I saw myself. In the blink of an eye - Yelah’s eye, to be specific - I found myself able to see my body from a different perspective. It should’ve been nothing new, considering that I’d done the same thing a dozen times from a dozen different perspectives, but something about this felt… strange.

The B-Box the CBU had sent into Yelah’s body was extremely limited in its capability, so all I could do was control one of Yelah’s eyes, but it was an entirely unique experience from looking out of Ben’s eyes, for example. The best description I could give would be that looking through the eyes of Linked creatures was like watching a movie or show, something on a screen separate from myself. What I was experiencing here was more like a third eye had been attached to my brain, which was a lot less impactful and comprehensible of a description.

I tried to shift my view over to Feltan. Nothing. Odd. I tried looking over, strained to move her eye to the side. Nothing. A seed of panic set in. I couldn’t move. At the very least, I had absolutely no control over Yelah’s body in this state, even though it should have been a movement as natural as breathing. I couldn’t even blink.

Suddenly, my field of vision shifted without my input. I was looking to the left, towards the forest. Then to the right, past Feltan and towards the Fernen camp. My - Yelah’s - eyeball spun in its socket wildly, to the point that it was distinctly uncomfortable.

“Hm? Hmmmm? My eyes can move? How curious.”

It turned out Queen was the one haphazardly controlling our eyeball. Of course, she had no true experience with moving eyes or the limited field of vision a human possesses, but would it kill her to have some tact? Bodies weren’t expendable.

Hey. Wait just a second. It worked?

The whole thing felt so seamless, it was almost eerie. One moment I’d been worrying about the potential consequences of the CBU’s plan to take over Yelah’s body, the next, its hypothesis was proven without a hitch. It was just an eye, but Queen was moving it and squinting and blinking without a second thought, just fluid control over her body.

It was… odd, to say the least. Being in a human body, even if it was just controlling an eye, was strangely nostalgic. It wasn’t puppeteering, like I had become accustomed to doing to humans in this world. It was real. As if it were my own body. Something about the familiarity caused a sensation I had thought I was no longer capable of for creatures outside our hive: guilt. I was in this position, once. Well, maybe not exactly. But I was a flesh and blood person. I worked, I went to school, I hung out with friends. Sometimes. Once upon a time. It was almost like a spark of empathy was suddenly reignited after being crushed underfoot long ago.

But at the same time, something was wrong. The entire sensation felt wrong. There was a feeling of uncomfortable fullness, as if I’d just eaten three quarters of a pizza but didn’t want to waste the rest or leave it for leftovers so I forced myself to finish it and now I regretted it as my stomach rumbled and the toilet called. I felt like a stranger, unwelcome. Worst of all was the control. I couldn’t control Yelah’s body whatsoever, not even with commands like before. I was utterly trapped, unable to do anything but whine as Queen experimentally tried to roll our eye all the way back so it could look inside our skull.

“Yes. Yes! This is incredible. It really was as easy as the CBU predicted. Shall we have it enact its full plan at once? I could have a body of my very own!”

Before I could respond, a sharp pain erupted in my head. Both inside of Yelah and my bee body. Queen felt it too, an anguished groan accompanying Yelah’s eyes rolling back in pain. The seed of panic from before was in full bloom now as the pain increased exponentially. It was all I could do to keep my Mind from going haywire.

“This is… the same…”

The same as when I arrived in this world. When my Mind and Queen’s Mind first inhabited one body in the unnatural event that would define us. Just like we thought, Yelah’s Mind couldn’t coexist with our own. But I had no idea it would affect our original body, too. This might be worse than we thought.

Of course, this was the CBU’s intent since the beginning. It had already conceived of a way to handle Yelah’s Mind, but it wouldn’t be possible with just the small piece of itself it had inserted into her body. Attempting to take the opportunity, the CBU lunged towards the Link, the hexagon of B-boxes reaching like a great maw, intent on solidifying the connection and enacting its plan.

It was going to eat Yelah’s Mind for a teatime snack.

Maybe it was using the principles of Combined Minds; it wanted to take our suppression of her Mind a step further, containing it in its entirety so we would be free to inhabit her body. Something in me broke. Was this really the easy path I wanted? Maybe it was the sudden burst of empathy I felt while trapped in a nostalgic shell. Maybe I didn’t want to destroy Yelah. Or maybe there was something deeper. Of being trapped like Queen was trapped. I already knew how it felt, after all, but I’d never personally experienced it. Or, something told me, a fear of losing what – who - I had now. So, I ignored the agonizing explosions in my brain and yanked the CBU right back into my body. With a second yank, I pulled the piece of the CBU that was in Yelah’s body back to our own, cutting us off. Something snapped - it was the telltale feeling of a Linker dying, the Link severing.

