Chapter Thirty-Five

-- December, 1983

Prince – “Little Red Corvette”

When word spread that a few of the old gang were back home for the holidays, last minute phone calls were made and a bar was chosen. The Hat Tavern, located in the basement of the Grand Summit Hotel, was the only one in the area open late. It was modeled after British pubs, designed with brass features and dark wood. Classy and dimly lit, it was something their parents would have frequented.

Janet and Bill were the first to arrive. They threw their coats over several tables to claim them, then headed over to the bar area. Both of them had the same fear, though they didn’t express it to one another: that their jobs wouldn’t be worth talking about in front of their friends. In anticipation of this, they ordered doubles.

They had just finished the first round when John Birch came through the back door, bringing the cold with him. His curly hair was thinning at the temples and he was wearing a trench coat and a bespoke, three-piece-suit. “Who are you and what have you done with John?!” Janet said, rising to hug him.

Bill gave him a hearty handshake and the two of them listened as John told them what he’d been up to since leaving Prudential. The company he founded, the one he asked Bill to be a part of, was credited with revolutionizing small business insurance and as a co-owner, John was wealthy beyond his wildest dreams.

A noxious odor began to dig at Bill. He looked around incredulously, wondering why the others could not smell it. As J.B. continued to tell them his good news, the reek seemed to grow with every word. When John told them he had eloped the week before, the stench became overwhelming.

“Who’s the girl?!” Janet wanted to know.

“Well, as you know, my office is in the city. I was going to lunch one day and who do I bump into coming out of a photo shoot?” He paused for dramatic tension. “That’s right, Simone!”

Bill’s face darkened as Janet immediately gave John a light-hearted punch in the shoulder, saying, “You married Simone?! Where the fuck was my invite you jerk!”

John Birch beamed. “It was a last-minute thing. Not even our family came.”

“You’re lucky, you know that? I loved her spread in Vogue last fall.”

“She was half-naked, I think everybody did.”

John looked expectantly at Bill who had been strangely quiet the whole time. “Congratulations,” Bill finally said. He tried to break John’s hand when he shook it, but the guy was so happy he didn’t even notice.

Bill ordered another double as a scrum of people noisily entered the tavern, including Amy O’Dell, who was now Amy Angelo (thank you very much!) and very, very pregnant. She entered with a beatific smile, holding her belly, in clothes that she had sewn herself.

Janet threw her arms around the rosy cheeked mother-to-be. “Well, I guess you won’t be drinking tonight!” They laughed together, Amy’s face filled with a good-humored glow.

Bill watched her from a far until she waved at him. “Hi, Billy.” she said bashfully.

Bill took his time weaving through the crowds of people. When he was within shouting distance, he tried to play it cool. “Who’s the poppa?” he asked.

“Oh, he’s parking the car. You’ll meet him soon.” She stood there, smiling at him. “So how’ve you been?”

Bill nodded. “Yeah.” Then realizing that wasn’t an answer, quickly added, “I’m good.”

“Where’s everybody else?” Janet asked Amy.

“They should be along any minute, we’re all coming from the Conde Nast Christmas Party, if you can believe it!”

“Pretty swank...”

“You’re tellin’ me – they gave out crystal ornaments in the gift bags! Most lavish party I’ve ever been to in my life. Must have been a thousand people there! They had heated brandy--”

Janet groaned, “I bet you were pissed you couldn’t partake.”

“Just two more looong months...”

They met Tom, Amy’s husband. He was a near giant and nodded liked a grinning fool. While he introduced himself around, Bill ordered yet another double.

Soon after, the other Conde Nast folks arrived, including Maggie and Glen Tonche. The group was already blitzed but insisted on buying a round of shots. They even left a bag of coke in the restroom and took turns visiting the head for a toot-ski. Maggie most of all. She was a buyer for Sak’s and was dressed elegantly in a sleeveless ascot blouse.

Bill circled the bar in loops, several drinks in, never committing to an area. He overheard bits of conversations from the others.

Cody kept asking anyone who’d listen if they had seen “E.T.” yet.

John Birch was talking to a stranger about Three Mile Island. “You see the backlash with that China Syndrome movie, but what people are overlooking is how crucial nuclear power is to our society...” When someone called him out on turning into “the man,” he smiled and said something about “fighting the good fight from the inside.”

