Heading up the stairs going outside, I was surprised to see the outfit Laulaia was wearing. Since I no longer had any use for either my pants, or my shirt, both had been altered into suitable clothing for Laulaia to wear. My old denim pants had been reshaped into a thick and heavy jacket, and my faded old shirt had been transformed into a loose-fitting, wavy mini-skirt. Raw cotton that we’d picked, had been magically cleaned, processed, altered, and mended into my old clothes, adding a soft, bulky liner to each.
All-in-all, Laulaia looked every bit a lady to me, again. The thigh-high boots and shoulder-length gloves highlighted her, while the jacket and skirt fitted her form flawlessly. To top it all off, Laulaia’s golden hair shined in the moonlight and draped loosely around her, flowing in the soft wind like a golden cloak.
She truly was every inch a beautiful Lady, whereas I was nothing more than a naked, lewd slave-toy. Sighing deeply, I said nothing, as we headed out and hurried back to the same graveyard we’d found yesterday. I was so lost in melancholy, I barely even noticed the gentle pats, slaps, squeezes, or pinches the girls stole from time to time as we walked in the gentle moonlight. I simply kept my head down, went where I was led, and kept my thoughts to myself, like a good slave-toy.
“We’re here.” Alaina’s quiet voice caused me to stop walking and glance around at my surroundings. Sure enough, the mossy mound was back in front of us, marking the collapsed wall which marked the boundary of the graveyard.
Almost immediately, almost as if moving to some preordained signal, of which I was completely unaware, everyone rushed about doing their own things. Alaina and Shadow dashed off into the darkness, apparently scouting the general area, while Laulaia made herself comfortable sitting atop the mossy hill, concentrating on making use of the magic ring which we’d acquired.
Looking around, for the first time in a long time, I realized I was completely on my own and with no idea of what to do. I wasn’t being expected to watch over, or take care of the girls. I wasn’t currently expected to keep myself entertained. Nobody had actually told me of anything which I’d need to be doing, at this moment, and as such, I was completely lost and alone.
Sitting atop the grassy mound near Laulaia, I sprawled myself wide and showed myself to the world, as I’d been taught to the last time we were here. Straining my eyes and ears to stretch my perception as far into the swampy forest as I possibly could, I was left alone to my own thoughts. Left alone, with a deep dark silence looming heavily all about, and an oppressive feeling that the silence was slowly stalking and drawing itself ever closer around us.
Nothing was moving. No leaf was stirring, and no sound was heard in the still of the corrupted swamp. For the first few moments, I closed my eyes and relaxed in the peaceful bliss of having nothing to do.
It was during this moment – what should be a moment of peace – that I realized, once again, I was still a badly broken individual. The abandonment and isolation after my wife’s death had shattered something important – something human – in me, and had replaced it with a cold, dark silence, which refused to release its grip on my heart.
As a man, I could hide from the silence by bullying and dominating the two girls. By filling their little heads with soft lies, such as about the Ritual of Seed, or about the virtues of kissing and sharing the breath of life, I was manipulating them into staying with me and being a shield against the dread silence.
As a woman, if I’m being brutally honest with myself – which is something I rarely am (Is anyone really honest with themselves most of the time?) – the truth is, I truly don’t even find Alaina’s intense bullying to be that terrible. Oh, don’t get me wrong, part of my mind absolutely hated it. Who wouldn’t? Being forced to surrender and give in to another’s whims? Turned into nothing more than a plaything? Part of me certainly hated it…
…But, there was another secret part of myself that didn’t really think it was that terrible. Sure, I might have to spend all day learning to play with myself, while squirming and orgasming over and over endlessly, but at least I wasn’t alone. I was being watched. Observed. Alaina was always keeping an eye on me, to make certain that I was doing what I should be, and living up to expectations. I had a job – no matter how trivial and demeaning it might be – and I had people depending on me to follow through and do that job.
I wasn’t alone. The silence of my heart wasn’t smothering every ounce of breath from my lungs. Even as nothing more than a slave-toy, I wasn’t an island all by myself, surrounded by a sea of silence. I had a master bullying me around, making me obey, and staying by my side. I was still connected to another, and I truly enjoyed that. Needed it, even!
By giving me a little freedom to prepare myself, the girls had unwittingly forced me to face the one and only thing which I truly fear in this world – being alone. Shadow and Alaina had run off scouting. Laulaia was lost in her own mind, concentrating and focused on sorting out the strict requirements to access the items inside the ring. The forest was deathly quiet, and the trees blocked much of the moonlight. Everything was dark, unmoving, silent and cold. Even the hussy Casper had abandoned me, taking her annoying voice from my head, and leaving me alone to face the silence in my heart.
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Unneeded. Unwanted. Unnecessary. The silence whispered loud within my ears. Abandoned. Worthless. Unloved. Who was I kidding? I’d always tried to be an honest man – to work hard and provide for my family – but what did I really manage to accomplish? I couldn’t take care of my wife. The hospital was under quarantine orders, due to some stupid virus going around, and I wasn’t even there to hold her hands as she passed out of the world. I’d completely failed her. The rest of my family was dead and gone, with the exception of my daughter – and she decided life would be better for her, if she went ahead and considered me dead and gone. She’d turned her back on me, and declared for me to never speak to her ever again!
