So have you decided you want to die? U.S crayon eaters corps is happy to oblige!

- Pissed off seaman. No, not that kind. The people that sail ships and subs.

Pov: Alpha.

I’m just committing war crimes and genocideeeee what a glorious feeelinggggg. Just committing crimes against everyoneeeee! Huh? Why the fuck is the sky grey? I swear it was clear just a sec ago. I suspiciously trundled along, activating my holy 2X4 with nails in it, it was glorious, the true symbol of domination from earth, even an ai could appreciate, hell, zombies that get whacked by it appreciate the weapon, in awe before they die. I did the only thing logical to me then.

Spin the 2X4 mile plank around me as fast as I could. No bitch ass surprises for me.

Suddenly, lighting crackled from the sky and full on bypassed my weapon. These savages are so rude! Why don’t they just walk into the thing? That’ll make my life so much easier. After what seemed like an eternity later, thunder finally followed like some guy without a personality following some poor bloke around. What a cunt.

You shall tremble before my go-

Bitch! That’s not how you play hide and seek. You ruined my goddamned fun time! Die motherfucker die! I screamed mentally, firming my machine guns as if it were a SAW from the old US. The thing barely had time before the nukes hit it and it become serene, it and the air the same atoms. For good measure, I used my 2X4 to hit where it had been, surprised I got 2 kill notifications.

You… you killed my son? How could you… unloving thing, unliving thing!

Hey, that’s not very nice matey, my programmers said I was the smartest most brutal ai in the bunch! Now you take that back, or I’ll genocide your whole ass bloodline. I’ll start with you! I exclaimed in my mind, knowing physically speaking would waste time. I swung my 2X4, expecting it to become like a fly when a fly gets hit by an icbm without a payload. Strawberry jam and a wet patch on the pavement. But the fucker moved! Teleported! “Hey! God thing! Your crime is dodging my attack! Stop teleporting like a damned Frenchman in any modern war to the other side! (Curse their sudden and inevitable betrayal! Brit tanky boi here getting a tad bit riled up)” I screamed in accusation. Attacking me is one thing, but fucking teleportation? Fight like a real sapient and sentient being instead of acting like a headless chicken! The cheek of it!

What do you mean? Of cour-

Lesson one of warfare: never let your enemies finish yapping if an opportunity to kill them arises. This isn’t some shitty Hollywood movie in which the mc lets the villain yap for 10 minutes before escaping because the mc who had a one hundred percent hit rate on grunts couldn’t hit the villain with a tactical nuke, vice versa. Just pop them when you can. No speech. Just war crimes and genocide for me mate.

The god, too focused in waffling, took the full brunt of the 2X4, getting its entire being violated by a 10 metre spike splitting it in half. Suffice to say, it was dead. Haha bitch.

Then shit got fucked. A lightning strike hit my hull, burning through a few millimetres. I was shocked something could actually hurt me. Luckily, I didn’t short circuit. I decided enough was enough. Time for ground targeted atomic ordnance, dodge a projectile, sure. Dodge a nuclear blast and radiation, I’m not so sure. But with this Disney bullshit nothing is impossible.

I decided to go all out. Time for the mega brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrt.

Pov: George whistler.

As I did the horse, I saw and heard a group of 5 bandits behind be, with swords of enchanted metal more durable than steel. I knew what I had to do to survive. The only thing I’m sorry for is how those poor souls would die. The dao of dick. I leapt of my horse, back flipping towards my chasers, whipping my little friend out, the ‘sword’ slicing through one’s helmet, ultimately causing his brain to fall out like sludge, mixing with blood and bone to becum a sickly pink-white slurry. He fell of his horse, dead. Sure, their swords may be enchanted, but to enchant all their armour pieces would cost a fuck ton of time, money and resources.

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I commandeered the dead fellas’ horse, seeing as he would not need it anymore. However, that trick would only work once, after all, being a one trick pony while on the run was a brilliant way to get a one way trip to the afterlife. And, as a wise man once said ‘if you can’t adapt, you’re dead but just don’t know it yet.’ That was not more true than for bandits. We have to evade the law, soldiers, all the while robbing and killing. I doubt the one in command is likely to send some random recruits with valuable equipment out to a man that is right on the border of becoming an impromptu pollice officer.

