Cassie

My relationship with Daniel is complicated and has been from the start. We’re completely incompatible. From the first time I met him, our bodies rejected each other like natural enemies.

His guts have long since abandoned growling for food, making him eerily silent. Normally, I like the quiet types, but Daniel sounds like a floating brain, ungrounded, inhuman. The worst thing about him, though, is the smell.

As a race of blood drinkers, we’re largely predators. Our senses are hardwired to alert us of danger. If I were desperate and tried draining blood from someone even as bony as Daniel, it would be like drinking molten lava—I’d die instantly. So, it’s no wonder the smell of dust and void around him makes me want to puke. My hairs stand on end, and my skin crawls whenever he gets near; that’s my body’s alarm siren telling me to stay away.

However, if his first impression of me was unflattering, it wasn’t his fault. Since then, I’ve learned a lot about him, and my opinions have changed. I’m embarrassed how slow I was to get past my purely physical revulsion.

I have another confession. Because I can hear breath and pulse—all my life, I’ve been unavoidably aware of when people get… excited, for whatever reason. Although, since my sonography extends all around me with no real front or back, if I’m close enough to hear you, then bet I can tell where you’re looking.

While my sonography didn’t extend beyond the walls of my cell, I knew pretty much everything that went on in the Facility—what our captors called our prison. I heard every footstep, every spoken word. I knew Daniel had lost his memory. He and Dr. Adelaide talked about it periodically.

I didn’t let anyone else know. I’ve kept most of my illicit discoveries secret, short of life-or-death decisions, for the sake of peoples’ privacy. As for why Rana told no one after she figured it out, I’m not surprised. She’s not one to spread rumors, talk bad about people behind their backs, or say something that would hurt her friends. She helps kids with their problems; that’s just the kind of girl she is.

Anyway, what I hate the most is being stared at like I’m some weirdo. During my stay, I heard every hateful thing people said about me in the Facility. They called me ‘blood-sucking freak,’ ‘vampire,’ ‘monster,’ and worse things I won’t repeat.

On the day my friends rescued me from my cell, I’d been barraged by fire alarms, soldiers’ cussing, and constant Auditions of us all dying horribly. My judgment wasn’t at peak performance. Which meant when I caught Daniel looking at me and heard his heart rate spike, I assumed something ugly went through his head. I didn’t say anything as I stared him down like some nasty piece of garbage.

It didn’t occur to me until I’d Heard him react to meeting the others that he might not have been staring at what was wrong with me. That maybe he… liked the way I looked. The more I got to know him, the more he turned out not to be the insufferable know-it-all I’d expected. Instead, he’s been a friendly, kind of fun, generally decent guy.

It doesn’t hurt he’s gotten taller over the last year and finally grown out of the whole lost-urchin thing. Ever since he took over for Lea, he’s started acting like a leader. Not to mention what he did for Wendi is plain crazy. I couldn’t believe it. The way he saved her from insanity single-handedly should’ve been impossible.

All this to say, I misjudged him, and I feel like a jerk because of it. I unfairly shut him down right off the bat, and because he’s the type of person who doesn’t bother those he thinks aren’t interested in him, he doesn’t look at me like that anymore. I wouldn’t mind it if he did now I know him better.

Speaking purely of personality, I think if he learned to control his powers, I could get past my reaction to his smell, and maybe there could be something romantic between us. Except, my rocky start and how I abandoned them on Radio World already sabotaged any chance of that. His discovery of what I did to Rana was the icing on that disaster cake.

I swore to myself I’d make it up to him with flying lessons once he gets his wings, but meanwhile, I’m still trying to get back on his good side.

The worst part is I suck at apologies. There’s no way I could go up to him and explain all this to his face! Even knowing I should’ve done just that, the actual conversation went more like this…

:How long are you going to pretend nothing happened?: he sent.

I said nothing. Had said nothing since Daniel revealed he knew the truth. That was my next mistake. By not starting the explanation on my terms, I’d allowed him to establish the narrative I was the one at fault—the narrative it would be so hard to talk him out of.

The tale has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the violation.

He was angry; I could tell by his heart rate and breathing. I was afraid for so many reasons; shame numbering not low among them. I couldn’t face him.

:I don’t understand you two, either of you,: Daniel sent. :I can’t imagine you tricked or overpowered Rana. So, why would she purposefully allow you to damage her to this extent—: No! Daniel, it’s not like that! :—And then Camouflage the bitemarks so no one noticed for a whole year?:

If nothing else, I should’ve stopped him here. In my heart, I was desperate to defend myself against these accusations, these insults to my integrity and intentions. He was angry because he thought I’d been greedy and manipulated my way into some gluttonous blood supply. But Daniel was too smart to believe Rana would’ve gone along with that, so he tried to work up such a fury to pry the truth from me. Instead of stopping him, I let it happen.

