Carbon hit him with a raised eyebrow. “That is not very specific.”
“No, it’s not.” He sighed and pulled away from her, opening the inner door to the cabin proper. “Neya talked to me about something this morning that directly involves you, and we’re not going to sit on this discussion. Wasn’t looking forward to this earlier and I really ain’t now.”
Alex muttered that last bit to himself as he stepped inside. He was sure they both heard it.
Neya was there in the kitchen, still wearing the same blue jacket as earlier, still ready to go take care of the next thing they asked of her. Book in one hand, cup of tea in the other, and sitting in front of a new piece of art that had been placed in the middle of the kitchen table. Her posture said she had heard him talking, spine bolt upright with her ears and antenna lifted in alarm. Looks like someone else didn’t want to have this conversation right now, either. Too bad for everybody.
“What does this mean? Neya? What did you speak of?” Carbon followed him in, confused and worried, and startled by Neya’s posture. “What is going on.”
“I didn’t start this off right.” Alex held out a hand. Mere meters from a bed, his body felt like it was giving up on doing anything other than sleeping. As much as he wanted to agree, this conversation needed to happen. He adjusted his course and headed into the kitchen. “It’s nothing bad, it’s just different. It’s change. People change, feelings change, and you two need to talk it out because of what she is.”
Carbon gave up trying to get an answer out of him and turned to the only other source of information in the room. “Neya? What is he talking about?”
“I... I told him something this morning.” She had set the book down and was busy tapping her fingertips together, eyes that had been turned towards Carbon darting away to inspect the floor.
Alex had busied himself with some tea. Two cups from the cupboard, set out on the table, the kettle taken off the back burner to fill them and top Neya’s up. He returned it to the stove and pulled the chair across from Neya out for Carbon before taking the next seat himself. “She did, and these feelings are understandably difficult to talk about. But they need to be talked about.”
“Then please, say what you must.” Her confusion had turned to concern as she sat, placing the Codex on the table next to the other new piece of carved stone.
Neya’s gaze switched between any object that wasn’t them rapidly, never settling on anything for more than a second or two. When she spoke it sounded like she was about to hyperventilate. “I- He didn’t make the tea right and I told him he forgot the sugar and bicarbonate.”
“While that did happen, you know that isn’t what I’m talking about.” His words came out curt through gritted teeth. Alex exhaled slowly, already worn down from the day. The urge to get short with her was very, very close to the surface. Another thing that might feel good in the moment but would immediately make things worse. She was afraid this would end everything for her, it was understandable she’d be scared. He could relate to that, though not as intensely, having been kicked out of the program he had begun molding himself for as a teen. Alex took a moment to settle his temper before he continued. “If you want me to tell her, I will, but I think you owe it to Carbon to tell her yourself. You will be fine. I’ve got your back.”
Carbon reached out and set her hands on Neya’s, leaning in towards her and switching back to Tsla. “This is clearly something you need to speak. Allow me the honor of hearing it.”
Her arms twitched like she might recoil from Carbon’s delicate touch. Neya swallowed once, a fearful whine in her throat before she managed to say it fast as she could, just above a whisper. “I have developed feelings for you.”
Carbon didn’t react immediately, blinking as the concern on her face shifted slowly back into confusion. “That is not unexpected, we do work closely together. I consider you to be a close friend in addition to my Zeshen.”
“Romantic feelings.” Alex assisted a little bit, now that Neya had actually said something close to the heart of the matter.
“Oh.” Carbon sat up a little bit, not expecting this sort of conversation. Wide blue eyes darting over to Alex. She was looking for his reaction to this information, worry creasing her brow.
He got that, he hadn’t been prepared for that tidbit of info either. The fact he was the driving force here should have said something about his feelings on the matter. He pursed his lips and gave her a shrug as though to say what can you do? Alex meant it very literally. He has no idea where to go in this situation, it was well beyond his experience in every metric he could think of.
At least he wasn’t alone out in this particular frontier.
Neya, meanwhile, had started crying. She pulled her hands away from Carbon and hid her face, lips pulled back in agony as years of keeping this secret caught up with her. Everyone but Carbon had been taken from her, and now she was the one that would finish the job. “I am so sorry, I could not help it. I love you and-” Whatever she was saying was obliterated as far as Alex’s translator was concerned, words chopped up by sobs and terrified whimpers so badly it didn’t even think that she was speaking a translatable language.
