The crisp crackle of the firewood fills the cavern and it resonates with the downpour of rain outside. The damp and dark cave is devoid of anyone else other than me and the girl who introduced herself as Heliotrope, a girl with a bright splendor.

As I watch Heliotrope rummage through her belongings, I keep myself covered with the blanket that she provided. I stripped myself of my clothes up to the last garments of fabric. Heliotrope handed me a basin with clear water and a towel to wipe myself earlier and with it, I was able to wash my body. The tail and the ears were quite tricky but Heliotrope, having the same traits as me, dealt with it using a special lotion that wiped the mud away.

“Fufufu, of course, a fair white skin should stay clean, pure, and unblemished.” She said to me with a small chuckle as she observed me from head to toe while I am on my birthday suit.

As to say, under her observing eyes, I felt a little guarded but not ashamed. It was the eyes of a whimsical person and at the same time, a person with a lot of motives that I cannot possibly guess. Observing her each gesture and movements for the first minutes that I met her, I immediately felt a weird spark of oddities.

Maybe because I put up my guard unconsciously that I immediately grasp a fraction of her personality. It was extremely rare for me to feel, even if it is a tinged, danger from someone. I know that for myself and I am aware of my own misfit with society.

“Ah, here it is!” Heliotrope shouted while she pulls a cloth from her belongings inside a leather bag.

“Mufu…!” I squeal as the cloth was thrown at my face.

“I doubt we have much difference in size so I’ll lend you that, okay? I’m feeling generous so wear it with me in your mind.” Heliotrope sprouts a smirk as she closes her bag.

“This is…” It was lacey underwear and bra with flower designs. It has a soft and delicate fabric that each stroke of my hand, it gave comfortable feedback to my skin. Considering that they were able to manufacture such fabric and design, they must have some advanced technique and refinery over their kingdom.

I obediently wore the given underwear starting from the pair of panties. The fabric brushes throughout my skin comfortably and it fits me perfectly. Since Doiteain taught me step-by-step, I knew how to wear a bra. However, I was met with a quite difficult situation as I wore the bra Heliotrope provided.

“It feels a little…constricting.” I said as I did my best to adjust the given bra.

“Tsk…” Heliotrope grimaces and clicks her tongue from my words as she stares at me with eyes tinged with both rage and jealousy. I kind of just tilted my head quizzically from her odd reaction.

As I wear the undergarments, I cover myself up again with the blanket to stave off the cold. In response, Heliotrope sat down on a block of wood in front of the fire perpendicular to me. She picks up a small silken bag that oozes something salty.

Heliotrope took out the content and there, a thick beef jerky appears and she started nibbling on it. While savoring the oozing flavors from the food, she passes the jerky to me in a lazy manner.

Since she offered it to me, I took it from her and rummages inside the silken bag. I found the same sized jerky and started nibbling it on my own. I returned the silken bag and she receives it nonchalantly and places it back to where she retrieved it.

Amidst the sound of the crackling fire, the pouring rain, and the trickling water from my drying clothes, we sat there, just the two of us, nibbling salty jerky as time passes. It was dusk before something between us is spoken.

“Let’s sleep.” Heliotrope simply said with a smirk while she retrieves a huge folded blanket and lay it down above a bed of dry leaves. She must have been here for quite a while is he has prepared so much dried leaves for bedding.

“…Are you not going to ask anything? How can you casually ask me to sleep me when we’ve just met today?” It was the question that has been bothering for a while now escapes from my lips.

“Really? Are you seriously asking that? If I describe how you pathetically look earlier, you wouldn’t even think a girl like you in that state could do anything.” Heliotrope replied mockingly as she lay down. “Enough chatter and lay down beside me. We’ll make use of our tails. I’m quite grateful for tonight that you are here.” She said while beckoning me beside her.

How I look earlier?

I cannot comprehend the meaning behind her words but I am grateful that she trusted me. I obediently went beside her and unfurl the blanket revealing my body wearing nothing but underwear. The night in the forest is brutal and chilly so the coldness piercing in my skin right now is dreary.

I sat down beside her and she huddles closer to me without a second thought. As I thought, this girl is full of oddities. I still have a lot of things going on inside my mind and Heliotrope basically becomes one of those.

“Lay down like this and I’ll go this way.” Heliotrope instructs me to lay down near her legs and she lay hers in front of my own legs. From the gaps of her thighs comes her tail. “Cuddle on that and I’ll do the same to your tail. See? We got ourselves a pillow.” Upon her instruction, I also pointed my tail towards her face and she gladly took it and laid her head on it.

We slept like that while we cover our bodies with a thick warm blanket. Her tail is as fluffy as mine and it’s warm that the cold night passes without becoming a detrimental bother to us. We started fading towards dreamland peacefully as the rain kept pouring.

Morning came and I woke up earlier than Heliotrope. I slowly rise from her tail and deftly move my body so I can sit. Since she’s still using my tail as a pillow, I couldn’t move as I like. Since the sun seems to start peaking, a dim orange ray of light could only enter this cavern with a narrow pathway.

