I stumbled from the elevator, cursing under my breath and half asleep. I'd been kept another hour after the debriefing on the Undersiders' raid. Apparently, how much I'd pepper sprayed Sophia had been...a lot. Considering she had lethal bolts loaded, they were willing to forego a stricter probation. Now I just had a bunch of use of force seminars scheduled in the near future...

“Hey Amaranth,” Gallant, or Dean since his helmet was off, greeted me with a smile as I flopped over the table after sitting down. “Welcome to the other side of hero work.” I groaned.

“This suuucks,” I complained, rubbing the back of my neck. “I thought I did good!”

“You did,” he said, patting my shoulder. I flinched, but only slightly. “There's just a right way to do things, you know?”

“That OC spray did a lot of damage, you know,” Amy piped up. I glanced over and found her sitting beside her sister at the end of the table. “I can't say I've ever had to purge capsaicin from inside someone's cells.” I winced and pulled off my mask, frowning.

“I didn't exactly have a choice,” I groused. “The other thing I had was a taser, so...” I shrugged. It could have gone a hell of a lot worse.

“Still,” she complained. “There were options. Like waiting for the PRT team to dart her.” Aha, so that was what they did.

“I'll...try harder,” I muttered after a moment. I was kind of getting annoyed that nothing I did seemed good enough.

“It's all we can ask,” Dean said cheerily. “Anyway, how was your first patrol?” I sighed.

“If you mean the actual patrol part?” He nodded. “Okay, yeah it was fine. We took down a couple Merchants who were fucking with a family inside a house, then some looters later on.” It had been cut short, of course, and now I was cutting into my rest time chattering.

“Good stuff,” Vicky said with a smirk. “The Merchants are bastards, sick freaks that push drugs at kids.” I nodded slowly, I was aware.

“Anyway.” I glanced around, I didn't want to talk about work, but the only people around were my colleagues... “Hey, Chris.” He glanced up from the game he'd been playing while we talked. “Uh, how'd the new Tinker stuff work out?” I recalled he had mentioned working on something new. I wasn't sure exactly what, all I remembered of him was ADHD, hoverboard, and big fuck-off laser cannon. It was...kind of shitty for someone I'd be working with.

“Oh, pretty good,” he replied with a shrug. “Got some bugs to work out but, you know, what doesn't?”

“Right?” I said, perking up a little. “I'm uh, still trying to work on the whole 'flinching' thing.”

“What?” Chris asked, sounding confused.

“Oh my projection,” I said, gesturing to myself while moving it slightly behind me. “It uh, when I flinch it does too. Leaves me vulnerable.”

“Hey we've all got weak spots,” Vicky said warmly. “Good you're trying to smooth your out though. Wish I could do the same.”

“Ah.” Right, one-shot wonder. “Sorry. But I mean, I can't fly and don't really have super strength so, you know, compromises.” She smiled apologetically.

“Flight is pretty great,” Victoria said bashfully. “I should take you up sometime.”

“What?” Both me and Amy asked at the same time, shared a glance, then I turned back to her sister. “Umm, I appreciate it but I think I'm good.”

“It's really fine,” she continued, waving away my concern. “Seriously, what's one more Amy being flown around?” She and Dean both gave me gentle smiles.

“It's...different,” I hedged. “She's your sister and I'm just some Ward. Also I'm um, kinda scared of heights.” That was the sad truth of why I'd make a shit flyer. I frowned as a thought crossed my mind. “Wait a second, am I like, the only Ward without a Mover power?”

“No,” Dean said, shaking his head. “Me, Weld, and Clockblocker are all in the same boat. Why would you think you're the only one?” He sounded confused.

“I dunno,” I replied with a shrug. “You guys like, seem to actually get into the action. I'm too slow usually.”

“Didn't you get eaten by Hookwolf?” Chris asked, cocking his head at me.

“And one of Hellhound's dogs,” Dean added. “Not to mention taking hits from Leviathan...I don't know Lia, sounds like you've been 'getting into the action' to me.”

“That's not what I mean,” I groaned. “Just, you guys actually do stuff, have impact.” I gesticulated aimlessly. “I'm just...treading water?”