Alex did catch some of it, his natural language processing more flexible than the hardware tucked away in his torso. She kept apologizing, raw fear in her voice now. He heard please frequently, usually followed by a few words he didn’t understand, and then a go. He didn’t need the whole phrase to get what Neya meant, not after she had explained to him that historically Zeshen were to be separated from their Aeshen in these circumstances.
Carbon was stunned. She sat there with her hands unmoved, mouth agape and brain visibly locked up as she stared at Neya bawling across the table. A nervous admission of love that collapsed into terrified apologies was not what she’d expected here, by any means.
Alex hadn’t expected the second half of that, either. Sure, there was the expectation that she was afraid of the consequences - Neya had given a half-assed attempt to have him dismiss her to avoid it, after all. So he was at least prepared for some of this, and had the wherewithal to nudge Carbon’s arm with his elbow and jerk his head towards the pale furred Tsla’o breaking down in front of them. He might have worked as a catalyst here, but this was about them. Neya didn’t need comfort from him at this moment.
It spurred Carbon into action immediately. Chair legs squeaked on the floor as she stood, kneeling beside Neya as soon as she was around the table and pulling her into a tight hug.
Neya gave a few attempts to get loose from her embrace, a feeble push and some fruitless twists of her shoulders before she gave up and just sobbed out more apologies. ”I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry.” She was less panicked now, the translator picking up most of what she was saying clearly. Plea after plea to not send her away, to set aside protocols, punctuated with desperate gasps for air.
Carbon held her, head resting against Neya’s chest and shushing her quietly. A soft song hummed under her breath as she waited for her Zeshen to calm down.
Alex wanted to do something - specifically, he wanted to help - and again found himself yanked in multiple directions. Would his presence on the other side of the table hurt or help right now? Should he just step out for a while and let them sort it out? That felt like a cop-out, having kicked this whole thing off. Would the wireless she was using to translate work right under that sort of emotional stress?
He settled on waiting. This would still have happened if he hadn’t been here, he was sure. Neya’s feelings were pre-him. She clearly wasn’t doing anything about managing them per the whole Zeshen way of life, as far as her confession early that morning indicated. Carbon had the experience, both in what Neya would respond to, and the intricacies of personal interaction with the Tsla’o.
Alex’s presence had definitely made it worse, not that he or Carbon had any idea until this morning. Those two held their secrets tight, which when you mashed brains together frequently enough to start picking up each other’s personality traits... Probably a must-have skill, despite the insistence that Neya was supposed to be her and would thus need to know all the details that made someone who they are. Maybe Neya would have been able to coast on never telling Carbon about it. Keeping that unrequited love a heavily guarded fantasy forever.
It may have been a Human way to interpret that sort of life, but it felt like it would be a miserable way to live.
Neya had run out of words, crying silently as she gripped Carbon like her life depended on it, tail curled around her like another arm. Maybe it did. Their discussion in sickbay had been just days ago, she had already trusted him enough to confide that she had been considering suicide - because Carbon trusted him and neither saw the other as entirely separate. As a Human, that was alarming. Completely wild, totally unhinged stalker behavior that was somehow mutual.
It would be if they were Humans, anyway. This was codified into their society and laws, with their own special group rules beyond those. None of which he really understood, or had even had the chance to look into yet. The idea of being pushed into the deep end of a pool didn’t convey the complexity he was looking at now, layers of a society he had a faint understanding of. He was in the ocean at the beach while people on shore tried to teach him how to swim, what to do about the riptide he was caught in, and some tips about dealing with that shark over there, all at the same time.
Neya sniffed loudly, the sound strikingly wet, and Carbon spoke to her in a voice so soft he couldn’t hear.
Alex got up and went to rummage around in the dresser. The top drawer had lots of sundry items, including what he was sure had to be tissues. The little pictogram looked like a Tsla’o blowing their nose, there was no way it was anything else. He returned to the table, sitting beside Neya and sliding them over to her and carefully petting her back.
All the agonizing over whether petting them was denigrating or not was tossed out the window. His mother had rubbed his back the same way when he had been miserable as a child, and that hadn’t been anything other than comforting... So here was hoping that she’d interpret it the same way.
“Thank you.” She mumbled out, voice frail as she picked the packet up and pulled out what was obviously a kleenex, but wide. Neya wiped her eyes and the deep channels the tears had cut into her fur, then blew her nose and apologized again. She made it about halfway through the word before it looked like the waterworks were about to turn back on.
