Bear beaver, dam a lam

“Kwere otro fewe, tam kor on!”

“I told you, I have no idea what you’re saying!” I shouted over my shoulder. It was clear that the people chasing me couldn’t understand me either, but it still felt good to get the stress out of the ol’ system. Not the magic system. But yeah, my current situation was one I would call unfortunate, to say the very least.

After bursting out of the metal cage and freeing the bozo currently running next to me, I had to resort to running away. And so I was running on all fours, my oversized tail flapping behind me as humans from another world shouted at me in their bizarre language.

I know it’s just another foreign language, but they’re like, aliens! I can call their language weird, right?!

“You should really try to learn their language, sir beaver. They just called you a tasty snack.”

“Shut the hell up, asshole! Run faster!” I screeched at the huge bear who was casually keeping stride with me. She wasn’t even running on all fours!

“Hey! Pick me up and run full speed out of here. We’ve got to get out of the city and head for the mountains!”

“I apologize, sir beaver, but I would rather not blindly follow the wishes of some animal, even if I do owe you a debt. I am a human, after all,” the bear said.

“You dumbass, you’re a fucking bear now! We’re both humans who reincarnated in another world, like I’ve told you a million times before. Get me the hell out of this fucking place!” I yelled, jumping at the bear’s soft pelt. When I hit it, it shocked me to feel hard, powerful muscles beneath the layers of fat and fur. This motherfucker was holding out on me!

I missed home. I missed the food my mom made. I missed wine, dammit.

At first, I had been excited to be reborn in another world, even if it was as a freaking beaver for some reason. But nearly every experience so far has just been miserable! It was nice and relaxing for a while, just building my dam out of scrap metal and stomping on weak monsters. But humans? With guns?! I couldn’t deal with it.

And now to be forcefully allied with this stupid bear?

“Oh, very well. I will admit, this dream has been rather strange. And long. And it is strange that a foul-mouthed beaver in a fantastical world would be speaking French,” she said before lurching. I twisted, getting on top of her massive fuzzy back, and held on for dear life as my new companion sped up. She’s damn fast! And stupid!

“Hold on. You knew I was speaking Francais this whole time? And you still thought I was a regular beaver? What the hell, dude? Where are you from, then?”

“You do not recognize it? Interesting how a French-speaking beaver understands a Pilipino bear like myself. And yet you do not know my language, or what is being said by the people chasing us.”

“News flash: I don’t care about all that, I just care about the fact that you still thought I was an ordinary talking beaver!”

“Well, where do you wish to go, sir beaver?” She slowed to a trot, so I quickly responded to get her moving again.

“Like I said, we need to head west, past the mountains.”

“Hm?” Turd tilted her head. Yes, I’m gonna call her Turd until she volunteers her name, goddammit. That’s what she gets for ignoring me while we were caged. “Past the mountains? Don’t you have a warning in your, ah, ‘system?’ Mine still says ‘Bearware the west.’”

“Yes! Anything’s better than here. That shitty message made me want to come to the east, but all that ended up doing was getting me captured and sold like a piece of meat. By humans in a fantasy world that has guns in it!”

“I don’t see why a fantasy world can’t have guns. They are very common and the technology to create them has existed for a long time, and with magic surely-“

“Shut up and run!”

It was true. My system notification was still saying ‘The west is: dam dangerous.’ But like I told Turd, anything would be better than this awful place. Hell, I’d take the desert outside the city at this rate. I felt Turd accelerate and clutched her fur more tightly as the shouts faded behind me. You know what? Maybe the warning was fake. A trick.

Maybe the west would actually be peaceful and fun, with nobody who wants to freaking eat me!

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Wey Hey, Blow the Man Down

I took a deep breath. In. Out. From out here, the noxious odor of orcs and sweaty humans nearly didn’t reach us, drowned out by the smell of sea and guns.

Nope. I leaned over the railing and threw up again as cheers erupted behind me.

“The commander does it again! She stays seasick to the very end! Three cheers and infinite respect!”

