Chapter Eleven
-- February, 1969
Cat Stevens – “Lilywhite”
The Eames chair was being reupholstered, so William sat where he always sat when he wanted to ignore his family: on the far side of the couch, using the armrest to prop up his ashtray. He was absorbed in a re-run of “Gunsmoke” as Janet came up behind him, wrapped her arms around him, and gave him a hug.
“Hi, sweetie,” he said.
Janet didn’t let go right away, so William added, “Afraid I’ll fly away?”
“Just sayin’ hi…”
“Hi, sweetheart.”
She loosened her grip to play with his tie, a red one with a repeating, gold fleur de lis pattern on it. “I like this tie.”
“Tell your mother that – she does the shopping.” Janet moved to stand, but her father held her back. “Hey, do me a favor? While you’re up...” He lifted his almost empty glass and jiggled the ice cubes inside. “Can you get me a Dewar’s on the rock’s, but easy on the--”
Janet rolled her eyes. “--yeah, yeah, easy on the boulders. Very funny, dad!” She took the glass from him and headed for the kitchen.
**
The next day, in the same space, Sandra had decorated grandly for Bill’s impromptu “getting into college” party. There was a drinks table, a martini luge, a banner fresh from the printers, and caterers circling with canapes. Janet reached for a passing h’or deurve, but after her mother coughed judgmentally, she thought twice.
As usual, Bill sat off to the side, hating every moment of it. Typically, Janet and her friends were banished to the basement. Now he watched as they mingled in unfamiliar surroundings. It just seemed unnatural.
When the doorbell rang, William went to answer it. On the doorstep, he found the loveliest redhead he’d ever seen in his life. Simone entered, sniffling into a Kleenex.
“Hello, Mr. Benson.” She blew her nose loudly.
“Hello, darling...” William thought he knew most of his kid’s friends, but he definitely would have remembered being introduced to this one. Realizing he was staring, William helped the girl out of her coat and showed her into the den.
As Simone greeted her friends, William lingered on her backside. When Sandra entered the room though, he quickly turned to go hang up the girl’s coat.
On his return, he saw his oldest sulking on the couch, far away from everyone else. “Your mother worked very hard on this. Go mingle with your friends.”
Bill scoffed. “These aren’t my friends.”
“Bill...” William began, in his tone of warning.
“I hate parties. She knows that.”
“Nevertheless.”
Bill groaned, but finally pushed himself up from the couch. He headed for the kitchen, passing J.B. who was on his knees before the living room television. J.B. had commandeered the set to watch the CBS Evening News, a move which angered many a partygoer.
Behind him, Cody complained from the folding chair he was sitting in. “Come on J.B. you’re monopolizing the television – I want to watch Pink Panther!”
But J.B. was busy ranting. “Johnson couldn’t just be a lame duck! No, the second he stops bombing North Vietnam he starts bombing Laos. So now what, we’re fighting two wars?! And Nixon the statesman is supposed to be finding an honorable end to the war? He hasn’t done jack shit since he’s been in office!”
“Then stop watching the news!”
“I’m not! I’m looking for the Smothers. Maybe they’ll make fun of him.”
“You’re focused on the wrong things, man! There’s another cold war coming and it’s for the sky!”
“What the hell do you know about the space program, you soiled pothead!”
Everyone who heard it laughed at Cody. He laughed right along with them, until he could gather his thoughts. “You’re right, I don’t know much... but I do know that the next six months are crucial. Sure, the reds are probably gonna beat us to Venus, there’s nothing we can do about that. But we made up some ground when we launched the Mariner probe to Mars--”
J.B. tried to interject a joke about martians, but Cody was on too much of a roll to be talked over. “--it’s not just Mars either. In a few years we’ll be sending ships to Mercury and Jupiter. We might even find that we’re not as alone as we think we are...” Cody stood and made his way over to J.B. “The possibilities are staggering. In a few short months, we’ll see just what man is capable of. We will climb to the pinnacle of human achievement.”
Looking around at his friends, Cody put an arm around J.B. “Imagine the five and six-year-olds that’ll be watching our guys walk on the moon. They’ll grow up believing that nothing is impossible. That everything is achievable.” He smiled. “And I think that’s pretty cool...”
