Trust In Me

I’m going to pick up where I left off for once instead of there being a few days in between. I know, right? Must be weird for you too. Anyway, I woke up with Alana snuggling the ever-loving Christ out of me and that wasn’t a bad thing. Her affection felt an awful lot like a hug with extra comfort and her perfume still lingered on her, the sweet smell of a bready-cake still wafting off of her from time to time. My hand lay on her naturally hairless thigh, courtesy of her pure Thesuvian heritage. The other countries in Stalfisk were a little on the furry side, especially Laspone, but Thesuvians? The only other countries with half of their fun little traits were Harkol and Amane, and that place was home to Yuria’s people. And Li-Oh. Neither of them made me think too highly of the Amanese since both could be terribly manipulative, it’s just that I’ve taught both of them that being so with me is a mistake.

In any case, my morning was starting out fantastically. It might have been a little lazy of me to forgo my workout in favor of snuggling a little longer, but I couldn't say that I really cared. Her arms were perfectly placed to stop me from giving a damn, and I wasn’t going to be able to get away without waking her up anyway. Alana had well and truly ensnared me, body and soul. It was nice. Once the sun started peeking through the curtains, I kissed her awake with a few small smooches, moving onto a little hickey I thought was fun. If she was going to stake her claim, then I would happily do the same in my own way. I left a nice little mark after getting a few drowsy moans from Allie, but I was sure to let her sleep through the event so someone could embarrass her later. It was a set up and a little mean, but, it was also going to be hilarious and it meant that she was mine.

When Alana woke up, she looked into my eyes and smiled before twitching. She blinked, felt her neck and the slight welt there, blushing furiously. “Gatian… Did… Was that a dream?”

“Was what a dream?”

“... Gatian, I need you to be honest with me, and I won’t say anything to anyone. I swear

it.”

I gave her an amused look. “Are hickies not common here?”

“... So you’re not a Lorrack?” She didn’t quite seem convinced.

“Am I unbearably irresistible?”

“Well-”

“Too handsome for words or handsome with adequate words to describe the level of beauty within these magnificent facial features?”

“You’re silly.” She giggled, her tension seeming to ease. “... So… What does blood taste like?”

I didn’t know how to react to that. “... I don’t really go out of my way to taste it, but the iron makes it taste like metal, I guess.”

Alana actually seemed surprised, then had to think. “Wait…”

“Oh my God, that’s really flattering.” I gave her a peck for the hyperbole.

She stared at me. “Gatian… You know most River People are conventionally attractive on Septurn, right?”

“Shut up.” I chuckled. “Don’t-”

“Wait, you didn’t know?” The look on my face apparently gave her pause, but not for long. “Oh my- Sweetie, you can’t be serious!” She started giggling at me.

My face heated up. “What!? What is it? Stop laughing at me!”

Allie pulled my face into her chest and rolled me on top of her. “Oh, that’s great! One of the cutest guys in this part of town didn’t even know!”

I put my arms on either side of her and gave us some space. “Alana, stop messing with me before I give you a hickey on your cheek.”

My vaski looped her arms around my neck and smiled up at me. “If you don’t believe me, you could try asking someone with a little less to gain from it. Maybe… Beth?”

I blushed harder at the memory of Beth and her lamentation of staying home for my first day in town. “... Shush.”

“Mhmm.”

I looked at her smug face and kissed her because I could, even though I couldn't take a compliment. Much like Alana herself, actually. It didn’t strike me in the moment, however, it was a good kiss without a thought occurring to me in the duration. When I pulled away she stroked my cheek. “I don’t know what I’m going to do with you, Allie.”

“Mmm…”

“Hm?”

“Mm.”

“Oh, you literal little minx. Why don’t you un-shush?”

I got a kiss for being cute. “Mwah~” She followed up with giggles. “There’s a lot about yourself that you don’t know, Gatian. I’m glad to show you some-”

“Are we taking this top off now, then?” I cut in, my cheeks as red as hers.

“Gatian!”

My grin could match the Devil’s. “Kidding, but-”

She pouted at me and I shut up. “I wasn’t kidding…”

“... That look isn’t even fair.”

“What look?”

“The look on your face!”

She pouted harder, her evergreen eyes peering straight through me. Even without her eyeliner they seemed large and inviting, but at the moment they were so sad! “I can’t help how I look…”

“Oh, mercy! You’re killing me.” I lowered myself and kissed her jaw. “I’m sorry, Allie.”

She stopped pouting and gave me a strange look. “... You are?”

“Yes, I’m sorry…”

“It’s okay, Gatian, I’m not upset or anything, so-”

“But you just looked so sad…” I rolled off and snuggled up to her.

“I mean… I was, a little, but-”

“I’m-”

“You don’t have to-”

“But Allie, I-”

“Gatian!” She laughed as she said my name. “It’s okay.”

I was about to apologize again when she kissed me and gave me a look, making me roll my eyes. “Okay, so maybe the Sad Eyes are a little effective.”

“Sad Eyes? You mean like Karra ahra?”

“I don’t know what that means.”

“Um… I think Birrens use it as ‘To sadden another through one’s sadness’, or something.”

“Karra ahra?”

“I wasn’t making my eyes look sad anyway!” She pouted at me again.

“Yeah, but you’re so cute when you do that!”

“What?”

