It was approaching midnight onboard when they arrived back on the Sword of the Morning Light. More so than normal, it appeared to be deserted as Alex and Carbon wandered the dimmed halls back to their cabin.
They had finished the bottle of wine on the shuttle. Between the two of them it wasn’t enough to really get drunk on - Carbon had started off slow even if she’d slammed her last glass - but Alex found himself creeping towards a respectable buzz. Probably because he’d consumed about two thirds of the bottle.
Carbon led the way, easily navigating the carrier like she’d lived there all her life. Alex suspected she had spent a fair amount of time on it, or maybe the Tsla’o military ships she had served on were just good practice. He was starting to feel like he was familiar with it. A little bit. He recognized the door to their apartment-quarters-house-cabin thing just as soon as he saw it, at least.
Once inside the... Mud room? Vestibule? What was this thing, anyway? Whatever it was, Alex helped her out of her jacket, once the outer door closed. It was something that she could easily do herself but they had been getting a little bit amorous and now that they were properly away from prying eyes, the gesture was met with enthusiastic approval.
Carbon was wearing a shirt, as one would expect, but the material wasn’t stretchy, so he was trying to figure out how it came undone. He’d seen the process before but the weird mixture of wrapping and braiding around her body was entirely too complex for him to manage right now. There must have been some trick to it. He stopped tugging at that long strip of cloth and cursed quietly.
“What is wrong?” Her hands dropped to her waist and pulled the ends free, slipping them into his hand.
Alex grinned and undid the first loop. “I forgot the sandwiches.”
“They are in a stasis.” She reached up and grabbed the lapel of his shirt, pulling him down to her level for a kiss. “They will be as fresh tomorrow as next year.”
“But what if someone eats them?” Alex complained in the least convincing tone of voice possible as he unwound a few more loops, exposing more of her midriff. That was surprisingly fun.
She turned away from him with a smirk, pulling him along behind her into the darkness of the cabin proper. “No one is going to eat them... And if they do, we can get more.”
“You saw how Amalu went after the seafood combo. He’s ravenous, and nothing stands between him and more Human food but a simple latch.” He couldn't keep the charade up, a deep laugh starting halfway through the entirely unlikely scenario. He thought he knew the layout of the modest cabin well enough to not run into anything, closing the door to the vestibule and leaving the room pitch dark. His hands found her hips and he leaned in to kiss her neck, warm body pressed against him with a happy rumble.
“Then we will send him to get more.” She pulled away, the alien cadence of her steps louder in the dark and leading Alex towards the bed.
“Oh, fine.” He did bump one of the chairs, but otherwise he made it without incident. Pretty good for being a little drunk.
“It had better be.” There was a playful seriousness to her voice as she untucked his shirt and slid her hands across his sides, holding him tight against her and grazing his skin with her claws.
“I don’t know. I might be worrying about this all night.” Alex smiled as he discarded his shirt and turned them around, backing towards what he was sure was the bed. The hard edge that pressed against his calf felt right and he took a chance, pleased to find himself sinking into the plush mattress. “Maybe you can think of some way to distract me?”
That got a laugh out of her as she straddled his lap, wrapping her arms around his neck with a kiss. “I am sure that I can find a way.”
Something touched his back.
It was well below where Carbon could reach. A gentle pressure half-way down his rib cage, just to the left of his spine and he was transported momentarily to the access tunnel in the launch bays. The unexpected assault, the blade that slid through his torso so sharp and so thin that he barely felt it, even though it had cut into his translator implant. The heat of the blood all but gushing from the wound.
Alex was up off the bed like a shot, yelling in a mixture of fear and anger that wasn’t clearly directed anywhere as adrenaline surged through his body. As he did this, he somehow managed to hold onto Carbon, thankfully not just dumping her on the ground in a panic. “Lights!”
The system didn’t understand English, of course. His SERE training had been on his mind lately, the Navy instructors drilling the locations of equipment he carried into him and the various ways it could be used. Left front upper cargo pocket was his emergency med kit. He reached for it, and only as his fingertips slid down the nice fabric of the slacks he was wearing did he realize it wasn’t there, and he hadn’t gotten it replaced after he used it last time he got stabbed.
