As I walk down the street, I couldn't help but notice how different everything seems today, the birds are chirping, the sun is shining and I'm not getting in random fights!

"Sup old man!"

I greet one of my neighbors in the block, dude is always asking if I'm okay or if everything is going well.

"Well Martin, what a pleasant surprise, you seem happier"

He immediately frowns and asks

"Is everything alright son? You can talk to me, you know that, right?"

I grin at him

"Everything is fantastic, Mr. Douglas! Terrific even I would say, because today is a different day!"

He lifts an eyebrow at me.

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"Spit it out then brat, what's going on"

Mmmm should I tell him? It seems like a delicate topic and it isn't the kind of thing that you should talk about casually. While I hesitate about it he seems to grow tense, ah damn what the hell, who cares, I lean over and look around conspiratorially.

"I shouldn't say this out loud, but I think that I have a solution for my problem."

At that he widens his eyes and asks me with a trembling voice.

"...And what would be the solution?"

"Ice cream and hookers."

I grin at him.

"Pardon me?"

He blinks at me and continues.

"I think that age is catching up on me, yes, I seem to have misheard you hahaha, hookers? Silly me."

He rasps a laugh but my eyes widen and I look around in panic.

"Shhhh you old man! What's wrong with you, don't talk so loudly about it!!"

Damn old man, I trust him with my secrets and he just yells them!

"No wonder you ain't getting action with mrs Douglas if you act like this old man! No sense of delicacy at all! Hmpf! What a brute."

At that he suddenly seems to grow red, ouch, seems like I struck a nerve there.

"YOU! YOU! YOU!"

oh man he is repeating himself thrice, he is definitely pissed now.

"YOU GONNA LEARN TODAY! GET HERE BRAT!"

Nope, I'm noping out of here.

"You swing your cane like that in bed too? Hahahah, put more hip into it old man hahahah"

I laugh maniacally while I turn tail and ran, the old man has a mean swing and I don't wanna test my luck today.

"Whew."

After a couple of minutes the old man gave up and went back to his porch. Damn that old man he is so old yet he still runs like he's twenty. Still, for him to be so perceptive too? How did he realize? Well, no matter I got things to do and ice creams to eat, I should go to the bank first. The prick from the second floor usually brags about his conquests and he often tells me that those ladies only accept cash.

"Not like I will need money in the after life."

Well, if I'm really going through with this then I might as well treat myself correctly. I have a few grand saved for future emergencies, not much but enough for this and maybe something more.