The fireplace that kept crackling yesterday is now extinguished as there was nothing to fuel its flame. Come to think of it, it was quite dangerous to leave ourselves open like that at night. There should be someone watching over as one sleeps.

It was a fatal mistake but it is also fortunate that nothing happened to us.

“…” I glance over to Heliotrope and saw her sleeping countenance, slowly breathing as she burrows her face on my tail.

I look up to the rocky ceiling of the cave.

The memories of what happened yesterday came crashing to me and I felt melancholic. Something inside me was torn, broken, and pulled to stretch. I had thought that I have an emotional impasse but my feelings right now rang out inside my head like they are in a soliloquy.

The fleeting vivid memories I have in this world, the mesmerizing colors of people I have seen and the smiles of each and everyone bedazzling me into a whole new meaning of liveliness, now are all painted with a hue of faded white and red.

Beside me is the leather bag that I held dear when I was running away. I retrieve it and rummage through until I found the folded letter of parchment. I unfurl the said letter and once again, I found myself staring at the words of affection written to me by King Cuh.

Before coming to this world, I was an empty husk that embraced death as my final prayer for my thin and fleeting life. Now, the realization of losing someone rather than losing your own life is… quite troubling. Thoughts I don’t want, thoughts I don’t know, thoughts mixed with feelings, they all assail my mind and my chest tightens.

Everything that happened wasn’t just sudden…it was all like a flash.

Before, I can only recall myself of how stale and lifeless my life was, however, right now, I have this swirling pool of anxieties and regrets. I’m slowly realizing what I’ve lost and the thing I could have grasp along the way.

However, I am still blinded of what are those important feelings that I should shoulder right now. As to ponder it, I hug my knees close and bury my head into the clasp of my arms,

Am I consoling myself through this or I am just pondering for no reason?

It’s a bleak thought…

“Oh? What could this be?” Heliotrope said with a slightly loud voice tinged with curiosity on an astronomical level just from how her eye glints.

“…?” I, the unsuspecting dreamer, turn around to her in surprise.

Heliotrope suddenly barges on my moment of silence and pulled me back to the current time. She docks her chin over my right shoulder and gleams at the parchment on my hands. I was startled a little bit but I know my facial expression didn’t change much.

Since she was curious, I showed her the content of the letter as I think it’s nothing to hide. Rather, I felt that it was fine to show it to anyone who is curious.

“I love you? The way it is written in blood, quite a romantic guy.” Heliotrope smirks before leaving me alone on my own again.

“Yes…He is—“ And before I could speak, Heliotrope shoots her mouth off, again.

“I do not need to know. I am already aware and I do not want to hear sob stories. Anyway, kind of reminds me how awkward we put ourselves into as we slept.” Instead, Heliotrope completely changes the topic in her own way; on her own pace.

“That’s…yeah…do we do—“ As I was speaking, Heliotrope cuts me off again.

“Pack up your stuff. Your clothes should be dead dry by now. We’ll set out right away and try to get as far as we can.” Heliotrope said as she started sorting her stuff.

“……” I sat there quietly as I stare at her with widened eyes.

“What’s wrong?” Heliotrope notices my stare and asked.

I slowly sway my head left and right, gesturing that I do not have any ill intention with my stare, however, I still cannot comprehend her actions. She speaks as if we will be together for a really long time or…that she thinks I’ll be accompanying her.

She just casually tells me to do things on her own pace but since I am thankful for her help, I obediently did as she told.

No…

Isn’t that better?

I have nothing else to lose or nothing else to return to… I might as well get pulled around on a leash…

“It’s fine to be submissive for now.” She scoffed and then sprouted a smug on her face. For some odd reason, this ticked me off for a little and my head gets a little hot. I comply with her words and starts neatly folding the dry but little dirty clothes that I only have.

“I see…” I replied begrudgingly to her while I started stuffing my things on the bag she provided. I want to feel grateful for the kindness she is showing but something inside was screaming loudly that this wasn’t that kind of kindness one would put out. My senses are blaring with danger signals.

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I took my mind off the subject regarding her personality. It didn’t take us long before we were ready to leave the cavern. As we set foot out, the ray of the sun filtered by the trees leaves that dimly illuminated the place warmly lands on us together with the fading misty ambiance of the forest.

Rain droplets soundlessly fall from leaves and chirping sounds filled the place. It was hazy cold but not to the extremes where we need a layer of coat. The crisp and cold air enters my nostril and gave a refreshing exhale.

“Then, tell me. Where were you planning to go?” Heliotrope asked me while she was stretching her arms by locking them upwards. Her tail flutters a bit as she felt her joints warming up.

“We were supposed to go to the Kingdom of Ecklan.” I promptly said as I watch her with awe curiosity.

“Then we’ll head straight to the Kingdom of Madd, yep!” Heliotrope declares as she started marching.

