Robert tossed and turned in his sleep. His mind was a torrent of thoughts that are not his. His past life memories are still a mess. A much neater mess, but still a mess. The shuffle that took place was something altogether different. Pieces of their past lives had been broken apart before their births. Now those pieces have become a patchwork of interwoven thoughts between Robert and Keung.
Something happened in that shuffle that put some pieces in the right order to recover thoughts that had been lost, long ago.
***
Anastasia looked at the results from her visit to the doctor. She was pregnant. It could only be Ricardo’s, even if he periodically dipped his “toe” elsewhere, she didn’t see the base desire appealing. Most of the time now, she isn’t really there during their lovemaking. She was just allowing him to use her body to masturbate. There wasn’t much love between them anymore, if there ever was in the first place. Now? They’ve become little more than roommates.
This test result was unexpected and unwelcome.
Anastasia understood what motherhood was like. Looking back she had hundreds of memories of being a mother, through various lifetimes. It was trying work and without a partner she could depend on, it was double that work. With a mate like Ricardo? It would triple that work at least.
Outside of the work necessary, what was the point of having human offspring? There wouldn’t be the same attachment for her. Her people were light years away. Sure, attempting to educate humanity through offspring has been a selling point on the journey in the first place. Allowing their true selves to live among the people of a planet and observe and nudge their progress in a productive manner. Those on the journey would eventually have full recall and with that jolt of memories we would remember that we are supposed to be studying their people and guiding them in a better direction.
She had to think about this as logically as she could. Even if she could use humans through psychic manipulation to help her, it wouldn't be the same as her raising the offspring. That would be the only reason to invest the time and energy, direct guidance of the offspring. She could find the resources through a myriad of other avenues.
She needed to be cold and logical for as long as she can be. There was a sea of hormones pouring into her mind that she is well aware of and of their purpose. She only has a window for so long before that bath of chemicals will make any decision she comes to tainted.
Cold and logical. She was well aware that the cells growing within her aren’t yet a person, but it is growing by the second and if she hasn’t decided soon, there could be no chance to turn around.
Ricardo has been gone for a week and a half. It’s his annual trip to Atlantic City. He was there to “work” and his time there was spent cheating at roulette and taking each casino in turn, for exactly so much. This year he estimates that he will bring in $200,000. He usually spends three weeks there and makes a complete letch of himself while doing it.
This was her only time to make the choice. She really cannot delay it much more, for the sake of the laws in this country and their perception of life. The various plans she had outlined in her mind were creating pro/con lists and the columns grew on both sides.
Pro; children are a chance to extend your beliefs and test those beliefs by explaining them throughout the lifetime of your offspring. If there are holes, a child will find them and question them; Children allow you to become a teacher; children show you unconditional love.
Cons; they are messy, they get into things, they are gross, they are very likely human, she will lose a lot of time that she currently uses to study, her absence from her work will set her back and with a partner that is little more than a child himself, that absence will be greater than the time she is willing to let her efforts stagnate.
Options; abort pregnancy, keep pregnancy.
Other options.
She stopped and tapped her pencil against her temple. What was she missing?
Abort. She will likely lose the opportunity to reproduce with a hybrid creature that Ricardo must be. He has a legacy in his genetics that she simply doesn’t have the equipment to fully identify and qualify. She has no base test subject to even begin her work on. There may even be a way to clone those cells and graft them into another subject with the right medium and culture.
Keeping the pregnancy. Bonding hormones, this may allow her to better understand the people she is living among. The humans. She would be sacrificing her time to the offspring.
Other options. She could minimize the expense. She could get a new partner or a nanny or such. Having that in hand, she may be able to continue her work, the expense of time could be kept to a minimum and she could attempt to keep up with the demands of her research.
When you are reborn over and over again, time doesn’t always seem to be slipping away. There are times when you can set up a long-term experiment and come back to it when you are a couple of decades into their next incarnations. Her subjects are centered in the biological science of exoplanet organisms. She was also specifically interested in the sentient organisms of this planet and her current subject is alien genetic saturation inside the terrain population. Ricardo was her primary subject.
He liked to joke that she was going to put him under a microscope the moment he died. She understood the comment. She has collected samples from his body pretty regularly. Hair, blood, semen, skin, nails, saliva, one night she took a liver sample while he was sleeping off a drunk.
She knew that he thought he was joking, but it was very much the truth. He is a unique specimen in her time on Earth. The secrets to his telekinetic abilities were locked somewhere within his physical body. For her to discover the origins of that hybrid and hopefully, the means to unlock, to identify, and to track those mutations throughout the human populace. Once you have that nailed down it’s only a matter of encouraging specific breeding and thriving of those offspring. If she could identify those aspects she could likely encourage her own IFA to be born into one of the offspring with parents that have these mutations.
She sucked her teeth and looked at herself in the mirror, extending her belly out to get an idea of what the change would do to her body.
***
Keung was rolling back and forth on his ample bed. He was mumbling and cursing as he tossed. He is sweating through the sheets and tearing off his blankets as he moves. “Get the hell out of me you little shit!” He shouted.
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***
Anastasia understood the pressure she was in. Within her was the child of Ricardo and that child wanted out.
“Okay. We are nearly there, if you could hold on for just a few m-ahh...” She was speaking to the child inside her when the pain became too much and she cried out.
“Look you little shit, I am doing the best I can and I will get you there as soon as I possibly can. I don’t want you in there anymore than you want to be,” She growled through gritted teeth.
She wished she knew how to contact the child's mind within her, but that never works while in pregnancy. Something about the body being bonded, if she remembered her lessons correctly.
