I heaved over the side of the bed, hand clutching the hot wound in my side. My guts convulsed again and another surge of bile dripped onto the floor. I stared down, eyes wide. That was a lot of blood. That was a lot of fucking blood oh fuck me oh god oh shit. I took a deep breath and choked as more vomit tried to fill my mouth.

It was the smell of sick that finally brought me back to reality. The pool at the side of my bed wasn't blood, it was just plain upchuck. Gross, but not fatal. I took my hand away from my side and looked, finding it as intact as it ever had been. I wiped my mouth and curled into a ball, pressing my eyes against my knees hard enough to see stars.

I'd done it, I'd spilled my guts to the heroes. It had delayed my death by what, an hour? I didn't even know if Amy was okay, didn't know where she had even been. My teeth creaked as my jaw tightened. Why? Why when I tried to fucking get help did things turn out like that? That was what you were supposed to be able to do, to fucking talk to people and have them help you with shit? That was what I remembered, sometimes at least.

I rose from bed numbly, avoiding the gross puddle I'd left on the floor. I went into the kitchen and cut a slice of bread, nearly cutting my finger tip in the process. I should probably be more careful, I'd lost two. No, wait, I hadn't, nevermind. The knife clattered into the sink and I put the piece of bread in the toaster and set it cooking. I stared as the elements began glowing, mind buzzing as I tried to settle down from nearly being bisected.

“Miss Militia?” I spoke suddenly into my phone. What? Oh, I'd dialed her, right. “Can...can you come by? I um, I think I...please just come by.” I swallowed and nodded at the affirmative response. “Okay okay, thanks.”

Why did I call her? I guess I should probably talk about the patrol tonight, maybe tell her to bench Shadow Stalker. Sure I'd saved her from Regent twice now, but better that he never got his hooks in her to begin with, right? I grabbed the toast and spread butter over it before taking a bite. It tasted a lot better than the vomit coating my tongue.

After finishing, I grabbed some paper towel and cleaning fluid, then went back and cleaned up the mess I'd made. It was fucking annoying, but at least it wasn't carpet like at home... Ugh, no, stop thinking about that. Stagnant water in the basement would have fucking killed me as sure as Leviathan; I wasn't about to fuck up my lungs when they were still good.

It was five when I heard a knock at the door. I was in my costume just...lounging on the couch. Since eating, cleaning, and getting dressed, I'd been unable to fucking do anything. But with the motivation of screwing up, I pushed myself off the couch and managed to stumble over to the door.

“Amaranth,” Miss Militia greeted me, her eyes flicking up and down. “Is everything alright?”

“Just a little tired,” I replied, wincing at how my voice rasped. I cleared my throat and took a step aside. “Come in.” I shut the door behind her and tottered over to the couch, sitting heavily again.

“While I appreciate the invitation,” she replied, sitting next to me. “I'm needed elsewhere quite soon. Did you need to talk about something?” I shook my head as a lump rose in my throat.

“I...” I swallowed and trailed off. “Tomorrow at about four in the morning, the Undersiders are going to attack us here at the headquarters.”

I blinked. That hadn't been what I meant to say.

“Excuse me?” Miss Militia's voice was brittle and I felt sweat stinging my back.

“Um, uh,” I stammered, looking at the TV, the floor, the ceiling, anywhere but the Protectorate heroine staring at me. “W-- they kidnap Shadow Stalker and use her to infiltrate but get caught and...” I trailed off.

“Amaranth.” Her tone drew my gaze back to her. “Slow down, and please start again.” I took a deep breath and shut my eyes. Starting again was the fucking problem.

“In a few hours Shadow Stalker is going to get kidnapped on a solo patrol,” I said, hating how my voice trembled, hating that I was saying this. It wouldn't work. “Regent will control her and the Undersiders are going to attack us for...something.” Wait, actually, why did they attack? It couldn't have just been to be assholes, but I couldn't recall being briefed on what, if anything, had been stolen in the raid.

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“How do you know this?”

“I just do!” I practically screamed, then cringed back. “I'm sorry, I'm sorry I just...” I took a deep breath. “Sorry.” I stared at the floor and grinded my teeth. Fucking idiot, where's your self control? I flinched as a hand gently rested on top of mine.

“It's alright.” Miss Militia's voice was calm and so fucking kind in a way I didn't deserve. “Was it a dream?” I shook my head violently. I was deeply aware this wasn't a dream... “Okay, and you're sure this is going to happen?” I nodded sharply; it had twice already. “Would you be willing to be tested for precognition?”

“I'm not a precog,” I retorted bitterly. “I just...know shit.”