“That!”

“I don’t know what I’m doing to be cute!”

“You’re making that face and it’s adorable!”

She huffed and pouted at me some more, making my heart throb. “... You’re no better with that goofy smile.”

“I’m not being goofy on purpose, it’s just that you get really cute when you po-” The look on her face changed and I extended that syllable. “-uut on that expression.”

“You were about to say pout, weren’t you?”

“... Maybe.”

She gave me a look that was ruined by her blush. “I am a grown woman, Gatian. I do not pout.”

“Okay, but what do you call it?”

“... My ‘Dealing With Goofiness’ face.”

“Is that when I’m teasing you?”

“You’re too cute to be this mean…” Her pout jumped right over ten and hopscotched to eleven.

“If I’m cute, then you’re cuter.”

“I am cuter. You tell me all the time.” She smirked.

“Stop using my own words against me!” I chuckled.

“Stop giving me so many reasons and I will.”

“... Aren’t you ticklish?”

Alana furrowed her brow, confused. “... Yes? Why?”

“Revenge!” I seized her sides and started making the woman I loved squirm beneath my fingertips.

“G-G-G-” Alana went for my hands.

I swung my leg over her and mounted my angel, grabbing her wrists as she easily sat up. Overpowering her wasn’t an option and Alana didn’t want to be tickled at the moment, instead latching onto my neck and leaving a mark of her own. She licked the spot to collect whatever moisture she’d left behind and gave me a stern look. “Now, is that what you did earlier?”

“Yup.”

“It means something, you know.”

“What does it mean here?”

“It’s a territorial thing.”

I looked up at her, smug as shit. “I’m not the jealous type, but I am exclusive.”

“You do know that this is also… An implication…” She gave me a knowing look.

I raised a brow. “And? I thought you’d be more embarrassed.”

She blushed at that. “... I’m not a prude, I’m just traditional…”

“Are the marks traditional?”

“Some couples apply them as a part of a daily routine…”

“Isn’t that cute?”

“Yes, yes you are.” Alana looked at the clock and so did I. “Oh shoot, we have work today, don’t we?”

“I gotta do some training anyway. Meet you in thirty?”

“Forty-five?”

“Deal.” We sealed it with a kiss.

‘

And so I actually did have time to knock out a hundred pushups to get a good swell going before my lukewarm shower, but it wasn’t my full workout. Even then I’d just done them all together, though I was surprised at my endurance until I remembered that Septurns were better fed and nourished than River People on a general basis, and that Terruc foods were actually cheaper than some normal ones because they were easier to grow and tasted inferior. Shit was a little weird, but it made for a healthy populace and a generally lean one. I couldn’t actually remember the last time I’d seen a terribly obese person, even after having been mildly obese myself for the first year. I suppose that Septural just melts it off of you or eats you. Either one.

I got out to the courtyard five minutes early since my uniform was easy to put on and Alana met me right on time with her makeup kit in her travel-bag. I hesitate to call it a purse even though that’s it’s name, it’s just that the thing had a metal plate on it and could be used as a weapon. She joked about putting her makeup on while walking, but I advised against it and she told me that she’d actually tried once, having failed miserably. A lot of Alana’s funnier stories were of mundane madness and what her friends inflicted on her, but it beat mine and some of my gruesome, darker humored jokes such has ‘How many shots to kill a man? Depends on what he’s drinking.’ and others like it.

We talked on the way to the Center and walked quickly, despite wanting to take our time, I’d see Alana later in the day, so I wasn’t too worried about missing time with her over the week. However, it quickly became apparent that life was not due to be good when we arrived at the Welcome Center and saw Rachall standing outside. She walked towards us when she saw us, calling out “Gatian! Have you brought your weapons with you?”

“Most, yes. What’s the matter?” I asked, jogging forward.

We stopped in speaking distance. “It would appear there’s a garrison mustering here in Holloway. Your presence would be very much valued.”

I nodded. “I can do that, but what’s the cause? I’m not one to run off blind.” Very much. All the time. I mean, I like to be informed when I can be!

Rachall didn’t know my past that well anyway. “I understand. There seems to be a regiment gathering in order to squash a few brigands that have taken to terrorizing refugees. If it were just minor things we could forgive them, but we’ve recently heard that the brigands have cost the frail Prince of the Ponies his life…” She gave me a pointed look.

“I was asked for by name, wasn’t I?”

“A very powerful woman knows your name,” Rachall said softly.

I took off my autumnal coat, removed my uniform jacket, and handed the latter off to Alana. “Life. Life kinda sucks sometimes.”

She gave me a worried look. “Gatian, don’t get yourself hurt, okay?”

I smiled slightly, giving her a kiss. “I’ll be back, Alliebear.”

Alana blushed and Rachall sighed. “Ah, I do hope you return unscathed, Gatian. The Muster is at the Town Hall, so meet there soon.”

“I’ll be off. Keep Li-Oh back, will you?”

They both nodded. “We’ll keep everyone safe here, so you go worry about those Din-Fallers!”

“Oh hell.” I grumbled. “Minotaurs.”

“And Chorets. Don’t forget the Chorets.” Rachall reminded, sobering up.

“I won’t. Take care, you two. I’ll be back.”

“Wait, don’t you have any armor or anything?”