“Hell of a metaphor,” Amy muttered and I winced.

“Sorry,” I apologized.

“Nothing to apologize for,” Dean reassured me. “But try and go a little easier on yourself. You've only been a Ward for two days, officially, and you've had your powers for what, two weeks?” I nodded slowly. When he put it like that... “Chris, when was your first big cape fight?” The other Ward hummed thoughtfully.

“I guess...that one against that little gang a year and a bit ago?” He scratched his head. “You remember, the ones with the bouncy guy?”

“Oh, Big Top,” Dean said, snapping his fingers. “I'll be honest, I sort of...forgot.”

Stolen novel; please report.

“Who was that?” I asked. I'd never heard of this before.

“They were a gang running around in 2010,” Chris explained. “'Big Top's Flying Thieves'. I don't think they actually had a flyer though. Lots of Movers...”

“Chris got the man himself,” Dean said, clapping a hand on the other Ward's shoulder. “First time you used that laser pistol, right?”

“Yup,” Chris nodded. “Triumph said I was a natural...”

“Oh, the lion dude right?” The table turned and looked at me like I grown a second head. I blushed. “Hey, the only time I met him was right after getting my head stuck in a monster dog. Give me a break!” That got a chuckle.

“Anyway,” Chris continued with a shrug. “That was two months into me being a Ward. Before that I only arrested a couple Empire skinheads. Meanwhile, you...” He shook his head. “Yeah...”

“Yeah,” Dean echoed.

“Yeah...” I sighed. “Sorry to be a downer.”

“Hey, we all need a little encouragement sometimes,” Vicky said brightly, resting a hand on Amy's shoulder. I saw a little flinch at the contact, but Victoria didn't seem to notice. “Right Ames?” She shrugged off her sister's hand and walked away, silently glowering. “Ames?” Victoria called, but got no answer.

“I'm gonna go crash,” I said, rising and heading towards the elevator, following after Amy. “See you guys.” Dean looking mildly disappointed, but nodded. Chris waved to me as I jogged and joined Amy in the elevator, pulling my mask back on.

“Sorry,” I said, punching a button for the main floor. She didn't press a different one. “I've uh, burned a lot of time off already.” Amy grunted.

“You uh,” Amy cleared her throat and looked at the floor. “Don't let all...that go to your head.”

“What, them gassing me up?” She cocked her head, but nodded after a moment. “Like, it's just compliments. I know.” Amy nodded slowly.

“Good.”

The rest of the elevator ride was silent, and more than a little awkward. I thought Amy was cool, but clearly I'd had a different idea of her than reality. It was a little disappointing, if I was honest with myself. Then again, now was hardly the best of times for any of us. Her being kind of shitty, while being dragged in ten different directions and dealing with her...stuff, yeah it made sense. Too bad I had to deal with it.

“See you,” I said, stepping out of the elevator as it opened and heading towards the wing with my quarters.

Glass crunched underfoot as I walked through the lobby and into the back halls. I rubbed the back of my neck, sore. It was too bad I couldn't enjoy a hot shower without having a panic attack, I could use it quite frankly. Whatever the Protectorate said, I was no Brute. I took damage and healed like a regular schmuck, and ten hours of patrolling followed by another hour and a bit of scrambling into different cape fights... I was sore and run-ragged, and dammit I was sick of being awake.

I leaned heavily against my door, my mouth gaping in a yawn. Oh god I was looking forward to finally laying down. That had been the longest day in...god, years it felt like. Even the fight against Leviathan fucked me up enough that everything just passed in a blur. I pressed my hand to the lock and pushed it open, heading into m--”

“Hey.” I stopped, eyes wide, and slowly turned my head. “You um...got a minute?” I blinked at Amy, she blinked back.

“Um.” I looked into my apartment, strewn with clothes that needed a wash, dishes still drying on the rack...wait a second. “You followed me?”

“I wanted to talk,” she explained. “Or...I guess, I have something to tell you? It's fine, it's not important anyway.” She shrugged and turned around.