In the dark his mind raced, panicked, chest tight... But there was no pain. No cuts from a knife, no blood. He hadn’t been stabbed again. He was just standing there with every stress chemical a Human body makes dumped into his bloodstream, shaking like a leaf.
Carbon spoke a heartbeat later and the lights came on. He had apparently knocked over a chair in his panic, the table in the center of the room shoved a bit as well. Carbon wriggled out of his death grip, and rested a hand on his chest, heart racing beneath her fingertips. There was no assassin waiting for them. Just Neya sitting in their bed, pale fur fluffed out like she’d just been woken up by someone screaming in terror.
He looked from Neya to Carbon, eyes wide and senses alive with adrenaline, his fingers still trying to operate a medkit he didn’t have. “What is she doing here?”
“It looks like she had been sleeping.” Carbon was, for some reason, perturbed. “And given where she was doing that, it seems she has come to a decision sooner than I had expected.”
“Why isn’t she sleeping in her cabin?” That seemed like a perfectly reasonable place for her. Not sleeping in their bed, at least half naked. He started to relax, arms falling to his side even though his heart still raced. “What decision?”
“This is her home. It is appropriate for her to be here.” Carbon said it like it was obvious. “The decision that she has been contemplating for several days now - whether she will become our Zeshen or remain mine alone.”
That was weird. Why would they be staying in her place? Why did Carbon kick her out of her own cabin last night? That was wildly inappropriate given what they’d done in her bed. “I thought this was our cabin?”
Carbon rested her hands on her hips, this line of questioning not particularly impressing her. “It is.”
Alex’s eyes darted to Neya. She was just sitting there with the comforter draped over her legs and most of her tail, watching them talk and looking more perplexed than anything now. She retrieved a set of those little beads he’d seen them use for a machine interface from the headboard and began attaching them onto her antennae. “But... You, wait. Wait wait. Our Zeshen?”
“Yes.” Carbon had been looking at him like he was crazy, but that melted away as his brain gained traction on the conversation.
Alex sighed and rubbed his forehead. He wasn’t really drunk, but he was too drunk for this. He spun a finger in the air, gesturing to all three of them. “Ours? Why did she do that? What does that mean?”
“She was my Zeshen. When we became entwined, she was presented with a decision - remain mine alone, become ours, or step away.” Carbon slowed it down and enunciated everything very clearly for him. Any other time he would have found that denigrating but it was actually kind of useful right now. “It is her choice alone.”
Alex plucked his shirt off the ground and pulled it back on, suddenly feeling uncomfortably naked despite - or because of - Neya and Carbon’s various levels of undress. He righted the chair he had knocked over and eased himself down into the seat. “So she chose to become ours.”
“If my guess is correct.” She looked over to Neya, an eyebrow lifted as she switched back into Tsla for a moment. “You have chosen?”
Neya had been patting her fur back down into place, only pausing to give a cryptic reply. “You know I am very strict about protocol.”
Alex looked between the two of them. “Which means?”
“I have chosen the demanding path.” Neya had just about gotten herself back down to her usual amount of fluffiness, and she seemed a little amused with her statement. “It felt fitting to throw myself into more difficult work.”
“Do not.” Carbon admonished her softly, a finger directed her way though her gaze never left Alex. “She steps around the answer, but it would be yes. Zeshen would not sleep in the bed of an entwined pair unless they had taken on the more arduous role of reflection for both.”
Reflection? That was a new one... But this whole thing was extremely new anyway, what did one more thing he didn’t understand matter? Alex squinted at the bed. It was large enough to fit him and Carbon with plenty of extra space. Which made more sense now. “Alright, so... ours. I’m guessing she’s been working on this since, what, when I woke up in the sickbay? Was I going to be involved in this decision at all?”
