Bittersweet

So I’ll pick up exactly where I left and say this much; I was not expecting to wake up with Gloss sprawled across my chest with her breathing in my face. I was also not expecting her breath to smell like raspberries, or to have her muns smothering my tip. She woke up shortly after I did, though she was polite enough to not yawn in my face. Instead of getting up, she nuzzled me and went back to napping on my chest for like, at least another hour. I wasn’t mad because she was comfy and I liked her pretty well after the previous night, and I got to touch her butt all I wanted while she whimpered and pretended not to like it. Her smile ruined it though, and she was all too happy to let my hands wander when it meant that she got to get off. Apparently, she enjoyed and looked forward to being groped by Max and Sootina in public, but private time was good too. I didn’t mind doing it for her because it was fun, even if she could use a little thiccness to help incentive me to do it as much as she liked.

Max came to us while Gloss was hugging me, standing on my toes so that I had to walk with her on me. It was fun and her smallish breasts were nice when they pressed against me, so I wasn’t exactly upset or anything. I got to hug her close and walk around while doing it, which is what Max walked out of his room to see. We were on our way to see him anyway, and when he asked his fiance just how naughty ‘Daddy’ had been overnight, she said that the naughtiest thing I’d done was check her butt needlessly. Max was surprised that I hadn’t done the dirty with his fiance and said as much, to which I replied with something along the lines of, ‘I thought about it.’. He was open to sharing and so was I since she wasn’t my wife, but I also didn’t like the dynamic that was developing between the three of us. I was clearly in charge for the most part but subtly Max was the head of the snake and it showed through me. He wanted me to take charge and I had no desire to do so, but that’s what he wanted, so that’s what he got. I treated him and fiance equally since I assumed that it was what they wanted, but I was proven wrong by Gloss’ general attitude toward me. She wanted the majority of my attention and she was going to get it one way or another, always wanting me to keep my eye on her for the next flash or funny thing she might say. The thing was that she wasn’t funny for the most part, and I’d seen her get dressed. Granted, she’d worn the panties I picked out for her and I was excited to see them every time, but I also didn’t want her exposing herself to anyone who just might see.

After breakfast was settled and we got back to basics, as in we got back to practicing for the concert, Max mentioned that it was weird for him to technically have so much time off instead of being out and about or going to see other Guildmasters. Gloss smiled at that ad thanked him for grabbing her during his mini-vacation, then thanking me for incentivizing him to actually enjoy the luxuries his station provided. We got a giggle out of that as a trio, but Lucine snorted and asked if I was planning on taking Max’s wife as well as his captain. I blushed and asked what he meant, which lead to the lovely revelation that Lucine and about three other people had seen Sootina slip under the table of our booth and give me a happy little mouth-hug. Max said he wouldn’t mind sharing, surprising the fuck out of Luce and giving Gloss the go ahead to come sit on my lap for the better part of two hours. She wouldn’t get off until I complimented her on everything, and I do mean everything. She wanted a compliment on her pretty, gem-like hair, the clear violet waters of her eyes, multiple on her physique, and just to make Luce uncomfortable, she wiggled around on my groin and asked how I liked her rear. She wasn’t as slim as I’d first assumed and she was wearing a skirt to make matters better, so I told her that her ass was magical and deserved a good licking upon request. Then Gloss showed just how freaky she really was and gave me a kiss on the lips just to show that she was interested. Lucine took the sight as well as he could, asking if I had a woman for Max. When I told him that Sootina would be my offering, we all got a giggle out of that before going back to jamming.

