Cassie
—The lesser demon Moloch put inside me was too weak to win a fair fight. However, since I hadn’t awakened as a Nightwalker, it could invade my Mindscape while I slept. For four years, it fed on my nightmares, amplified my fears, and used my abilities against me. It convinced me to weaken myself until it thought me frail enough to crush.
It completely fooled me.
I thought it was my fault the nightmares were getting worse. I didn’t know how to fight back and was too afraid to try. I couldn’t sleep and started craving blood to recover my vitality—Rana bore that weight for me. Maybe if she’d refused me and forced me to fight the nightmares, I could’ve won and spared her the last year of blood feedings.
Or maybe I wasn’t ready then and would’ve lost that battle without the guilt of my failings to drive me forward past the point the old me would’ve surrendered and been consumed by the demon.
I don’t know.
All I know is that I owe Rana a debt I cannot repay. I owe Daniel for keeping me honest, Wendi for abandoning her, Paul for his candle, and all the others for the mess I made. I probably still don’t know all the problems my ignorance and blindness caused.
I’m sorry, all my moping isn’t very interesting. You want me to get back to the story, right? :<)
When I destroyed the lesser demon, the fog cleared. More than that, my senses unfurled, changing the landscape. I heard the candle burning in the open window, heard the creaking of wood settling in the barn, and heard the dance of every leaf in the wind, the entirety of my Inner World laid bare.
And I could fly.
I was above the canopy in an instant. The maze of trees which baffled my human sight seemed trivial now. I could navigate my way through the forest with my wings tied behind my back. Finally, I soared above the meadow, circled the barn, and shot into the empty night sky.
No, not empty. In the waking world, I have never Heard the sun nor the stars nor the moon. Never seen them with my own eyes. If I had one regret about my blindness, that would be it. (You can tell me about them in your next ‘letter,’ if you’d like. I bet you have lots to say on the matter, right?) When I had human sight in my Inner World, I saw nothing but a void above my land.
Let me tell you, when I turned my ears toward the sky that night, I Heard the stars.
I knew what they were, too. More than a gut feeling, I just knew. Each star belonged to someone; each of them somebody’s Inner World! Billions, maybe trillions of them, more than one immortality could ever visit. So close I could reach the nearest ones with a few flaps of my wings.
And then, He was there.
His breath was a hurricane of humid air bearing the scent of a predator, its force threatening to blast me into the space between. His spread wings obliterated half the universe. His form was too vast and terrible for me to comprehend, intimately near, and infinitely far. I feared the demon because its whispers threatened to corrupt me. I feared the nightmares because they might come true. I feared Him because escape was truly impossible. Not while His blood flowed through my veins.
He is the father of my people. I dare not say his name.
“Why have you come? No one called you,” I asked Him, voice trembling.
My heart stopped as a thousand dagger array split the void, each blade taller than the highest skyscraper. I started breathing again when I realized it was merely His smile. He shivered with delight at my reaction, and I with revulsion at his.
IS IT SO STRANGE FOR AN OLD MAN TO WANT TO SEE HIS LITTLE GIRL?
I recognized His voice from forgotten dreams as if I’d long anticipated this moment. It was low as rumbling thunder, sharp as shattering glass, loud as a sonic boom, and painful as nails on a chalkboard, deafening my tender ears with its immense discordant sound. YOU DID NOT CALL MY NAME IN YOUR HEART, TRUE. YET I HAVE EAGERLY AWAITED THIS MEETING, CASSANDRA.
He knew my name. I almost gasped a bewildered, ‘Why?’ when I caught myself. I knew it would not be wise to upset Him.
“What have I done to merit your interest, oh great Wings of Empty Night?” I asked, hoping His most majestic name would please Him.
The smile widened into a disturbing grin. QUITE A TONGUE FOR ONE SO YOUNG. His form shook like an earthquake—a chuckle? ‘What have I done?’ SHE ASKS, and I was sickened to hear my own true voice coming from him, the words stolen from my lips and reproduced to perfection, AS IF SHE HAD NOT WRITTEN MY INVITATION WITH HER EVERY DEED AND SIGNED IT IN BLOOD.
