My eyes opened and crowded with tears. I hugged my pillow and wept into it, the vivid burning still itching my skin. I scratched, clawed at my arms. It hurt, but it was different than the caustic agony that monster had delivered. I dug my blunt nails in everywhere they could reach, the pain of repeated scratches gradually replacing the phantom torture.

Breath heaved into my lungs through blessedly intact lips. I shuddered as I exhaled, sniffling and wiping my eyes. My arms and torso hurt, but they just hurt. There was no real damage, nothing dangerous. It still took me ten minutes to actually look under the covers at my body.

I was fine, mostly. A couple of the scratches had dug in deep enough to draw little gobbets of blood, but that was okay. I patted my face and felt fresh tears leak down my cheeks. It was all there, not melted. Obviously, I'd died and gone back in time. It was still a relief, a modicum of comfort in a sea of shittiness.

I sat up in bed and stared at the floor, breathing slowly until my heart calmed down. Sometimes it felt like something was wrong, but that was just in my head. I was a worrier, I always had been, and the last month had been filled with more panic attacks than I could remember. When I was constantly on edge, of course I'd start worrying about my health.

After I was satisfied, I rose and headed to the kitchen. I made my usual coffee, skipped breakfast because no fucking way I could stomach anything after that, and sat down heavily on the couch. I stared at the blank TV, slowly sipping from the hot, comforting mug.

Cherish, Bonesaw, Mannequin, and now what could only fucking be Crawler, thinking about it. I shivered so violently that coffee spilled onto my hand, drawing a curse. Fucking Cherish. God, god how had I been so fucking unlucky as to encounter half of the Slaughterhouse Nine?! Was there something in my head that made them fucking come after me, some weird twist of the alien parasite driving my power?

The mug shattered in my hands and I curled into a ball, wrapping my arms around my knees. The Nine were going to kill me, over and over and over, and eventually it would stick. I wasn't sure how they would do it, but they were the world's biggest team of natural born killers; they would figure it out. Fuck, even if I somehow got through this shit, Jack would still end the fucking world and kill me anyway.

How had I been set up to die in a story where I never fucking existed?! Well, this wasn't that story anymore. Gallant was here now, I'd done that. Maybe that was it, the karmic hand of the author punishing me for my hubris of changing canon. An angry god reaching down from the heavens to beat a girl while she's down.

Melodramatic, but the mental image of a big hand coming down from the clouds to squish me, then failing, broke me out of the spiral. I shook my hands dry of the coffee, then got up and cleaned my mess. I binned the shards and changed out of the soaked hoodie. I threw on a sweatshirt, then stared at my costume hanging there.

What was I supposed to do?

I thought I had done things perfectly last time, but no! Miss Militia had come down on the warpath, then Coil. This was supposed to help but it had been the worst yet! I was bashing my head against a wall and just praying that the wall gave up first. Surely it would one day, I had plenty of tries to work with...

A knock came at the door, jarring me out of my thoughts. I grabbed my spare mask and threw on my hood before heading over to the door. I gripped the handle with a little anticipation. Who was it going to be outside, Miss Militia come to interrogate me again, maybe Coil coming to snatch me before I could react, hell maybe it was Jack Slash because that was how--

“Hey Amaranth,” Gallant greeted me with a smile. It quickly turned down when he saw me. “Uhh, hey are you alright?”

“Dandy,” I replied, spat really. I winced. “Sorry, um, what's up?”

“It's five to six,” he replied. My eyes widened and I checked my watch. Rather, I checked my empty wrist like a twit. “Seriously, are you feeling okay? There's no shame calling it if you're not--”

“I said I'm fine,” I said brusquely. “I just...lost track of time, okay? Tell Battery I'll be down in ten, but I'll try to go faster.” I started to close the door, but couldn't. Looking down I saw Gallant's foot wedged in the jamb. “Hey I can't change with you here so--”

“Amaranth.” I flinched, looking up at him. “May I come in?”

“Dude I'm getting dressed.” I narrowed my eyes. “Do you wanna make me more late?”

“I want to make sure that my newest Ward isn't a suicide risk.” Every muscle in my body tensed and my gaze flicked to the ground. “Amaranth, my job isn't to go around giving orders and stuff. Well, part of it is, but frankly my bigger concern is making sure all of you are okay. The city's in a bad way and I know it's affecting all of us, but we need to stick together with that. Will you tell me what's eating you?” I looked up and found him wearing a warm, gentle smile.

“No,” I replied firmly. “I...I can't, I'm sorry.” I'd let it slip before, I never would again. “Please just...let me get dressed and do this. I need to.” He sighed.

The author's narrative has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon.

“I'll tell Battery you'll be down soon,” Gallant said, sounding glum. “And I'm scheduling some counselling for you.”

He pulled his foot and I shut the door quickly. I felt bad, the guy was just trying to help, but telling him would actively make things worse. I had to be careful, now that I had a fresh reminder of why I needed to shut up. I went to the closet and stripped, then began pulling my costume on.

Why hadn't Coil grabbed me before? I guess I'd kept things pretty close to the chest until I absolutely couldn't anymore. A lead-time issue, maybe? I mean, he hadn't kidnapped me on my first night out, so he probably needed prep time to get things in place. Still, Coil had worked fast and it had been my ass that paid for it.

So, we were back to not sharing with the class, at least not too quickly. Fine, I could deal with that, probably. I had my issues with loose lips and self-control, but I just needed to actually focus on them, then it would be okay.