I can’t really say we did much more than practice and laze around for awhile before the concert because that’s all we really did, but in all honesty, there were few enough ways I could think of that would have been better to spend my time. I still hadn’t laid Gloss, but she was happy to help out while I showed Sooty and Max a good time, and she was also a great night-time partner. I’d slept in Max’s room a couple of times and they were both rather snugglesome, but the best morning I had was when Gloss woke me up with a blowjob while Max ate her out. It was pretty great, all things told, and practice that day was better than ever. Sootina came in and brought along a few listeners to hear the band play in full force, and when we finished the miniset, minds were blown and it was apparently all good. Of course, there’d been a few hiccups from the band, but I’d nailed my parts as best I could and it had all turned out pretty well.

On the night before the concert, however, Gloss followed me back into my room from Max’s again, the long, stone and wood hall giving us a little time to talk. She was plodding along next to me while I was casually strolling. “Hey, Gatian?”

I raised a brow and looked at her. “Yeah, sweetheart?”

She smiled at the pet-name. “Oh, I was just wondering something…”

“Oh? What might that be.”

“What do you want to do while we’re on the circuit?”

By the circuit, she meant ‘on tour’, of course. “Well, I thought we might play a song or two and make some money while we do it.”

“Well, yeah, but what about after we hit the Raphtal Guildhouses?”

I looked at her, seeing a new light in her eyes after nearly three weeks of knowing her. “Hmm?”

“Well, I know some things about you that you might not want me to know…”

I answered warily. “Like what?”

Gloss looked behind her before giving me a sad smile. “You don’t really like Max all that much.” Her voice barely counted as a whisper.

“What gives you that impression?” I asked, holding the door for her.

She led me instead by the hand. “I just know. I also know that you don’t want to be here, and you don’t want to go on the circuit.”

I snorted softly. “Oh yeah? Then what do I want?”

“To be with the stars…” Gloss gave me the most knowing of smiles. “You already have someone you love, don’t you? Someone who might not feel the same?”

“... Yeah. How do you-”

“River Man, Terru manifests in all forms. It’s not unusual for someone to be born with my gifts every once in awhile.”

“Stop reading my mind.” I grumbled.

“Oh, silly! I don’t read minds, I interpret thoughts! It’s a completely different field!”

“... Shush and get in bed, shrimp.”

“Nuh-uh! Not until you tell me why I’m a good cuddler!”

“You’re not even worried about any of the other stuff?”

“Well, it’s not like Max doesn’t already know, and I can’t say I’m surprised that you don’t really want to play Daddy for someone barely a few years younger than you, but you treat us well and seem to have enough fun anyway.” She shrugged. “If you’re having fun and we’re having fun, then why shouldn’t we all have fun together?”

“Fair point.” I stalked toward her.

She stood her ground until she was face to chest with me. “Do you want something, Daddy?”

I wrapped my arms around her waist and picked her up so I could chuck her on the bed. She enjoyed it as per the usual, so I crawled in shortly after and we settled down for the night. It was a little wild that she had sussed me out so easily and knew me so well without knowing me at all, but then again. I was kind of expecting her to know things she wasn’t supposed to. Gloss had a certain look in her eye that said that she held her tongue more often than she spoke, which was saying a lot because the only thing that little woman liked to do more than talk was sit on a lap. Other than that, collecting information must have been her thing, but I couldn’t understand what kind of Arca would let you read someone’s mind. Yeah, ‘spells’ were pretty conventional as far as western fantasy goes, though that was the problem in and of itself. To cast an arca or a ‘spell’, you needed a fundamental understanding of what you were trying to do. If you’re sparking a fire, you’re looking at how you could ignite the air with your Terru. If you’re drawing water from the air, you generally think of creating a funnel for the moisture. It’s intuitive in a way and complex in others, but what I just couldn’t wrap my head around was using Terru for non-typical arca. I’d been assured that magic/Terru was limited to things I could do with some practice, but evidently, the skill floor was intermediate and the cap was sky high instead of being a mountain top.

