Suze opened the door to the bathroom and I stepped through. My globe of light illuminated the creepy little Hangman and I couldn't help but say, "Ew." He was doing something rather gross with his dangly bits. I looked away.

He laughed this rictus cackle. "You left me in here human without anything but me balls to play with."

Suze snorted.

I tossed him a tea towel. "At least put that around your waist. And keep your hands away from your body please."

He grumbled and I expected him to fight me on it, but he complied. With my balls of light in here, I could see that his face was craggy and stone-like with a greyness. His eyes were pure black orbs either all pupil or just black. He had sharp little teeth when he smiled at me, like he slowly did. His jaw widened as he did so, like a shark in a kid's cartoon.

"So little man." I kneeled down in front of the Hangman's cage. He was little, creepy and fey-like and dark. I inspected him, but far enough away that his weird gangly arms could not reach me through the metal bars of the cat cage. His information popped up:

The Weewee Hangman - Monster - Tier 0 Boss - ⛰

Well that was interesting. I wanted to know more about the symbol that looked like a craggy mountain.

Suze - Tier 0 - High Rise Cleaner: He won't tell us the truth Kaylee. We should just drop him off the abyss.

Kaylee - Tier 0 - ASMR Content Creator: I know I don't trust that he will tell us the truth, but he might give us some information. Some is better than basically none.

I spoke out loud to him. "We need some information."

He cackled again. "You think I will give it to ye?"

"I hope so. I don't want to have to threaten you because that feels really against my character."

"It's not against mine." Suze said, rather unhelpfully again. She smacked her palm and one fist together.

"Suze. Not helping."

"He wanted to kill Geraldine. I have zero fucks to give about this porra."

"Not kill," he said imperiously and glared at Suze.

I needed to get some control of the conversation. I waved to get his attention. "Hey. Hey. Yes. Over here. Hi. I'm the one asking you questions. First, can you tell me what the mountain means on your tag?"

"Mountain on my tag? Is this some foreign saying I do not comprehend?"

"Your name is The Hangman - Monster - Tier 0 Boss and then a mountain appears after your name. What does that mean?"

He narrowed those creepy black eyes at me. "You speak a strange language. Witchery? Follower of Titania?"

"I don't follow anyone."

"Then you should follow my Master."

"No!" I answered quickly and saw his eyebrows gather and a glint of fierceness grow over his face. So I backtracked and gently said, "Not yet. I haven't decided. We haven't decided. Yet."

"Then you must all decide to follow my master! King Oberon will give you power! Might! Magic!" He jumped up at this and then winced when his head braised the bars. Carefully he sat onto the plastic floor of the cage, his hand rubbed the spot that had sizzled at the metal's touch. He perched a bit more that he had interest in this conversation. "He sent me here to the Filth Forge to collect the Chosen One. If the three of you join him, one of you must be her and so he will be most pleased! You could come with The Hangman and he will let King Oberon know that you are his minions and he will be most pleased. Most pleased." The little man rubbed his hands together eagerly.

I'd joined a MLM once. A friend from high school told me she had a great opportunity to make some money selling candles. I didn't even like candles, but I had sunk about $500 into the inventory of candles that smelled like Thanksgiving Dinner and Christmas Mistletoe and Pureed Beets. Their smell lasted longer than my interest in the scheme because every month she bugged me ceaselessly about selling more candles and I really just didn't want to bug all my friends and family who already were bugged by their friends and family.

Something about this reminded me of her initial pitch. You'll make so much money Kaylee! Yeah. No.

I really didn't. It cost me even more to cancel my contract with them. Apparently I had to buy myself out of the business which was an extra $50 for nothing.

"We'll think about this Oberon guy if you tell us about this world."

"King Oberon." He corrected.

"Right. King Oberon."

He pondered for a moment, but seemed to come to a decision and he spread out his two hands as if about to start a tale. "This world is split between those who follow my master and the other one."

"Queen Titanic." The way Suze said it sounded hilarious. Tee tan eek.

