This made sense to William and that scared him more than the thought of dying. “If that was true than why did you kill our pack?”
The werewolf reared back his head and laughed. The laugh was mirthless, and the echo reverberated off the trees and it seemed to echo in William’s head as well. His other looked at him. “You don’t know anything, do you?” His other gripped him once more. “We are the same. You are a cold-blooded killer and the sooner you realize that the better off you’ll be.” The werewolf let go of him and stepped back. “The more you fight me, the weaker you get. You can’t beat me. If you try, I will simply rob you of everything you are and value. I will keep you around just long enough so you can see me destroy all that you love. I might even let you watch me kill Aceso. I am you, William. You can’t run from me. You can’t hide from me. Eventually I will kill you, one way or another.” The werewolf gripped William by the throat and lifted the tired, beaten human off the ground. “I am pure, you are frail and weak. I could crush you at any moment.”
William struggled against the weight that was being used against his throat closing his windpipe. He kicked at the monster, but it didn’t seem to even notice.
“You disgust me. And one day very soon I will kill you.” He dropped William to the ground. “Goodbye, pup, till we meet again.” With that the werewolf raised his claw in a mock salute, turned and disappeared back into the forest.
William rolled over into a semi sitting position and coughed and hacked. He tried to reopen his esophagus, but his throat was slow in responding to him. Air trickled down into his lungs. The trickle was welcome, but he would have preferred a steady flow of air. As it was, he had to gasp and remain calm as he forced his body to take in air as casually as he could. He wanted to scream. He rolled over and pounded his fists on the ground till he was light headed with the exertion. He lifted his head up into the night sky and yelled out in pain. The scream echoed off the trees and the mountain sides. In his mind, he envisioned the sound echoing off the valley walls and disturbing every living thing in the forest.
What does it matter anyway? I’m a monster that one day will kill everything I care about. A few tears trickled down his dirty face. He could feel the dirt slide down with the salty water. He didn’t care about that either. I can’t beat him. He’s a part of me. No matter how much pain I can take, he can take more, and he might even survive my death, then what? He wanted to kill himself. He had to keep the ones he cared about safe. There was only one real option and he fully accepted it. I made a promise to Aceso and I mean to keep it.
With tears still running down his face, he closed his eyes and sat up. He leaned back into a comfortable sitting position and took a slow deep breath. He hacked as the air was rejected by his lungs. He recovered and took another breath. His lungs stung but they held in the air this time and he began to try to relax.
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It took a long time. Every time he tried to lose himself in the blackness behind his eye lids, he was met with the visage of his other, laughing at him or ripping him to the ground. He could see the cruel smile that it wore and the blood that caked its claws. The thought of him becoming that monster was far too much for him to take. He was eventually able to relax just enough to sink down into himself. He sank deeper into himself and felt his limbs stretch for miles out away from him.
He opened his eyes.
Sitting in front of him with eyes open was Ares. The werewolf was looking at him with an intense stare. William looked down at himself and saw that he was still in his werewolf form. He got to his feet and Ares mirrored him.
“What happened to you?”
“What do you mean?”
Ares folded his arms in front of him. “You achieved a meditative state. I know because I could sense you do it. Once you went down, there was a feeling of incredible turmoil and now that you’re awake, you looked like hell, and half scared to death. So, I ask you again, what happened?”
William looked up at Ares. He closed his eyes and turned his head away from his teacher. “Ares, I saw my other.” Ares kept his face still, carved from stone. “I saw him rip my former pack to shreds in front of me and he and I fought. I think he can kill me.” He looked at his teacher, he knew what he wanted to ask but he couldn’t bring himself to do it.
Ares unfolded his arms and grasped William’s shoulders. “Pup, you are not the first to have to deal with this and you won’t be the last. I have seen dozens of pups, weaker than you in all respects, overcome this thing that haunts some of you human born.”
William replied softly, “I’m not those other pups. I can’t even change back into a human.”
Ares shook his head. “William.” William raised his head to meet the look of his teacher. “I was not expecting you to change back into your human form on your first attempt. You reached a level of meditation which is good enough.” Ares clapped him once on the shoulder. “We have a lot of work to do.”
William was not moved by the encouragement, if anything he felt worse than he ever had. Why doesn’t he understand? He wanted to scream. Instead of a scream, William let a single tear escape from his eyes. I can’t do this. He looked at Ares. Just kill me now. William let his eyes plead with his teacher and beg the one thing he couldn’t bring himself to say. This is a test that I can’t pass. Kill me before I hurt anyone else. END IT! William silently screamed at Ares to kill him. Ares looked at the tears that were building in William’s eyes and the shape shifter let go of William’s shoulder.
“You give up too easily.” William didn’t hear the comment so much as he heard the disappointment in his teacher’s voice. “If you want to give up and give in to whatever you’ve been fighting for the last few hours, then do it. I won’t feel any guilt for killing a rabid werewolf in my city.” Ares stepped to within an inch of William’s nose. “But I will not have the blood of a coward on my hands.” With that Ares turned and stalked off through the forest, disappearing back into the foliage and the trees.