While Gloss and I were cuddling I asked exactly how old she was and I nearly pissed myself when she said forty-three in the plainest, most serious tone she could have come up with. The thing was that she used a silly voice to try and be funny, and she hadn’t used the slightest bit of inflection when she’d said that she was nearly twice my age. I had to ask if she was serious and she told me that some races just aged slower than others and that River people basically aged the fastest other than Toddtonites. It sucked, but apparently that was only out of the Humanoid races. The Naga only lived for about forty years apiece for most breeds, and the Minotaurs weren’t the longest-lived creatures, but it was Unicorns and the like that took the cake with aging since they lived to be a hundred easily. After that little talk, Gloss told me more about some of the races on Septural that I hadn’t already learned, like the fact that Sotans were great agriculturalists, the Choret were incredible fighters, the Centurns were mediators across the planet, and apparently, there were Dragons that liked to swoop in from time to time to check on the world as it was developing. Few of them were hostile, but it was always stressful to see great darkness swallow the sky.

I spent quite a few hours just asking Gloss about random stuff until we eventually passed out with Sootina coming in as our wakeup call well after midday had passed. She was happy to see that my mini-me was resting between her legs, though Gloss pretended to be grossed out. She didn’t miss the opportunity to feel me against her most private area, however, but still. Her thighs were nice and soft, and her bottom was perfectly adequate for cuddles, so I wasn’t exactly the picture of anger. Sootina didn’t join us in bed, but she did get in the shower with us since she herself was waiting for someone to join. Max had already been up and gone so she’d held on for us until she didn't feel like waiting anymore. It was a tight squeeze with all three of us, but I had a really, really good time while surrounded by sexy on all sides. Both sides.. Whichever.

Anyway, after the morning crap had been done in the afternoon, I grabbed Luce and Gloss for one more practice sesh before we started helping out with the conversion of the guild into a stage. I mean, there was already a stage for whatever entertainment came through, but we expanded it a bit for legroom and got some lights set up, though you shouldn’t ask me where they came from. I couldn’t find Sootina for hours, so I couldn’t ask, though it’s not like I really cared I had lights to go for my show, amps to make my music louder through some form of enchantment, and I was feeling lie I was at the top of my game. In between setting things up and sound test, Gloss was all over me and kept whining about how Max wasn’t around, so I shut her up with kisses and fondles until Max finally showed back up just a couple of hours before the show was scheduled to start. Apparently, he’d had some kind of town hall meeting to go to and that had taken some time, but what I was mostly glad about was the fact that Gloss glomped him instead of me and stuck to him. It was a welcome break from her attention that let me do a lot more micro managing almost as if I knew what I was doing. Without Sootina being around, I had to be in charge, so I stepped up and took the reins, as little as I wanted to. Making sure that everything was in order took a good amount of time and effort I couldn't really afford to be spending, but I spent it anyway since I needed to and was pretty stoked for the concert.

Crunch time came and thirty minutes before the set with meant to start, Glsos and Lcue had stage fright. Max and I were ready to get our rock on, but Lucine wasn’t used to playing for a real audience and Gloss was shy outside of interpersonal relations, so it took a lot to get both of them in ship-shaoe for the gig. I just wanted to play my music and kept my undlegar on me at all times, strumming it every once in awhile to sate the itch in my fingers. We were on the side-stage that was curtained off from the main stage, but we could still see that we had a full house. The bar, lounge, sitting area, and den-looking-thing had all been converted and in turn filled with people waiting to hear the Guild’s new bard. It took a long time for me to make out that last word from the crowd’s ramblings, but once I heard it, it was practically all I could hear. The Bard was about to make his first official appearance and I was ready to get out and debut, but Luce still needed a little helping hand. I threatened to shoot him once for every note he missed and to stomp his testicles twice for every time he froze up, which motivated him enough to cuss me out and get back into his usual rhythm. With that taken care of, my only real concern left was Gloss.

