Doting Bird

I don’t actually know how long it took me to wake up from the induced nap, but I do know that I felt amazing when I woke up and smelled the toast. I like buttered toast more than I logically should, so when I sat up from the new bed I was in and immediately saw toast on a plate being held by someone things were looking pretty great. Then I looked up at the person holding the plate and wondered if my groin had already been aching or if I’d just gotten that aroused that fast. The silver-haired, blue eyed bombshell in front of me was damn near Rachel’s twin sister, just with different features. Their figures were damn near identical with both of them sharing the same eye-shape as well. My heart beat faster and slower in turns, skipping beats left and right as I tried to get a grip on myself. Sadness hit and elation swallowed it, both of them eating each other like a pair of cannibal lesbians with too much MDMA and time on their hands. Though I feel like there wasn’t a better analogy I possibly could have come up with, I still feel dirty for it, so ignore that, Booksy.

She gave me the most gentle, warmest smile I’d probably ever seen, her teeth stained from either tea or coffee. It didn’t detract or distract from her sheer magnificence though. Actually, it just reminded me of Rachel’s ever-wonderful assortment of teas and my own fondness for both beverages, making me already feel a bit closer to her. I offered up a shy, bashful smile that pretty much summed up how I felt and sat up, not knowing what to say. Gage was resting from the craziness that was going on, and Gatian (The guy I was trying to be) had no idea what to make of the silver fox. She set the tray of food down across my lap and took a step back, looking a little nervous as she (Most likely) subconsciously shook a lock of hair over one of her eyes. Her silver locks were different from most that I’d seen in my time in Gerritt as they were free-flowing for the most part, only tied at the ends by a loose-ish band that seemed to be made of rough-spun linen that wasn’t quite what it seemed. Her hands folded in front of her as I took in everything I could see about her and I couldn’t help but notice that her hands were neither small nor large, but that her fingers were thin and slender as if she were a writer or some sort of accountant. I couldn’t tell from just her hands, but the paint on her nails assured me that she was in some trade that didn’t require heavy-lifting and/or much use of her hands.

I moved my gaze slowly onto her arms, seeing a surprising amount of definition in her forearms and triceps that were mirrored in her thighs and calves when I actually took the time to notice them. It only took a few seconds for me to recognize that I couldn't tear my eyes away from dem legs tho. Yes, I know it’s odd to find lesser erogenous zones more attractive than the main events, but I couldn’t help that a thick, muscular pair of thighs with the tiniest bit of extra upon them kept my attention better than a loaded gun. I managed to stop staring at her tights or whatever they were long enough to glance at her chest, shake my head at her somewhat generous endowments, and meet her eye. She herself was examining me in turn from what I could tell, her smile wavering quickly.

There was little I could do to stop myself from trying to break the ice with, “... Hi, I’m Carl.”

Her smile fell completely. “Carl?”

The accent to her words was the same as Valen’s, doing even more to make my feelings blitz brick walls, splattering themselves over everything in the vicinity. Gatian needed to get his head out of the sunless spot, and quick. “Um… I’m sorry, my name’s not Carl. I-I… Well, I think that was supposed to be a joke.” My grin was more like a grimace, but it was how I was feeling at the moment in all honesty.

The blue-eyed woman smiled again, warmth in her eyes and in her laughter. “Oh, I was quite worried for a second! It would not do for us to get mixed up, would it?”

From the first word out of her mouth, I just felt so… At ease, around her. Beaming at her, I chuckled. “I don’t believe it would. My name’s actually Gatian Gauner, and that one’s not a joke.”

“I know, Gatian. My name is Stellara Inova.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Miss Stellara.”

Another easy smile crossed her lips. “It is a pleasure to meet you as well, Mister Gatian. I am- Oh! I have already said my name, have I not?”

“Stellara Inova?”

“Yes! I am your Partner, Stellara Inova. It is a great honor to assist you, River Man.” She started to incline her head.

“Wait-wait-wait-stop!” She stood up straight as I blurted out my request. “Please, you don’t have to do this if you don’t want to. I know there’s some sort of thing Avalescians-”

“W-We are the Gertts of Avalesce, yes, though I am not necessarily one of them...” Stellara interrupted cautiously. “A-Am I not to your liking?”

What? “What? What do you mean?”

Stellara tilted her head. “Am I not a suitable Partner for you?”