Cody trailed off, lost in thought. He was immediately taken aback by the thunderous, standing ovation from his friends. They were joking, of course, but also strangely impressed. Except for J.B. who stormed out of the room.
As the clapping wore off, Janet turned back to her boyfriend. “I know you thought this night was all about Bill,” she said, hiding something behind her back, “but you thought wrong.” She grinned and showed him the present she was concealing. “For you, dummy.”
Up until then, Matt had looked bored, but the prospect of a gift turned him right around.
“A present? What for? My birthday’s not for six months...”
“Just open it.”
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Matt tore open the long, narrow box and came face-to-face with a red velvet tie wreathed in gold fleur de lis. “Huh...” he said, frowning.
Janet wilted. “You hate it!” She tried to grab the box back from him, but Matt resisted. “No, I don’t hate it... it’s just... it’s not really my style.” He tried to elaborate. “It’s like something my dad would wear.”
“Well, I always said your dad had fabulous taste.”
“Then would you mind if I re-gifted it to him for Father’s Day?” Janet tried to hit him, but Matt got to her first. It devolved into a tickle fight.
Returning from the kitchen, J.B. saw Bill’s dad over by the bar cart and managed to corner him. “Mr. Benson, did you see Huntley-Brinkley last night? That bull about training the ARVN? What a disaster...”
William didn’t recognize the boy who had invaded his personal space but decided to answer anyway. “I don’t know, Adams says we’re turning the tides...”
J.B. scoffed. “He would think that - he’s Nixon’s lackey!”
“My friend’s son is stationed over there. I think I know a little more about it than you...”
“But how can you say that after Tet?! After that police chief executed that prisoner without a trial?! Troop levels are the highest they’ve ever been! Thousands of our guys are being given involuntary second tours – that’s not the behavior of a country that’s winning!”
William was starting to get annoyed. “Maybe we’d be doing better if we had the hearts and minds of the people at home! Instead, we get priests pouring napalm on draft records and college kids provoking the police! Thank God we finally have someone with vision running the country--”
J.B. threw his hands up. He walked off, mumbling to himself. “I can’t... I just can’t...”
William shook his head, confused. He ducked under the multi-purpose “Congratulations” banner and found his son in the crowd. “Listen bud, I don’t think I’m staying much longer.”
“You’re leaving?” Bill seemed crestfallen.
“You don’t want your old dad around. You’re a man now. If you’re anything like your father, women will be throwing themselves at you.”
Bill’s cheeks went red as William clapped him on the shoulder. “Have a good time, son.” With that, William headed upstairs.
Bill watched him go. Seeing as there was now no adult supervision, he headed straight for the bar. He found John Birch already camped out there. “There’s something different about your ex...” J.B. said, pointing out Amy O’Dell across the party.
Something different was an understatement. Gone were the cheerful tones and bright make-up, only to be replaced by an all-black catsuit, something a puppeteer or a beatnik might wear. She stood in front of the roaring fireplace looking moody with dark lipstick and an ominous, black baret.
Cody was trying his best to hit on her. “So, how you liking the party, Ames?”
Amy answered Cody, but never once looked at him, choosing instead to give Bill a death stare. “Apparently, you’ve never read the Bell Jar, because if you had you’d know that life is loneliness, despite all the opiates, despite the shrill tinsel gaiety of parties with no purpose, despite the false grinning faces we all wear. And when at last you find someone to whom you feel you can pour out your soul, you stop in shock at the words you utter - they are so rusty, so ugly, so meaningless and feeble from being kept in the small cramped dark inside you so long...” Amy petered off, unable to continue.
Cody let the silence fill the space between them. “Who said that – Steve Allen?”
But Amy wasn’t in the laughing mood. “Why won’t he look at me, Cody?” She was practically boring a hole into Bill, but he was too occupied to notice. He had his eyes on Simone. She was sitting nearby talking to Maggie Birch about a date she had tonight that she thought she might have to cancel if she got any sicker. Even while blowing her nose, she was the most beautiful thing Bill Benson had ever seen.