“My main thing was not getting hit. That’ll be the thing I focus on.”

“What about-”

“I have another Arca and one more Arcana I came up with, but haven’t tested. If we need that kind of force, then at least I’ll be ready. Don’t worry, Rachall. Especially if you’re going to worry Alana while you’re at it.”

Allie gave me a smile. “I’d rather have Coma go with you…”

“He’s needed here! He’s one of our better fighters!” Rachall cried.

“I’ll grab Hamishe if he gets mustered as well. There’s no telling, but stop worrying anyway.” I gave Alana a quick peck on the cheek. “No more bullshit, I’m off.”

With that, I was indeed off and on my way, heading toward Town Hall with a worry in my heart and a funny suspicion that there was more than meets the eye about this little bandit bust. There were plenty of people gathered when I got to the Muster, but a lot of people left when they learned exactly what it was for. In fact, over half of them fucked off and I was one of the few that even appeared to give a shit that someone relatively innocent had been killed for the sake of what was probably a money thing. In any case, as the only Trademaster present, I got stuck to the Grandmaster’s side as he gave his speech about how we were going to trounce the threat and beat those bandits into the grave.

Apparently we were killing people.

Yay.

I wasn’t down to kill people, but I was duty bound to do it and that really sucked for a lot of reasons that I didn’t want to think about. Trying to explain that to Grandmaster Paulo was pointless since he was a Flistian and was also a Grandmaster. The guy was arrogant to be sure and that was probably why I got stuck next to him. I was mostly there to keep him in check according to Onemaster Traye. Speaking of the town’s main mayor-guy, he advised me to wait for a note from the Fullmaster of Thesuvia, so I stuck next to Paulo until a messenger came from the Post with a letter. The missive I was sent from the Fullmaster (Some guy named Gary or something) said that I was to keep an eye on Paulo and make sure he didn’t cause trouble in house The note also told me to be more careful in the future with my purchases, but I had no real reason to write back. For the hundredth time, I reminded myself to go and slap Li-Oh.

If you spot this narrative on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.

According to Paulo, he got a missive specifically requesting my presence at the gathering just to be his right hand because of my skill and ability to learn. He may have let it slip that he just thought I was a rising star that could use a little guidance on the path, so I played nice and pretended to learn from Captain Autismo himself. For much of the morning I followed him as he blustered around and made a mess of the things he had me organize, so I just went behind him and got everything reorganized based on the data that I had. When we had moments to spare and I wasn’t cleaning up after him, he taught me that he was a Tornadic Arch to my Tempestian, so he thought we were like Wind Warriors on the same path.

The guy was fond of me, make no mistake about it. He was toxic and a pain in the ass to be around, but I couldn’t help but feel that he’d make a great drinking buddy when everything was over and done with. His propensity for tall tales and the like was obvious and he enjoyed talking a lot more than most people in his position, but even trying to sneak a roll of soma every now and again couldn’t keep me from despising him for long. Paulo was an asshole to our men and the only people he showed any respect to were me, our organizer that I’d appointed, and this one Thesuvian woman who apparently said she was going home. I didn’t talk to her, but she was apparently the other Onemaster of Holloway and didn’t want to deal with Paulo from what I’d heard. That being said, I got our plan put together by manipulating Dumbfuck’s words whenever he spoke and making whatever wrong thing he said right. It wasn’t a solo effort by any means since the people I’d picked for my crew were helping out when they could. The only reason they really even got to help me out was because Paulo was less severe with them than anyone else. He’d already ordered two floggings and the day wasn’t close to being done.

Our teams were going to assault the bandit’s captured town from two fronts with the Grandmaster’s plan as the shell. When he stopped paying attention to me, I was going to start a concert and draw out all the bandits which would then lead to a great and powerful nap for everyone involved. Then we’d arrest everyone and conscript them to war in our steads. It was filthy and kind of manipulative of me, but all the Armators and Armatura present approved of my tactics and made me feel like I actually knew shit about things until they told me that I’d just cleaned up and made Paulo’s plan one hundred times better. Knowing that I had stolen and improved his idea kinda sucked, but it did mean that he was useful at the end of the day. Paulo wanted to kill everyone; I wanted to arrest them. Most people liked my idea a lot better.

Speaking of, the attack was put together and would be taking place at midnight the same night, so we all spent our time with the crew in the Town Hall so the plan wouldn’t get anywhere we didn’t want it. There was a lot to do to get prepared, so I loaded all of my speed-loaders, prepped my knifed with a little extra whetting, and checked my wand for any damage. There was another Terru specialist in the party with us, but he wasn’t much for using Arca in battle. He had a catalyst and all, but it wasn’t attuned to him and I wasn’t going to risk his well-being over an advantage. I assured him that mine wasn’t to me and that he could use it anyway once I’d checked it for damage, but he was still afraid of breaking it, so I agreed to tell him what his Arch and Catalyst Arch were. Apparently there had been Centurns selling Flame Arch catalysts and the guy had gotten lucky, but he was an incredibly weak practitioner. A couple Arca I couldn’t use were suited for him, but all he could really use was a fireball. After the sun was getting ready to set, Paulo kept me by his side, his sickening accent not sounding anything like an Italian’s, but he was all MaMa MiA PiZaRhHeA all the time.