“Since before she met you in the sickbay, after Eleya informed her of our relationship. It is a formal decision they make, it must be spoken so all may know it - though it seems she has some items out of order.” Carbon gave her a sidelong glance, which Neya did her best to ignore. “We discussed this while you were undergoing your procedure, among other things. She was still not sure what to make of you. I made the decision not to tell you until after she had chosen, which would have worked better with proper formal notification. I- I expected this to take longer, and that I would work through my fears about it in that time.”
“I said I would not step away.” Neya piped up into the conversation, sounding very resolute in that statement. “I know why I was chosen.”
The chair creaked as Alex leaned back with an uneasy laugh. “You’re not thinking of me as an alien again. So, like - Okay. So. Your secretary... assistant? Our assistant - our second soul. She doesn’t have her own home? She lives with us?”
“That you are different has become easy to forget for me.” Carbon started to speak then stopped short, sitting down on the bed next to Neya. The pale Tsla’o slid an arm around her waist and gave her a hug. “She is not... secretary or assistant is not accurate. Though some of her duties do include that work. Most Zeshen reside with their first soul, this is a very common practice.”
“Uh-huh.” He nodded, not as much in agreement with anything Carbon had said, but to give his head something to do other than feel entirely out of his depth. “So, I am missing something here. Probably a whole lot of something, this feels like a big cultural thing that I’ve been blind to so far.”
She considered that before continuing. “It is likely that this has been concealed from Humanity until now - intentionally. You did not have a dictionary entry that appears to reduce their existence to fur coloration by accident.”
He couldn’t help but notice that she’d been doing some intentional concealing as well until the last few days. Fear of losing Neya to either her decision, no matter what Neya's statement on it was, or because he was unwilling to allow it. “Yeah, I’m picking that up. So, uh... can you get me caught up here?”
Carbon nodded, a hand reaching out and stroking Neya’s head absently. “Zeshen are given to-”
He cleared his throat and raised an eyebrow. “Given?”
“Yes. There are few of them born, it is an honor to receive one. My mother and Eleya - and their Zeshen - assisted the council in choosing Neya for me.”
“Receive?” The other eyebrow went up, both of them threatening to pop right off his face at this point. “Like property?”
“No. That practice was banned in the first age, and the establishment of the council has ensured that it has remained dead for hundreds of years.” Carbon sighed softly, face falling. “The council is nearly gone now, but their work remains.”
“Oh, well... That’s something.” He closed his eyes and rubbed his temples. “So you got her and she... lives with you now? Sleeps in your bed? Checks the mail?”
“As I said, there is more to it than that. It is natural for her to be here and she does assist me with many aspects of my life. As she will with yours.” Carbon reached over and gave Neya’s hand a squeeze, a little bit of worry easing from her face. “Since she is ourselves, it is proper that she sleep in our bed.”
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“Ourselves?” Alex blanched and tried to get everything Carbon was telling him ordered neatly in his brain through the wine when the best possible solution hit him. He stood up and shooed Neya back from the edge of the bed - yep, she was entirely naked - clearing room for him to sit next to Carbon as he switched his wetware off. “I don’t know why the hell I am asking you questions. Show me.”
Carbon was relieved that he finally took the initiative, flipping her antennae over and resting them on the crown of his head. They sank down into the shared space, her presence showing worried edges and cracks of insecurity. “A moment... There is much to show and much that is excess.”
He was sure his own discomfort was showing through but he tried to play it down, a smile spreading across his thoughts. “Take your time, I don’t have any plans for tomorrow.”
She seemed to appreciate that, a busy sort of vibe spiraling from her as she worked up whatever it was she was going to show him. “Here. I think this will do to start.”
Alex sank down into a memory first, an absolutely ancient recollection of Carbon’s childhood. Probably years before the last memory she had shown him, given how tall her mother looked. He shouldn’t have been surprised to find that they didn’t share a fur color, but he was. A dark blue, maybe purplish in the evening light as Carbon looked up at her, seated on her mother’s lap and idly swinging her feet through the air as akaya explained something to Carbon.