“It’s all right. You’re fine, you are with people who care about you.” He patted her to reinforce how fine she was right now. It didn’t make sense to him, but his arm was on autopilot and that was what went along with those words apparently. “Nobody is getting sent away. No one will have to go. And we do need to talk this out because it’s clearly not a situation that can just be ignored.”
Neya settled on a quick nod, not trying to speak again just yet.
“Perhaps it would be good for you to explain what is going on, Alex?” Carbon looked up at him, a hint of an edge in her voice that carried over to her face, eyebrows pulled low and dark lips pressed flat. Alarmed and defensive, more than mad.
“Sure.” He sighed and mentally queued up the events of the morning. “She had a nightmare last night, so I woke her up. While we were talking - mostly about you - she said that there was something she needed to say but wasn’t sure if she could. I encouraged her to do so, because it was obvious it was bothering her. She tells me that she failed as our Zeshen, because she had fallen in love with you and wanted you as a romantic partner, and in turn was jealous of me. Worth noting that she thought telling me that was the least bad option available to her, even though she was also gambling that I would send her away so she did not have to make that decision. After all this, I’m guessing the alternative to that discussion was a very permanent one.”
Neya had been nodding along as he spoke, but agreed with that last supposition with particular emphasis.
“Ah.” Carbon had returned to her shocked state of being. She was still holding Neya close, though her eyes darted to and fro as she processed this information.
“Yeah, so we’re not doing that. Nobody in this room does that. You two are too close for that to be anything but devastating.” There was a very selfish element at play here, too. Yes, they had been through too much already, and he didn’t want to see Carbon have to deal with more pain heaped upon the rest. He also didn’t want to have to help her work through something like that, not right now and hopefully not ever. Alex knew himself well enough to know that he’d feel compelled to even if they weren’t in a relationship. “Sitting there at breakfast the other day, you guys looked like you were married. Entwined. I wasn’t going to say anything about it for awhile, kind of let it simmer to see how I’m going to interpret the way the two of you act around each other behind closed doors. The rapport you have, the easy affection, the gentle teasing... That was not what you had told me a Zeshen was. That’s not how I’d act with a second version of myself. I was a little surprised you didn’t kiss her goodbye when she left to run errands.”
Another revelation stacked upon Carbon did not make any of this easier for her, brow creased in confusion as her eyes settled upon Alex. “But that is not our relationship. There is nothing to interpret.”
“Eh.” He waggled his hand from side to side. “It kinda is. You don’t see it from the outside. You don’t even see it from the point of view of someone who’s been in another relationship. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think Neya has pulled the wool... intentionally mislead you, except in her concealment of these feelings. Which she knew would get her removed from the last person in her life. Am I right?”
Neya picked up that the question was aimed at her. “Yes, it is true. After the disaster, we... Became closer. We had both lost much, and the detachment I should have maintained fell away. I had not intended for these feelings to grow in me, I had initially tried to talk to the elders. There were two of them left and had little time to communicate, and I- I gave up on them. The council was destroyed, the village was destroyed. My true home, my friends, my mentors, my family, our way of life, all turned to ash. Carbon is the last thing that I have to hold on to, and I stopped caring that it was not appropriate even though I knew she would adhere to protocol. As much as I desire it, I do not care if it is ever reciprocated. It is a small pain to endure, as it is the least she deserves from me.” She took a shaky breath and managed a thin smile, resting her hand on Carbon’s shoulder.
If you discover this tale on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the violation.
“Some of that she hadn’t told me.” Seemed a pertinent thing to add, given that things started to turn a little unhinged there at the end, even for aliens. Suffering makes people do weird things, and it was rapidly becoming clear that Neya’s extensive loss had put a lot of weight on her that she hadn’t dealt with in any healthy ways.
“Oh no.” Having been given a more solid timetable, Carbon was able to rapidly start putting together the puzzle pieces in what was going on. She pursed her lips and her jaw worked, sussing out what path to take before she started speaking in Tsla again. “We will put aside the Council’s protocols. As you said, they are gone. We will take the idea of outright dismissal from the table, do not even consider it a potential outcome.”
Neya nodded quickly, a soft sigh escaping her as her shoulders slumped. Execution was off the menu for today, at least.
“Neya, I feel this is important to know. Have you been keeping up with your therapy?” Carbon stated that as gently as she could, looking up at her with no small amount of concern.
There was a telling amount of hesitation. “I am in contact with a therapist.”
