"I told you that my name isn't Ben Mortal."

"Well, I don't care. I'm pretty sure that the reason why I died was because of you asshole. No way the guard was shooting at me."

I stare at him angrily, I fucking died. I mean, I was going to kill myself anyway, but... no matter, I need to resolve this first.

"Why did you kill me?"

At that, his form stills. It's as much a question as a statement, it murdered me, and I need to know why.

"My form does not disturb you?"

"That wasn't what I asked, and I've been seeing you for a couple of months anyway."

It seems to be mulling over something when suddenly another gust of wind appears, and I'm thrown against the wall with force.

"Fuck...what in the nine hells happened now?"

As the gust of wind disappears, a shape seems to shimmer and fade out of existence.

"How uncomfortable..."

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A feminine voice complains, and the shape seems to solidify, a petite body no more than 5 feet with unnatural purple hair, golden eyes with a big chest, and also...also, what the hell?

"Is that a dick?"

I look in horror at what my eyes see, is that...

Is that Ben?

No way. No, no, no, no, no. Oh, fuck, I really did that in front of a lady? But why does he have a dick? Or she? Ugh, what the hell?

"Is this form pleasing, mortal?"

A melodious voice asks me.

"N…no, and don't change the subject!"

"If this form doesn't please you, then why does your body react in such a way?"

I look at abject horror at my not-so-little Johnson.

"Tell me, mortal, isn't this what you desire?"

"Okay, time out, time out, this isn't fair!"

"What is not fair, Mortal?"

He asks.

"This!!! You are trying to forcibly change the subject."

I try to look away, but something unnatural draws my eyes to her. Oh dear lord, how are those things so perfect? Gahhhhh, wake up Martin!!

"You murdered me!!"

He sighs.

"Yes, and no."

"What do you mean, no!? You liar, no way that guard was shooting at me!"

I shout at him in rage.

"No, I did not pull the trigger on that gun, the security guard was the one that killed you. But...but I did confuse his senses so he would shoot at you."

It admits sadly

"Why? Why did you do that?"

"Because it was necessary, Mortal, your soul is something truly special. You could explore the cosmos for a soul like yours and only come home empty-handed."

It admits while slowly coming closer to me, Oh no, oh no, look away Martin.

"Please forgive me, Mortal, forgive me for what I've done. I don't have any evil intentions towards you."

It says as it presses her chest against my stomach and looks at me with his sad golden eyes, ughh even her eyelashes are golden?

"Fu...fuck off."

I managed to say it with difficulty and then push him away.

"You killed me you freaking asshole, you killed me and now you want something from me? "

Ha. What a joke.

"Fuck off."

I said while looking at the roof, I'm not getting honey trapped by some eldritch horror with a dick bigger than mine.

"I'm afraid that is not possible, mortal. I have a mission to accomplish, and so do you. Didn't my master tell you so?"

The honey in her voice is gone, and now it asks me in a monotone voice.

"Look, I don't know what's your deal with the magic ball, or why you killed me, but I'm getting out of here, and I'm going back home."

I'm done with this, fucking eldritch horror tying to confuse me and my little Johnson, this is too much.