Soldiers whooped and laughed behind my back as I stared at the rocks far below. Their cheers were different from before. Not so long ago, they mocked me and laughed insulting laughs, belittling my lack of seaworthiness. And who could blame them? A Riktish? Seasick? What sort of pathetic loser would that be?

Some idiot pat me on the back, causing me to heave again and prompting another round of cheers. Yes, that loser was me. Or, at least, it had been. Until Commander Moktor took me under his wing.

Thinking of mister Moktor made a smile creep onto my face until I caught it. Those feelings weren’t right. And so, the nausea replaced the fluttering in my stomach.

Ah yes. Much better.

With as much refinement as I could muster, which wasn’t much, I straightened my back and wiped my mouth. It took more concentration than shooting a far target for my energy to go into staring at the distance.

Our ship sat still at the very edge of the continent, brushing up against the rocks lining the shoreline. Before us stretched the continent itself, and by extension, Somuia. Or at least, the frontier between Somuia and the warring tribes. This war between humans and non-humans had been going on for years, ever since I was a child. Yet it was only recently that our Rikitan graciously joined the fray. I remembered when it happened only a few months ago, the frenzy among the sailors back home. The pleading from my father not to follow in my uncle’s footsteps, and my disobedience.

Our joining changed things. I remembered wondering how we were supposed to help. We were a sailing nation; our navy was powerful indeed, but the Somuians were fighting a land war. How could we possibly contribute?

The answer: easily. Even shooting from the safety of our warships did enough damage to force a hasty retreat from the tribes, leading to the current situation. The tribes couldn’t advance westward due to the threat of our firepower, and the Somuians couldn’t advance eastward because of… well, a lack of our firepower. If only the geography were more in our favor, then maybe the war would be over already. But with the Fang Canyon separating the coastline and the frontier, well. It was both a blessing and a curse. Thanks to the canyon, the orc army couldn’t come anywhere near our ships. But in the same vein, our guns were becoming ineffective as we moved along the canyon and it began to widen.

It had been this way for near a week now. At some point, people’s gunshots simply fell short, and even the cannons were having trouble. Eventually, my shots were the only ones reaching the enemy.

So now Captain Ront wanted to go ashore.

‘Madman’, they called him. ‘Mad Captain Ront’ had become his popular new nickname, not that he begrudged it at all. A moniker was a highly sought-after commodity, after all.

“Steady, men. Give your commander a break,” a familiar voice growled. The aforementioned captain walked up to stand next to me, so now I was really panicking. He saw me as family, but it was hard to separate Ront the man from Ront the soldier. And I was currently unable to salute… for some reason.

“Easy, cadet. We’ll be heading ashore soon, so don’t you worry too much about your seasickness. If only the rest had your talents, such an operation might not be necessary… But alas. We must disembark.”

“Sir,” I managed to croak out. “I’m not a cadet anymore.”

“To me, you will always be a cadet, cadet. Even if you’ve progressed through the ranks at an incredible speed. Your damn uncle would be jealous. And he was a genius!” Captain Ront chuckled, looking off into the distance.

What the hell, Captain? I don’t even know why I’m progressing through the ranks in the first place. I can’t lead, for Person’s sake! Soldiers climb through the ranks to be leaders, not a damn sharpshooter!

Breathe.

“With all due respect, Captain, I have some recommendations for my replacement. The soldiers you’ve put under my command are very talented, even if they can’t sharpshoot like me. I still have much to learn. Commander Moktor’s lessons have been helpful, but ever since his ship was called away, I’ve been struggling to make progress.”

Ront took a moment to stroke his smooth chin. He told me it was a habit he kept from when he had a beard, which I found hard to believe. I had never seen a Riktish with facial hair besides my uncle, and he was a weirdo.