I pulled my hood and mask up, then stepped out my door for another round.

----------------------------------------

“Penny for your thoughts?” Battery asked as we wandered up an empty, dark road. I checked my watch and frowned.

“How is patrolling in a ruined city so boring?” That got a smirk from her.

Time had been dragging tonight. It was only three-thirty, almost an hour til the Undersiders attacked and-- shit, I forgot to fucking try and save Shadow Stalker's ass. You stupid little idiot, now she was getting body controlled and the attack was for sure happening. I sighed, then viciously punched a wrecked car as I walked by.

“Everything okay, Amaranth?” Battery stopped and turned. A blush coloured my cheeks.

“Sorry just...” Oh fuck it, time enough. “Hey, do you want to hear something crazy?”

“Excuse me?”

“The Undersiders are going to attack the PRT headquarters soon.” I bowled on, making her flinch. “They have Shadow Stalker with them. I don't know exactly when, but it's soon soon.”

“How exactly do you know this?” Her tone was cold. Oh, dammit, that sounded like insider info.

“I remember it,” I said, tapping my forehead. “I don't...don't totally get it.” Thank god Armsmaster and his lie detector were under house arrest. “I know it's going to happen though, and we need to help.” She cocked her head.

“You're a precog?” I shrugged and nodded. “That didn't come up in testing.”

“No it didn't,” I confirmed. “But it is now and we need to get back there.”

“Wait one,” Battery said, touching the side of her head. “Kid Win?”

“Here Battery,” he came back a second later. “Something up?”

“Where's Shadow Stalker?” she asked, looking pointedly at me.

“Uhhh, one sec.” I heard the clacking of keys over our shared frequency. “She went out on a solo patrol a while ago, when I replaced her remember? Looks like her last check in...huh, almost four hours. Hey hold on.” I tapped my foot impatiently as Battery continued staring at me. “No response. Should I call it in?”

“Do it,” Battery snapped. “We're on our way back. Get everyone in costume and ready, and call Miss Militia. Let her know we're going to be under attack soon.”

“We're what?!” I winced at the shout in my ears. “Shiii—oot, I mean, yes ma'am. Kid Win out.”

“Come on.”

We started running up the streets, heading towards the downtown core. Well, it was a little early, but that meant we stood a decent chance of heading this off better than before. Unfortunately I'd been too out of it to keep us close, just numbly following Battery and keeping an eye on the time.

A loud explosion echoed up the streets as we reached the edges of downtown. Gunfire followed, along with the piercing shriek of laser blasts. Battery sped up and I forced myself to keep pace, even as my out-of-shape body protested. I'd fucked up and I needed to correct that fuck-up before it ruined peoples' lives.

We rounded the corner onto the road the headquarters was on. In the distance, I saw the hulking shadows of Bitch's dogs. With a strained grunt, I ran just a little faster. The dog's weren't my goal, I had to go beyond them. I broke past Battery as she paused to help Triumph, aiming for Weld and his mind-controlled opponent.

Shadow Stalker leaped away from Weld and turned to face me, fists raised. I took out my pepper spray and let a burst loose at her. Her body faded for a split-second, until the spray made contact. With a cry of agony that echoed in my ears, Sophia collapsed to the ground, writhing. I looked up and saw Regent, backpedaling from Assault. A flash of white-hot anger that demanded his blood crossed my mind, but I shook my head and turned back to Shadow Stalker.

I knelt next to her, rolling her onto her side just in case she threw up. With the heel of my palm, I wiped at her eyes, trying to get some of the spray off her skin. Bugs landed on my projection, biting and stinging uselessly. I did my best to keep them off Shadow Stalker, still trying to wipe the remains of the spray off her.

A muffled squeak escaped her lips, her eyes opening and looking up at me. Sophia looked awful, eyes bloodshot, lips and tongue swollen. Her lips moved again, trying to say something that I couldn't hear over the roar of battle. I leaned in closer, cocking my head to listen in. I felt something touch my stomach and looked down.

I dragged out my taser, pushed Shadow Stalker onto her back, then slammed it into her stomach. She retched, and I hit her again, not activating it, but making it hurt. A broadhead bolt slipped from her hands and clattered to the asphalt, the same one she had tried to use her power to slip between my ribs.

“Whoa, hey!” Weld shouted as I drew my taser back for another blow. “She's down, easy!”

“Little faggot fuck tried to stab me,” I spat, pointing down the road that Regent retreated down. “She's down now.”

“Hey, relax.” His voice had a steely edge to it. I sighed and shook my head.

“Sorry, shouldn't have said that.” But fuck Regent anyway the little fruitcake. I glanced around the battlefield, finding it mostly quiet but for the buzz of bugs and Grue's eerie shadow cloud. “Hey call a medic. I think she's hurt.”

“Yeah no kidding,” Weld muttered, turning away.

I flipped him off and returned my attention to Sophia, who'd thrown up in the mean time. I rolled her onto her side again and stuck my finger in her mouth, dragging out any chunks that could choke her. I repeated the disgusting action a few more times, then shuddered and wiped my fingers on her cape. I knew it was the right way to help someone but also ewwww. A couple PRT troopers, accompanied by Miss Militia, came and took over.

“Amaranth, come with me.” There was no room for protest in her tone, so I simply nodded meekly and followed her.

This time, at least, I hadn't fucked myself.