet. All I could see was the dark screen behind the receptionist area, and the closed doorway beyond. The entrance was hidden somewhere behind us, but I doubt that had changed much.

Satisfied that no threats were waiting for us on the threshold, I returned inside. Zapper had climbed up onto the couch with Riley, and she was dropping pieces of cereal into his waiting mouth while simultaneously scratching him idly behind the ears.

[Enjoying yourself?] I asked, my tongue lolling. Honestly, if I thought I could handle this entire dungeon on my own, I'd have simply left the little dog there. They’d both have been happier for it.

Unfortunately, I couldn’t risk traipsing into the unknown by myself. Not until we knew just how much of a threat this place was.

[Sure am, Boss! Ready to go?] Zapper wriggled his way out of Riley’s grip and tumbled to the floor. He trotted over to me, tail wagging furiously.

[I guess. The question is, are you ready, Zapper? All your equipment upgraded?]

[Sure is, boss! I’m in tip-top fighting shape!]

[Good, good.] I turned back toward Riley. [Now, the only issue remaining is the human.]

[What’s the problem?] Zapper tilted his head, studying Riley like he thought she was going to suddenly grow extra arms or something.

[I just don’t like the idea of something going wrong and us having no idea. It might be hours, even days before we’re able to return. But I don’t want to bring her with us, either. We simply don’t know enough about this place yet.]

I sighed in frustration. Zapper, however, started wagging his tail.

[Why not just add her to the pack, then, Boss? We could use the party menu to chat with her and make sure she’s doing okay!]

[The... what?]

In response, Zapper screwed up his face in concentration, his eyes glazing over. If I didn’t know he was accessing the interface, I’d have thought he was simply having trouble pooping.

Then, a moment later,

Zapper: Hi Boss! How you doing?

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I stared at the message floating in front of me. Zapper?

Instantly, more words appeared underneath.

Zapper: Hi Boss! How you doing?

Bubba: Zapper?

Zapper: That’s right, it’s a me!

Suddenly, a memory clicked. In an earlier tutorial, Craig had mentioned the in-party chat system. I’d basically forgotten about it after that, though. It wasn’t a feature that Crunch and his pack had used, and Prometheus and I had never been separated while partied up.

The more I thought about it, the faster my heart beat, and the more my tail started wagging. [Do you think... we might be able to communicate with Riley this way? Actually carry on a two-way conversation?]

[Oh, gosh, Boss, I hadn’t even considered that! You’re so smart!!!]

[Maybe,] I said. [Assuming she can even accept a party invitation.]

Padding over, I stood between Riley and the TV. She frowned, then leaned to the side to see around me. I just kept staring at her though, until the prompt I wanted appeared.

Would you like to invite user: Riley to your party? Current party size 2/9.

I accepted, then waited. A second later, Riley’s eyes glazed over, and I saw them widen in surprise.

She read the message, then looked down at me. “Is... that your name, doggy? Bubba?” She let out a little giggle. “Bubba. Bubba!”

Ugh. I really, really wish I’d picked something different when I had the chance. Maybe one day I’d find a way to do that whole tutorial over again. Wouldn’t that be nice.

Riley, meanwhile was chanting, “Bubba, Bubba!” over and over. Suddenly she stopped and looked at me.

“This is just like the floating thing Miguel had me use. Do... you want me use this, Bubba doggy?”

I tried to nod, an expression I knew humans favored for affirmatives even without the system flooding my mind with helpful images. Unfortunately, a dog nodding isn’t exactly the same as a human doing it. Our necks aren’t built the same, our heads are shaped too differently. Still, Riley seemed to get the idea, because a moment later I got a confirmation message.

“Oh!” She turned towards Zapper. “You’re... Zapper! Good Zapper! Best little dog!”

[She thinks I’m the best,] Zapper preened.

[I’m happy for you.] Ignoring Riley’s antics, I pulled up my party menu. Time for the ultimate test. Opening a chat menu, I debated what to start with. Should I explain our entire situation, or simply tell her to stay put until we returned?

Simple is probably best. Even if I explained everything, there was no guarantee she’d understand half of it. So for now, I'd stick to the bare facts.

Zapper and I need to go away for a bit, I said. You wait here until we return so that you stay safe.

Bubba: Woof. Woof, woof. Woof.

...

What. The. Heck.

Seriously? I couldn’t even type in a language that the human would understand? This was absurd. Inhumane. A cruel joke being played upon me by the fates, or maybe a cabal of evil cats.

Riley’s eyes glazed over again as she received the message, and she glanced at me.

“Um... Hi, doggy. Bubba. Woof woof to you, too. Good doggy.”

I tried one more time. Riley, if you can understand this, please tell me.

Bubba: Woof. Woof, woof. Woof.

Bubba: Woof, woof, woof.

Riley: Good doggy!

[Okay, well that didn’t work,] I said, turning to Zapper.

[Don’t be so sure, Boss. At least she can now message us, right? Isn’t that what you wanted, a way for her to let us know if something was wrong?]

[Hmmph. I guess. It just would have been nice if communication could have gone both ways.]

[Maybe humans just aren’t ready to talk with dogs.] Zapper suggested.

[Perhaps.] Shaking my head, I turned for the door. Riley was already back to her cartoons, and seemed to have forgotten we were there. [It’s time we see what this dungeon is all about.]

Heading outside, the two of us made our way towards a set of double wooden doors. Other than the main entrance, it appeared to be the only way to leave the lobby.

Reaching them, I gave them a nudge with my nose, and was pleasantly surprised when they swung inward on silent hinges. [Guess we won’t have to worry about knobs, at least for the moment.]

[What do you think is waiting for us in there?] Zapper asked.

[Trouble, if I had to guess. Monsters, traps, and more system nonsense.]

The little dog nodded as if I’d said something incredibly wise. We stepped through the doors together, entering a well-lit hallway lined with plush carpet.

Behind us, the double doors swung shut again. A new message flashed in my vision.

CGI — Oakland Branch

Level 1 of 5 — White-Collar Hell