“That may be how it feels.” Her hand squeezed mine. “If you're certain about this though, then I would ask that you still request testing, on this if nothing else.”

“How?” I sounded pathetic, but felt just the faintest glimmer of hope.

“Put it in writing,” Miss Militia replied simply. “As much detail as you can recall or feel comfortable putting down.”

“But what if I'm wrong.”

“There may be consequences,” she admitted. “But if you believe there's even a remote chance you're correct...” She paused, then pulled down her bandana, wearing an odd look. “I know you're concerned about your place in the Wards, but something like this is far greater.” I bit my lip and slowly nodded. “I need to go. Please, think about what I've said.”

She left me there, numbed, gutted. I hadn't wanted to tell her, hadn't even thought about it, it just...spilled out. But thinking of it...had it really gone so badly last time? I mean I'd fucking died, so obviously not. Still, before that my predictions hadn't actually led to anything...bad. Hell, I'd managed to save Shadow Stalker earlier, and had got Armsmaster extra help! That hadn't meant anything, in the end. Sophia still got isolated, Armsmaster still got stabbed. And then Bonesaw...

I really hadn't accomplished shit there, besides moving the fighting away from Amy's house. That failure was only partly on me though. This time though, things could be different. Hell, I'd already seen that they could be. And if they could be different, they could be better.

I checked my watch, then scrambled to my feet. I had a report to write, and quick.

----------------------------------------

“Something the matter?” Battery asked as we walked down yet another ruined street. “You seem tense.”

“I am,” I said plainly, checking my watch. Four-thirty. They were late. “Aren't you?”

“Nope, night's quiet,” she replied with a shrug. “We've made a couple arrests, but there hasn't been any serious trouble. Frankly, I think it's been a good patrol for a first-timer.”

“Yeah but like.” I waved my hand around aimlessly as I checked up a sidestreet. Nothing. “I don't...something's supposed to happen.” She paused and turned her head.

“Something you know?” Battery asked, an edge in her voice.

“I submitted a report,” I retorted. “Didn't you read it?”

“When was that?”

“Uhh.” I checked my watch. “Like, quarter to six?”

“Should I have read it fifteen minutes before our patrol?” I blushed and stared at the ground.

“Sorry,” I apologized. “I um, I think the Undersiders were supposed to attack. Are supposed to attack.” I corrected myself with a wince. It could still happen, theoretically...

“You're a precog?” I sighed and just nodded. What the fuck was the point even... “I'm surprised it never came up in testing.”

“Yeah, well...” I shrugged. “I dunno, we didn't test for it.”

“Fair enough.” There was a beat of silence. “Fill me in.”

“The Undersiders are supposed to kidnap Shadow Stalker, then attack the PRT headquarters.” I winced at the hitch in Battery's stride. “Sorry.”

“Well,” she replied, ignoring my apology. “Shadow Stalker should be safe at least. She was confined to quarters before we left.” I froze.

“What?”

“I wasn't given the details,” Battery continued as I stood still from shock. “I just know there was some concern about her leaving the headquarters. I suppose now I know why.”

Oh my fucking god, I'd hamstrung myself. They had taken me at my word, and now they were going to call me a liar. Not because I was but because I was the dumb little idiot that cried wolf. Fuck me for trying to do something good I guess, now when I had actually important warnings to give I'd be brushed off. Rightly so, since I was wrong. I sighed and sat heavily on the tailgate of a wrecked car. My powers sucked, my memory sucked, and if I tried to use what little I had it would be made wrong.

One good deed per life, was that the deal? It was as good a measure as anything else of how the shitshow that my life was would go. That was stupid, of course, I just had to be fucking careful about when and how I said shit. I pinched the bridge of my nose and took a deep breath. Freaking out wasn't going to help me any, I just had to do what I did with Leviathan, get over myself, and--

“Amaranth?” I started at Battery's voice. “What's the matter, are you hurt?” I shook my head.

“No, sorry, just needed a sec.” I needed a hell of a lot more, but wasn't going to get it anytime soon. I forced a breath into my lungs and rose to my feet. “I'm ready.”

My brilliant lie was agreed to with a quick nod. I followed Battery numbly through the streets, making sure to check each little alley or bylane we passed. A couple homeless people shuffled out of sight, and I saw more than one coyote tearing into gathered trash. Nothing criminal though, or at least nothing I could deal with.

As the sky lightened and the sun rose, my heart sank; they weren't coming, for sure now. Great start to my caping career. I sighed as we began trudging back towards the headquarters. At least the patrol itself had been slightly productive, more Nazis and Merchants off the street and in custody. That was...something.

I wished it had comforted me as I entered the cold shadow of the Protectorate headquarters.