“W-Well… I can’t really say yes or no because I don’t know you.”

“That is true, but do you not find me suitable to be by your side?”

What did I just say? “... I… I just don't wanna force anyone-”

“Oh, no! We Partners are all volunteers. We are compensated very well for assisting River Folk.” She waved my worries aside, giving me an easy smile.

“Oh… Well… Um... “

“Another partner can still be assigned to you…” She trailed off, obviously meaning something with her words.

“What happens if you don't get compensation for helping me?”

Stellara’s sorrow hit me hard, the tears in her eyes telling me so much more than she would say. “... We are not allowed to speak on that subject. What happens to us is no concern of the River Folk…”

“It’s a concern to me,” I barked, feeling angry for her. “Stellara, is someone going to hurt you if I don’t take you with me wherever I go?”

“...”

“... You’re with me from now on,” I said with finality. “I’ll keep you safe, Stellara. No one’s going to lay a finger on you under my watch.”

She bit her lip. “... What does that mean to you, if I may ask?”

“It means I just got myself a new friend, I think.”

Her eyes widened as her jaw lowered slightly. “... Friend?”

“That’s what a partner is, right? A close friend?”

“... Maybe in your River World. Partner does not mean friend here.”

It hit me. “... You’re my slave, aren’t you?” Stellara nodded, her beautiful blue eyes filled with acceptance and a tinge of hope. “Nah. I’m too black to own slaves. That’s… That’s beneath me.”

“I- I beg your pardon?”

“I can’t take someone’s freedom from them in good conscience, but if it helps you more than it hurts you… Still, owning someone… That’s so far beneath me and what I’m willing to do.”

“I am very confused right now, but I am guessing that you do not plan on giving me your children?”

“... I don’t like kids?”

Stellara looked offended. “You do not like children?”

“... No?”

“... So you will not choose me for procreation. I accept this.” She nodded.

“I mean, I kinda just met you so…”

She tilted her head. “Did you not feel the spark?”

My face lit up bright red, not knowing what to say. Again. “Sp-Spark?”

“Are you not attracted to me?”

“...” I didn’t know what to say to that.

“Are you- Are you blushing because I am correct?”

“I-I-I-”

“Oh, River Folk do not have Love upon Looking, do you?”

“... Y-You mean l-l-love at first s-sight?”

“I do.”

“... You look a lot like my ex wife, Stellara. I… I hate to make things awkward, but-”

“Gatian, I assure you that I will be a better Partner than your wife was in her own duties.” Stellara nodded sharply, her wavy silver locks bouncing as she did. “Your wife may look like me, but she is not me.”

“I-I… I didn’t mean to imply that you two were anything alike other than… Well, being shaped the same.”

Now it was her turn to blush. “O-Oh…”

I couldn’t help but chuckle. “You look a lot nicer than she did.”

Stellara’s smile was not genuine by any meaning of the word. “Ah. Thank you.”

“Stellara, I… I’m making a mess of this first impression, aren’t I?”

“I have met worse people.”

“... I’m not one of-”

“You are already one of the better ones,” She said softly.

“Oh. Thanks.”

“... Gatian, are you hungry?”

I looked at my breakfast. “I should probably eat.”

“That was not a yes.”

“I know. I don't really get hungry very often, I just eat a lot when I do.”

“How odd. Is there anything I can do for you?”

“Can you keep me company for a little bit? And tell me where we are?”

“I can do both! We are currently in the Recovery Wing of Joad’s Healing Center in Rusval. Your doctor, Emilia, told me that you were having trouble adjusting to the new world?”

“At first, but it’s kinda becoming easier to deal with now. Speaking of new worlds though, what should we do after we get out of here?”

“... Are you asking me what your path should be?”

“Well, I know I’m going to find an instrument to play, but I have to get good at that before I make money off of it.”

“Oh! Then we should take a journey to Ponydale! The Centurns there are very friendly and it would be a good place to start a career in music. Unlike most Avalesch, the Centurns are very forgiving when it comes to music.”

“... You don’t mean literal Centaurs, do you?”

“... Two hooves, two hands, pointy ears, and tails? They are called Centurns.”

“Fuck me!” I blurted, wondering if they were Anthro or Humanoid. If they were Anthro, then I expected to meet a Princess at some point.