He couldn’t understand a word of it, but given how Carbon’s gaze kept returning to her father and a Zeshen going over a thick sheaf of papers at the other end of the table, he assumed she was explaining who that lady was. The way she spoke, the cadence, despite being in a foreign language, reminded him of how a teacher who was passionate about a subject would explain something. Young Carbon enjoyed being taken seriously, even when finding out new things did not lead to understanding them.
Alex felt that very deeply.
The memory drew to an end as the lesson finished. He understood that Carbon was putting them on equal footing with that, more than an explanation. She was once unaware of it, too.
A moment of inquiry from Carbon, little more than the idea of a question mark permeating their shared space.
He agreed and carefully ordered knowledge rushed into his mind.
Zeshen are born from deeply recessive genes. In more primitive times, before genetics were understood, they were considered a soul that was loose from a body - and required grounding in this world so they did not become violent spirits. The word had come to describe them in every way. While their unique coloration was part of that, it was their title, their gender, their place among the Tsla’o. Exalted in their culture and held above the law, even above the Imperials in some situations.
In the modern age, much care was taken in selecting who each one would be given to. The council was made of retired Zeshen, and beyond seeing to the upbringing of this unique group, they were heavily involved in matching pairs. Interviews and mental links with the candidate and their nominator, their friends, their family, their coworkers and fellow students.
Nothing was left to chance when souls were in the balance. The relationship they had with their aeshen - their first soul - was very close. In time they would become indistinguishable in some ways, forever changing the other. Choosing personalities for a beneficial weave was second only to ensuring that the prospective was worthy.
This didn’t feel like the last time Carbon had breathed understanding into his mind. These weren’t her thoughts, this wasn’t something she’d studied, it wasn’t her voice. There was the feeling of someone else on them, an echo that this very same thing had been shared with her first. “Who was that?”
The Carbon-part wavered with surprise. “It was part of the explanation the council agent gives a candidate.”
“Huh, right from the source. Suppose they’d know their history best.”
“It is so.”
“How much...” Alex wondered for a moment how insensitive the question he was about to ask was, his unease written in bold strokes that were impossible to hide. “How much have you - both of you, I suppose - changed? I find the idea unsettling in a couple of different ways.”
“For me, the weaving has been mild so far. I am told I have picked up a mannerism or two, and I have become less harsh on myself. I have not inquired with Neya what she believes has occurred - though I have seen her grow more serious about the council’s protocols.” There was a hint of humor in that, a smug little smile.
His discomfort deepened as she explained this, apparently just fine with squeezing minds together so often you picked up someone else’s behaviors. “So that part is literal and not a metaphor for just... changing opinions.”
“Yes, correct. Most entwined will weave throughout their lives as well - the selection process for that is far less structured, as you have become aware.” Carbon studied him, not too closely, and while she was giving off the feeling of calm initially but quickly realized it was not helping like last time and stopped. “This is a normal process for all Tsla’o, starting when we are infants.”
As she spoke in their shared mental space, she did it in the same cadence her mother had used. She’d done it a few times before, too, but he understood where that came from now. The idea that this was normal for them did not set him at ease, but it was less troubling that it was a whole society thing, and not just what occurred when you’re issued another person. “So... has this started between us?”
“Yes, but it is far too soon for it to begin showing.” She hesitated, a momentary disturbance of alarm crackling between them. “I- I do not know if you being Human will change that. It took years for evidence of weaving to occur with Neya.”
“Have you noticed me acting like you yet?” Alex found a bit of humor in the question. “I think I’d have noticed if you had suddenly started doing things like me.”
“No, not at all. As you are an adult, it should be between three and five years of weekly links before there is any noticeable transfer. That is far more than we have engaged in.”
“Huh, all right. Just... Let’s keep an eye out for changes that are unusual for both of us.” That had dialed him back to cautious, for the time being. “As we are different, this should be approached with more caution.”
Realization of what he’d just thought hit him with a burst of panic. When was the last time he’d been concerned with caution? Why was she viewing this with an almost cavalier attitude?