“Gatian, my friend! Don’t you want to drink before we go and make our enemies pay for crossing those poor Centurns? Or perhaps we could spar?”

Due to my rank, I’d been respectful for most of the day. “I don’t think sparring before a battle is the wisest. It’s best to stay well-prepared, no?”

“Why not prepare-”

“I don’t want to waste our resources, Paulo. Every hit we take from each other is one less we can take from the bandits. The less I take into the fight, the less chance I have of coming home without a mark. I want everyone here to come and go as they were first.”

He raised a brow at me, my sudden change in demeanor causing one in him. “I would offer you friendship and you would offer me… What, exactly?”

‘

I looked him dead in his eye. “A reliable ally in the field of battle. Walking into a fight cocky is how great men die. I’m not great. I’m not cocky. I’ve already died once.”

Paulo seemed to accept my words. “There is wisdom as you speak, but I can’t help but feel as though… You are perhaps undermining me.”

“I’ll admit that I partially am, Paulo. I want to arrest these bandits, not kill them.”

“Would they show you the same mercy?”

I tilted my head, looking at him calmly. “I wasn’t aware that I was a bandit. I’d like to think myself a Trademaster; A guardian for those who need help.”

“... An honorable man, I see.” He nodded to me.

“You say that as if you aren’t.” It may not have been the wisest thing, but I wanted to know the man who was leading the charge.

“... There is a level between Grandmasters and Trademasters, and I do not mean ‘Onemaster’. I will show this to you.” Paulo walked off from the office we were borrowing, stopping at the door. “Follow.”

I chose to follow and he rallied the troops as we walked, people coming from room after room as we gather and split up. I was in charge of one group and he the other, so I led my group to the drop point without further ado. The trick was to get there unseen, but with only ten out of our sixty dudes in my squad, I wasn’t as worried about it as I could have been. I had the Terru guy and a few Armators with me, but they weren’t exactly the stealthiest. As we approached the town, we took a wide, arching route to our starting point and notified our team with the Fire Flask we were given once we managed to get to our agreed point. The note burned and another popped into existence, saying to close in on the target. However, when we got past the outskirts of town and realized there was no noise…

There wasn’t even an animal in the night. Nothing. No music, no words. Nothing. The eerieness crept into me and I wondered just what I’d walked myself into, but there was little going on. A bandit woke in the night and came to greet us with words, but we just silenced him and detained him, sending two of our men to keep him down and out for a little while. The guy gave up without a fight since he was heavily outnumbered and even thanked me for showing him mercy, though I didn’t feel it necessary. We had to get another two men from our detail to help detain another one, but then the silence broke. Screams, shouts, and cries were heard in the span of a few seconds, carrying on for half a minute before they died down to a dull roar. Fifteen more seconds later, I heard shouts of outrage that were silenced just as quickly, then running and the sound of rainfall. My crew had hesitated and I’d held them back for fear of what was to come. And then it started… It started raining. Hot, sticky rain that smelled like metal. Squishy hail began to fall. Sieg, the Flame Arch guy and I cast some minor lights… l...

All we saw was carnage.

Walking through the village just saw… We... I had my people go home. They took the two prisoners we got and I sent them the fuck home. I didn’t want them to be any worse off than they already were, but honestly, it looked like the Char had been through town, just without the fire. Corpses in various states of completion were strewn about like tinsel and baubles on a fucking Hallmark Christmas movie. Intestines from all kinds of people hung from roof to ground, wrapped around blown-out lightposts and just… The bits and pieces of people that had all fallen since I’d sent my men back to make the most out of their awful day… I was covered in the blood of dozens of people. I walked through people. The more I walked through the village, the more bodies and viscera I saw that made me want to turn back and leave it all behind myself. Every step I took made my heart ache, brought another tear to my eye, made me hate that much more. Every step I took was a challenge and it was hard to see the point in whatever it was that had been done. A monster had come, surely. A monster beyond all reason and humanity had come to make the sinners regret everything they’d done in their lives.

I eventually came across the other group, the shocked few of them that were left and hadn’t either deserted or been killed. I stood by while Paulo flaunted and bragged about his strength while gales tore at men who were still living and were soon killed. It was a mercy kill with every shot out of Clockly. I added more bodies to my soul out of mercy. Paulo… that man… That man stood with the few people that he was trying to make laugh with his sadism. His wickedness. Little more than a quarter of the team was left with him and I recognized a couple of our men that had been torn apart like the rest. Paulo tore our own people apart. He was trying to get more screams from ‘bad guys’ and made a show of checking to see who’d shot the poor few who’d died slowest.

When he saw me he smiled wide and swept his arms, guffawing for some unknown reason. I walked up to that man and shook my head, my tears having stopped minutes after I’d stopped and seen him. “... This… It didn’t need to happen like this, Paulo. They would’ve surrendered.”

He shrugged. “The difference between you and me is not our morals, Gatian, but our methods. You would have done the same to these swine, no?”

“No. No, I was here to make arrests, Paulo. The fucking plan was to arrest them... There’s a lot different between us. More than you’ll ever know. I-”

Paulo didn’t seem to care, turning his back on me. “Then go home. You are not meant to climb the ranks, and you have said as much yourself.”

Jeers were called from half of the people that surrounded us and Paulo seemed to soak it up. I assumed them to be his cadre brought from his town. The rest were mine and came to form behind me. Paulo seemed to ignore it. “... I see. Take care, I suppose.”

