"Oh shit! Suze!" I ran back out the door into the hallway while brandishing the spider-gut splattered mannequin arm in front of me in what I hoped was a threatening manner. Only the balljoint whirled and the arm flopped over pathetically.

The lights bobbed in my wake like balloons following a child.

Suze sat in the middle of the stone hallway with a wan expression on her face. In shock, she stared at the webbing wrapped around her while her expression turned into one of confusion.

"Suze? Susana?"

"A spider just wrapped me in a cocoon?" It was a question, but also a statement at the same time. Her Brazilian accent was thicker than normal. There was fear on her face along with that confusion.

"Yeah, I killed it. A baby giant spider."

"Baby spiders can't spin." Suze said in her pedantic way that she did when I said something dumb. Usually it was over the cool fun science facts that people forwarded from TikTok that Suze always claimed had very little proof behind them, but made for a great byline so the media liked to post them. "It didn't have a spinneret. How did it spin this?" Suze touched the silk and then she gasped. "I just had a voice ask if I wanted to loot spider silk."

"Loot it!" I shouted and tsked in case my lights gave out.

"How do I do that?"

"I dunno. Say yes maybe?"

"Yes?" Suze was more asking a question to clarify if that was what I meant, but it didn't matter the context. The affirmation was enough. The spider silk disappeared.

She shrieked, scrambling backwards and smacked into the stone wall. Then groaned and rubbed her head.

"Where'd it go? Do you have an inventory?" I looked her over, trying to discern if there was anything different about her. But the woman looked the same. Same white overalls covered in splatters of paint. Same ridiculously pristine white running shoes, despite the rest of her clothes being covered in all kinds of paint colours. She looked like she typically did.

"Kaylee. What the shit is going on?"

"You heard the guy?"

Suze nodded. "Mmhm. The one who sounded like a used car salesman?"

"Yeah. Him." The lights disappeared. "Wait a minute." I tsked and they came back to life.

"What the shit is that?"

"A spell. A cantrip. I learned it right away. I bet you can learn it too. Just think let there be light. And then there is. The command word seems to be tsking." The globes flared brighter in response for a second, but then back to their typical brightness. "This would be so much easier if I had UI or a HUD or something."

When I said that, my vision went blank in blackness and then pixelated squares cleared out like a terrible PowerPoint transition until I could see again, but this time my vision held a rudimentary UI that not was dissimilar to the unmodded UI of Realms. It'd been so long since I saw it in that form, that it was likely to be the unmodded UI of Realms.

I felt that ping. That feeling I got when I watched a crime show and saw the person that we'd later find out was the killer. If there was audio attached to the feeling, it'd be deep and foreboding. Something right out of that Inception movie soundtrack.

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I ignored it because when I tsked some light into existence, I got an alert.

Level up! Cantrip Minor Globes of Light. Somatic and verbal components required. Duration of 40 seconds at this level of the spell.

"Finally!" My relief was so very potent that I almost forgot to tell Suze about the UI. Almost. "Oh! If you think about things, they seem to pop into existence. Like I now have a HUD. It's really terrible, but maybe I can download some addons for it." It dawned on me that I didn't even know how to access another site to download anything since my computer was not even there.

We spent a few moments talking Suze's UI into existence. Suze was not stupid, but she had a difficult time at first translating what would require using a mouse and hotkeys to instead use thought and verbal commands.

Finally it appeared for her. "I don't know what you're complaining about. The HUD looks fine to me."

"Right. Because you still use the default one in Realms."

"It does seem really similar. There. Oh yes. I get it now."

Once she got it, she got it. Suze's eyes turned somewhat glazed as she peered into her own UI. "Found the inventory. There's the silk and my cellphone. I wonder how I get it--" The cellphone appeared in her hand. "--No bars." She did the stereotypical lift up your phone high to see if you get a signal, then sweep around until she finally dropped her arm and the phone disappeared again -- possibly in her inventory.

"Want to practice the light spell?"

Suze rolled her eyes and stood up. "No thanks. I never play spellcasters." She turned about in the hallway, staring down at her overalls and patting herself down. Her back end was filthy with dirt. Also so was the floor. You could see our footprints and the scuffle marked in an inch thick pile of dust collected on the ground.

"I'm just saying that - tsk - having spells will come in handy."

"I'd rather use a torch." Suze paused after having said that and she screwed up her face. "Don't tell me you're going to tell me how to play again." We'd had this same discussion last week when I she said she was bored in Realms and I said she should roll a spellcasting alt.

"It's not that. I'm trying to tell you that I'm fairly sure knowing spells might be useful here." I said. I reached out to dust off Suze's behind.

The moment my hand touched overall and, by extension, Suze's butt, the voice spoke again.

Would you like to heal Suze Tier 0 - Elvis Impersonator?

I blinked. Elvis Impersonator? "Uhh, yes. Yes, I would."

"Yes you would wha—woaaaah!" Suze jumped up as the jolt of healing energy hit her behind.

You have learned Spell: Minor Healing Touch. Somatic and verbal components required. Distance of Touch. Duration instantaneous. Repairs 1 hit point at this level of the spell.

"What the shit was that?"

"I learned a new spell. A healing spell. This is crazy. But what's crazy is -- why are you an Elvis Impersonator?"

"I'm not an Elvis Impersonator."

"When I healed your butt, the game voice told me you were an Elvis Impersonator. A tier zero one."

Suze looked truly confused. "That doesn't make sense. I mean. I've sung an Elvis song at Karaoke but I'm not an Elvis Impersonator."

"Can you see what I am?" I asked.

"Can't see anything in the HUD except your name floating above your head."

"Hmm. Touch my butt."

Suze narrowed her eyes. "I'm not touching your butt."

"I want to know!"

"Does it have to be the butt?"

I shrugged. "It worked that way for me."

"No, I'm not touching your butt. I'll try to inspect you. Nope. Not working." She harumphed. "I don't get this anyway. Kaylee, did you sign us up for some kind of kidnapping VR experience?"

"You think I could afford that? Let alone have any connections that would be able to do such a thing?"

"I don't know what your internet sugar daddies do with you all day."

Exasperated, I raised my voice to say, "I am not a streaming thot okay. I play the games on my stream. I don't even make the kind of money those women do. I got tipped once and I'm pretty sure it was an accident."

"Still. These are some impressive graphics. Seems really real. I actually can feel my arms and the things I'm holding. Can I have that guts-covered -- whatever it is you're holding?"

"Be my guest." The arm flapped limply as I passed it over.

When Suze touched the arm, the disembodied voice asked, Would you like to give Suze Tier 0 - Elvis Impersonator the Kaylee Mannequin Arm? Yes or no?"

"Yes. She can have it."

It disappeared as Suze's mouth formed an amused and mocking moue. She laughed gleefully the way she did when she had some great form of juicy gossip and wanted to share it.

"What?" I asked, slightly concerned.

"I knew you were a streaming thot. Miss Kaylee Tier 0 - ASMR Content Creator."

"No." I said with disbelief.

"Oh yes. Oh yes," Then she began to laugh her face off.