“Gunning for my position already, eh cadet? Don’t worry; if you continue to prove yourself once we head ashore, I’ll have no choice but to submit the formal request for your promotion to a naval captain. Give you a chance to see the Empress in person, show you what a true warrior looks like. Chances are, you can watch her kill an assassin during the promotion ceremony. Oh hey, maybe I can give you the Eradicator when you officially become a captain. Old girl served me well.”

This text was taken from Royal Road. Help the author by reading the original version there.

It took a moment to register what the hell Captain Ront was saying. Before I could respond, he swiftly turned and began shouting orders, leaving me alone at the railing. The once cool metal now felt freezing to the touch.

How could this be happening?! I fiddled with my modified rifle for comfort, just to feel something familiar. I say familiar, but I had only owned Death’s Gaze for a few weeks, and yet, I already felt a connection.

Yes, I knew people whispered rumors about how I talked to my gun. Such things were completely unfounded.

“I’ve never been to the big continent, DG,” I muttered. “It’s always just been home or the sea. And I can barely handle the sea. Maybe I belong there, where it’s land everywhere. No water in sight. I think I’d rather go on a pleasant trip instead of a combat mission, but at least I’m going. Maybe I can even see that forest people talk about. Like, what is a ‘tree’ anyways? I’ve heard of some rich people putting something called wood on stuff, which seems amazing. It must be amazingly sturdy or strong if people prefer it to metal.”

Sure, there had been recent rumors about the famous Vultuous Forest, but I didn’t put much stock in them. Sailors often told grand stories, like my uncle’s tales about horrific monsters of the deep. I decided not to dwell on it and instead moved to follow the soldiers as they prepared to make landing. Honestly, I wasn’t sure how it was supposed to work. We couldn’t exactly get close to the shore, considering the rocks jutting from the water. And nobody had seen fit to inform me how we were meant to do something like this. Yet another example of my failure as a leader.

Someone asked me if I was ready, so all I could do was nod at her. What the hell was I supposed to be ready for?! I got my answer when she guided me to a small boat, and I nearly laughed in her face. And yet, her serious demeanor told me she wasn’t joking.

“So… how exactly are we supposed to make it past the rocks in that?”

“Huh? With Mind, Commander. With all due respect, are you stupid?”

My jaw practically hit the floor. Not because of her insult. No, that was typical Riktish sailor behavior. We were supposed to use our freaking Minds to steer this tiny thing through treacherous rocky waters? Was she the stupid one?!

A look at the other sailors confirmed my worst fears. What the soldier had said was exactly the plan. Did we really not have a better way of reaching the shore, even if we were way out here? Why weren’t the inventors coming up with ideas like that instead of, like, new gun models every other day?

“On your word, Commander.”

I took another breath. We would be on land soon. We would be on land soon. We would be on land soon.

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Some Body That I Used To Know

Several body parts lazily floated down the large Yam river, mere parts of a whole. One of the feet, the right one, twitched, flexing a single of its toes. Strange behavior for a severed foot, some might say.

The head, which floated in the water nearby, was deep in thought. Again, potentially strange behavior for a disembodied head.

Finding one here… Very interesting, It thought. The head was quite fascinated with its current situation, though interestingly not the fact that its body was chopped into various pieces. Instead, it was interested in an insect.

A former bee and a former human. Human. How interesting.

The head’s previous owner had helped an unusual amount, more than it originally intended. The choice to interfere was not taken lightly. What the head had observed was part of the phenomenon it was currently interested in. After all, something so peculiar didn’t come around so often. It tried flexing its fingers to scratch at the back of its neck, to no avail. Unfortunately, it would have to rebuild its body somehow. But as for its… they called it ‘Mind’ here, it was still perfectly intact, safely preserved during the whole ordeal.

Being a foot was not its favorite state of being. Hands were much better. Heads are ideal, Thought the head. Though it might have been a bit biased.

Leave. You have overstayed your welcome.

That was not the familiar voice of the head’s own thoughts. It was another individual, one of the rare few which rivaled the head in age and power. A curious creature indeed. Like so many that grew to its level of might, it was a conqueror, though this one was more egregious than some the head had met. Controlling so many nodes… it was truly outrageous.