“... Ri-Right now?”

“No, that’s not what- I meant- I- er… Well, when you say that ‘Centurns’ are people, would you happen to know any of them?”

“Ah, yes! My adopted sister, Stellara Sola, is a Unicorn.”

“Shut. Up.”

“You do not mean to be silent, do you?”

“No, not quite.” I sighed. “So the different races are real?”

“Yes. I am a Choret, if you could not tell.”

“... And I am?”

“A River Man.”

“... Is there anything you can do that I can’t?”

If you spot this tale on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.

“Be cute.”

“Other than- Hey!” I chuckled.

Stellara smiled, making my heart pound a little faster. “I was kidding. Chorets, or the Choresh, are very physically capable, and my people often find themselves living longer lives than most River People or other Humans. We live a very healthy life with a strict diet most of the time. For example, Chorets do not eat most forms of bread.”

My jaw dropped. “You’ve never had buttered toast?”

“I have not.”

“Would it kill you to try some?”

“It may or may not, but it would undoubtedly make me rather sick.”

“Awww! I was going to have you try some of my toast!”

Her eyes widened, her cheeks pinkening as she smiled nervously. “And yet you lead me to believe I was not suitable for you. You are a very tricky man, Gatian.”

“Wait, what?”

“Oh, offering food from your plate to another is often seen as a very humble gesture of fondness here on Septural. To explain, I have only been offered food from another person’s plate once, and that was my former mas- Ah!” She clutched her neck, a symbol glowing a bright yellow from her formerly bare skin.

I grabbed for her other hand and found it, looking at Stellara with obvious concern. “I think I get the gist. Stell, if there’s only one meal between us, you’ll always be welcome to what half you can actually eat.”

“That… That is very kind and generous of you, Gatian.” She said softly, her voice like a breath in the breeze. “May I… May I ask something of you?”

“You’re supposed to be my Partner, right?” She nodded. “Then you’re welcome to anything I have, bar none.”

Stellara licked her lips. “Would… Would you mind if I had some of your eggs?”

I couldn’t stop myself from laughing at that. “Aw, wow! I thought you were about to ask me to quest for the Holy Grail or something! Yeah, you can have all of the eggs, and if I’m allowed seconds, you can have those too.” I looked at the plate and picked up the toast, eying one of the strips of meat. “Say, what kind of… Well, it’s not bacon or sausage-”

“Oh, the meat? It’s from a Buffindolo, I believe. One of the creatures the Sotans like to domesticate, if my studies are correct.”

“... You mean they raise them like livestock, right?”

“No, they are pets for the young ones. Once they reach maturity, they are sacrificed for whatever official may want them, though compensation is paid to whoever does the most work regarding the Buffindolo. My sister, Deot, was very fond of her Buffin. She massaged it daily and bought her freedom with him.” Stellara smiled fondly, looking out the window dreamily.

“Can I set you free?”

“Ah, no.” Stellara chuckled. “I am already free.”

“... You still have to follow me, though.”

“It is much better than doing…” she felt for her neck, touching the welt that had formed from earlier. “It is better than doing nothing all day and wasting away. Yes.”

I’d never let go of her hand or my toast, so I took a bite of the food and gave the appendage a squeeze. “I have a feeling that’s not what you were going to say, but I can understand the fear of pain. It’s a powerful motivator.”

“That it is. Say, I have not met many River People that were willing to talk to me. Would you be able to tell me some things about your world?”

I blinked a couple of times. “Mind if we eat and talk? The eggs are still all you.”

She beamed. “May I go get a second plate for you? It would make things a little less intimate.”

I gave her the sauciest gaze Gatian could cook up. “Maybe I want things… intimate?”

Stellara blushed and laughed, freeing her hand from mind to pat my curly head. “If I did not know you a little better now, I would have assumed that you were serious!”

I chuckled a little, kinda put out by being rejected with the assumption that I was joking. “Well, go grab that second plate and we’ll tone it down a bit, huh?”

“I will return shortly!”