"It's Titania. I think it's like a Shakespeare world or something." I said and really wished I had paid attention to the high school production of Midsummer Night's Dream that they'd forced us to sit through instead of going to class. I vaguely remembered something about a donkey. "So it's split between Queen Titania and King Oberon. It benefits us somehow if we pick a side."

"All must pick a side in the War." He said. "We will be victorious and so you should choose ours. All the Funnelled must choose us if they want to live."

"Is this a permakill game?" I asked.

This tale has been unlawfully lifted without the author's consent. Report any appearances on Amazon.

He twisted his head a bit. "What is perma kill?"

"I mean. If we die, do we come back to life?"

He snorted. "Not humans. Never."

My heart dropped. Permakill would be a really bad thing.

"So what perks come with your side?" I needed to hear the full spiel now.

His delight in answering was almost orgasmic. "My Master is the Lord of the Forge. He can make any blade and imbue it with the magic of any of his domains."

I tried to remember what I knew about domains in video games and tabletop RPGs. In Realms of Ifaneli, the divine was all just one thing and it was split between Light and Dark. Kinda like Star Wars. The one time I played D&D, I had been told to make a cleric and so I distinctly remember being overwhelmed by the many choices I had in domains. In the end I'd let the DM choose for me — who was Matt's best friend and he didn't like me so he made sure it was a really boring one.

D&D and I didn't vibe despite how much I loved playing Realms which was supposedly created by a bunch of guys who played D&D together who formed a game studio or something.

Suze Tier 0 - High Rise Cleaner: Are you there? Did he cast something on you?

Kaylee - Tier 0 - ASMR Content Creator: Sorry. I got distracted.

I needed to focus and stop thinking about Matt. The Hangman was still going on about the perks and I had missed a few.

"... Summoning of the wolves and ravens. He is the King of the Storm. He can offer magics of all kinds. My cudgel — that one stole — was created by him."

"Oh, so he's the ruler of strangling hair extensions?"

The little man furrowed his brow, clearly not understanding my quip. He continued as if I hadn't said anything at all. "When Queen Titania falls, we will march on the Center and steal the power of magic. All of us will be rewarded."

"Cool. Cool." This was all backstory and lore. I guess the motivations of the expansion or game story or whatever. I just needed to know a couple of things about gameplay. I had a feeling that since he was clearly an NPC, he wouldn't know about mechanics. But he might understand things if I explained them like I was roleplaying in the game.

"Is there somewhere we can go that will be like a hub city in a game. Where all the Funnelled go to do quests and stuff?"

"Pah. You speak of Loch Mol. One day my Master will come and murder all of them. What is worse than following the Bright Queen is following no one at all."

I began to wonder if when I asked him about humans dying being permanent, he told me about NPCs. So I asked, "Do the Funnelled die and come back to life?"

"Only as the undead and under control of someone else."

"So when we — and I mean the Funnelled —" I made a mental note to start referring to myself as a Funnelled, whatever that meant "— die. We're dead. Dead. No come back."

He nodded. "Yes. Dead. Dead. No come back." He mocked my tone.

Suze had let me do the talking. She probably had been scrolling through her inventory with that new skill she learned. When he said dead however, she sent me a chat.

Suze Tier 0 - High Rise Cleaner: Kaylee. Does that mean we could die?

Kaylee Tier 0 - ASMR Content Creator: I think it does. I don't think we respawn. I don't know if that means we end up out of this game and back in our own home. But I really bled Suze. The spider guts were really real. That breakfast was the best I've ever had.

Kaylee Tier 0 - ASMR Content Creator: I don't want to die.

I schooled my face to try to keep the emotions that ran through me deep inside my skull and not on my rather expressive face.

"What does your master offer us if we ally with him and I have one more question, why did he send you to kidnap Geraldine? Why are you here?"

I could see he wanted not to answer, but then something shrewd came over his expression and he said, "Master knew the Prophecied One was here and so sent me to collect her. The Queen sent her spider minions as well."

"They would have killed us."

"Perhaps. Or she would have stolen you. She is sly."

Suze Tier 0 - High Rise Cleaner: They did immobilize you. I just thought that they did it to kill.