Don’t cry, little buddy. I won’t interfere much longer.

You will be destroyed.

I’d like to see you try! You just might manage to do it, too. You’re quite powerful, if I do say so myself. But you can’t destroy me.

You are human. I have power over you in my territory.

Nice try, nice try. But you know it won’t work. I’m just a foot, after all, Thought the head. Sure, it was, in theory, a human at the moment, but the head decided to ignore such a technicality.

Besides, I didn’t really do much. Just helped them find a few people. You should lighten up; even beings like us don’t live forever. Not really. In fact, how about I make it up to you? I can teach you some things. I know a foot isn’t the best teacher, but even you don’t know everything, so I’m sure we can figure something out. Here, let me wiggle my toes a bit and show you these humans I met once. They’re a little different from what you might expect, ‘cause they weren’t the dominant species by a long shot. No, their story-

Cease. I care not for your wisdom. The issue at hand is that I cannot accept you furthering the Bee’s goals. Though your interference was minimal, it is still bothersome.

The head could somewhat understand where the voice was coming from, as a fellow ancient, powerful being. The head was an outsider, not truly involved with the situation plaguing the voice, and yet here it was, bloodying the waters. Literally, in this case. While the relatively cataclysmic conflict currently chasing the voice was a shame, it was even more shameful that the head’s interest made things worse.

Ah. Unfortunately, I will eventually have to respect your wishes. Just don’t want to be present much longer since things are becoming too interesting here. Not my style.

___________

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Get up Knightly Boy

My opponent shifted his weight, clearly telegraphing his attack. With barely any effort, I dodged his dull blade and brought my arm up, pointing a finger at the eyehole in his armor.

“Good try, but you’re being obvious with your movements. Go back to drills,” I instructed. The knight, a son of some minor noble, bowed and stormed away. He was frustrated to be beaten so soundly, but I could still note the glimmer in his eye. Dueling with the second-in-command of the Royal Guard was still considered a great honor.

I sighed and sat on a nice, cool bench. These knights weren’t bad, but to me, they still sucked. I was fine with Teyelan’s request to duel them, but I didn’t really see any point. It wasn’t even a warm up for me, and getting played with like children didn’t have any purpose for them.

“It’s for morale, Feyomo. They need it,” Masaula said, seemingly reading my Mind, as usual. Despite the familiarity, I couldn’t help but shiver. She always did that, speaking as if my thoughts were plainly written on my face. Even now, after she discovered my secret, she acted like this. It was notably less flirty, but it still bothered me.

“That’s because your thoughts are written on your face. Very obviously.”

“Thanks.”

She sat next to me and we watched the knights drill, the both of us silent. If I looked at them objectively, they were quite good, even I had to admit. It wasn’t like I hadn’t encountered weaker fighters; our knights were considered the best of the best for a reason, after all. No other country had this many elite combatants, their armies mostly being made up of enlisted civilians, career soldiers, or even mercenaries. We had all that, and then the Somuian army of knights on top of it all.

Well, on top of all besides us.

But honestly, I couldn’t help wishing they were stronger. Some might have called me mad for hoping so, considering our famous army of knights was feared throughout the world. But for all their skill and decent Minds, they weren’t a match for the true elite. Was it so much to ask for a few opponents on the level of the king in his prime? Or even Bloody Takari; now that would be a challenge even I might not be able to manage. Hell, I’d even take a Seiena now and then. I wish she would come to the capital more often. Our… spars were always enjoyable.

Eventually, Masaula spoke again.

“I know you’re still thinking about the Burning. They were orders, plain and simple. Teyelan didn’t have a choice.”

I only grunted in response. We all knew she was right, but it still comforted me to know that I wasn’t the only one second guessing our actions. Even hearing the nickname of our infamous last job darkened my thoughts, clouding them. What sort of atrocity did something have to be to become a widely spread name barely a month after it happened? It seemed like Teyelan, Masaula, and that asshole Omeio were the only ones who didn’t have any regrets at all.