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Yelah’s body flopped over like a rag doll. The poor, unsuspecting Linker curled up and fell to the ground. I couldn’t feel Yelah anymore. Oh crap. In a flash, I commanded one of the spare Linkers hiding in her sleeve to attach itself, before anything unfortunate happened. A sigh of relief escaped me as it connected without a hitch.

Except one thing. Yelah’s Mind felt… different. Distant. Like it had faded slightly.

“Shit. The CBU might’ve already done something to Yelah’s Mind. It doesn’t feel as prominent as before.”

“Perhaps her Mind was already weakened?” Feltan said. He had watched the events unfold without saying a word, often turning his head away and rubbing his temple.

“Something as unnatural as what you wish to do was enough to cause even you extreme pain. I noticed it from here, both in body and Mind. If her Mind, which you have already kept suppressed, just underwent a similar ordeal, no doubt it is on the verge of destruction more severe than Mind Collapse.”

Feeling around Yelah’s Mind, I found it even more subdued. Feltan was probably right; anybody’s Mind would have struggled to handle that much agony. Which raised the question. How did Queen even survive when I first entered her body? I remembered that headache as one of the worst pains I’d ever experienced, and Queen was on the verge of death. Of course, she didn’t know either, but it was a sobering perspective on her willpower.

I glanced at Yelah’s limp form again. “So, what does this mean? If I try to posses her again, will her Mind be destroyed? The CBU still thinks it can somehow contain or separate her Mind. Actually, it looks like it thinks that would even save her life, in some twisted way.”

“If your CBU is as powerful and capable as it seems, then perhaps it is correct. I doubt her Mind would be destroyed immediately upon your re-entry; any Mind, even a weakened one, is not so fragile. In fact, I would think you could repeat that test once or twice more without fully destroying her Mind. However, that is not what I would concern myself with. The issue is that she is going to die.”

“Wait. What?”

Feltan nodded. “Her Mind is not only faded. It is fading. Not quickly, but it is. Eventually, she will die. To be honest, I believe it was already happening before this test, though it was difficult to say. It was subtle enough before that I didn’t notice it until Enfla mentioned it to me. She is not as capable with Mind as some others, but her sensitivity is worlds beyond anyone else. She mentioned to me that the human woman was slowly being killed by you. I see now it was likely true. Her Mind reminds me of elders on their deathbed, or warriors taking their final breaths. It is possible your test sped up her descent.”

The only thing I could do was float in stunned silence. Suppressing Yelah’s Mind had been killing her? How hadn’t I felt something like that? Was it because I didn’t actually know what a dying Mind felt like? I felt around her Mind again, but nothing told me she was dying. There was still that spark of defiance, the hopelessness, the anger. The emotions were all there, practically as strong as ever. She had stopped screaming constantly some time ago, right? Was that when her Mind started fading? Or had she just gotten tired of it?

My decision was swift. I immediately stopped suppressing her Mind. I was at the ready with a command for the Link, just in case she tried any funny business. But her body didn’t move. Another inspection showed that her Mind didn’t react to being released at all. Feltan was right again. Yelah was going to die.

“How much time do you think she has?” I asked him.

I wasn’t panicked, but nerves had crept up on me. Partly because I had doomed a person to a slow death. Partly because what little remorse I felt was squashed by the concern that the perfect vessel we needed was going to die, possibly rendering it a waste. Concern wouldn’t have occurred to me only a few days ago, but my mental state had been violently shaken recently.

“That isn’t something I can say with confidence. Weeks? Days? At least a few days, I would think, but that is not a promise. I pity her, but whatever she did to antagonize you was clearly poorly thought-out if you punished her so harshly.”

There was nothing for me to say. All I could do was look at Yelah’s body with a mixture of confusion and disgust. To whom that disgust was directed at was something I didn’t want to think about. But even if I was being impulsive, my heart was currently beating more powerfully than my brain. If there was another option, I would be willing to consider it. Everything told me Yelah was the one, the best, most efficient, most sensible option. It would be a kindness, even, if the CBU was right and its containment would save her. Right? After all, it wouldn’t do to have her body die the second we had to leave it for some reason. Sure, who knows what state her Mind would be in, but it would be safe. Or at least alive. I felt sick at toeing that line between a dubious mercy and my own convenience. What the CBU wanted to do wasn’t to save Yelah, after all, but to achieve our goal of living in her body.

I had to decide whether to take the easy route before it possibly closed forever. If I didn’t, how long would it be before I could find a suitable vessel? Would I be willing to kill another person slowly to create one? Or was there some other way?

“I… I am open to trying other options. I owe it to you for putting up with me and my selfish demands. But please. Waiting any longer, trapped and rotting… it is a pain I no longer know if I am willing to bear. The test was a mistake. That taste of freedom did something to me. If we do not figure something out before Yelah dies, and we find that her body is no longer suitable as a vessel, it may destroy me. I beg of you, Enno. Please help me live.”