“And to you, Gatian. Maybe you’ll live a quiet life, no?” He smirked at me and turned around, walking away with his group.

“... Sir?” One of the holdovers with me asked.

I looked him in the eye and spoke softly. “I’m sorry. You can stay or go, but I have to stay.”

The man wasn’t covered in blood like I was, but he offered me his canteen. “... This might help.”

“Is it liquor?”

“No…”

“Then it’s not gonna help. Thanks, bud, but…” I shook my head.

He nodded and dumped the water on my head. “That’s what I meant.”

I nodded back. “Thanks. I’ll take a bath. Y’all go on an’ get home. Imma clean up the trash.”

The man offered me his hand. “What happened here-”

I shook it firmly. “We don’t know what happened here. Paulo did everything... He never came back. We never met him at the rendezvous.”

“... He never came back.” He nodded, his eyes red and bloodshot.

I looked around at the fifteen or so people left. “All of you… Get some rest. Go home, hug someone, and don’t hold this in. If you can, talk about it. If you can’t… I’ll be at the Welcome Center. I’ll help you get through it. Get a drink. Get through the night, then get through the day. No matter what you do after this; You didn’t die here. Remember that.”

“Aye.”

“Take care of this.”

“We’ll see you at home.”

“Sir, take care of yourself.”

There were a few more muttering that went around and I bore them with a straight, placid face. I waited until they were half a football field away before I walked away from them in turn, hunting for the first time since I’d gotten to Holloway. I found the herd I was looking for and channeled everything I had. Every ounce of my fury, indignation, and the hatred I felt for the man who’d slaughtered so many like cattle to the killing floor… I conjured up every sickened second I felt and gave it everything I had, my wand at the ready. The metal glowed from the sheer amount of Terru I was putting in the Arcana and I knew that it was going to be a heavy hit to my stamina for the rest of my waking hours, but I didn’t care. I didn’t give a fuck. I didn’t give a fourth of a fuck. I didn’t give a single F, U, C, and it wasn’t ‘K’ with me. Not by a fuckin’ longshot. The animals in front of me? They took my rage and had it crammed down their throats.

“Rimbraka Omnivo.”

And they were encased in a dome of shadow. The highwinds and screams from the dome were nasty to be sure, but I’d already shed tears. I’d already cried for someone. I waited until the dome was gone. They, in turn, were now goo, gristle, and blood. With that out of my way, I started heading back to Holloway Halter with a heavy heart and tired eyes. I hadn’t wanted to see any of what Paulo had shown me, and I refused to let him make another scene. However, when I got to the edge of the bandits’ town, there was a slender man waiting for me at the edge of a house. I drew my wand, but when I stopped a decent distance away from him, he got off of the house and waved. I waved back.

He approached and I met him about halfway. Upon closer examination, the man only appeared young, probably being somewhere in his thirties. I didn’t doubt that he knew what I’d done, but there was something about him that I was unsure of. He seemed to be a little familiar, but I’d never seen his face before. “Hail.”

I nodded back at him. “Yo, whassup?”

He raised a brow. “You sound perturbed.”

“I just killed some animals. It’d be hard to not sound disturbed or perturbed with the amount of them.”

“Understandable. You’re also covered in blood.”

“Eeyup.”

“Any of it yours?”

“I’d rather some of it be mine. Wish none of it was spilled.”

“It’s nice to know that you have a heart.”

“Right. What do you want, brothaman? Can’t imagine it’s anything good.”

He shrugged. “Just a fair warning. Khroma sends her regards, says you’re on the same side now that your path is altered.”

“... Bitch wants me sacrificed. We’re not on the same side.”

“She says you’re not slated for the stone anymore. You’ve chosen right.”

“... Then who’s gonna die?”

“The prophecy doesn’t fit you anymore.”

“Aight.”

“... You’re supposed to be happy about that.”

“I don’t care. I welcome someone to come and fuckin’ try me right now.”

“I can feel it. You’re some kinda pissed.”

“I had to mercy kill my own men. I’m not pissed. My heart’s in pieces.”

“Don’t shoot the messenger, but there’s one last thing I need to tell you. Unless you want to do me a favor, that is.”

“I’d consider it merciful if you’re serving Khroma.”

“Right. Khroma says to stay away from her favorite pet.”

“I don’t care. Were you serious about wanting a Soft Hand?”

“... It’s a kindness no one else will give me. That no one else can. I don’t care if it hurts. I just want out.”

“Then I’m sorry for this, but you asked.” He nodded as I spoke, closed his eyes and dipped his head one final time before the Grantonid guided my hand.

I nodded back and shot him in the head, dropping the guy in a second flat. It was just another body to the toll. I waited for a second to see if he really would come back to life and he truly did start to twitch and jerk. I cast two Arca on him, both strong enough to kill. He couldn’t reform, and I stayed for another hour to see if he would anyway. He didn’t... Tonight, I write in you as my therapy, Booksy, because I didn’t want to do any of that. I didn’t want to kill Paulo, but I couldn't let him kill more people in turn. I didn’t want to fight Khroma before, but I wanted her dead now more than ever. The bloodlust in my veins was growing by the second, an orange fluid flowing from my nose on my way home. I didn’t know what it meant and I didn’t want to ask, thinking that I was just losing my touch with reality. When I checked in the lamp light, it seemed to be a little more scarlet and I was glad that I’d bled for myself…

Seven mercy kills. Sixteen executions. One bastard to rule all the ones I’d seen before.