And now I was thinking of Omeio again. I was conscious enough to know that my face had soured, so Masaula’s comments weren’t surprising this time.

“Omeio will come around. I think he’s being this way because you only told Teyelan your secret. The rest of us were just surprised, that’s all. And Omeio was taken off guard, which is rare. He is simply sorting through his feelings.”

I just grunted again. What was I supposed to say? Sure, I was pissed off by Omeio’s assery, but I was mostly worried for him. He was the one who had burned down the Vultuous Forest, after all. All eyes were on him, which was something none of us of the Royal Guard ever had to deal with before. It was hard to imagine; simple fire-based Abilities becoming more taboo than Captain Teyelan’s mysterious electricity. It was absurd. Simply absurd.

But in the end, current events mattered the most. And with everyone paying attention to the Burning, powers considered unethical did not register as strongly as they might usually be. Even electrical Abilities. It was just strange to hear people whispering about the Burning instead of the King’s evil Mindkiller.

“Do you hate him?”

“Huh?” I asked eloquently. Come on, the sudden question surprised me.

“Teyelan. Do you hate him for following the King’s orders? For making us follow him on that fool’s errand? For exposing your secret?” Masaula asked. I couldn’t get a read on her facial expressions; not that I had her talent to do so.

“Of course not,” I responded immediately. “The Captain held onto my identity for years. I completely understand why he had to tell you guys, and it’s not as big of a deal as you think. I’ve been ready to tell you all for some time, I just… didn’t know how to go about it. But I could never hate Captain Teyelan.”

“Wow. I think that’s the most words you’ve spoken all day!” She seemed genuinely relieved. I knew where she was coming from. We all relied on the Captain and respected him a great deal. And we all knew he relied on us just as much, considering his position. If we were to abandon him… well, none of us would be able to forgive ourselves. His ‘betrayal’ was long forgotten in my eyes.

Right?

“The only thing I’m actually thinking of is the Burning. I know why we did it, but I still don’t know if it was the right thing to do.”

“We are among the few who have been told the entirety of the King’s Revelation,” she sighed. “For me, it was enough. I understand your feelings, and some of the others agree with you, but you must not dwell on it moving forward. Without you, our ranks only stand at a fraction of their power.”

“You’re flattering me.”

“Not at all,” she said. “Everyone knows it. It is an open secret. The Captain has his tricky Ability and we are all skilled, but you stand above us all. Few could confront you in open combat.”

Which was incredibly annoying. Don’t get me wrong, I was happy that my mere presence acted as a deterrent for other countries to try anything silly, but all it meant was that I couldn’t spear through my problems. Instead, it was all politics, underhanded tactics and shadowy conflicts that just didn’t suit me at all. That was more the strength of those MIS weirdos. A familiar pang of guilt sprang up. That small part of me that wished for Dreva or Rikitan to declare open war so I could rush in and finally face a real challenge.

Maybe the Orc War…. We had been hearing tell of strange, powerful figures popping up among the allied tribes. But for all his grandstanding, I knew the king was now being more reserved with our deployment. Which didn’t help my bloodlust.

“But still,” I sighed. “Something about the mission just didn’t sit right with me the whole time. Even now-“

“It doesn’t matter. We’re not here to think, we’re here to mete out the king’s will,” a new voice interrupted. I clenched my fist and took a deep breath, turning to meet the eyes of my other fellow Royal Guard.

“Omeio, I-“

“Shut up, dickhead,” the stocky man said, punching my arm. What?

“Feyomo, er, sorry for the stuff I said before. I was… ah, I was thinking, ya’know?”

I stared at him. Usually, Omeio was gloomy and stoic, never letting down his guard, even when the only people around were the rest of the Royal Guard. That brooding grump looked positively tortured now, his face pained and teeth grit. So, I slowly got up and pulled him into a giant hug, lifting him off the ground. I made sure to squeeze until we heard a few cracks, and I couldn’t help but let out a laugh.