She had very few regrets about sending Ricardo on to his next incarnation, but right now, she could really use a driver. The pain was nearly unbearable, but she bore it as she drove herself to the hospital.
The light turned red as she barreled through the intersection well over the posted speed limit cars honking as they began into the same intersection she was trespassing within. “Blow it out your ass, I’m having a goddamn baby!” She screamed back at their horns.
She rounded the corner and entered the hospital parking lot, dodging a car that was backing out and scratched her hubcaps on the curb pulling her car into the emergency bay.
“I am having a baby and I need you to do something about it immediately!” She screamed, as she opened the door and started to get up from her sopping wet seat.
Three medics ran from the sliding doors with a gurney.
“Get this thing out of me!” She screamed as they helped her up to the hospital bed.
The next six hours were spent in labor and birth. They had given her a few different drugs, all of which kept her from remembering the experience. She awoke in her room. There were machines all around her making various noises. She rubbed the fog from her eyes and looked around the room.
Seated and intently reading beside her was Deagol. The man was dressed in black suit and yellow tie. He looks to be about halfway through the book. He must have been sitting here for some time. The cup of water beside him was empty, but there was a half full pitcher beside him.
“D-Deagol?” She said, a dry rasp in her voice.
“Ah. There she is, awake at last,” The man replied, placing his bookmark on the page and closing the book. “They called me when you came in and I got here as quickly as I could, I even saw about half the birth I think,”
She smiled then looked around the room.
“The baby? It’s not here. They said you have planned to adopt it out,” He said in a matter of fact tone.
She let out a sigh. Her mind screamed for her offspring. It was all just chemical. There wasn’t anything to it. Logically she is doing the best for the offspring.
“Well, what are your plans now?” Deagol asked, pouring her a drink of water from the pitcher and walking the water to her bedside.
“Now, I carry on with my research,” She said, in a cold tone.
“Your research oh yes, very important stuff that. You have your slides of Ricardo to get back to, your study of the man,”
“What are you playing at?” She asked bluntly.
“Me? What would I be playing at?” He asked, miming as though he were abashed by the words.
She looked around the room again. There were no cards, no well wishes. She had Deagol, she used to have Ricardo. She started sobbing.
The older man went in for a hug and allowed her to cry.
“What did I do?! Why did I do it?” She began as the tears flowed.
“It’s not too late to change your mind,” He said, in a soft and comforting tone.
She was overwhelmed with emotions and started wailing. The nurse walked to the doorway and Deagol put up his hand to show that they were okay.
“Ri- Ri- Ricardooooo,” She sobbed.
“I know. He left you too soon,” He comforted.
She sobbed the louder.
Deagol waited for her to calm, patting her back, holding her tight. Just allowing her to work through it. Once she had calmed down and she gently pulled away from the hug he gave her a warm smile.
“Come Anastasia. You should see your son,” He said softly. “Even if you wish to keep to your decision, you should see him once,” He continued in a soft voice.
She gave him a weak smile and nodded acceptance.
Deagol pressed the nurse call button and when she returned he said, “Please bring my friend a wheelchair, she would like to see her son,”
The nurse nodded and returned with a chair shortly after.
Deagol and the nurse helped Anastasia into the chair and the old man rolled her from the room into the hall.
“Wait. Isn’t maternity in the other direction?” Anastasia asked.
“Your son is not in the maternity ward. It seemed that he had a bit of an illness,” Deagol said, his voice still warm and comforting even with sure dire news.
Pains of heartache were assailing her. What was this old man doing? Is he about to introduce her to a son that is likely to die?!
Deagol could feel the anger radiating from his friend. Though their people can read minds, it is rare they do it to one another, but there is a general emotional energy that cannot be ignored. It was too intense, too obvious.
“Calm yourself,” He continued warmly.
“Your son is suspected of having a case of spinal meningitis.” The man said and he could feel her sudden surprise and hope.
It was a constant in the G’lomin-sitiri born to the humans that are later identified as being one on the journey that the child will suffer from a case of illness that takes on similar symptoms as spinal meningitis. For those on the journey, there is no real risk. It passes within a week as the child separates from the body of the mother, likely something similar to how she could not contact her child while he was inside her, but now.
She reached out her thoughts to the boy. He was scared. He wanted to be held. He feels cold. He needs a mother. He needs that touch and security.
She pumped warm thoughts and comforting feelings into his mind and he calmed. She looked up at the old man and could feel that he wants this to happen. He wants that child to be a member of the journey. He wants her to bond with the babe and bring him up. He feels that this would give her greater meaning. He sees all this hope and laughter. He sees a future that she could not be a part of.
She patted his hand softly as it rested on her shoulder.
“I can’t,”
“What?”
“Deagol. You see an innocent babe. You see the potential of an emotional connection that would fill the hole of Ricardo. I dug that hole. I dug that hole because Ricardo was a unique specimen and he needed to be euthanized for the sake of research and study. I wanted to study him so much that I killed him before he could cause too much damage to himself. To the specimen. Deagol. I cannot be a part of this baby’s life.” She began, her words growing more intense as she spoke.
“The emotions of this body are nothing but a chemical soup that will eventually wear off. When they wear off, and they will wear off, that’s when the notes will begin. That is when the training drills will begin. That is when sample collection and excuses for discomfort will begin. Deagol. This isn’t something that will go well. Today he is little Ricardo junior and tomorrow he will be generation two specialized telekinetic,” She half cried and growled at the man.
“Get me out of here.” She finally said. She was digging her fingernails deeply into her palms.
Self-righteous ass.