Max had been keeping her calm for the most part, but it was my kiss and the threat of rebuttal that got her on the right track. I was either likable enough for people to put up with my shit or I was scary enough to make people fall in line when it came to my concert, but with it being so close, there was nothing that I wanted more than for my music to be heard and for the songs I played to leave a mark on my audience. Excited beyond words and as prepared as I was going to get for the task ahead of me, there was always the lingering doubt that I wouldn’t be able to perform. I cast it aside as Gatian instructed and followed his word as I had been. He wanted me to stand up straight with my chin high and a smile on my lips, so I did as he said and started playing Ghost Witch by Scar Parade since I’d translated it a couple of weeks ago. No one else knew the song, so when I started jamming to the only song I knew that was solely a guitar solo, the crowd behind the curtain started cheering because they thought the set was about to start. It wasn’t quite yet, but I wanted to play something so bad thaT Ijsut had to get some melody into the air, my finger flying as I did my best to wear out my calluses. Playing faster and harder than ever before, I rounded up the gang and got onto the stage. Gloss and I grabbed the right side of the stage while Luce and Max got the left, the final notes of Ghost Witch ringing through the halls as I finished with a savage grin. The crowd fell silent and the lights dimmed until only the stage was illuminated. There was a brief countdown.

Royal Road is the home of this novel. Visit there to read the original and support the author.

The show was on.

The very first song we played was one of my favorites to play, and Uprising was the perfect song to get the crowd hyped. 4th of July and Black Hole Sun were up next, but then I wanted to switch things up a little. I grabbed the plublass from Luce and played Isn’t She Lovely exactly as I’d heard Victor Wooten play it, hit Purple Haze almost perfectly, and then lead into the complex stylings of Delta Sleep, which I’d only practiced a single song of with them. I’d done Lake Sprinkle Sprankle, but that one hadn’t been ready in time for the concert, but then I played Camp Adventure by myself and sang the entire thing without faltering, confusing myself and my band when I lead into yet another song that I hadn’t practiced with them. However, this time they played along. I’d never even thought of playing Voodoo Child, but it leaked from my fingertips and I made my undglegar wail with an acid-fueled fury, a battery-powered passion, an electric boogaloo that needed no part two. It was easily the most fun I’d ever had outside of a few times with Stella, feeling more alive while the air was filled with my noise than I ever had with just about anything else, even going so far as to ignore the fact that I’d caused some kind of Terru-Magic with my music. Songs were officially my drug, and once I stopped making my guitar-thing have a stroke with the sheer awesomeness of the vibrations, the music took its time in fading out completely. Silence iovertook the crowd that had once been roaring and cheering, eventhrough the slow songs.

Then all Hell broke loose.

I’d never known it before, but it was dangerous to be a musician in Avalesce. People started fighting for no reason, though having money and underwear thrown at the stage was nice. Up until boxers started showing up, that is. Once man panties hit the staged, I got my people away from the action so we could celebrate ourselves. I was taking a break from soma, but I had some mead from Alesdale and there had been some more alcohol imported by the bar since Raphtal had that kind of pull, meaning that the party was really getting start. You know, after the fight died down. I might not have been much of a drinker on Earth, but being with Luce usually means taking a shot out of a flask or two and being closer to the laxer laws of Ponydale meant that I could get liquor more easily. I mean, I was riding the high from the show and just wanted to come back down a bit, but I really have to say that I’m starting to get a tongue for good alcohol.

The overall idea was that the concert was a resounding success, if the amount of tips we got just for playing music were anything to go by. The Guild was set up to take a forty percent cut, so I split the rest of the wealth evenly until Max straight up said that he would kick my ‘arse’ if I gave him money, and Gloss said that her father would buy her whatever she wanted, so I split the profits with Luce instead. He only ended up taking about ten percent anyway when he’d been entitled to fifteen, which made me wonder why no one wanted to get money with me. I ended up with a little over a thousand (Closer to fifteen hundred, actually) drachs, which brought my total monies up to a lot. I could officially afford to settle down in one spot for a few months until I could get on my feet, which eventually would turn into me playing more music to make more money, probably putting on more concerts afterwards.

