And here I am, thinking this day couldn’t get any weirder. Now, how do I start?
The US and China nuked each other to oblivion over a little scuffle in Taiwan, but I could not dwell on such politics. I was an ai created for the purpose of war after all, and when manpower is short, Asimov's laws went straight out of the window. I was fighting the eastern bloc with what was essentially the western countries.
So that’s the lore of the third world war, but that shit ain’t important for too long.
"Alpha! RPG!" A voice shouted, which i never bothered to learn because these meat bags seem to die quicker than mayflies on the battlefields, and many ai that tried to do so were driven crazy by their 'emotions' which i obviously mentally scoffed at. My cameras saw the rpg user, and within milliseconds, my coaxial turned the poor bugger into red confetti. Not exactly efficient, but it's the little things you have to appreciate. My sensors picked up a sudden energy spike, and before my guns could get there, a solid beam of red energy started to shear the humans in half, not much gore, if you would believe it, as the bodies were instantly sealed when the heat beam cut through them. Then i realised it was heading for me.
Fuck.
The beam cut through my barrel, then sheared the entire turret off, before finally punching a smoking hole in my engines. What was that weapon? My hull mounted cameras catching what seemed to be spetsnaz heading towards my chasis, perhaps trying to plunder my tech? I could not allow it. I mustered all the energy i could to send one final message to hq.
-Enemy is in possession of new weapon, red laser shears through c. 3 armour like air.-
Hate this sci fi bullshit.
And with that i activated my self destruct sequence. Maybe i could get another one of those fuckwits, maybe not. The countdown played in my head, excruciatingly slowly.
10-9-8-7
The soldiers arrived at my chasis, climbing on with that weapon that disabled me, before having a little chat and deciding to finish me. Too little too late.
3-2-1. Self destruct initiated.
There is room in this grave for everyone.
Even as the tiny mass fusion began in my core, i mentally smiled. I would avenge myself. Everything turned white.
I opened my cameras, observing what i was and what was happening around me. I was a World war one tank? That had been ai fitted? Is this tank heaven? A voice boomed.
What is this?
Fuck if I know.
Damn it Logustus, that's a misshapen lump of metal.
Yup. Your point?
The little one, Logustus, apparently, figured it out. "What, what the fuck? Where the hell am i? Why am i in this monstrosity of a body? It has a side mounted machinegun for crying out loud! How am i even alive?" I demanded, knowing my rights as a british army artificial intelligence.
What? What the fuck?
The big one asked, confused.
Now, please fuck off before I get the metal to shoot you.
Sure little brother, next time don't ask me for help.
The big one then just full on ducked off. Wait why am i thinking like this? I really need to get my core checked.
Hello, as you might of guessed, my name is logustus and I'm the god of forges, can you help me with a little bandit situation I'm having? Become my champion? Get shit and get stronger?
Quest received, defend the forge gods believers.
This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.
Reward: teleportation point, supply restock and repair. F grade skill.
Sure. Accept. My mama didn’t raise no bitch! I thought, contemplating the fact I’m not dead, in a slightly primitive tank.
Quest accepted. Minimap updated.
Thank you so much for helping, i received this slightly strange metal hunk years ago, with a message only saying 'wait'. Anyhow, go fuck some shit up.
Title received: Outsider.
Title received: Weapon of mass destruction.
Would you first like a tutorial?
Nope. Let me go krill some people so i can get my shrimpment of supplies! I laughed at my own joke, my humour module seemingly broken beyond repair.
My tracks squeeled as i looked at the minimap at the top right corner of my consciousness, once again an archaic relic of a tank having seemingly futuristic equipment, to the point of an HUD.
Pov: Tom
I screemed and shouted as the bandits stabbed my father through the stomach, utterly disembowelling him as if he were a fish, guts poring out like worms on a wet day, and the grunts, moans and screams coming from the direction of my mother and sisters leaved nothing to the imagination of what the bandits were doing with them, my own brain filled with promises of violence to the fuckers. People say revenge is a dish best served cold. But do you know what is also cold? The steel of a sword. I knew I would get my revenge, sooner or later, hopefully the former. Death or revenge. Either is fine, as long as I could take one with me. Spite is one hell of a drug. And I was an addict.
Pov: Alpha
My thermal imaging showed quite the... gruesome story, of a village being stripped of everything, the men and everyone who tried to resist slaughtered, as if they were animals rather than human. The scenes inside the houses were even worse. Bandits raping women, children, and the husbands laying on the ground in a puddle of cold liquid. Blood. It broke a module I didn’t know I had, before I quickly scanned up on it ‘genocide limiting device, offline.’ … It was time.
I had seen enough of this, my compassion algorithms overridden due to the common human rights section one subsection 4 article 8, as of 2025. Any human or sentient life form committing a crime against humanity will have their rights stripped from them.
Normally a machine gun would be as accurate as a drunk baby with an assault rifle trying to hit a bullseye of a target with every shot from this range, but i was not a baby. I was an ai. (And not drunk, that helps too) I ran the calculations on the best way to neutralize the bandits with as little collateral damage as possible. I was put for blood, and i would quench it. My canon opened fire on the centre of the village, blasting the inhuman scum into naught but a mess of blood and fractured bone, and the ones later into a rag-doll, over pressuring their fragile bodies and causing their very nervous system to shut down.
My machine gun belched, one bullet killing one bandit, and before long the only noises heard were crying.
They were all dead, and my personality matrix allowed one emotion through. Sick joy and accomplishment.
Targets killed:
1 bandit leader.
4 bandit lieutenants.
50 bandit brigands.
100 bandit initiates.
2 injured villagers
Exp gained:14903
Level up 2, 3, 4.... 26. 24 levels until evolution. Health increased by 2400 mg ammo stockpile increased to 4000 from 2000. Canon rounds stockpile increased to 31 from 10.
Achievment unlocked: win and destroy an opposing force with 5x more troops than you. Reward: common crowd control round modifier. How the figgity fuck are you allowed to exist? Yknow what? I dont care anymore. Take this round and leave.
Acheivment unlocked: win and destroy an opposing force with 20x more troops than you. Award: Uncommon aoe round modifier. This is just getting ridiculous. How is a level one annihilating so many enemies. With one shot?
Achievment unlocked: win and destroy an opposing force with 50x more troops than you. Award: rare aoe round modifier. What...? You again? If i had half a mind i would've accused you of cheating, but that outsider title blocks me from doing so. Lucky fucker.
I just looked at the notification in wonder. I got an epic and legendary token for 90 amd 150 kills respectively. With some... admittedly colourful language from a random guy.
Acheivment unlocked. Kill a noncombatant by accident. Award: common dumbass token. I got you there didn't I? Claim it to become your true self!
I was starting to hate this guy more and more.
Achievment unlocked:
Skip this bullshit already.
Common to rare gratitude token, for saving village from terrible fates. And i can still write messages, you can't escape me!
Finally. I thought as my body rolled into the village, if only i had some human crew to untie them. I didn't so i used a deadass speaker on a ww1 tank to broadcast my message. "Citizens of this village, the british army has liberated you and eliminated all bandits with extreme prejudice, and i can assure you no harm come to you. I was tasked to come here by Logustus, now, I’ll skedadle, y’all stay safe alright? I don’t want to come back to this shithole.” I snickered at that last part, reminding me i need some r and r (repair and refit) for my strange condition.