Carbon sighed. “Before I left you were having appointments with one weekly. Tanoya, was it? Is that still the case?”
“I communicate with her frequently.” There was a telling lack of hesitation.
She stifled another sigh, one corner of her mouth pulled down in disappointment. “Neya.”
“I- I still check in with her every few weeks. She helped me with everything I can speak of, taught me all of the methodologies to take care of my mental well being. There are others who have suffered just as much who need her help more than myself.” Neya was at least resolute in that answer, almost defiant.
“I, uh- I call bullshit on that. You said, like a minute ago, everything but Carbon was taken from you and that you’re willing to torture yourself for her sake. You used some nice sounding words to say it, but that’s what it boils down to. Don’t think she’ll let that slide, either. She cares about you too much to let you harm yourself.” Alex wasn’t particularly enthused to find himself taking the role of the bad cop here, but positioning Carbon as the voice of reason was probably for the best given that she knew fucking anything about how to actually get Neya pointed in the right direction. “Like, that’s gotta be one of the least healthy coping mechanisms I’ve ever seen that didn’t involve substance abuse. So maybe you can’t talk about your feelings in regards to Carbon directly, but you can address having feelings you’re not comfortable with.”
“But I am very comfortable with-” Neya stopped mid-sentence, mouth closing with a click of her teeth as what Alex said sank in. Her lips wavered and she sniffed again, wiping a fresh tear from her eye. “I... I think I may see. This is unfair to Carbon, and to you, Alex. To have these expectations laid upon you.”
Carbon had watched this exchange closely, bright blue eyes looking from Alex to Neya. “I do not believe that is what he reaches for. Your feelings are yours, Neya. They cannot be right or wrong, but they can harm you. He is correct on that front as well, I do not wish to see you harmed, and I will not tolerate it. Not from someone else, not from you. These feelings you have for me provide you comfort?”
“Yes.” She said with a nod, the most forlorn answer possible.
She tilted her head slightly, patting Neya’s leg to encourage her. “What do they provide you comfort from?”
Neya’s gaze turned towards the ceiling, mouth clamped shut as she fought to keep herself composed. “Everything.”
“Certainly not everything?” There was a hint of incredulity in her voice, a slight smile on her muzzle as she squeezed Neya again. “Even myself?”
“Yes.” The sheer amount of guilt in that admission was off the charts. “When you came back to the hearth, I was so happy that I would be able to see you again. To be your Zeshen once more, not simply sweeping the floors. But you avoided me. I convinced myself you were busy. I allowed myself to pretend that it was because you felt the same way - that when you snuck into the cabin to get your comm while I slept and did not wake me, it was because you also feared that I would be sent away should your feelings overcome your decorum.”
Oh, yikes. That was rough, given what he’d heard about how their reunion went after his assassination attempt, a ‘Hey I’m back and it turns out the Empress has married me to this Human I love’ must have cut incredibly deep. “So, that... Didn’t end how anyone thought it would. But Carbon’s right, that’s not a tenable way to live. We’re both here, and while we’re not your fantasy, we will help you. I said I’m on your side and I meant it.” Neya’s ability to maintain a professional front while she was sitting with him in the hospital was nothing short of monumental, and in retrospect really had felt like a more nervous Carbon. The sense of duty to another that must have taken was unreal.
She probably could have killed him at any time when he was running an undersized heart and down a lung, too. Not that she seemed the murdering sort.
“I had not wanted to wake you, yes. I care deeply about you, but not in the same way you love me. You are my Zeshen, and that is something that is unique to you.” She sighed again, a faint wistful smile on her face now. “Alex is correct once more. We are here for you. Do you remember what I told you when we first met? My first expectation?”
Neya did not have to think about it, and as she spoke a little glimmer of a smile curled the corner of her mouth. “That I am not to be a river, as you are not a sea. A statement that was quite a shock coming from someone who was supposed to be a strict adherent to protocol.”
“It was true then, and it is true now. The Council knows the weaving occurs, that we will change each other, but they pretended it would not bring a pair closer together in other ways.” She took Neya’s hand in hers again and gave it a squeeze. “You will not pour your life endlessly into mine and expect nothing in return.”
“I will not.” She nodded, again sounding resolute if not sad. “I will begin speaking to Tanoya again. I will not hide in fantasy.”
Carbon smiled and stood, leaning in to hug her properly. “Good. You deserve peace, at a minimum. I would like to see you truly happy, not living in a dream of self-harm. I will be here for your journey. Alex will as well. I will drag the Empress into this cabal, if need be.”