I killed more people in an hour than I had in my entire life, Booksy...

And for fucking what?

☾☽☾☽☾☽☾☽☾☽☾☽☾☽☾☽☾☽☾☽☾☽☾☽

I woke up and went to work without any kerfuffle. It was in the news that the fight had been bloody and that the town was going to be torched to cover the Grandmaster’s crimes, but I couldn’t help myself from feeling relieved that it had all been over and done with in a day. I needed to talk to that damn therapist now more than ever and scheduled an appointment for the evening when the female one I’d never met was supposed to be in. I’d have preferred talking to a guy, but a therapist was a therapist nonetheless and I was banking on Doctor-Patient confidentiality. In any case, getting to work with Alana was a little quiet because she knew I’d probably killed someone and was reeling from it, she just didn’t know the context. The Septurn love languages were a little different, but she still bought me something to eat on our way in, but it came back up. She tried hugging and touching in general, but all I could offer in turn was a weak smile. There was a little Arca-Heart made and casually flung at me, to which I asked her to teach me how to do the same thing. Mine came out smaller, but I gave it to her all the same and she accepted that I just needed to get busy.

After we got to work, I ended up in the music room, playing Dust In The Wind by Kansas to make my aching heart feel better to no avail. Trying happier songs didn’t really do me any good, and I eventually just stopped playing altogether until it was time to start training. My students were doing well, I just didn’t really care that day. Everyone knew that I was on the team that had killed the highwaymen, and everyone that had been in Paulo’s squad spoke of the massacre in hushed tones, their horror being enough to sate most people’s questions. However, there was always going to be that one person out of every group with no tact and no real regard for politeness.

During our lunch break, Alana and Aliss were chatting with Hasha and Beth about something or other while Cacoma and Li were discussing the battle. I was late to lunch since my best student finally got through a full song without missing a note and that had brightened my day a bit, but it wasn’t meant to last. Li saw me approaching the table with a crusty bread-bowl holding some chowder-type stuff inside and he frowned, giving me an odd look for my choice in meal since I was usually a pretty heavy eater during the main three meals. The appetite was pretty dead for the day, so I stopped to talk to the gals for a pick me up and surprisingly enough, Hasha took me aside for a quick chat.

She seemed a little fidgety when we got to a decent enough place for a quick talk, so I said, “Mind if I eat and talk? I don’t want my bread to get too cold.”

Hasha rolled her eyes. “I assumed that’s why you brought it, goobo.”

I nodded toward her. “What’s up?”

“... Alana told me something.”

“My dick isn’t that small, it was cold.” I dipped my spoon into my soup and ate a bite.

The ice broke in half. “Pfft- Alright, that was pretty good… I guess… Gatian, I was kinda scared of you, but... I really don’t have to be scared of you if I don’t push too hard, huh?”

“Of course. I don’t like being a dick, I just feel the need to make a point sometimes.”

She nodded. “Right… And… Thank you for your service, as little as you wanted to do it.”

I chewed on a bit of bowl. “... I don’t really have anything positive to say to that. Sorry, but thanks for the sentiment. I do appreciate it.”

“I’ll let that topic die where it is. My boyfriend… He’s not too...“

“He was there, right?”

“Yeah.”

“... Yeah.” I nodded. “I’ll talk to Evunn, see what I can get through to him.”

“You don't-”

“Nah, I work at the Center. It’s shouldn’t just be River Folk we help. Not this time.”

Hasha smiled, barely lifting the corner of her mouth. “Fuckin’ softy.”

I shrugged. “Not as soft as my limp noodle. If there’s nothing else,” I sipped soup directly from my bowl and it was good, “I got soup to suck.”

She rolled her eyes and we rejoined our friends. No sooner had I sat down than Li asked, “Yo, how many of those dudes did you zap n’ cap, man?”

Coma kicked him under the table, Bethany slammed her fist into his thigh, and I looked at him. “... Li... Seriously?”

Li was busy trying to hit people back until Beth fixed that shit with a look. “‘Scuse you, pumpkin. That’s way outta line. You know damn well that’s not table talk, and especially not work talk.”

“It was an honest question!” He defended.

“Yeah, that I’m not answering in any other words than these; Why the fuck are you so concerned about glorifying slaughter?” I looked him in the eye and leaned forward. “There’s nothing nice about it, Li. No one likes it other than sick. Fucks. Are you a sick fuck?”

“... I get it.” He raised his hands.

Beth nodded and I went back to my soup. It sucked. “... Shoulda got some fries to go with this.”

Aliss nudged me and smiled. “I’ll trade you seats if you take these terrible things from my plate. I’m trying to avoid the tubers for now, they go straight to my hips.”

“Like Alana, you’d probably look even better for it.”

“Oh, that’s… Actually kinda sweet.” She giggled a bit.

Alana gave me a harmless look. “Are you saying you want me to get heavy?”

“I’m saying I would give you a nibble if you did. Hell, for as tall as you are, you’re probably still lighter than I am and that goes for both of you pale tree-people.”