Stellara left quickly and I finally got a chance to see what her hips were hiding while she’d been standing off to my side. What I saw surprised me since I’d assumed that she’d been as modest as Rachel from behind, but lo’ and behold, the woman was blessed by the name of the LORD!. And so was I, by extension. Knowing that I could lay her on command gave me a sick kind of joy that I killed because it made me feel bad, mostly because I equated it to rape. There were a lot of things about Stellara Inova that I was going to have to learn, but then I thought about how kind and seemingly timid Stellara was. It showed especially well when she wasn’t sure of what she was talking about. The woman was buxom and beautiful, but there was a cuteness to her that was far more attractive than her raw, unadulterated looks. The only person I’d seen wear makeup in Gerritt was the nurse that came with Emilia to walk me out of my room, or rather, wheel me out. Other than her, au naturale was the look of the season, and Stellara wore it well. Outside of that, I thought of the fact that I basically had a slave and couldn’t help but wonder if someone had taken Stellara’s gift-from-birth without her consent and didn’t doubt it for a second. I felt so bad for the woman, but it made me feel a little bit better knowing that she was only subject to my will now since I knew I wouldn’t purposefully mistreat her. I snacked on some tasty toast, thinking of the things I could have Stellara do before she came back and I got very excited about the prospect of being serenaded to sleep.

There were plenty of things I wanted Stellara to do for me, like clean and cook, but I also didn’t want to waste her time as a Human being seeing as how I would hate being subject to someone’s will. I decided that I would ask if she minded doing anything before actually asking her to do it, and even then I planned on offering her an out anyway. When she came back to the room, I was nibbling on some buttery goodness and was determined to make Stellara the happiest Partner in the area. If I couldn’t then I would try even harder to make my partner the most well-treated that I possibly could. Once Stellara set the other tray down, I started moving the meat and bread from one tray to the other, and then I moved the eggs onto the spare plate. Stellara waited for my okay to start eating, but I almost didn’t give it to her out of ignorance. It took me a few bites to ask why she wasn’t eating, and when she told me, I made it clear that she should take a bite when I take my first bite. It would be no other way and I would accept no other option, so I practiced with Stellara, making sure she and I took our first bites of whatever at the same time. Then we just ate normally and talked which was nice.

While we were eating I felt like I was growing closer and closer to Stell, like to the point where we were actually becoming friends. She eased up around me and dropped some of the walls I hadn’t known that she’d built around herself and I saw pieces of who she really was. Then it happened. Something I could describe as nothing other than ‘The Spark’ lit up in my chest and made me blush while she was singing a little song from her childhood that she remembered. It just hit me like a firecracker inside, blowing its payload in a split second and fading just as fast it appeared. I knew that Stellara was a woman worth keeping around as I’d never known before, and it wasn’t just because she was my Partner. There was some… She just had this… Okay, Booksy, you know that feeling when you’re in the shop and you spy this sweet little Diary with the page-saver and the lock on the front? The one with the blue cover that just makes you go wild? Yeah, me neither, but Stellara would probably be that book for me.

After the feeling passed and I was able to suss out what it meant, Stellara just seemed so much more… Human. Before she’d felt like an alien; someone who looked kinda like me but was actually nothing close to myself. At the moment, she just felt like she was the person I’d just divorced, but during the good times. The Rachel vibes were strong enough to elicit a reaction I didn’t approve of, and when Stellara took notice, I could see her heart breaking through her expression. She clutched my head to her shoulder to comfort me, even though I’d been smiling at the moment and muttered assurances that all would be fine once I got my legs beneath me again. I didn’t know exactly why I was crying, but it kind of reminded me of the way I’d felt before I’d up and killed myself for next to no reason. It was frustrating to feel good and bad at the same time with all emotions being caused by the same gentle person, but it meant that I was alive and I was grateful for it. Once the tears stopped flowing, I held onto Stellara a little longer and realized something fantastic. Where Rachel had smelled like lemon and honey most of the time, Stellara smelled of a spicy, more floral Earl Grey that was especially dark. Her scent was calming and soothing and so was her presence, both of which I did my best to soak up… Only writing that down do I realize that I fell harder for this woman in a day than any other in any amount of time… There was just something about Stellara Inova that made her feel… Handmade, I guess. Like she was built from the soles of her perfectly average, not-super-weird-looking feet to the absolutely perfectly-coiffed-yet-effortlessly-maintained locks that tumbled down from the top of her head in shimmering waves. A part of me wanted to get it together and distance myself from her a bit, so I did just that… Kinda.