“I guess your morals are flexible when it comes to money.” Bill had spoken, as if only to himself. It sent an awkward silence through those in their immediate vicinity.

J.B. gave him a wan smile. “No Bill... I just played the game you refused to play.”

In an attempt to defuse the situation, Janet tried to force a conversation with Maggie, who was standing nearby. “John says you’re living in Manhattan?”

Maggie nodded, eager to end the embarrassment. “In the financial district, yeah...”

Gradually, the good times returned and Bill faded into the crowd.

They were laughing when an amputee in a wheelchair entered the bar. He was homeless and smelled of bourbon and had a cardboard sign that talked about his time in Vietnam. His cargo pants were knotted at the knee so as not to get them caught in the spokes of his wheels. No one said what they were all thinking -- that the man shared more than a passing resemblance to Matt Learner. It made them uncomfortable and they were secretly glad when the bartender kicked him out.

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But Janet couldn’t shake the reminder. She began to drink harder than she had been. And by the time they were ready to leave, Glen had to help her outside. Amy was the first person to her car. She waved goodbye to everyone from her Dodge Caravan. “They call it a minivan!” she made sure to tell them.

Glen tried to hand Janet’s keys off to Bill. “I’m not goin’ with him!” Janet balked. “He’s been drinking!” Her eyes were almost completely shut.

Bill shook his head. “Ignore her, I had one drink tonight. I can get her home.”

“Good man,” Glen said, patting him on the back. He stumbled to his Porsche, screaming to some departing friends. “Good night, Chet!”

Someone laughed and yelled back, “Good night, David!”

Bill deposited his sister into the front seat of her car. She was snoring by the time he got to the driver’s side. Bill slapped his face to wake up, then started the car. He pulled out into the night. The car sped through quiet neighborhoods lit with Christmas lights. When he started to fade, Bill rolled down the windows, hoping the shock of cold air would keep him awake. But his sister quickly barked out that she was freezing, so he rolled them back up again.

At a red light, he fell asleep. He woke who knows how many minutes later when the car behind him honked its horn. Bill sped through the intersection, but a mile further down the road, he just couldn’t keep his eyes open anymore. He plowed Janet’s Toyota Corolla up a cement divider. It flipped multiple times before finally grinding to a halt.

**

Janet woke hours later in Overlook Hospital. She could see her parents out in the hall talking to her doctor. Looking around the room, she noticed she wasn’t alone. Bill was in the bed next to her, much worse for the wear.

She quietly slipped out of her covers, taking great care not to hurt her right arm which was in a sling. Her legs were weak, but she still managed to hobble over to Bill’s bedside. She whispered, “Wake up, you fuck!”

But Bill didn’t stir.

“Fine,” Janet said. “If you won’t wake, then just listen. I don’t care if you make it! Mom might. Dad might. But I hope to hell you don’t pull through. You are beyond help. There is something rotten in you that not even love can fix--”

She tried to fight the growing knot in her throat. “And whose fault is it? Cause it’s not mine!” She gritted her teeth, waiting for some kind of reaction. When none came, she screamed into his comatose face, “God, what happened to you?!”

The tears came as the Doctor entered with her parents. “You shouldn’t be out of bed, miss.” Sandra helped Janet back to her side of the room as the Doc, who was smoking a cigarette, checked the chart at the end of Bill’s bed.

“Good news all around -- no lasting injuries. But I want to stress how lucky you both were. Drunk driving is not a sport.”

Janet glared at her brother, until the Doctor turned his attention onto her. “And you miss, you’ll be happy to know that there was no damage to the fetus. But in the future, I implore you-”

“What?!” Janet stammered.

“The fetus. You’re about ten, twelve weeks along, no?”

William and Sandra gaped at their daughter, wide-eyed.

**

Back at Lynn and Kevin’s overly cramped starter home, Janet argued with her parents. “You think I planned this?!”

“Who knows why you do anything that you do!” William yelled.

Lynn tried to calm everyone down. “Would somebody please tell me what happened? Are we even talking about the car accident anymore?!”

She stared at her mother, but Sandra just motioned. “Ask your sister.”

Lynn turned to Janet who was annoyed but quickly explained, “I’m pregnant.”

Lynn beamed. “Oh my god! We could be pregnant together!”

“Uck.” Janet said, rolling her eyes.