Coma nudged my gal and wiggled his brows. “He wants ya to be a big-bottomed beauty~”

Alana nabbed a fry and glared at him, but Alana isn’t good at giving people looks. Tara tried to get one of my weird fries too, but was handily denied as I swapped with Aliss. For some reason, most of my fries were eaten by Alana, so I ate her fries with my soup. She then proceeded to help me eat the rest of my soup bowl and it was apparently really cute, but I think the Diancie just had a taste for my food. She offered me some of hers in turn and it was even cuter when we fed each other. I may or may not have enjoyed my lunch more than I should have, even while being the center of attention with Alana. Everyone commented to me later on how relaxed and carefree she seemed during the time with me and I rather thought she was trying to make me feel better. It was a Thesuvian custom for a couple to eat off of each other’s plates when times were tough, but Beth had to tell me that it was Alana’s way of showing that she loved me. The more I thought about it the more I found that it was likely true, so I decided to ask later. For the time being, I had an appointment with a fuckin’ quack.

Counselor Gurtis was a fool and I didn’t want to deal with her since she was already asking me for help before I even made it to my appointment. Maybe I was just depending on my visit too much, but Gurtis was no help to me and I was more helpful to her than she to most of her patients. Instead, I ended up filling her role for the evening sessions and a lot of the guys there saw me and could actually talk about it. I won’t record any of what was said, but… I was lucky in a manner of speaking. Me and my crew were mostly spared from seeing Paulo in action, but many of the men weren’t and many couldn’t sleep or eat already. I didn’t have the authority to prescribe anything and neither did the Counselor in the first place, but I could recommend that they smoke some Soma for the time being and try not to drink themselves to death. Telling their spouses how they felt about what they saw might help, but I had no idea what I was doing. I wasn’t a leader; I needed counsel my-fuckin-self and I was only getting it with Alana.

When my overtime was over, the night staff were settled in and were glad to pay for a meal at the cafeteria. I didn’t ask for it, but a lot of them recognized that I needed to eat something else since I’d run off a couple times during lessons and sessions to throw up until I found the trashcan in the Counselors office. It was enough to put the smile back on my face, so everyone got together and came up with the perfect comfort food; chili-cheese fries with a blended malt. I had to eat the fries with a fork and the company that surrounded me made me feel better, but there was a guy on the shift that made it all a little more bearable. Jerald was one of my team and had volunteered his time since it was a night mission, getting away with it since the day staff had stayed anyway. We ate together, him lunch and me dinner, all while talking shit about Paulo and lauding his disappearance. It took some time for me to realize that Jerald had probably been telling everyone what I’d done and how I’d sent my people back so I could face the bastard alone, but I wasn’t really grateful or angry about it. It just meant that I spared him and he appreciated it for what it was.

At the end of the day, I helped someone and it got me some tasty, crispy fries. That’s all I ask.

I went home with my shit on me because I didn’t feel like leaving it at the Center, and for once in my life in Holloway it turned out to be a good idea. There was a large, beaten man staggering toward me from an alley I’d just had to doubletake down, not sure that I’d seen him in the first place. None of my Arca could be used for steady light, but Grata-non-Aquix had my body feeling ready when the first bolt of black flame came my way. When the second and thrid came, the first impacted and exploded, so I shot the hulking figure three times. Twice in the head, once in the heart. It staggered but didn’t fall, so I cast Zeotsu at it with my wand and added a little extra oomph. The crack of lightning filled the night and illuminated the alley, blowing back my target once and for all.

I was obligated to take a look since I was basically a Deputy or something of the sort, but when I came up to the guy for closer inspection, I saw that it was none other than Paulo. He already looked half-dead when I’d first seen him, but now that he was fully dead, I cast a modified for of Rimbraka calla Raibrimakura, which caused an electrified frost to form over his skin and roast him from the inside out. The sad thing was that it was just an Arca Luce had taught me to make sure that I knew that they could be dangerous, having demonstrated its effects on a rodent. By the time I stopped channeling Terru into it, Paulo was done and done, and I was well on my way to the cop shop to deal with paperwork.

A long night turned into a long day as I kept myself fueled with caffeine to stay awake at work until I passed out from stress and not sleeping, knocked out in a chair mid-lesson. Felicia, the woman who was learning from me at the time, came back with Alana and my vaski carried me off to a room to get some rest, which I learned from Unor, one of the men in charge of taking care of the Temp-Placement rooms. I slept until after lunch and Rachall tried her damndest to send me home, but I was up for another shift in the Counselor’s seat as I’d agreed to the day before. The Center was no longer just helping people that were misplaced from their world, instead opting to reach out to the community at large and offer their support that way. Doctor Soh, a nice guy with a decent temperament, handed out more scripts for Sweet Sleep Elixer than ever before and a lot of people were coming back without being able to get their orders filled. There was nothing we could do about it other than wait for the next shipment, and even then I could feel myself growing detached from the world around me. We subbed in Somsata Guff, a soma-based dream-eraser that seemed to help people plenty and there were some people willing to split up their SSE’s so that someone else could get rest. We were making do.