I must have gone very, very pale because He rumbled with pleasure again. YES, WHEN I TASTED YOUR FIRST OFFERING, I THOUGHT ONE OF MINE HAD FOUND A STRAY FROG. THEN, AS THE BLOOD FLOWED FOR OVER A YEAR, I THOUGHT THEY MUST HAVE DISCOVERED A WHOLE CLAN AND SLAUGHTERED THE LOT. YET, WHEN I CAME TO CONGRATULATE THEM, I WAS ASTONISHED TO FIND A DAUGHTER OF MY BELOVED’S HAD ACQUIRED A TASTE FOR THE RED DRAUGHT.
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SUCH JOY WAS MINE! AND TO SEE THE WAY YOU TRICKED THE FROG INTO LETTING YOU FEED OF HER OWN FREE WILL!—AH, HOW MY HEART SOARED!
I cannot express my horror at this revelation—to realize He’d tasted my friends through me and my selfish needs. For a moment, I forgot myself and shouted at Him, “No! I will never drink blood again! I swear it!”
The sky shattered with noise, a cacophony of screeching howls, deep trenching bellows, an ugly blur of motion in my inner ear, the fetid smell of putrid carnivore breath, a bone-cracking illness inside, and I was plummeting, unable to control my fall. Then it stopped. I righted myself, for a moment doubting my survival. MY APOLOGIES. I SOMETIMES FORGET HOW FRAGILE MY BELOVED’S CHILDREN CAN BE. I WILL BETTER RESTRAIN MY MIRTH NEXT TIME.
What nearly killed me had been his laugh.
YES, I SHALL ENJOY WATCHING YOU RESIST YOUR CRAVINGS. I DOUBT WHATEVER SMALL RESERVATIONS YOU HAVE ARE ENOUGH TO FIGHT THE RICHEST TASTE IN THE COSMOS. HOWEVER, I HAVE NO DESIRE TO FORCE YOU. YOU HAVE EARNED THAT RIGHT.
“Earned?” I asked, startled, but he continued the account rather than pause to answer.
WHEN I TRIED VISITING YOU IN THE NIGHTSCAPE, ACCURSED WHITE FOG OBSTRUCTED MY ARRIVAL. I SCENTED THE DEMON INSIDE YOU THEN, AND OH, HOW GREAT WAS MY SORROW! I COUNTED YOU LOST, FOR THERE WAS LITTLE I COULD DO. YET, UNLIKELY THOUGH IT WAS, I SEE YOU PREVAILED.
It terrified me knowing how easily He could destroy me should I rouse His anger, but I didn’t know why He’d come. “And what does The Terror of the Void want from me?”
I COME BEARING THREE GIFTS! He said, grinning ever wider with glee.
My anger got the better of me again, and I spoke honestly, “I don’t want your gifts! I don’t want anything to do with you!”
He paused a moment, and the titanic smile slipped shut. YOU STILL DO NOT UNDERSTAND.
YOU SPEAK AS IF YOU HAD NOT READILY ACCEPTED THE FORM OF THE BAT I GAVE YOU, THE SHOUT OF CONFUSION, OR THE CLAWS OF THE FISHER, LEAST OF ALL THE BLOOD PACT THAT SUSTAINED YOU THROUGH YOUR WAR WITH THE DEMON. AND YET, THOSE WERE NOT MY INTERVENTION. THEY WERE SOLELY THE FRUITS OF YOUR SOUL DRAWING CLOSER TO MINE.
Those words scared me worst of all. “How am I like you?” The thought revolted me, but I pushed politeness through clenched teeth, “I mean, what have I done to deserve these wondrous gifts?”
‘What have I done?’ SHE ASKS AGAIN. CASSANDRA, YOU HAVE ALREADY ENDURED, FOUGHT, AND OVERCOME MORE AND GREATER FOES THAN MOST TEN TIMES YOUR AGE CAN BOAST. YOU ESCAPED DERANGED HUMANS, SURVIVED A FORMIDABLE MONSTER, BATTLED BLOODTHIRSTY MAGES, KILLED TWO FERAL BEASTS, INVADED A STRONGHOLD OF YOUR ENEMIES, AND NOW YOU HAVE SLAIN A DEMON.
YOUR ALLIES WILL FIGHT TOMORROW. DO YOU INTEND TO ABANDON THEM WHEN YOU COULD SO EASILY FLY AWAY?
“No.”
He grinned wide again. I AM SO PROUD OF YOU. I AM CERTAIN YOU SHALL BECOME STRONG. YOU ARE ALREADY MUCH, MUCH STRONGER THAN YOU REALIZE. YOU HAVE LEARNED TO FIGHT FOR YOUR CONVICTIONS, AND THAT IS HOW YOU HAVE BECOME LIKE ME.