**
When it started to snow that night, Bill got into his winter jacket and boots and headed outside. He had no idea where he was going when he started, but he began walking just the same. When his feet found their way to the brick house on Maple, he knew it was meant to be. Bill looked up at the inviting light coming from the upstairs bedroom. He wanted to live in that light, thought that if he could just manage that, then everything else would work out fine.
Upstairs held a plush, appointed bedroom with angora rugs and floral walls. It stood empty until its owner emerged from the bathroom still naked from her shower. Simone had finished drying off but was unsure if she should step into the satin slip dress that awaited her on her bed or simply put on pajamas and call it a night.
Using a head band to hold her fiery red hair back, she looked at her face in the wide vanity mirror she had that was ringed with lights. Her cheeks did appear a little peaked. She decided to take her temperature and let that be the judge. If she was over a hundred, she wouldn’t go out. She got the rectal thermometer from her desk drawer and stretched out on her bed.
She always liked this part, the way her asshole would resist just enough, until she applied the right amount of pressure. Then she’d feel that shivery chill as the cold glass slid inside her. She laid on her stomach and read Cosmo until the results were ready.
Looking up at the window, Bill knew something was going on up there, something that only the best-looking men got to see. And why shouldn’t he be allowed to know? In that moment it was clear – he was going to climb the gutters and scale that house.
He had always been light, thank god for that. The gutters groaned a little under his weight but held steady. He made his way up onto the porch roof and tried to figure out how he was going to get over to Simone’s window. There it stood, six feet away, just above his head. A running leap would do it, but he’d have to be quiet.
Backing up, he said a quick prayer. He took a few breaths to brace himself, then started running. The snow on the porch roof provided good traction until the last step. As Bill launched himself towards the lit window, his boots slipped. He found himself in mid-air, every muscle in his body taut with a horrible mistake. Luckily, his fingers just barely caught hold of the ledge. He let the rest of his body go limp as he bounced gently against the house.
This was it. He could feel the excitement building. Everything that had been denied to him... with one pull-up, he would be shown the world...
Slowly, he lifted himself up, level with the windowsill. He took in Simone laying on her belly, reading a magazine. Her cheeks were flushed, and she was nude, the pale skin that underwear and bathing suits usually covered had been exposed.
But to Bill’s surprise, the nudity wasn’t the headline. It was the thermometer she had planted in her ass. The one she was absent-mindedly pushing in and out as she moaned.
If Bill had died right there, he would have died happy. But that was not meant to be...
Instead, his foot scraped against the siding of the house and Simone looked up, frightened. Before she could get a proper glimpse of her voyeur though, Bill let himself drop the two stories to the snowbank below.
He heard something snap in his leg, but there was no time for delay. He scrambled to his feet and hobbled away just as Simone came to the window in her bathrobe. By the time she got her head out to look around, Bill had staggered off into the shadows.
Even when he was out of sight, he kept moving. When he arrived at home, he didn’t go right inside. Instead, he took the driveway up into the backyard and stumbled past Bludgeon’s doghouse. He entered the tool shed, breathing heavily. When he was absolutely sure he hadn’t been seen, he reached a hand behind the dusty cabinet and wrestled out a bottle he had hidden there. He drank like a man trying to forget.
**
The next time the gang was all together, Simone detailed to a disbelieving Janet and Maggie the story of her “peeping tom.” Bill listened from across the room as Simone changed details of the account, obviously embarrassed. And he breathed a sigh of relief when Janet asked if she had recognized the creep and Simone had answered, “No, it happened too fast.” She shook her head, disappointed. “Wish he’d broken his neck when he fell...”
As sensational as her story was, the conversation eventually turned to where they were going to dinner that night. A sit-down Chinese place was chosen, and everyone made for their coats and scarves. Bill was putting on his gloves, when he dropped one. He leaned over to pick it up and groaned as a pain shot up his hurt leg.
He looked up. The only other person left in the basement was Simone. She had heard the groan. They locked eyes. He watched her put two and two together, saw the wheels of comprehension turning, before he tore out of the basement door, past the others.
Janet yelled after him, “hey, where are you going?!”
Bill yelled over his shoulder, “I left something in the shed.”