“That may be a bit much.” A thin smile worked over her face as she uncurled her tail from Carbon, though her voice was heavy with regret. “I have made such a mess, I am sorry. I should- I should have told you the first time I noticed it.”
“Do not apologize for such things. You were hurt and scared, you did the best you could and have still kept up with every task I have given you. That is an incredible testament to your strength.” Carbon cupped Neya’s cheeks in her hands and leaned in to kiss her head between the antenna. “It may take time but we will sort this out.”
“By your sight.” Neya closed her eyes and nodded in agreement. “I think I need to clean myself up... If you do not mind?”
“Of course not.” She stepped back to allow her space. “You know you do not need to ask me such questions.”
“It felt appropriate, to cleave closer to protocols...” Neya said with a weary smile as she stood and retreated to the bathroom.
Alex was the first to talk after the door closed behind her. “That was a little more harrowing than I expected it to be.”
“Alex!” She hissed at him and smacked his shoulder as she walked past, ears and antennae pulled down tight, her jaw set and clearly frustrated. Carbon fiddled with a panel on the wall that cranked the airflow through the life support system up quite a bit, then went to pull some items from the bottom drawer of the dresser before returning to the table, starting to very quietly lay into him in English. “That was possibly the worst way to handle that conversation! Blindsiding both me and her? It is fantastic that you had all day to ruminate on this, but I have not. Hells, did you even think once before launching us into it?”
He hadn’t been expecting that sharp a tonal shift, and it left him sputtering in surprise. Perhaps he could have set this up better. A lot better. Even a little bit better would have been preferable, now that he actually was thinking about it. “Wh- No. Not with what else we’ve been going through today. I got kinda sidetracked by the fact I’m being used as a fucking delivery platform for a surveillance package. But, this is serious too so I didn’t want to just keep putting it off.” As he talked Carbon set up a strange little air-freshener on the table, a glass base roughly as wide as his hand filled with dark blue liquid. She pulled a tab from the side and gave it a shake, the fan on top spinning up to force air through it.
Her jaw worked as she gave him a sidelong glance, still simmering. The other thing she had brought out was a silver and red container of wet wipes. She ripped a few out and tossed the container to him, gesturing to the chair Neya had occupied as she started cleaning the table.
“What are these?” The box had a few pictograms that he didn’t understand, and that was it. He did pick up what she wanted him to do, and cooling the situation seemed like the prudent course of action as he set to wiping down the chair.
“You don’t smell- Nnh. No, you cannot.” Carbon gritted her teeth and tried to keep herself from sounding too harsh as she went over the entire top of the table, the Codex, that weird art piece, then started on the legs. “She was terrified, and now reeks of fear pheromones. Her clothes, her chair, the table, the whole cabin. I am sure we do, too. The wipes and air freshener will neutralize them, and the air handling system will filter them out. We will need to shower and wash our clothes in a particular soap as well.”
“I don’t think you ever told me that Tsla’o have... pheromone stuff going on. It wasn’t in the primer, that’s for sure.” He scrubbed a bit harder, took a little extra care to ensure he actually got the entire thing. That explained what Eleya was smelling on him to determine who he’d been sleeping with.
“Most of it is not so noticeable. We just have a particular... Un-scent. Adults do not produce many except during intense situations. Someone who is startled or surprised would not make anything like this. Under long periods of stress, perhaps, and under the belief that she’s about to be cast out of the only life she’s known and left to rot with nothing, well... You saw how she reacted. That is what will do it.” She finished the table legs and moved on to the chairs on the other side of the table, still annoyed but leveled out while she explains things to him. “Fear in particular is bad. Smell is the wrong word, as it does not have a smell in the conventional way. Its presence makes me want to vomit, and it tickles the mind. Tries to convince you that this is a bad place and you should be ready to strike or flee. Before you ask, I do feel it, but I would still be mad at you without it.”
“Makes it worse though, right?” Alex could see how that could be useful as an evolutionary checkpoint, particularly before other forms of communication. Not so much when you lived on spaceships, but evolution didn’t take things like that into account. He started to clean the chair he had been sitting in, so he wasn’t just idly watching her clean up the mess he’d made, unintentional or not. “Well, guess it doesn’t matter. I didn’t think it through, I’m sorry.”
She grumbled and went to work on the kitchen, starting with the top row of cupboards and working down.