YOU HAVE A DRAGON INSIDE.
I GLORY IN THE BEAUTY YOU SHALL BECOME. THEY WILL FEAR YOU.
“I don’t want to be feared,” I argued.
THEN LAY DOWN AND DIE, he growled, and I nearly fell again as fumes of smoldering sulfur choked me. AS LONG AS YOU LIVE AND BREATHE AND GROW, YOU SHALL BE FEARED. Then His voice softened as much as it could. HOWEVER, IT IS YOURS TO DECIDE WHO WILL FEAR YOU AND WHY.
Wracked with confusion, I felt equally disgusted by Him and oddly pleased by his words. I detected no lies.
He told me of the gifts I had received, and I Listened.
THE THIRD GIFT I PRESENT TO YOU IS LITTLE MORE THAN A TIP, BUT I BELIEVE YOU WILL FIND IT SUPREMELY USEFUL. YOU HAVE LIKELY NOTICED THE MINIMAL BOOST IN YOUR ABILITIES WHEN FIGHTING AT NIGHT FROM YOUR AFFINITY WITH THAT DOMAIN, BUT THERE IS SOMETHING ELSE YOU MAY NOT HAVE REALIZED BECAUSE OF THE DEMON’S INFLUENCE.
I DO NOT UNDERSTAND MUCH OF MY BELOVED’S MAGIC, BUT THIS I KNOW. I AM THE DRINKER AND THE SHRIEKER. SHE IS THE LISTENER AND THE SLUMBERER. HER ABILITIES ARE TREMENDOUSLY MAGNIFIED DURING SLEEP.
WHATEVER DREAMS AND NIGHTMARES YOU’VE HAD WERE THE RESULT OF YOUR CONCERN FOR THOSE YOU CARE ABOUT AND YOUR DESIRE TO PROTECT THEM. WITHOUT A TEACHER IN HER WAYS, I WOULD GUESS THAT DESIRE HAS CAUSED YOU MUCH SUFFERING IN THE PAST.
It was the understatement of the year, but I took his meaning. Now I’d gained control of my unconscious self, I could finally stop the nightmares. Or I could learn to control the dreams and use them as super-charged Auditions to help my friends.
KNOWING THIS, WHAT SHALL YOU DO?
“I’ll protect my friends.”
GOOD GIRL.
“You don’t care what happens to them at all, though?” I wanted to be sure I understood Him.
IF YOUR WORDS ARE IN EARNEST, THE SUBJECT DOES NOT MATTER TO ME. WHAT I HEAR IS THE STRENGTH OF YOUR BELIEFS. THEIR LIVES ONLY HAVE SIGNIFICANCE RELATIVE TO YOUR WELL-BEING. IN THE SAME WAY, YOU MAY NOW HEAR MY CONVICTION WHEN I SAY: DAUGHTER, I LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY SAVAGE HEART.
As much as it pains me to admit it, I told Him, “Thank you,” as He left.
That’s how I learned even the most bloodthirsty beast of the night loves His children.
His voice faded, and though He remained close to me as my own blood, His dreaded form vanished. The missing half of the universe returned. I sighed with relief as the enormous pressure of His presence lifted, then gasped in surprise as another person appeared on the edge of my Inner World.
I hit them with a wave of ultrasonics and recognized Tarō. He rose above the trees in scarf form as I swooped towards him.
“Cassie! You’re alive!” He shouted as he spun around me to check for injuries, “The white fog lifted, and I came as quick as I could. I’m so glad you’re alright!”
“I’m better than alright,” I said, summarizing what had happened and leaving nothing out except the contents of the nightmares for privacy.
Pleased with my news, he wrapped himself snugly around my neck. “If the demon caused you so many problems, maybe we should practice your partial shifting again now it’s gone.”
I nodded. “After I try lucid dreaming for the battle tomorrow—I mean today. Can I count on you to steady me if I lose control?”
“At your service!” he said, then added, “I doubt we’ll have time tonight, but you mentioned visiting other Mindscapes?”
“Yeah?”
“That’s Nightwalking—Night-flying in your case. You should definitely learn that, but be careful,” Tarō was a daredevil in risk-taking, so I took his warnings very seriously, “You aren’t alone in the Nightscape, though your Hearing should protect you. You can’t Wake until your inner self returns. Don’t let anything follow you home. Above all else, don’t talk to strangers!”
You know how that turned out.