“Okay, come on.” I replied with a shrug, making her turn her head. “Just...don't mind the mess?” Amy nodded and I let her inside. Despite her agreement, I saw her upper lip curl ever so slightly. “Sorry,” I said, heading in and pulling off my mask as the door clicked shut behind us.

“It's fine,” Amy replied quickly, heading over and sitting on the couch. I joined her a moment later after finally taking off the skintight hood beneath my looser, showy hood.

“So uh,” I began, glancing from Amy, to the floor, to the TV, to Amy, to the coffee table, and finally to Amy. “What did you want to talk about?” She frowned and her gaze fell to the couch.

“So,” she said, hesitating for a moment. “I've been trying to give you advice...” I nodded when she trailed off. She had, for what that was worth. “And I've been told it's...kinda shitty.” I blinked, was this an apology?

“It's...” Well, yeah, it was kinda shitty but it was an important reminder for me specifically. “It's fine.”

“Well, sure,” Amy agreed quickly. “But that's not it.” She took a deep breath, then let out a shuddering sigh. “There's...look, I know what it's like okay?”

“Like what's like?” I cocked my head. Surely she didn't mean...

“What it's like to be a monster's kid.” Oh she did mean... “So, when I'm telling you that it isn't enough, that you need to work harder, I'm telling you from experience. I...I need to remember those things too.” She met my eyes. She looked terrified. “So, there, now you know. Sorry.” I thought carefully about what to say next.

“Thank you,” I started after a minute of silence that dragged on far too long. “I um...huh.” What to say to the girl that just admitted her dad was a monster? “It means a lot that you told me. That was probably hard.” I swallowed. “It um, it was for me, at least.” Amy nodded, still gazing fearfully at me. “Well, I don't think you're a monster.” Her eyes narrowed.

“Of course I'm not,” she snapped, her voice trembling. “I'm...” Amy trailed off, gaze falling to the couch. Ah, shit.

“You're trying, right?” I asked, and she nodded, not meeting my eyes. “Then...as long as you keep doing that, isn't it okay?” She shook her head.

“It's nature,” Amy said despondently. “I have to try harder...and you do too. We do, I guess.”

“I'm not going to stop being a hero,” I replied. Not in the foreseeable future at least. “That's my nature.” Amy stared at me like I was an idiot.

“What,” she snorted. “Was your dad secretly Hero or something?” I frowned and shook my head. “Then no, it's not. You're...like me, sort of. And people like us have to be careful.” My frown deepened.

Was she right? Surely not, I'd always been motivated by helping people. Hadn't I? I'd wanted to join the army, at fifteen, to protect my country. Of course back then that meant going to Afghanistan and getting blown up, something I avoided even though I did become a soldier a couple years later.

And then, after that, I went and joined a militia protecting the Kurds against ISIS, using those military skills to do so. That had been an objectively good thing I did because I want to protect them...no, no it hadn't. That had been about revenge...and it hadn't even been my first idea. A sinking feeling began growing in my gut.

“Maybe...” I began, drawing her attention once more. “Maybe you're right. I think...I'll keep trying okay? Um, thanks.” She nodded slowly.

“It's fine,” Amy said, rising from the couch suddenly. “I only told you so you'd take my advice seriously.”

“I already was,” I replied with a shrug. “But...I guess you helped me realize something. So, thanks.”

“You're welcome,” she said tersely. “Anyway, I need to go. Wasted too much time here already.”

“Sure, sure,” I rose from the couch and masked up, heading to the door and opening it for her. “Well, see you.”

“Hopefully not too soon,” Amy grumbled.

“Agreed.” I didn't really want to get injured badly enough that I needed her help. “But sometime?” She took a step out and hesitated.

“Sometime,” Amy agreed with a nod. “Bye.” I waved and shut the door as she strode off.

I took off my mask and headed to my closet, sighing. Hadn't expected to have my motivations shaken up like that, or remember the...bad old days. God damn, when I actually took the time to remember, I had been a real piece of work. Soldiering had only been part of it. Much as I wanted to forgive myself, Amy might have a point. If I let myself, I grow up into the same bastard I remembered being.

So I'd do anything to stop that happening again.