Kaylee Tier 0 - ASMR Content Creator: Ditto.

I stood up and then paced a bit around the cage. The Hangman watched me, turning so that his back was never to me or Suze. I didn't relish the idea of having to kill this little creature, but maybe we had to.

Doing it with him in a cage, that just felt really wrong.

"I can see yer struggling with what to do with me. How's this. I have a wager for ye. We toss dice and if I wins, then ye goes with me and I get my sweet Bright Hair back. If I loses, then I'll tell ye how to get to Loch Mol and she can keep it."

Like I even had dice. I paused for a moment, then realised that enclosed in my hand was a set of silver dice. I looked down at them. Dice of the Moon. Conjured by Kaylee. Level 1 item. Somehow that mirror was now dice. I thought about how the Hangman was allergic to metal and as I did, the shiny surface turned into what looked to be plain clear, but silvery tinted resin dice with black pips.

"Okay, little man." I said. "You're on. But we're using my dice."

Suze shouted, "No!"

I just stared at her.

Kaylee Tier 0 - ASMR Content Creator: Trust me.

Suze Tier 0 - High Rise Cleaner: Let's just toss him and be done with it.

Kaylee Tier 0 - ASMR Content Creator: Trust me.

"Let me out of here!"

"You can toss dice in a cage." Suze said, shutting that down.

"Fine." He looked sullen and crossed his arms.

"Okay. What is this dice game of yours?"

"I roll one. You roll one. The highest wins. One roll. One chance."

"Sure. Here." I tossed a dice into the cage and it clattered on the ground.

He grabbed it with both hands and brought the dice up to his eyes, then his nose and sniffed. He turned it this way and that.

"What?" I asked, suddenly concerned that he could tell that the dice were conjured or magic or whatever although I had no clue on how that would give me an advantage.

He gave another huff onto it and the die just remained a die. He gave it a lick. He spent a moment flicking his tongue at the dice and I cringed.

"Stop tonguing it. Toss the damn thing." Suze snarled.

"On three." He said having finally come to some kind of conclusion about the die in his hand. "One. Two. Three."

I crouched and tossed mine onto the ground by my feet. He tossed his -- which was also mine -- by his own feet.

We both got 4s.

He grunted, frowning at the dice.

"It's a tie. What happens in a tie?" I asked.

"Reroll." He poked at the dice and then he tossed it outside the cage. "We switch dice."

"Okay." I did so, giving him the die I used in the throw. I wiped the die onto my borrowed muumuu to at least get some of his slobber off and the bits of stone floor that stuck to it. "Let me count this time."

He grunted in assent, after he gave the new die another taste and sniff test. This time he seemed to smile widely. "Be my guest."

"One. Two. Three." I tossed.

He tossed his.

We both got 3s.

Suze let out an exasperated sigh. "No more switching. Roll again. One. Two. Three."

I swiped up my die and tossed. He did the same.

His landed on 3 again.

Mine landed on 4.

I shrieked in delight. "Aha! We won!"

"Tricks! Lies!" He tossed the die and grabbed it and tossed and grabbed and tossed. Each time the die come out with an assortment of results. Each time he got more angry. "Magic blocking! Cursed tricks!"

The room glowed green and Suze held the cudgel in front of his face. I hadn't seen her move up to the cage. She growled. "Why are you mad pintinho? Did you try to scam us by using magic? We won fair and square. Now give Kaylee back her dice."

He tossed the dice out of the cage and I didn't want to chase after it, but I also didn't want to forget that it was there so I ended up doing so.

"Now you're going to show us which way to go. You're not going to lie to us or the next time I see you, you'll be..." Suze made the finger motion about cutting off at the neck.

Kaylee Tier 0 - ASMR Content Creator: Suze. Are you okay...?

Suze Tier 0 - High Rise Cleaner: ;p Go with it.

"Oh yeah she means it. She's so violent. And will totally murder you to pieces."

The Hangman cowered and Suze smirked. "Now. Sit tight here while we clean up the place. I'll be back and you better be ready to give us directions Weewee Man."