I didn’t know where I was until I saw the two bloody pant legs pressed to my chest. I tried to breathe, and stop crying.

“ Okay, calm down me, it was just a dream, just a dream.”

My crying had subsided enough for me to stand, and I wiped my eyes. The dream was wrong. It was wrong, it was wrong, it was wrong.

But what if it wasn’t?

What? No, brain stop. Please. Why am I thinking this?

Because you know it's true

No. I screamed a scream, with no form of words, just a scream. I fell to the ground, fresh sobs racking my chest.

I cover my eyes trying to block out the thoughts.

Dead

Dead

Dead

Dead

Dead

I thought of Newt, and stood up.

“ No. Not yet.”

With that, I turned and left the house full on running, following the trail of blackened blood. Still holding the pant legs.

Running made me feel better. I cleared my mind and focused all my attention on the trail. A ran for what felt like years, but couldn't have been more than a couple hours. I deeply regret putting all my attention on the blood, because a foot stuck out and tripped me. I sprawled down on to the ground, the wind knocked out of me.

Wait.

I should know the feeling of falling into the dusty dirt road by now, and this wasn’t it. Before, the ground felt hard, rocky, and dusty. Now, it felt cold, wet, and with a slight give, but still hard. I open my eyes, and see white. My first thought is

Shuck it, I passed out. Again.

But, I could still feel my body. I regained my breath and stood up, I was in snow. Snow! Shucking snow! At first my mind was overwhelmed with happiness and confusion.

Snow?

After the scorch?

Yes!

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But, had I really not noticed we were in snow?

Then, I remembered why I had realized there was snow.

Someone had tripped me.

I looked around me, and saw a person about twenty feet back, grinning at me. I looked closer.

No

It couldn't be

It was the man that stabbed Newt.

He was still grinning at me, and that just made me more and more angry. I screamed in fury, and ran at the man. I jumped, landed on him, and started punching every inch of him I could reach. The man was saying something, but I didn’t hear him.

And if I had, I wouldn't have cared.

This man was the reason for all of Newt’s pain, and I would make him pay back every single ounce of it. I was screaming at the man, but I didn’t know what I was saying. The only thing I could hear was Newt saying

Goodbye Min.

It replayed in my mind over and over, the last words Newt said to me. The last words before I left him.

I couldn't see straight anymore. I couldn't think straight anymore.

This man-

This man-

This shuck faced son of a shuck-

All I could think about was how this man had cost Newt. I could see, but differently. I saw my hands punching, I saw the man's face, and I saw his lips moving, but I wasn't in control. All I could do was watch as my mind worked automatically. After a couple minutes, somewhere in the very back of my mind, I knew when the man died, but the rest of my brain was too focused on destroying the man that hurt Newt. I kept punching him until I was too tired to continue and slumped off of him asleep.

I woke up in the cold snow, but when I saw the dead man lying next to me, that cold dissolved into anger, but this time I could control my brain and my body. Now I know he is dead. I knew I killed him. But he hurt Newt. so much that Newt could easily be dead. He probably killed the only person I ever loved. I stood up and my knees were shaking. I leaned on a tree, until my legs gained control again. I reached down and grabbed my backpack. Next to them, were the still bloody pant legs.

I knew I had to leave them behind. That the longer I held onto them, the harder it would be to let go.

They are just pants.

Just leave them,

Yes, finally, my brain was being sensible

Just

Like

You

Left

Newt

No, I didn’t leave him!

Yes, you did!

Only to help him!

You know what?

Shuck this!

I was so sick of myself for coming up with this klunk. I grabbed my backpack and started walking in where the blood had been leading, but the blood had stopped. Good, or bad? I couldn't say. He could have stopped bleeding, or he could be dead. I ran more, ate more, slept more. That went on for a couple days. On the fourth day of being in the snow, I decided to sleep in a tree to see if that would keep me from getting wet and soaking. I climbed up a sturdy looking tree, curled up in a branch about 9 feet off the ground, with my backpack wedged between another branch next to me, and fell asleep. I knew I was getting depressed. How could I not? I slept more and more every day, and then got scolded by my brain.

Idiot!

Newt needs you,

And here you are

Asleep!

I don’t know why I was being so hard on myself, but I was. Lucky for me, I hadn't had any more nightmares since I killed the man. Unlucky for me, I still had a dream.