Oh no.
“Alex.” She gave him a nudge mentally, a gentle touch that he couldn’t reciprocate without antenna of his own.
“Are we- Has-” He felt his heartbeat quicken as that panic settled in.
“Stop. You are so upset you are broadcasting your thoughts. I appear cavalier because this is a part of my society, I grew up with it. It is a natural part of life to me, that you have only just found out about. I think...” Carbon narrowed her focus on him, a spotlight on his racing thoughts. “Are you afraid we will stop being us?”
Alex exhaled, actually exhaled through his mouth, only remembering it was rude after he did it. He’d apologize later. “Yeah. I guess I am. I don’t want to date myself. Be married to myself, whatever. I don’t want you to change.”
“Change is an immutable part of life, but I think I understand what you mean. With the weaving, the self is not lost, it is enhanced by those that care for it. Most often you hear the adage ‘jewels on a necklace’ used to describe the changes. These are treasures.” She paused to make sure he was paying attention before continuing in a manner that felt intensely personal. “I would very much like to have some from you.”
Carbon’s desire to have that happen was the shock his system needed. It was still utterly alien, which tracked, and... yes, was still unsettling from the point of view of someone who wasn't used to the idea. “Alright, I think my imagination just got away from me there. So it’s additive? We should still keep an eye on it. Make sure me being Human doesn’t change the speed at which it happens or anything, for either of us.”
“The self always remains. And since you are different, that is prudent.” She turned her attention back to her thoughts, a wry feeling in her words. “So, do you think you understand Zeshen enough yet? I have a few other memories... My first link with Neya, perhaps.”
While he found himself curious about what that was like, a response in the negative rolled off him. It didn’t feel like something that was his business to be viewing. “I think I’ve got the general overview. Enough that I don’t have a pile of questions anymore.”
Carbon radiated assent and the shared space faded out.
The first thing he saw was Neya watching him intently, violet eyes wide and expectant for... something. He looked back to Carbon, eyebrows raised in a silent question.
She flipped her antennae back into place and smiled softly. “There is one remaining question for her. She has made her choice, but it still requires you to accept. Normally it would be the other way around... You assent to her becoming ours, then she would decide. Normally at least one council agent would be involved as well. These are not normal times.”
He tipped his head back and rubbed his eyes, lips pulled tight. “It’s still... alien to me and I am keeping that in mind while I process this.”
Neya leaned against Carbon and whispered something into her ear, amethyst eyes pensive and locked on him as she did.
Carbon sighed and patted Neya’s leg and began to roll her eyes, stopping before they had gone very far. “She wants to know if you are upset with her. She believes that she cannot read your facial expressions properly yet.”
Neya gave her such a look. Staring daggers at the dark-furred Tsla’o as she elbowed Carbon in the side with a negative little click of the tongue.
Carbon switched back into Tsla, talking so fast the translator lagged slightly. “Oh, so you will believe me when I show you he is kind and empathetic, but when you might actually experience that you want to hide behind me like a child? You are older than he is, you know.” She finished the statement with a gruff noise through her teeth. “That is not like you.”
Neya had puffed up a bit Carbon chastised her, tail lashing nervously. “It is not. Apologies.”
Carbon’s tone had relaxed significantly before she spoke again. “Very well. Please, just ask him your question. I cannot think of a more understanding person.”
Alex held up a hand to stop her. “I got it already, she can handle them herself from here on out. Short answer? No, not upset with you. You’re as good at reading me as Carbon was a few months ago, by the way. Never got it wrong in sickbay.” He was actually mad at whoever made the decision to not talk to their Human allies about these social details, but also expected most of them were dead for one reason or another so there wasn’t much point in getting riled up over it now. “And... yeah, I suppose we’ll give it a go. See how it works out. Slowly. This is still new to me.”
Carbon poked her in the side. “You see? He offers an honorable path as though it were a reflex.”