:And what could you possibly have to gain from this? We already knew you needed blood! I saw you drink from Rana with my own eyes! Paul and I would’ve given you our blood if we were capable. Kenta, Lea, and Wendi would freely donate all the blood you need! Gladly, if you said ‘please’—Cassie, this isn’t your burden; we share the load together!:

Yes, Daniel, yes, you’re right!

I knew he was right. I agreed with him then as I do now, but he doesn’t know what I can’t tell him. I kept it locked tight and let him continue to steam, ready to boil over.

:This has to stop. I can’t allow it to continue, but there has to be a reason it started. If I don’t understand that reason, I can’t fix the problem. You have to tell me what’s wrong.:

I couldn’t. I was shaking all over, trembling. I admit it. I was too weak to speak my mind, and this was my solution. My silent cry for help. I forced him to make me say it.

:This isn’t funny!—Do you realize Rana nearly died because of this? Cassie! Tell me!:

I broke into tears. :Do you know what she said to me?: I finally opened up to him. :When she found me crying, broken and alone in the night and I told her what was wrong? Do you know what she said to me? She held out her arm and said, ‘Take as much as you need.’ I laughed through the tears and told her, ‘I’ll bleed you dry.’ And she said to me, ‘No. I won’t die. You can depend on me as long as you have to.’:

I laughed and sobbed as I told Daniel what happened, :Do you know why Rana said such a stupid thing? You and I don’t believe her for a second when she says stuff like that, right? She’s just a kid, right? Well, I’ll tell you something, Daniel—she’s the bravest person I’ve ever met! She says that to make herself believe it because she can’t not be that for even a second. Do you have any idea how hard it is on her to take care of a bunch of messed-up kids like us? Especially me.:

While I cried my eyes out, Daniel lowered his arms as the heat of anger left him. I rallied myself to go on. :I have chronic insomnia, okay? That’s what your Dr. Adelaide called it. It means I can’t sleep. I haven’t gotten a wink of shut-eye in months. I haven’t had a full night’s worth in four years. Do you understand? Whenever I try to sleep, I wake up screaming because of the nightmares!:

:But, why the blood?:

:It’s a stimulant! The blood, it keeps me awake, increases concentration, endurance, alertness, invigorates me, keeps me… functional. I’ve been taking blood as a replacement for sleep.:

He looked at me with anguish, :I’m sorry.: It’s okay Daniel. I never blamed you. :What do you dream of that you won’t even try to sleep?:

The one question I dare not answer.

I lifted my gaze to his, not to see his face but to let him see the mixture of raw fear and internal pain in mine as the tears poured. Then I mouthed the same words I said to Rana that night. :I. Can’t. Tell. You.:

Stunned, he forgot to breathe for a second as he processed. :Alright.:

:What?: I gaped, disbelieving.

:I can accept that. You don’t have to tell me, and I won’t ask again.:

:Really?: A twinge of hope squeezed its way into the word.

:Yes, we can work around the problem without knowing its nature. You couldn’t handle it yourself, even with Rana’s help, but we can beat this as seven working together.:

I was still crying, but they were tears of another sort, :Thank you.:

:Don’t thank me yet,: Daniel said. :I’m going to need you to be brave.:

:No!: I panicked, having guessed what came next.

Calmly, he stated what had to happen. :You need to sleep.:

:There’s no way I’m doing that!:

:Cassie, what you described to me is a mental problem, not a physical one,: he borrowed his tone from Dr. Adelaide. :You are already capable of overcoming this. All you need is a change of outlook.:

:It’s not that simple!:

:No, it’s not. But the path you’re on doesn’t lead anywhere. Whatever it is you’re afraid of, running away makes it worse—it’s become a downward spiral. You’ve been taking more blood every day all year, haven’t you Cassie?:

He was right.

:Look at Wendi. Every time she rejected the truth, she rejected her past and kept regressing until she was mentally a child. Only after she built herself up from scratch could she start to move on. Cassie, I was like that too.:

I couldn’t believe it; that he’d willingly reveal his weakness—even if I knew it already, it was a testament to his character. :For three years, I refused to acknowledge the reality I couldn’t bear to accept. Cassie, my mother died to save me. I believed it was my fault she died, that I’d killed her, and I gave myself amnesia to escape that sense of guilt. Mary taught me we can’t hope to progress if we run away from what scares us. That’s why you’re going to face your nightmares head-on. You won’t succumb to sleep; you will conquer it!:

:Daniel, I’m not a conqueror—I’m not the kind who charges into battle! I don’t have it in me,: I told him, but I’d already given myself over to him. The protests were just words. I knew then I’d do what Daniel said.

:I can’t go with you, I can’t even hold your hand, but I’ll be here when you wake. You don’t have to do this alone.:

Thank you, Daniel, for believing in me. I was too busy being reluctant and afraid then to say it, but I’ll thank you now.

Despite my misgivings, I reclined on a soft bed of hair. Kenta’s braided tendrils subconsciously tucked me in, and sleep overtook me.