Kevin sat behind them in his bathrobe, looking exhausted, already tired of his house guests. He tried to say something, but Janet just spoke over him. “This is not what I wanted in my life--”

Sandra tried to calm her. “Sweetheart, everyone makes sacrifices for their children.”

“Yeah, and everyone’s unhappy! I’m tired of not having everything I want. I’m tired of turning on the T.V. and seeing everything I don’t have. I'm gonna do this for myself. I'm gonna be selfish. I have the rest of my life to give back to my child--”

William refused to look at his daughter. “Who’s the father?”

Janet stayed quiet for a time. “I don’t know...”

William stood with a start. “You don’t know?!”

But Janet was right there with him. “No, dad! Do you remember the name of every girl you’ve fucked?!”

William lifted a hand to smack her, on reflex, but wrenched it back at the last moment. He stole a glance at his wife, then tore out of the room. Janet watched him go. Moments later, the sound of a car screeching out of the garage cut through the silence.

While they waited for William to return, Janet helped Sandra with the dishes. After the big news, Lynn had headed to bed, so it was just the two of them. The kitchen was quiet, save for the sounds of Sandra scrubbing. When she was reasonably sure a dish was clean, she’d rinse it and hand it off to Janet who would dry with her one good hand.

“Don’t worry about your father, he always comes around.”

Janet dropped the rag she was using. “Oh, Christ mom, I don’t wanna be pregnant!”

“Oh honey, no one does.”

“I thought I had more time... to figure things out... to decide who I’m going to be.”

“You have kids for all types of reasons - for love, for money... to save a marriage...” Sandra paused just long enough to hand Janet her next plate. “Having a child will wreck you. It's like living again - you see the pain, the heartache, the denial, only you're watching it through someone else's eyes... and that makes it all the more worse.”

Janet had stopped drying. “What if I’m not ready?”

“It’s not about ‘ready.’ It's about trying to do good, trying to do right.”

Janet was mute for a moment. “What if I don’t love it?”

Sandra shook her head. “You will. You have to...”

Sandra dried her hands and walked from the room. Janet followed her. Her mother sat quietly on the couch, her knitting on her lap but not in hand, as if she sensed her daughter wasn’t done with her.

“Have to?” Janet asked.

Sandra thought for a moment before speaking. “You want to protect your kids but sometimes you can’t. At some point, you’ve just got to let go.”

But Janet couldn’t believe what she was hearing. “You know what, mom? No. I’m not going to let go. I’m gonna hold on to that kid for the rest of my life. And if he hates me for it, then so be it. At least he’ll know I love him.”

Sandra’s head shot up. “Did you ever doubt that I loved you? You and your brothers and sister. You’re the reasons I get up in the morning. With your father gone all the time… what else have I got?”

Janet tread lightly. She had never seen her mother so vulnerable, so open. “Mom? How are you okay with daddy stepping out on you?”

“It’s fine.”

“What do you mean, ‘it’s fine?’”

“Let him run all over town, he’s only exhausting himself.”

“I can’t believe what I’m hearing...”

“Baby, I wasn’t there for your father. Not for years.”

“That’s no excuse!”

“You know what, Janet? Until you’re in a marriage - a lasting one - I don’t think your opinion really matters!”

“Mother! He’s treating you like a warm blanket!”

“You don’t get it – I am the other woman!”

“What?” Janet tried to process this new information but found it went down hard.

“I started off as one of your father’s affairs. So, it’d be pretty hypocritical of me to--”

“But he chose you! He married you!”

“Yeah, well...” Sandra said before shutting the lights off and heading upstairs. “He chose a lot of girls.”

**

Janet waited up for her father to return. It was cool and dark in the house and everyone was upstairs. She spent the time smoking in the living room. It was near dawn when she heard her father’s car come up Lynn and Kev’s driveway. The sound reminded her of their old home.

William entered, trying to make as little noise as possible. When he saw Janet though, he didn’t look surprised. “I’ve got one thing to say...” he started.

Janet straightened up in her chair as William continued. “If you go ahead with having this kid, you’re on your own. There will be no money from your mother or me. We will not be here to babysit or carry the load. You will be shut out.”

Janet smothered the shock in her throat. “After everything Grandpa put you through... you’d do the same?”

William looked as if he’d been punched in the gut. “This is for your own good.” he said.

Janet wanted to say something, anything, to throw it back in her father’s face. But it was useless. He was already up the stairs.