It was getting harder and harder to care about people who’d been gung ho about killing others in the first place. Point blank. I knew that some of these guys wanted to hurt those bandits instead of arrest them, but a lot of them couldn’t deal with the consequences of their actions. It was a shame and I hated feeling that way, so when Alana asked me to walk her home, I happily accepted the offer since she’d stayed late anyway. She’d made it clear early on that she just wanted me to follow her, so I jokingly asked if I could hold her hand and she just grabbed mine. There was a look on her face that worried me, but she still smiled whenever our eyes met. I asked what was on her mind during the walk and she requested a little more quiet time, so I just held onto her hand and looked on as the sun set.

Alana led me out toward the forest and eventually past the treeline, having some trouble in picking her step every now and then. “Alana, it’s been nearly an hour. What are we-”

“Just a little further, Gatian,” she said softly. “I want to show you something.”

We were nowhere near any of the violence that had occurred the other day, but there was still something worrying me about the situation. It turned out to be for naught since Alana took me to a creek with all sorts of flora and fauna around it. The animals were largely calm and didn’t appear to be scared of us and the flowers that grew there… Every one of them was unique and different, something new to see and a specatcle all its own. The creatures there were all familiar too after I’d seen them all in my travels. There was even a little faulain there that seemed a little too ruddy for its own good, their usual color being Bast Blue.

I looked at it a little longer than the other creatures and it came up to sniff me. It did so for a little while, pawing at my leg. “... Gatian?”

“... Felix?” I gasped.

“Hey! It’s my buddy!” He jumped up and down. “Allie, you found my buddy!”

Alana smiled at me. “I thought a good luck charm could be-” She couldn’t speak past the kiss I placed on her lips, brief as it was. “Oh.”

“Thank you, Alana.” I bent down and scooped Felix up. “Hey there, Feels. You’ve been getting bigger, haven’t you?”

“Yeah! You made a really nice friend! She gave me a snack!”

“That was nice of her. What have you been up to since I last saw you, huh? You must’ve had a long journey.”

“I did! There were fire people and bigger ohsums and there was even the time I got to go to Amane! It was really cool!”

“Damn, sounds like you’ve had a time of it, little guy. Did you make any friends along the way?”

“Yeah, but some of them got eaten. Life, y’know?”

“Yeah, I know. I had a friend get eaten too, and I had to shoot another one, but I’m glad you’re okay.”

Felix pawed my face. “I’m glad you’re oaky too!”

“You mean okay.”

“Yeah!”

I smiled at him. “Do you want me to put you down?”

“No, I wanna go live with you! You make the best road-food! I was with some Harkans for a while and all they ate was dried fish and they gave me some, but fresh-kill was a lot better… Will you make food for me? Pleeease?”

I chuckled and looked at Alana. “The complex allows Companions, right?”

She nodded, rubbing her cheek. “I thought your companion was a Guardian named Bast?”

“Felix was first. He ran off with Stella out of confusion.”

“Either way, if they talk, they aren’t really animals…”

“I’d say so,” said a normal-ish looking deer-thing.

“Here, here!” Clucked a particularly large Owl-ly thing.

“Oh, hello all.” I greeted mildly. “If I knew you could all talk, I would’ve said something sooner.”

“Think nothing of it.” The deer went back to biting some bark.

I looked at Alana. “You keep interesting company.”

“And you don’t?”

I cracked a smile. “I guess I keep cute company.”

There was a chorus of feminine grunts and a few masculine ‘Aww’s from the peanut gallery while Alana blushed. “It’s been awhile since I’ve been invited to come spend time with them… I just thought you might understand better than our friends.”

“A friend of Felix is a friend to us all,” The owl said kindly. “After all, the little guy is the best judge of character.”

“I’ll sssay,” said by a snake-thing dangling down from a tree. “The little fella ssspeaksss highly of the River Man.”

“Hey, have all of you been looking after Felix?”

The owl-ly gal hooted a little. “He flew with me in Amane during the migration.”

The deer-thing came and poked me with its muzzle-snoot. “He ran with me in the forests of Flistis.”

There were a few more stories to be told and I ended up talking to a bunch of Ohsums and Changelings, so that was a kind of mood-booster like no other. And so I got to hang out with a bunch of animals and talk to Felix some more. He was as cuddly as ever, going from me to Alana regularly in our arms. It was a nice, calm time that I regret not taking more advantage of while I had it, but there were worse things to deal with than missing out on talking to animaniacs. For the time being, I went home with Felix and Alana offered to come over the next days after work since I was ‘supposed to’ stay home for the rest of the week. No, I didn’t have vacation days, I was being forced to stay home. I wasn’t even supposed to take patients, but I’d still be getting paid more for counseling. Not having anything to spend my time on was going to suck, but at least I could make some music and get a tracklist for an album together. I mean, I had a spare room that I could set up as a studio, I’d just rather have a house for that.

Alana slept with me and Felix decided to get up to old habits, sleeping in the divot between us as we cuddled. Alana’s minty breath warmed my face and tickled my nose until morning, but I didn’t take a prescription for myself at any time. She’d mentioned that I should’ve before bed… I almost snapped at her for it, and I still feel bad. Vaski dearest understood why I was mad at the suggestion, holding her ground all the same. The sleeping tea wasn’t working and I was still trying to wean off of liquor, but apparently my flask is more magic than I thought. I tried it earlier, but I didn’t pour a glass until Felix got up to use the restroom and I got this written out.

Codeine-Ambien syrup? I need real rest. Give it to me.