Yes, but he’s only that way once I change.
He remembered back to the mural on the wall in that top room of the tower. The mural had shown a phase of the transformation that he had never experienced before. It was the formless shadow that melted and reformed into a definitive werewolf shape. He had seen Jacob melt into that shadow as well when the Elder had changed in front of him. The Elder hadn’t seemed to be in pain either. It could be just like swimming. I have to give in a little, but maintain control. Just because I have to give up the natural way of breathing doesn’t mean I can’t breathe when I swim, right?
Could he transform right now?
The cold water was robbing him of his heat and energy. He lifted his head and saw he was swimming directly at the small waterfall that was emptying into the lake. He didn’t know what that could mean but his arms were beginning to feel like they were being weighted down. He had trouble lifting them out of the water. He was too tired to try to reach any other part of the shore of the lake. He swam for the waterfall. He hoped that when he got there, there would be a ledge or someplace to rest.
He maintained his crawl stroke as he neared the waterfall. The pressure that the falling water made as it splashed into the lake was almost enough to push his tired body away from the cavern wall. He had to fight against the current and with an effort that shouldn’t have been needed, he was able to reach the cavern wall directly under the waterfall.
The water fell around him with a great force, but he could stand up on the smooth rock face that the waterfall had cut into the cavern. The water beat down on him and the dull roar of the water as it fell all around him was a lot louder than it had been even a few feet away. He was happy to be out of the lake, but the waterfall wasn’t any warmer. He sat down and let the water press down around him. The white noise and cold of the water numbed his body. The exhaustion he was feeling from swimming for all that time dulled his senses. This must be what dying feels like. Even though he was exhausted and numb with cold, he could still feel the sting of the frigid water at it crashed all around him.
William didn’t have the first clue about what to do to make himself change into his werewolf form. Even if giving in to the change was the solution to puzzle, how was he going to put it into practice? Are you in there? If his bestial, instinctive other half was somehow a part of him at all it wasn’t making its presence known. He was so tired. The water was bending him over and he was too tired to try to straighten himself against the force of the water. His eyes were becoming heavy, and he coughed and sputtered as he inhaled water by accident.
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The coughing fit helped him to straighten himself out and sit up under the waterfall but only for a moment. He was just too exhausted to fight for very long. Soon he was bent over almost entirely, and his chest was almost pressing down on his legs, as his feet dangled in the cold lake water. He wanted nothing more than to close his eyes. He was tired of all of this. He was tired of getting the crap kicked out of him. He was tired of having his life in danger whenever these shape shifters wanted to teach him something. He was just tired.
Right now, I don’t care if I live or die.
He knew that to be true. Ares may have wanted him to die when he threw him into this cold lake in the first place.
He couldn’t even get angry. He just wanted to sleep. He felt himself drift away. There was nothing. He couldn’t feel cold or fatigue. He felt nothing. He didn’t worry about anything. He didn’t think about who he was letting down or not. He let go of all of his stress and for the first time in his life he was truly free. He felt a kind of explosion that rocked his mind. He was ripped from his place in the universe and thrown aside. After a moment he found that his eyes were open but it was as if he was looking through something else’s eyes. He could see and feel himself stand up and he noticed that he seemed to be a lot taller now than what he used to be. He looked through his eyes and could see, but he couldn’t control where his eyes were looking.
A horrible, predatory howl pierced the relative silence of the underground cavern. It took William a moment to understand that the howl had come from him. His head moved down and through his eyes he could see his hands. They had become massive powerful claws and his arms were covered with a light tan fur, shot through with lines of pure black fur that ran along his forearms. He felt his legs move and he was scrambling along the wall of the cavern. His wolf claws were digging into the solid rock and water of the lake. He was horrified to find that not only could he not direct where his eyes looked; he had no control over his transformed body at all. He watched in silent horror as he felt like he was on some kind of roller coaster from hell.
He could feel his claws dig into the rock and he could feel the cold water as it slapped at his hind legs, but he couldn’t control anything. The transformation had taken place, but in doing so he had condemned himself to being a prisoner to his instinctive animal side.
William watched as his werewolf body launched itself into the air and landed on the rocky shore of the lake. He heard himself howl again. Only this time it was the howl of a challenge. He tried to look in all directions at once, but his eyes were locked on a single spot in front of him. He could smell Ares. He couldn’t make his werewolf side take a deeper sniff at the air but through his werewolf nose he knew that Ares was here.