“I don’t care what you said, asshole! If you’re actually sorry, then let’s spar. Loser buys the whole team drinks!”

“I… can’t… breathe… fuckface….”

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Dance of the Sugar Bob Fairy

“I’m telling you, it just doesn’t add up. Please, if nobody else will, then at least you need to believe me,” I pleaded to the man across the table. We were sharing a light meal at my favorite little cafe, and damn, was I going to miss it.

The man on the other side of the small table, my best friend Maiolo, just sighed. The two of us must have looked ridiculous together. Him, wearing a crisp, perfect black suit with a small red bowtie and spotless white undershirt, contrasting against my own messy and disheveled garments. We were wearing the same outfit, perhaps less refined than the modern fashions, but the signature look of an MIS agent wouldn’t be mistaken by anyone.

In that case, people wouldn’t dare think of how odd we – or rather, I - appeared.

“I already told you, Bob, I do believe you. But my opinion doesn’t matter, in the end. You should be grateful that you’re even being allowed to live.”

“Technically, I haven’t actually been discharged, so of course I’m not dead. But that might be preferable to this. Seriously, Maiolo, it just doesn’t make any sense. Why can’t the higher-ups see that?” I whined at my friend. Any sense of decorum or self-respect was done away with. Not like I had any of either left to display. Maiolo sighed again, shaking his head.

“Has it occurred to you that they already know? Or that they simply don’t care? Proving that Yiwi’s Rotor is suspicious is ultimately not that big of a deal, especially now. You think the chief wants to deal directly with some semi-corrupt lord considering the current situation? They’ve got their hands full dealing with the Coalition’s bullshit.”

“You don’t understand.” I rubbed my sore eyes and let out a groan. “That Rotor has never been consistent, even back when the city was founded. I have the data. The entire time, it’s been a ruse to avoid paying higher taxes to the crown. At least, that’s what it seems like. There’s something else going on there too, I’m sure of it. I’ve found some seriously strange connections to that city, Maiolo. The Shroud-“

“Is the consequence of a few mad researchers and probably doesn’t even exist anymore,” Maiolo interrupted, waving his hand dismissively. “So what? Listen, Bob. Let this go. Just walk up, apologize to the chief, and get back to work, eh? Forget this crazy plan of yours.”

The pair of us sat in silence for a while as I mulled. I wasn’t considering Maiolo’s proposal, not at all. Discovering the truth about the Rotor, Yiwi, and the Shroud was too important, especially with the Coalition of Crowns’ recent decisions, as Maiolo so graciously reminded me.

My plan was simple: go to Yiwi in the guise of a disgraced Mind Inquiry Services agent, with the simple dream of starting my own mercenary company. It was excellent cover in that city, and like all good lies, contained grains of truth to hold it together. I was, in some ways, a disgraced MIS agent, and I did once have a dream of starting a mercenary company. As a child. Once again, I thanked little me for my overly-detailed plans and dreams, which only seemed fair to do since I was stealing, modifying, and employing his ideas.

There were possible… complications. Yiwi was most likely not particularly fond of the crown at the moment, considering the now-infamous Burning. I could only hope that being supposedly ‘disgraced’ would put me in a more ingratiated position. As for the Coalition… it was something I would have to figure out. Yiwi was becoming increasingly liable to become a hotbed of international activity. Some of the big mercenary companies were probably already communicating with their bases there. They did have a habit of learning confidential information long before it was convenient, though their capabilities had been stunted by our own organization’s introduction to the world stage.

I could only hope that the established companies didn’t prepare too much before I arrived. Ideally, they would wait until the emergency gathering of the Coaltion in the Crown Jewel was over before making any big moves. That gave me a scarce few days to prepare. Today would be the first Council gathering of the session, so if I hopped on the Everrail tomorrow and managed to secure an express cart using my MIS status… Yes, I should be able to arrive in Yiwi within the week, perhaps a bit longer depending.

I was cutting it a bit close, though…