That being said, with the sucess of the concert rapidly bleeding throughout the town, it wasn’t much more than two or three days before people started flocking to the Guild with more jobs than we could handle. The first couple of days had been filled with people from town asking if they could hire me for an event or some shit, but as time went on and it became more pertinent for me to get a bank account, more people came from miles around. Sootina was happy to act as my manager and helped me sort through the requests as they came, nailing myself down to Hooversdum for a couple more months. There were a few balls I was set to play at with some slow songs at town hall, another party for some young soma-smoker with too much money and not enough brains, and then there was the request that came from on high. While Sootina and I werte busy rejecting people who simply just wanted me to play for them, there was a pretty important looking couple, a Mare and a Stallion, that came up to where we’d been taking numbers and sat down without a word. The stallion was a solid, slateish kind of grey with a darker mane and his partner, whoever she might’ve been, had a ruddy brown coat and a blonde mane along with a Stetson for some reason. The man was wearing a suit and the woman was in a nice, old-fashioned dress that was downplayed like my own clothes rather than being ostenatious like every other person’s on the planet.

When they sat down, I opened the conversation with, “You know, it’s not often you see and Avalesch person with clothes that don’t hurt a River Man’s eyes. I appreciate your style, Miss…?”

She took her hat off and nodded. “Apple. Jaqueline Apple, but most folk call me Jacki.”

I extended a hand to her and she shook it. “Gatian Gauner, but most people call me Tony Flow and the Majestic Master of Mayhem.”

The guy laughed a little while his partner shot him a dirty look. He straightened up pretty quick, clearing his throat and saying, “May we call you Gatian?”

“Yeah, that’s my name, man,” I said plainly. “What, you don’t think I let just anyone call me Tony, do you? That’s an insult in my land.”

His eyes widened. “Oh, my deepest-” His partner whacked his leg under the table. “Ow! Jaqueline!”

She cut him a stern glare and he shut up again. “He’s talking through his neck, Mortimer.” Jacki looked back to me. “Are you this much trouble for everyone?”

I shrugged. “Only the cute ones, I think. You should ask Sooty here just how much trouble I am.”

The woman in question bumped me with her shoulder. “You’re fine until the music starts playing.”

“Which is why we’d like to talk to you!” Morty exclaimed, looking more excited than the situation demanded.

“I’m booked up for the next couple of weeks, but I could always-” I started.

“No, you’re booked for the foreseeable future at the Rhubarb Ranch.” Apple Gal interrupted.

“It’s too bad I don’t like ranches.” I replied, smiling.

Jacki pursed her lips. “Ain’t really a yes or no kinda offer.”

“It’s not, but you can always make things easier on everyone and just say yes!” Morty added.

I looked at Sootina and she looked at me, amused. Giving my attention back to our guests, I gave them a reply. “Well, I’d be intimidated if we weren’t in the middle of my best friend’s turf, or if I was inclined to be intimidated by Centurns.”

Sooty hit me. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

I rubbed my arm and huffed. “Well, it’s not like many of you are Minotaurs or anything. After seeing a couple of those guys, why would I be scared of Centurns? Besides, I’ve never met an impolite Centurn.”

“That’s… Incredibly, very, so racist,” Jacki said flatly.

“Yeah, but it’s not because I hate you, I just don’t innately fear you because you guys don’t always have scary features. You Centurns tend to be pretty cute since so many of you tend towards being smaller than me, and with your big eyes, it just makes you guys default to cute.”

“Big eyes?” They all asked simultaneously.

“Yeah, like babies or small kids.”

Sootina huffed. “My eyes are smaller than Gloss’!”

“Gloss is a Human puppy.” I answered flatly.

“Ooo, I’m telling her you said that!”