After I got my fill of Stellara’s vibe, I pulled away to see that she was also crying, so I wiped her tears away, giving her a worried look. “Don’t cry, Stell! I’m okay, you’re okay; we’re okay, okay? I just… I think I felt the Spark.”

She went from sad crying to happy crying. “Oh, how great is this now! You have felt the Spark!”

“Right. I-”

“Oh, Gatian! We will make beautiful, free children that will be so, so very happy!”

I stared at her. “...”

“Oh, we will have a son with Choret hair and another daughter with hair as chocolate as the finest cacao! Oh-Oh-Oh! Our son will be the best musician after you! And our daughter shall be quite a capable warrior, do you agree?”

“... Yeah. Yup.” The phuq did I just do to myself? Good going, Gage.

Stellara beamed. “Oooh, when would you like to start the procreation? Now? In an hour. Soon?”

“... Is a couple of years soon?”

She deflated visibly before perking up. “Oh yes, you must begin your career before you become a father, yes?” I nodded. “Then our children shall wait to join the world until you are a famous man! I cannot wait to see how a River Man kisses!”

“Well… We don’t really have to wait for that one… If you want?”

Stellara smiled widely and leaned down, trying to calm herself down before the moment of truth. She failed miserably, so I ended up kissing a somewhat thin but still pliable line of lip and a strip of tooth. IT was an odd, slippery feeling that got better when she closed her mouth and we actually got to the kissing bit of making out. Her lips were surprisingly super soft and so, so sweet to the touch that I lost myself in Stellara’s vibe for a few seconds all over again. Practically vibra… resonating with the moment, for the sake of variety, was pretty nice. Clocking out and clocking back in like I was on the job was pretty sucky. As far as I was concerned, kissing Stellara was the best drug I could have taken, and if there was to be a repeat in the future then I would happily take the moment as a nugget of gold and store it in the vaults of my memories. Her lips… There was just no way to describe them. It was like matching a puzzle piece, but having that piece be that last one to a million piece picture that could only be completed with the right partner… Which… She kinda was my Partner, but… Fuck. You knew what I meant, Booksy. Whatever, I may have leaned in for the kiss as well, but Stellara was completely and totally in control, marking the points where we would pull away and come back together with a light sigh each time. When she pulled away for the final time, we looked at each other and smiled.

Stellara started asking about my life and I told her everything I’m about to tell you, Booksy, and then some. I told her about everything I could remember from my childhood, including the time my parents had taken myself and my brother to Disneyland, King’s Island, Cedar Point, Six Flags, Coney Island, and a few other places all in the span of a single summer. It had been a great time as I recalled it, though I’d left out the times I’d gotten hit by shoes, phones, glasses, and a few other things. As we moved on from happier memories we went to the sad ones, though I didn’t have too many particularly sad memories. Yeah, there were plenty of disappointments and failures, but as I explained that to Stellara, I also covered the fact that I’m not one to really dwell on the past and the mistakes I’ve made. She was surprised to hear that I, a River Man, wasn’t one to pay much attention to my mistakes, but she was elated when I started talking about Rachel.

I didn’t want to talk about rachel, nor did Stellara think I wanted to, but she just kept asking questions. Everything from her personality to her build and everything in between, including our cuddling habits and sex life. It was a surprise to Stellara that River People were purely monogamous like the Chorets since so many of them started harems one way or another, and it was an even bigger shock to her that I had only ever slept with one person. She offered to help me ‘fix’ that in time, though when I asked if anyone had ever caught her eye, I couldn’t help but be in complete disbelief when her answer was truthfully ‘no’. At least, as far as I could tell. Stellara had a better grip on who I was and was now certain that I was one to wait for Choret-lover levels of intimacy, but she herself admitted that she was relying on training and hearsay for her experience. There were a few things that I wanted to clear up but… It was kinda awkward for some reason. Lunch rolled around and I saw that all Stellara had eaten was still the eggs, so I asked her if they actually fed Partners in Joad’s and she told me that Partners weren’t often afforded many rights. That being said, I had her go get us both plates for lunch since she was allowed to eat whenever I did. I wasn’t supposed to eat with her since Stellara was supposed to be my subordinate, but she acknowledged the fact that I considered her my equal, even if she herself didn't feel the same.