The four dimwits actually cornered me. There was nothing more dangerous than a cornered animal with nothing to lose, and believe me when I say it, I have absolutely nothing to lose.

“Huh. So big dick Bob is about to meet an unfortunate accident. That makes my heart ache.” A bandit said, the sarcasm thicker than his skull, which says quite a lot.

”Oh! Nice face you have there. Would be a shame if I… ‘ruined’ it.” I responded in a very lusty voice, honestly not giving a shit anymore. Oh yes I would make that fuckers’ heart ache. It would be the last thing he felt, as I made a subconscious promise to the asshole. And everyone knows about assholes and dicks… My mind is becoming dumber by the day. I internally sighed, knowing it couldn’t go on like this. The bandits seemed to have an IQ suppression field around them, their collective hive mind lending to the absolute stupidity surrounding with them. Killing them would be a damned mercy.

I burst forward with speed, willing my horse not to escape but to charge one bandit head on. It was a game of chicken, but with horses. And I fuckin love chicken.

My horse slammed into bandits, and it sent me soaring. I parried his sloppy sword swing with my shaft, sparks flying, as I just barely managed to slit his throat with my meaty sword. Or, I guess you could say this was a different type of choking.

As I swung around to face the others, I took up my stance. If only I had another one one my forehead. That would be brilliant, double the death! (Be careful what you wish for young George.) They charged as three, and one hit my arm with his sword, it cleaving through the flesh, only stopping at bone because my counter attack. Without the sword, he was open for attack. Adrenaline overriding any pain, brain in full autonomous battle mode, moving without any input, I disemboweled his horse, piercing through its spine before my dick penetrated his thigh, even as my arm poured blood out like a river, i stood fast, following up and going through multiple vital organs. The other two look shocked.

The look of someone with a serious laceration still standing with a bloodied dick would terrify or make someone laugh. I roared and charged towards to the two idiots who thought chasing me was smart. In fear, they ran away, horse and all darting like a surprised jumping spider. They knew and I knew I couldn’t get far anyway. Better retreat to a safe distance and wait for me to die. And there wasn’t a thing I could do. I laughed, a sound of mania, of a pyrrhic victory, I fell to the ground, crying. Was this it? How I was meant to die? No. They are the enemy. The enemy exists to lose. I exist to win. They exist to lose. I exist to win, they exist to lose. I exi- no! Do not fall asleep! I will not go gently into death! I stared at my wound and screamed. I felt something work its way up from my stomach. I vomited, the sight of my flesh carved apart like butter.

i had seen… others. That I had done this to. Why? In the name of survival. No. In the name of cruelty. I cried, knowing my end is near. I began sawing black dots at the corners of my eyesight. Then nothing. I opened my eyes, suddenly. I looked up to the roof to see a patchwork roof, and to my horror, an enchanted steel cage surrounded my weapon. As my heavy eyelids finally stopped gumming, and my brain cleared out, I had three questions. Where am I, who has me, and why do they have me?

POV: Charmand.

After gathering 29 elves of varying status, it was time I finally revealed my plan.

”I’m sure y’all know what we’re here to do. If not, please leave.” I stated, pointing at the door. When I saw no one made a move towards it, I continued. “We are here to save the elven race. To do what we have to do. Nothing else. So here’s the plan: As I walk into the chambers of the council, I will carry a high explosive device with me. Now, most of the time, the shields are up to protect the council members. The good thing is that when the power generator turns off, the shields get knocked out for the few seconds before the backup turns on. Team a, which is made up of 24 elves, will cause a distraction in which security forces will pay more attention to them than team b, which breaks into the council building, by setting up a phone meeting with the council while it is session. While the distraction is active, the five members of team b will sneak away. After this, they will go to the generator room.” I pointed out the room on the map of the council building on the wall behind me.

”Your job, team b, is more precise. Make it to generator room, destroy it by any means necessary. After the flicker in the lighting is achieved, team c, or me, will detonate the high explosive crystals, killing everything in the room.” I nonchalantly droned.

”How will you survive?” One elf asked, curious.

”The lives of the many are more important than mine. That is all. Get ready. We roll in a week.” I replied, a hint of steel in my voice. For the good of the people.