“Do it, she’ll lick me.” I deadpanned, turning back to the Centurns who were still looking offended. “Nothing against you guys, it’s just that Gatling Gatian is with Raphtal, and Raphtal shoots people.”

“Are you sure you want to be with the Guild instead of a wealthy, well-connected noble family?” Mortimer asked, leaning in.

Jacki sighed. “We can make this a lot rougher for the Guild, ya know?”

Sootina huffed. “Raphtal has rounds in the cylinder with every major government of Septural. I’ve never even heard of the Rhubarb Ranch.”

“It’s not a place, it’s a familial grouping. The Rhubarb Ranch includes my family, the Apples, and a bunch of other Centurn families with fruit related names.”

I smiled at that. “So the fruit basket wants me to ‘hoedown’?”

Jacki looked quite unimpressed. “Cute.”

“Yes you are! Yes you are!”

Sootina hit me, making me glare at her. The look in her eye told me to knock it off. “Gatian, now would be the time to flip that politeness switch.”

I hit her in the clam with a solid wham that nearly had her headbutting the table. “Or nah. I don’t even want to be stuck here, what makes any of you think I’m going to trade my long leash for a shorter one?”

Jacki, ever serious as she was, smiled a little. “Free spirit?”

“For the most part.”

“I can respect that. You know, it’s up to me to decide what happens to ya.”

“I’d rather say it’s up to me, don’t you think?” At her raised brow, I expounded further. “No matter what you ultimately decide, it’s still up to me to present material for you to judge. You’re the throughput, I’m the input.”

“Throughput-”

‘

“Is a word on Earth that bridges input and output. It’s not commonly used, but it does exist in a dictionary or most.”

“Smart and talented. Good combo,” Jacki nodded.

“Isn’t it though? Why don’t we just take him now and-” Mortimer started.

“Blooded or not, you’re still dealing with Raphtal and a personal friend of both the local Guildmaster and captain. Would the Apple Family really want to start trouble with us?”

The reddish Mare didn’t seem to care. “You might be tough, Sugar, but you ain’t Apple tough. Trust me when I say that no amount of fancy shooting will ever make my blood back down.”

“Do Centurns have periods?” I asked politely.

I got stared at for that and hit by Sootina. “Shut up, Gatian.”

“Owwie!” I whined mercilessly. “That really hurt!”

She gave me a look of such utter vexation that I had to stop myself from laughing. “Shuddup.”

“See? Why would you want to be here when you could be treated as a respected employee by our group?” Mortimer gave me a brilliant smile.

“Sorry, but when I cast my lot with someone, I don’t pick it up until I get stabbed in the back. No point in letting loyalty be your biggest flaw, right?”

Jacki smiled at me. “So you’re really going to make jus do this the hard way, huh River Man?”

“I’d really rather you guys just left and we left it at that, but if you want trouble…” I shrugged and started the tares for a shock arca that made life a little easier with animals that liked to nip. If arca weren’t so rough on the hands, I’d probably have used something stronger.

“Oh, we don’t want trouble.” Mortimer started.

“We just happen to find it wherever we go poking around. Wouldn’t say too much on that though. Makes the kids scared of us.” Jacki winked at me

I shot Morty with Fuldis, which is a shock/force-push arca that made him hit the back of hit chair and shake like a leaf. Jacki got the side effect of getting pushed more so than shock, but her head hit a wooden part of the booth and she was out. My non-employers seemed rather incapacitated at the moment. Then Jacki stood up from the table and prepared to slam her fists on it to no effect. She didn’t get to follow through with the motion because she evidently passed out from something or other and her partner-guy was already out cold. I figured that Jacki probably had a concussion and had just stood up to fast. When it hit me that I’d just successfully used an arca to subdue actual opponents, I was a little excited since the worst thing I’d had to use my Terru for was killing off some wild dogs while traveling. Hell, I’d leared the spell myself after crafting it with some ingenuity form Luce’s part, and to brag a little, he said that I was one of the best Arca users he’d seen in his time. I mean, I’d already figured that I was a little above average, but knowing that I was better than a lot of people rather than some was nice.