By the time night rolled around, Stellara informed me that she was a Moon Woman and would most likely perk up further when the moon showed its face. I was surprised to find that she was a ‘Moon Maiden’ instead of a ‘Sun Sister’, but it made sense with her general color scheme. Once the moon was actually up, I learned who Stellara really was, and she was cuddly. After dinner had been eaten and it was made clear to me that leaving was totally up to me and my discretion, we agreed to stay in Joad’s for the night before striking out for Tidrel in the morning. That being said, there was only one bed in the room, so I coerced Stellara into sharing it with me, rather than sleeping on the floor or in the chair provided. She was hesitant at first, but once I laid a finger on her while she was debating, it was like I’d tied myself to her and given her a shot of Purple Man’s pheromones. She was all over me for a few minutes before she settled down on my left side, hugging my arm and giggling her head off.

I had to ask why she was so giddy, to which she replied with, “I have never slept with a man before. Service, yes, but sleeping? No.”

“Oh. Glad I could be your first.” I chuckled awkwardly.

“I am happy that you are glad. When we fulfill your aspirations, I hope you will be even happier!”

“I’m pretty darn happy right now to be honest with you. You’re just the right kind of cool for a good nap.”

“And you are very warm for a Moon Man River Man.”

“I’m a Moon Man?”

“Yes. Have you not seen a mirror?”

I held her hand while she hung onto my arm. “What do you mean?”

“Your eyes. Moon Men have gray eyes.”

“Oh. I could have sworn that the last Moon Man I saw had black eyes.”

“He most likely did if he was an older man. Moon Mens’ eyes turn black when their testosterone spikes in their fifties.”

“... So we age well?”

“Not all of you, but a good many. Most Moon Men are normal like any other Human throughout their lives, but most of my kinsmen age like wine. Their youth starts fine, but they generally hit their stride in their elder years.”

“And River Moon Men?”

“I have never met…” She blinked.

“You’ve never met one?”

“... Yes…” Stellara loosened her grip on my arm and gazed into my eyes, her sapphire rings growing as the pupils shrank. If her eyes weren’t always the focus of my attention, I might’ve missed it in the lower lights. Then I half-imagined she had some damn Alita eyes and wondered if I was hallucinating. “... There aren’t any Moon River Men.”

“Why not?” I asked casually.

“... Because they never make it past the Rivers…” Tears formed in her eyes. “They’re always too sad…” … Are you sure they’re not just gay or bi?

“Do I seem sad to you?”

Stellara breathed shakily. “Your eyes are sad, Gatian. I didn’t put it together, but your eyes are so sad…”

“RSF? Resting Sad Face?” I chuckled, genuinely amused.

“You’re pretending…”

“You callin’ me a liar?” I mocked, my fake Southern accent awful to my own ears.

“You don’t have to-”

I kissed her because I was allowed to and it felt really good. It also stopped her from accusing me of things, which was starting to irritate me because I wasn’t pretending… It was just my way of dealing with it…

Okay, Booksy, you’re my pal, right?

No answer? So you’ll keep this quiet? Yeah, thank you, my Book. It means a lot to me.

The thing is that… Well, I’ve been suicidal ever since I could remember. It’s been a long time since I could actually say I’ve had a good day, and there was nothing I could generally do about it other than smile and laugh. Yeah, when I said I let things roll off my back it was because it was true and largely has been for most of my life. I never let things hit me too hard, but I took my lumps nonetheless. I mean… Who can honestly stand not being good at anything? Who could live like that and not be sad all the fucking time? I mean, it wasn’t half bad when I was alone and finding myself, but with Rachel…?

I loved her so much, but it wasn’t just verbal abuse. It was… I… Booksy, I couldn’t leave. She had me. From the second date, Rachel already had her friends believing that I was a crazy, screw-loose screw-up with nothing better to do than hump and dump other women. It wasn’t me and it wasn’t anywhere close to the person I presented, but women believe what they want. Even my own Aunt didn’t believe that I was still the same dopey guy she’d always known, and that hurt almost as much as getting hit with a phonebook. Or a sock with a naval orange in it. Or just getting pinched, kicked… A few other things. There just wasn’t anything I could do. I didn’t bruise easily and what marks I did get never amounted to enough evidence to build a case. I tried going to a shelter for victims of abuse, but there weren’t any for men and none of the female ones were co-ed. Apparently, straight/hetero guys don’t get abused in Cali. Ever. I got laughed out of a police station, a hospital, and lost more friends than I cared to remember over admitting to being abused by a woman… It hurt. It hurt a lot, but I thought that it was just Rachel showing her own twisted form of love.