“I am serious about helping her. You two mean a lot to each other and I don’t want to get in the way of that.” Hearing her say that she didn’t reciprocate Neya’s feelings had not eased his ambivalence to the whole thing. Her previous actions still didn’t hold up. Finished with the chair, he prepared to throw the nearly dry towel away and realized he didn’t know where the trash was, or if they even had one in here. “Ok, time out. Where’s the recycler?”
“Last cabinet on the right.” She pointed to the one under the counter.
He hadn’t gotten to most of the lower ones when rifling through the cupboards this morning, and it was right where she said. He grabbed another wipe and started working on the dresser. “Thank you.”
“You are welcome.” There was still a fair bit of grumble in her, but even that was starting to recede. “Thank you for recognizing that we care about each other. As you are unfamiliar with the Zeshen system, I was not sure how you would view our relationship.”
“Yeah, well. You are aliens. I am at least a little mentally prepared for things to be inscrutable. I guess I still don’t know how to reconcile it, but it’s clear that you’re more than friends or coworkers, and that your relationship predates me by a long time.” He started working on the other hard surfaces, namely the headboard on the bed. “Are the sheets and stuff going to need to be washed?”
“Yes, it’s probably best to strip them and get a fresh set for tonight.” Carbon made short work of the counters and moved on to the lower row of drawers and cabinets, silent as she worked to obliterate traces of the pheromones from their home.
Aside from the little cubbies and the items inside, the headboard was mostly smooth and Alex finished it in no time at all. They worked without speaking, the air handling system and the distant roar of the dryer in the bathroom filling the space between them. It ran for several minutes and shortly after shutting off he heard a frustrated groan, and the shower turned on again. Must be harder to get rid of when it had been coming out of your pores.
Alex was no stranger to laundry. Both his parents insisted that their boys be able to fully take care of themselves. Maybe not skilled, but at least capable. He found the way sheets and pillow cases worked to be pretty much universal, no alien fastener systems at play - though as he pulled the pillows free of their cases he found them to be entirely too numerous. “So which one of you two is the one who naturally has secret unrealistic fantasies, and which one got stuck with it from the weaving?”
Carbon stopped scrubbing for a moment, only to continue with a sardonic chuckle. “Who do you think?”
“No, I’m serious. I’m guessing it was you, because every time I learn more about your childhood it gets worse.” He had folded the duvet cover in half and was using it as a tarp to hold all the other contaminated bits. “I don’t hardly know anything about her.”
“You are correct, I have shared many of the more fanciful delusions from my youth with her. She had a very pleasant childhood, actually. Family connections are maintained and the council elders are very involved with the youth. She said it was like having a hundred grandmothers who are all looking after you.” Carbon laughed and shook her head. “I did meet her parents once. They were a delight, and so proud of her. Very much like your parents.”
“Damn. I wish I would have had the chance.” He meant that, despite having only just now even considered they existed. Neya was good people, her parents were probably the same way. Having a hundred grandmas sounded kind of amusing, too. At least she was still around to talk about these formative years.
Carbon didn’t reply, and it was about then Alex realized he could hear her hyperventilating over the life support fan. He glanced back and she was standing at the kitchen counter, leaning on her hands and staring at the backsplash. This took precedence over the next pillowcase and he covered the distance in a few quick steps, sliding an arm around her waist and keeping his voice smooth and soft. “Nice slow breaths, even and deep. Fill your lungs all the way each time. Everything will be all right.”
He hadn’t been sure if anything would be all right for a few days, but it felt like something that wasn’t particularly important right now.
She did heed that advice, a few strained gulps of air giving way to slow deep breaths that still managed to sound shaky. “She is right.”
“Take it easy, no need to rush.” He was intensely curious what she meant by that, a particular cold dread in his stomach that demanded more information now. He wrangled it for the time being, ensuring that Carbon wasn’t about to breathe wrong until she passed out being a more pressing concern. He pulled her away from the counter and led her over to the table. “Come on, let’s sit down. Then you can say whatever you need to.”
Carbon slid into the chair at his direction more than intentionally sitting. She leaned on her elbows and cradled her head in her hands, each breath labored as she blinked at the freshly cleaned surface.
“Keep breathing, nice and deep.” He rubbed her back now, gentle strokes along her spine, just like his mother had done.
“Alex, she is right. You are right. Winter taken, I do love her.” She looked up at him with damp eyes still near panic, the realization that she didn’t have the relationship she had been so very confident of, had struck her particularly hard. “And she is why I love you.”