Anyway. After a few hours in the holding cells, Jacki and Mortimer were live and well for the most part, save an egg on the back of Mort’s head. Once I deigned it worthy of my time to visit them (Kidding, of course.) I took the time to go and see if they were willing to be more reasonable. It didn’t surprise me that Jacki didn’t really feel like being reasonable since Pegasi in general aren’t as far as I knew, and she was also feeling quite upset about being subdued by someone who hadn’t technically been in a hand-to-hand fight in his entire life. I was sure to inform her of that fact, which was why she was mad. It was funny until she threatened to break my weiner over her lower teeth with her top teeth, specifically to bite my dick off. Jacki was the type of gal who didn’t like to be restrained and I honestly understood that beyond a reasonable level. Being tied up was awful, and being put in a cell (Long night in New York. Long Story) was pretty bad too, but she was only dealing with one of those things anyway. Raphtal doesn’t tie people up, but they do hold them for leverage and we used Jacki and Mortimer as leverage to make the Rhubarb Ranch fuck off.

Well, I say that like we just up and did it in a day or two, but we just sent the letter out earlier today and got the prisoners settled in for a short stay as hostages. That was the important bit from the day, but the interesting portion of the sunny hours came by the way of the Fanatic Four as they called themselves. The four were a Cow (Female Minotaur) a Mare, a young Lasponese woman, and an Amanese guy who looked like he could bear an eyedrop or two with as inflamed as his eyes appeared. Together they made up my rapidly, hastily put together fanclub and joined together to ask me to perform a few songs for free at a party they were going to hold in my honor, which I had to politely decline. It wasn’t because I didn’t want to party, it was because I just didn’t feel like it. Any chance to play my music had been ruined by the Rhubarb Ranch people and my shows were going to have to be private-only for awhile. They were understandably upset, but then the Minotaur had to drag the Thesuvian off of me because Sootina was off doing something else instead of guarding my body. It had just been a hug that had been great for two reasons, though I’d still have preferred my personal space.

After the Fanatic Four had been dealt with, I was free to do with my time as I pleased and had the night to myself for the first time since I started staying at the Guild. I can’t say I was less than glad for the time alone since it allowed me to do some upkeep on my instruments and equipment in general, but I was also appreciative of the time to just let it all out. A lot had been going on and I’d been doing a lot in the past few days before and after the concert, getting my future started and all that. It had built a lot of pressure that I needed to let out, so I silently sobbed while in my shower and let the warm water make me feel better. My heart still ached from old wounds, or at least, things I should have been over by now. I couldn’t help the feeling that I was replacing something in my life that I had no business replacing, a kind of self-assurance that told me that I was doing the wrong thing. Knowing what the problem was didn’t help, which is why I started writijng again. You do help, Booksy, even if I do act like a prick sometimes… You’re the only one I tell these things too and you keep them quiet, so thanks. I appreciate that.

I think this is it for now. Maybe I’ll write down this song I’ve been playing with in my head for awhile… How about that, Booksy? Sound good?

Miss You: Gatian Gauner

I never took my shot, but even then I thought

I might have a future with you

Don’t say that you’re afraid,

You left me with this ache,

And now I’m climbing up this mountain

Let’s just go our ways

We’ll skip out on the pain

That we would’ve made today

Sometimes I might try, to see through this lie

That I try to tell my-self

But what if the otherside could never be so kind?

Am I left for this moment?

I never meant to say

The things I did that day

Now I’m here, I pray

Set aside the scars and open up our arms and

Accept a whole new love

But where will mine come from?

‘Cause you’re the only one

I dream of

Can’t say I don’t miss you

But I really hope you knew

That I would truly still love you…

Always love you…

I miss you, Stella, Felix. Here’s a drink to meeting again one day.