Rana, Age 8

“Have you thought over my offer?” brother asked.

She looked upstream on the slime river to find him riding a hulking toad towards her. He stood in Warrior form on his floating mount as it swam around sunken cars and streetlamps. A light hop, and he landed on the collapsed skyscraper’s skeletal remains beside her. The hulking toad melted and dissolved into the slime from whence it came with a wave of his hand.

“You think I should leave?” she said as he sat within arm’s reach of her perch.

“A frog with your condition ought to think of what’s best for herself. Your life here will be short and bitter.”

“How is out there any different?” She nodded to the fallen city’s expanse of wreckage.

“Out there, you’ll have a chance.”

She remembered training in Toad Hell. Always being last. Inadequacy and failure. For the thousandth time, she cursed the frailty of her human shape. For the dozenth time, she cursed the unfairness of this hidden malady ruining her chances of joining the Toad Elite.

Brother hadn’t looked at her the same since. His pity pierced her.

She gritted her teeth. She promised herself he wouldn’t always have to protect her. “The other day during foraging, I gained a new ability.” She demonstrated the Camouflage she’d gained after eating the lemon, then dismissed it.

His shoulders relaxed with relief. “Excellent. A good survival skill.” He patted her shoulder with a rare gentle touch. She restrained the flinch her body wanted to make. She wouldn’t insult his training here, at the end, with a show of weakness. “You’ll have a long life after all.”

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She surveyed the ruins. Moonlight glinted on broken glass and twisted metal. The slime river glowed neon green. “What does a long life matter?”

“If you’re alive, things can get better. You’ll understand when you’re older.”

She snorted. “I’ll understand why having a long life is better when I’m older. Great advice.”

“Backtalk?” He laughed. “Finally, a little Toad humor out of you. You’ll be a bombina yet; just wait.”

Her heart ached. “I can’t wait to get out of here.”

No, that wasn’t right.

Back then, she’d said, “Can’t I stay? If I become a bombina, I’d be valuable to Mother.”

Why had she argued to stay? She needed to find her friends. They needed her! No, the girl in the memory hadn’t met them yet.

His wide toad mouth frowned. “You’re a frog first and a daughter second. Be loyal to Heqet and Gama Sennin, not Mother. One less rana won’t make a difference to the Plague. And, sometimes, it’s good to be selfish. You can prove your value by making allies in the younger generation. We’ll have some time on the road to strategize.”

“‘We?’ You can’t come! Mother will be upset.”

“Mother will forgive my absence if I return voluntarily. I’ll get you settled somewhere safe and find some toads to point me in Her direction.

“You, on the other hand, have to be careful. Any Amphibian would jump at the reward for your safe return. Besides that, never tell anyone what you are. Only you and I know your secret. Now, will you take my offer or not?”

“…Yes. I owe you one.”

“No. You probably don’t remember, you were young, but my indiscretion caused you some trouble. So, when this is over, we’re even.”

When this is over, she’d never see brother again? She didn’t understand. After all the times brother helped her, all the favors she’d owed him over the years, he’d call it even? She’d never even have the opportunity to repay him.

Why did the thought hurt so much?

Why had she argued to stay? There was nothing for her in the Green Swamp. Even brother didn’t want to see her anymore.

There had never been anything for her there. She’d never wanted to stay. Why had she said those things?

The girl in the memory didn’t know what she was missing. She was a frog in a well.

She hadn’t bickered with Kenta over sandwiches. She hadn’t been shaded by Wendi on a hot day at the beach. She hadn’t shared magic with Paul to protect their friends. She hadn’t been welcomed by Lea. She hadn’t been hugged by Cassie. She hadn’t saved a boy’s life with a kiss.

The girl in the memory was ignorant, arrogant, prejudiced, mistrustful, hurt, lonely, and miserable.

She didn’t want to be that person anymore.

Her body tingled, and everything around her shrank.