“So it is. Thank you for the kindness, I have doubted much recently and it has seeped into myself.” Neya smiled and relaxed, scooting forward and wrapping her narrow arms around his torso. “I believe that I mistook what you meant when you said personal assistant, there may have been a problem with the translation. If I had known so, I would have clarified my role.”
Alex had raised his arms out of her way when she came at him and now held them aloft, not sure what to do with them. Her fur was softer than Carbon’s, which was unexpected. Alex had figured they’d all feel pretty much the same until now. Was it a genetic thing, or did she condition more? He cocked an eyebrow at Carbon, who didn’t seem to mind Neya getting comfortable on him. “I’m sure you would have.”
“She is very curious about you, Alex.” Carbon gestured for him to put his arms down. “Neya does not have the experience with Humans that I do, and I do not think that she imagined being Zeshen to one.”
“I guess so, yeah.” He settled his arms on her shoulder, Neya nestling down under them and nodding silently in agreement. It left him feeling more uncomfortable than when he had just been holding them up. “This doesn’t bother you?”
Carbon was perplexed by that question, head rotating slightly, ears perked up. “Why would it?”
He considered his reply carefully before speaking. “You don’t see the same thing I do.”
Carbon’s words were measured, thoughtful. “No. I do not think so.”
“I am a little weirded out.” He was a lot weirded out, actually. Tonight had ended up being a hell of a learning experience. Definitely would not have drank all that wine if he’d had any idea this was coming.
While Neya had not said anything, she had clearly been listening. She extricated herself from the hug, and gave him a deep nod before moving to a more empty part of the bed, once again under the covers.
“You do have a certain nervous look about you that I find enticing.” There was a low predatory tone to her voice as she crawled up the bed and ushered him further in before taking hold of his arm and resting her head on his shoulder. “I take it that Humans do not have any similar system?”
He sighed quietly, now sandwiched between them. “Not that I was raised with, not that I even know about.”
“I see there are still so many ways we are different.” She reached over him to pull the blanket up, setting it about Neya’s shoulders as she was already asleep again. Carbon lowered her voice before continuing. “My mother said she had trouble getting acclimated to having a Zeshen, even though she knew of them. She lost much sleep when my parents first became entwined.”
“Oh? That makes me feel a little bit better.” It was good to know that being uncomfortable with this wasn’t unusual among the Tsla’o. If they were just sleeping, that was... weird, but not too weird. Did sort of explain why the bed was so spacious for a fairly compact race.
“It should not be a problem for you, Neya does not kick in her sleep like Eraei did.” Her delivery was perfect, absolutely deadpan.
That took a moment to sink in. “No, it’s not...”
She was laughing quietly, mischief in her cerulean eyes. “Will this be too uncomfortable for you? Here is her rightful place, but I - or you - can send her away.”
“Making her leave doesn’t feel right to me. Mind you, I think that response is for entirely Human reasons.” Alex couldn’t shake the feeling that he was the one intruding here.
Carbon smiled and idly stroked his arm. “I know she is a bit ‘weirded out’ by this situation. She hides it well, but there are little signs. If my feelings for you were not held out by your actions... She would not even consider the attempt.”
“Interesting. Like a relationship barometer.” That made sense to him. Being able to get a second opinion from yourself but one step removed from a situation seemed like it would be damn handy.
Her smile widened, approval in her eyes. “Very much like that. Are you sure you have not been reading any of our history books?”
Alex laughed softly. “Very sure.”
“Will you let her stay?”
He considered it again. Really, what’s the worst that could happen? Not like it was somehow more inappropriate than sleeping with one alien. “When in Rome.”
She shook her head. “That does not mean anything to me.”
Alex sighed and rolled his eyes at himself for casually using another idiom. “Old saying. When in Rome, do as the Romans do. Act like you belong where you are.”
Carbon beamed at that. “Good. In the morning you should link with her. It will help you both along.”
He felt a little like he was just humoring her in the moment, but she clearly thought it important. “I’ll keep that in mind.”
“As you should." She patted his arm. "Now, will you disrobe? You make me feel as though I’m underdressed.”