When she left me I just… I felt so unloved. So alone that I was certain that leaving the world was the only way to find company. I was well aware of what I was doing in the moments before I jumped, and the life I lived was enough for me to take the step. I didn’t slip. I got past the fence, turned around, and did a full fucking backflip on the way down; the only thing I ever did correctly to my knowledge. I wanted to die. I’d wanted it for so long that finally having a half decent reason…? It was peaceful. It was like I found what I wanted the most in life and finally had a way to get it. Had the most beautiful place to achieve my goal, too. The only problem? I was still depressed, and I was still hurting so deep it felt like I’d never be able to shake it. How Stellara saw it inside when no one else did was beyond me, but she’d hit the nail on the head. The only thing, and I do mean only thing that didn’t let me ask Kaish for a nice long nap…? The fact that The Brit took time out of his schedule to bring me back. The fact that someone cared enough to give a loser a second chance? That was enough to get me out of the forest, but that’s where my goals ended. After that? Ending up in Joad’s meant that I could find a purpose, and having a purpose was another thing to keep me going, but Valen had already stabbed me in the back and the only other person I actually had talked to besides Stellara seemed pretty insane.

That being said, I felt like I needed to kiss her. I needed Stellara to feel the love I’d saved in my heart, the little bit of Gage that I had left. Gatian was fine and dandy, but I had a feeling that Stellara was looking for something in me that I didn't have anymore. I couldn’t fake it because I didn’t know what it was, and the facade I had up got seen through with so little effort that it was astounding. I genuinely don’t like being sad so I choose not to be most of the time, but that doesn’t stop my bones from hurting or my head from aching. It doesn’t stop me from hating the loser I was, and as I kissed Stellara, I hoped that her lips could read mine better than Rachel’s did. I hoped that she would see me for the man I was instead of the chicken-shit coward I used to be. When she slipped me some tongue, I wondered if she’d done it on purpose since it didn’t stay long, but I returned the favor and she accepted happily, even though Frenching isn’t really my thing. For Stellara and her caramel-flavored tongue?

Frick, it was my thing now.

When I pulled away from her, my mind racing and my heart pounding, Stellara… The look in her eyes told me she understood what I’d meant to say. Then she said, “You are sad, but you do not let the pain hurt. You are a very strong man, Gatian Gauner.” Am I as strong as your accent?

I took her hand in mine. “... Thank you. So what do you say, Partner? Wanna help a sad little bastard try and make it to happiness?”

She freed herself from my grasp and worried me with the gesture until she caressed my cheek. “If you do not find happiness, then I will give it to you. I swear by my Anima, Gatian, that I will find your happiness and be by your side until it no longer makes you happy. Then we will find a new happiness and we will rejoice.”

“You don’t need to find it for me. Just stick around. Having someone that actually cares whether I live or die is nicer than you probably feel.”

“I am a Partner.” Stellara said, confused.

“And I care about you. Are we done saying obvious things?”

‘

She stared at me before shaking her head and giggling, another lock of silver falling over her face. Stellara blew it away like a breeze with… other hair? Anyway, when she smiled at me, the heart-puddle formed rapidly and it was pretty gooey. “Thank you, Gatian. I have a feeling that this is the start of something truly beautiful.”

“That’s what you say now. Just wait until I start snoring again.”

“But you do not snore.”

“I don’t?”

“You are a very quiet person. It is hard to know when you’re around if I am not looking or actively listening to you, and that is unusual for one of my kind.”

“Speaking of your kind, we’re both Moon People, right?”

“We are.”

“Why don't we start our journey at night?”

“... Well, there may be a few weapons and supplies left here, but I doubt that a hospital carries much in the way of River Person utilities.”

I sat up and she followed along with me. “Then why don’t we go see what we can start our adventure with?”

“Adventure? That sounds like a lot of fun!”

“I’m sure it will be in between all the travel. What do you say, Stell?”

“What are we waiting for?”

… Huh. Didn’t quite get to meeting Felix yet, but it’s a good place to stop for now. I think my feelings are too riled up for this nonsense, Booksy. I need a nap and a drink. Preferably mead since I don’t want to have a coronary or something with the other stuff.