Who was I kidding? I’d stolen aboard the boat that night, and went raging against the ocean, with no other purpose than to leave this world – and by some miracle of fate, I had! My plan, if I was being honest about it, was simply to drive into the storm, crash, and drown. Why else would a jackass who can’t swim, work so hard to throw themselves into the heart of a hurricane?
It was foolish to think that this new world might hold some momentary comfort for one such as me. I wasn’t worthy of love, or companionship. Over the last few months, I’d thought things had changed, but I was wrong. Laulaia didn’t love me. She wasn’t truly life-bound to me. Even if the sharing of breath is somehow sacred and special to her people, the truth is, all I did was perform CPR on her – and she wouldn’t have even needed that, if my boat hadn’t crashed into them, knocking her overboard!
Worthless. Undependable. Broken. Trash. I’d thought the silence had been vanquished, but it had simply been sleeping. Lurking in the depths of my heart, waiting for its first chance to rise up and strike me like a thunderstorm. Forgotten. Not worth depending on. Vile. Unwanted.
“Stef?” Looking up from her ring, Laulaia frowned heavily in my direction. “Are you all right?” Concern was beginning to rise in her voice, but the silence was drowning it out, making her just a whisper in the midst of its thunderous cacophony. Tears flowed freely down the sides of my cheeks, completely unabated and unimpaired. I’d thought I’d shaken the silence – escaped its dark and clingy clutches – but I was sadly mistaken. The stress and exhaustion of the last few days had weakened my mental walls against it, and the silence and solitude of the dark swamp had allowed it to burst free and completely envelop my heart.
“Alaina! Alaina!” Laulaia frantically yelled for Alaina, as she rushed over and hugged me tightly in her arms. Her distraught scream, “Alaina, hurry back! Something’s happened to Stef,” was the last thing I heard, before the darkness took my mind completely.
----------------------------------------
“Sad, sad little child,” the silence whispered in my heart. “Abandoned. Abused. Forgotten and unloved. Trampled by everyone and everything. Ripped from your own realm. Dragged into another, by no fault, nor will of your own. Tricked into following an uncaring bitch of a goddess. First she lures you in with promises of power, calling you her ‘Chosen One’. Then she strips away your flesh, reshaping you to be the type of toy she wants you to be.
“Didn’t she promise you could choose your own form? She lied!” The silence screamed in the darkness of my mind, feeding on all the insecurities in my heart. “Was it your choice to have a prick too ungodly to even use? Was it your choice to be forced into the form of a woman, just so you can use the power promised you?”
Numbness filled my mind. Forcing my eyes opened — if I truly opened them; I couldn’t tell — nothing changed. As far as I could tell, I was floating in and endless void of pure nothingness. No light. No ground. No people and nothing around. Just the soft, sibilant whisper of the silence.
“Did you choose to wear those shackles? Throw away your freedom? Or was it all stolen from you,” the darkness asked?
An eternity creeped by, second by second, as the darkness turned quiet and patiently awaited my answer. Memories of my life, and the past few months in particular, slowly drifted in and out of my thoughts. “I didn’t choose any of this,” I cried, mournfully.
“Of course you didn’t,” the darkness whispered, soothingly. “You’ve been tricked. Lied to. Betrayed! Even those girls… Didn’t they both swear to be your wives? Your servants? And yet, now they dare to call themselves your master!”
The darkness was right. I hadn’t chosen this. I’d never agreed to be a slave! They were supposed to be my servants. If anyone should wear these shackles, it should be the two of them!
“Then make it right,” the darkness suggested, tempting me. “Denounce the bitch goddess. She is a liar and a betrayer. Offer yourself up to Shatian. Let him fulfill the goddess’s broken oaths to you. The Dark Lord will grant you the power to break those shackles. You can take what’s yours! Teach those bitches who dare to enslave you who the true master is!”
Shatian? The Dark Lord? Was the darkness actually some other god, offering to free me from Casper’s service?
“God? Shatian isn’t one of those bastard gods!” Oddly enough, it felt almost as if the darkness had just spat in my head. “Curse all those bastards, and all their broken oaths. Shaitan is The Great Liberator. The Savior, who will free the world from their grasp — just as he’s freed the land to which you will be traveling soon!”
Wait… Casper had told the girls that a demon had conquered the kingdom closest to us. Shatian is a demon lord? I’d be offering myself to a demon?!!
“Pfffft!” The darkness snorted in my head. “What is a demon, really,” it asked? “Isn’t that a term labeled for any who dare to stand against the capricious whimsy of the gods? A tainted title of disdain, created by the gods, to manipulate the masses?
“You have personally seen the lies, and been affected, by the betrayal of the so-called gods,” the darkness tempted, soft and whisperingly. “Renounce them,” it demanded! “Renounce them and accept a proud position of power beside Shaitan!”
I have to admit, the darkness has a compelling case and makes an interesting offer.