“Well yeah. I’m sure as fuck not putting up with all this because it’s fun.” Alex leaned back in the chair and ruminated on that for a second before continuing, his voice rising in intensity as he spoke. “Lemme let you in on a secret: this whole situation sucks a lot. If I wasn’t keeping my head busy with these stupid giant books I didn’t ask for, I would have so much time to think. And then I’d have time to be mad about this whole fucked up situation.”
He didn’t give Neya time to respond before he continued, the pale furred Tsla’o already leaning away from him in her chair. “I mean, I get ‘borrowed’ from visiting my parents - who I haven’t seen in nearly a year, by the way. I know, I know, everybody here has it worse. I feel bad about that, and I’d like to be able to spend some time with my living relatives. Anyway, I think ‘oh maybe I’ll get the Tsla’o equivalent of an attaboy or something.’ Then I found out who Eleya is, so then I’m more like ‘maybe the Empress isn’t a total psycho despite Carbon’s incredibly intense fear of her’ and for a hot second there, that’s what it actually seemed like. But no. I got the combo platter of assault instead.”
“And you know, the real kicker? I can almost understand it. Me and her, we’ve got secrets now.” He dropped his voice and leaned in for the next thing he said. “She’s afraid for Carbon. Had to make sure I wasn’t running some kind of scam, or whatever. I didn’t even know Carbon had royal connections until like fifteen minutes before that. If she asked, I would have been happy to show her the kind of person her niece is. The truth of my feelings. If I hadn’t been forthcoming, that’s a perfectly good reason to be suspicious. But why ask, you know?”
“Then the whole marriage thing, the assassination plot. The actual fucking assassination attempt. I don’t trust Eleya and I don’t feel bad about that. You know what? I don’t trust my own government either. Both of them have hung the same sword over my head, did you know that?”
Neya had not been prepared for the ferocity in that response, nor the length. Her ears and antenna were pressed back, purple eyes wide. “It was not a real sword?”
“No, metaphorical. They both saw a romantic connection and attempted to exploit it immediately. We see this, and want that from you; if you don’t comply, we’ll make you two suffer. Eleya at least tried to manipulate me with things that benefit me as well, but the implication was still the same: comply or I’ll send you away and ship her out. I agreed and I still damn near got killed. All I want to do is fly ships and date somebody, and everyone is doing their damndest to make me think it’s not worth it.” He waved a hand dismissively. “This is what I think about when I go to the bathroom. You can imagine how much of a spiral I’d be going through if the notes in the margins of those overgrown receipts weren’t a little interesting. I probably would have tried to walk home by now.”
There was more heat on all of that than Alex had initially planned for, the truth of his experience here tumbling out. Neya’s eyes darted away from him as she let out an uneasy murmur, her fingers tapping nervously. When she looked back, she gave him a faint nod in agreement. “I hope you do not try to do that. Though, I- I think I know how you feel.”
“I really hope you don’t. I wouldn’t want to put anybody through this bullshit.” He drummed an irritated beat on the table with one hand, annoyance simmering close to the surface now as he looked over to her.
“Not so precisely. Having the feeling that something is not worth continuing... Has been a close companion for me recently.” Her eyes darted away, intentionally avoiding contact as she laced her fingers together and set them in her lap. “I have thought of going home many times.”
Alex scrutinized her, Neya sitting more still than he’d ever seen her - sure, it had only been a day, but she was always moving until now. The weight in her words hadn’t gone unnoticed, either. “Well, go on. I vented at you, the least I can do is hear you out.”
It took her a few minutes to work up the courage to continue, deathly still in the meantime. “Did Carbon tell you anything about me?”
There wasn’t really a doubt in his mind at this point that this was the Neya that had come up during the fight with Eleya, given how casual Carbon had been with her, but that question felt like proper confirmation. Alex shook his head. “She never said a word about you. Never got a lot of specifics out of her about anything. I still don’t know her dad’s name. I know what he looks like - well, I know what he looked like when Carbon was a kid. Real bundle of secrets, that one.”
“Ah.” Neya sank in the chair slightly, a soft sigh following close. “She often does not like talking.”
“Yeah. She needs to. Has a tight grasp on her emotions and memories, and she did seem a little better each time she opened up. I guess I was waiting for her? She’d shown she trusted me. She in no uncertain terms saved my life back on the Kshlav’o.” He probably wasn’t supposed to talk about that but he was rapidly running out of caring about what the government wanted him to be quiet about. “Giving her time to feel comfortable was the least I could do.”
Alex gave a start as the machine running his IV began beeping. He’d been disconnected for longer than it wanted. He rolled his eyes and reached over, dragging the stand of equipment closer to the chair and hooking his port back up. “So, I’ve known you as long as you’ve known me... Probably. Unless Carbon started talking about me the moment she came aboard?”
She sighed softly, lips pulled thin. “She avoided me, and then Eleya called me down here. I have never...” Neya’s voice petered out and she stopped talking, staring at the floor across the small sickbay room.
“Take your time.” He had nowhere to go until the next morning, if not longer. Aside from the bathroom.
“I had never seen her so shaken. Even in the face of the eruption, of her mother’s death, she had remained composed.” No longer confronted with talking about herself, Neya relaxed, hands once again moving as she spoke. “She was just pacing in the waiting room, and there was a lot of blood on her. When she saw me, there was such a clear look of fear in her eyes.”
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“Why do you think that was?” Alex had a pretty good idea, but letting people get to their own conclusions was best.
Neya gave him a sidelong glance over the table, clearly asking him ‘what could it have been?’ before she continued. “The first thing she said was ‘you have to leave.’ That... hurt a lot. I did not leave. I feel it was self-serving now, but I gave her a hug.”
“She does need more of those.” The idea that he was being kept a secret had almost been fun for awhile. Carbon had him as a source of strength, of comfort, and he had enjoyed being part of their little conspiracy. Seeing pieces from the trainwreck of that secrecy was making him doubt if it had been worthwhile.
“Yes. She stood there and cried. I was in shock, this was unlike the Carbon I knew. Eleya interceded, sent us away to get her cleaned up with the assurance that the best doctors on board were working on ‘him’ - she did not specify who it was at the time. We came back after she was cleaned up. Carbon had not spoken a word the entire time we were gone, and Eleya had already started to gather a team to see about getting the mediboard technology onboard. She attached Carbon to it immediately.”
“Keep her engaged with something other than worrying?”
Neya gave him a nod in agreement. “Carbon protested, loudly. Eleya remained firm in her directions. She could do nothing for you here other than wearing the floor down, but proper lifesaving equipment would actually make a difference. Who on board would be more invested in seeing that deal done? Carbon did not want to relent, but eventually did with the condition that I would be here in her stead. I agreed immediately, of course, as did Eleya.”
“Thanks for that, by the way. You may not have been a familiar face, but of the two Tsla’o that could have been here when I came to, I don’t think I would have reacted well to Eleya.” Particularly not with how long it took for his vision to focus, he probably would have mistaken her for Carbon at first given their fur and eye colors are nearly the same. He shuddered. How awful a bait and switch would that have been?
“I would have done so no matter the reason if I was asked, but she was adamant that I be here while she could not be, and I take the tasks I am given very seriously.”
“I noticed you sleeping in the chair.” A little bit of envy slipped into his voice. Even if the drugs were keeping him awake with good mental clarity, he would have loved to have actually been able to shut his eyes and have some time disappear.
“The bed was taken.” Neya shrugged as the glimmer of humor in a fairly bleak conversation curled the corner of her mouth into a barely restrained smirk.
Alex laughed, shaking his head. “You want to give it a go, I don’t mind sitting for a while. The chair actually isn’t too bad.”
“Absolutely not!” Her gaze twitched over to him, aghast at the suggestion before she remembered she was talking to the very definition of an alien, and a neophyte when it came to her culture. “Ah, apologies - it is taboo to use a bed intended for medicine if you are not in need of it. It invites sickness to take home in your body.”
“Understood.” It made sense from a pre-germ theory point of view. Alex was getting the feeling they had a lot of long holdovers on stuff like that, probably thanks to a relatively homogenous society. He was now extremely aware of the fact he’d been showing off his legs non-stop when he was out of the bed. Nobody seemed to care. Not the doctors, not Neya... Had Carbon been putting him on? The intensity of her feelings around that indicated otherwise, but it was another question for the pile anyway. “Seriously, though, if you want to sleep in your own bed, don’t avoid it on account of me.
“I said I would remain here until Carbon returned. This is my duty, and I will fulfill it. A night or two with a stiff back is acceptable.” She closed her eyes and nodded once, the idea put to rest as far as she was concerned.
“Alright.” Duty being a big deal for the Tsla’o had been mentioned in the primer, and it seems to have been accurate about that one. “Even if I, as a prince or whatever, tell you I don’t want to sit here awake while someone else sleeps in front of me?”
To her credit, Neya did think about it, soft shoes tapping on the hard floor while she formulated an answer. “No. While your station - or whatever - is equal to Carbon, she gave me clear instructions while you were in surgery, and I cannot in good conscience simply discard those. In addition, Eleya approved of those instructions, giving them weight beyond your station.”
“Oh. You got me there.” Alex shrugged. They had started talking about something specific that had seemed important to Neya, and he was no stranger to realigning the trajectory of a conversation that was feeling too heavy. He’d give it a corrective nudge and see if that stuck - if not, it was probably more than she was comfortable divulging to a stranger and he’d just have to deal with it. “So. You agreed, they packed Carbon up and shipped her down to Earth...”
“Eleya stayed with me while they were fixing you. She was being more guarded about what she spoke about than normal, and I did not understand why until you were placed in here and we were allowed to enter.” She paused, fingers tented together as her jaw worked. “When Carbon left - a year ago, to embark on the foraging expedition - she was... She had no ill will towards Humans, but she did not look forward to working with them. You might understand how surprised I was when it was not a Tsla’o on that bed. That she had returned with her heart in the hands of a Human.”
“I read you. The first few months of knowing her had been a bit chilly, that turnaround was a surprise for me, too. A welcome one.” He added quickly.
“I knew she was under stress. Everyone has been under so much stress.” Neya heaved a sigh that would have been dramatic under other circumstances, but as her eyes focused on something far outside the ship, it was just worrying. “I lost almost everyone in the disaster. My family, my friends, every teacher and the other contras I had known from the council, all of them were in the caldera. Gone in an instant.”
“Except Carbon.”
Neya inhaled, closed her eyes and nodded as she held it, then exhaled a ragged breath. She repeated the breathing exercise a few times. “Carbon finds a love she did not expect, and hides herself because of it. It... makes me wonder if I have not actually lost everyone, but the last was just slow to slip away.”
“You haven’t lost her. She hauled me out of crash foam in an incredibly radioactive room, back when she didn’t even like me. You can’t make me believe she’d abandon an actual friend.” Alex reached over the table and rested a hand on her shoulder, the fabric of her jacket was dense and silky under his fingers. Wet purple eyes looking over at him in return. He still wasn’t sure about what their relationship was - a courtier, or some sort of lady-in-waiting, but alien? Maybe Tsla’o friends were just that sort of intense. “This is new territory for her, and she’s afraid. Fear makes people do stupid things. Between Eleya’s meddling, me almost dying, and you feeling like you’ve been abandoned, we’re out of stupid outcomes to worry about. You two will talk this out, I’ll see to it. Alright?”