For what reason? I want to blurt out those words but when I immediately recalled the events that happened yesterday, I could not muster any will to ask.

For what reason should I continue my journey towards that kingdom? I have lost it…

“Hehehe, I love the awful face of yours.” Heliotrope chuckled with amusement as she peers closer to my face.

“…?” I was taken aback of what she meant. Was it how my face is unattractive for her? I am pretty sure this is the same emotionless countenance that I donned or else, that’s what I thought.

“It was colorful and instilled with utter despair despite you yourself tries hard to maintain a straight face. You eyes gave it all away.” Heliotrope sprouts a thin smile on her lips before walking away. I had no time to process her words as I quickly followed behind her.

“…” I stare at her back with her tail happily fluttering.

“If we head straight to the Kingdom of Ecklan, the possibility that we’ll meet with Nazhral is certain. As it is, heading towards a place where the least expected would be the safest.” Heliotrope proceeds to explain about her plan. “I’ve known Nazrhal and his way of thinking. Whether you trust me or not is up to you.” She followed up while keeping her eyes on the track.

“I don’t think I have any choice. This life of mine…it has nothing glimmering on it…I have nothing…” I told her these solemn words.

“…You’re really good at ruining a good morning, don’t you? All these boorish talks get me really annoyed.” Heliotrope’s voice is filled with utter displease.

For a moment, I felt a little relief knowing that Heliotrope easily showed an emotion contrary to her smug demeanor, at the same time, her words stung a little bit. I am well aware of my negativity and I know I should stop.

“Let’s turn around this conversation for a little bit, shall we? I wanted to talk something intellectual and productive.” Heliotrope huffs those words but tried to change the gear of the conversation. We slowly walk in the moist land until we reached the intersection that leads to separate locations and took the path going to the Kingdom of Madd.

Along the way, we saw a horse owned by possibly one of my companions yesterday and made it carry our stuff while Heliotrope pulls on the rein of the horse while I just follow from behind.

“Do you know how this war started?” Heliotrope abruptly asked playfully while looking ahead. The tone of her voice sure is cheery but hinted a little bit of seriousness.

“This war started because of the difference in belief and territorial dominance.” I answered briefly without missing a beat. After I said that, Heliotrope stops a moment making me halt on my track too. She showed a smile of a slight delight.

“Seventy points! At least you aren’t that naïve or ignorant. I’m guessing the elders told you about it.” From Heliotrope’s words, I nodded slowly while carefully observing any changes on her countenance. “Also, it hurts so much when you are that wary of me.” She added with a little giggle.

“You’re so unpredictable…” I honestly said while directly making eye contact with Heliotrope.

Heliotrope shrugs. “I like being branded alike. Anyway, it’s correct that the spark of the war is a dispute between territory and beliefs, however, you didn’t get a perfect score because there’s no absolute answer unless you devoted yourself to both sides…which is impossible.” Heliotrope continues walking while explaining her assessment of my answer while waving her fingers in the air.

“So you are saying that a hundred points are equal to being a traitor to both nations?” I tried to clarify her explanation in my own words but she just made a complex countenance.

“I’m starting to see the reason why you are both interesting and annoying at the same time.” Heliotrope said. It was my turn to make a really annoying expression as I couldn’t comprehend the meaning behind her words.

“Listen, The Empire of Rousse and the Kingdom of Tirrheaarn are both nations that lived comfortably so many years ago. However, the Empire of Rousse, compared to its glory now, is a struggling nation in the past with all its trouble with its terrain and pest infestation. Until one day, they summoned a divine beast, like much what you and the Gauls call, and gained a massive fortune.” Heliotrope explained.

“That Divine beast…is it…” I pointed at Heliotrope.

“Nope, it wasn’t me. It was my mother.” Heliotrope immediately shot down my words. My eyes widened a little from her words but I immediately fix my posture. “Moving on, the existence of Divine Beast was known throughout many nations as it was the beacon of prosperity. What does the divine beast do? Be pampered.” Heliotrope sarcastically said with a scoff.

“Be pampered…?” Because of my honest confusion, I tilt my head.

“Yes, be pampered to her heart content. If we are pleased, we exude that presence they called divine. Well, they assumed it is. I don’t care. Basically, even after my mother died when I was five, I was treated even higher than their princes and princesses. My every whim was answered. Everything that I desire, they struggle to do. I am basically living the life of an absolute freeloader with no repercussions.” Heliotrope boasted with an absolute smug on her face.

“What about all your knowledge? Why are you here?” I asked as a suspicion slowly crept onto my mind.

“Of course I don’t want to become a fool. My mother ingrained in me that knowledge is an absolute keepsake that I should cherish so I studied as I please. I had the Rousse spill all kinds of information to me as they cannot oppose me. As for why you found me wandering in the Gaul’s forest…” Heliotrope’s lips slowly formed a wicked smile and the next words she uttered made me realize one thing.

“Why?” I asked while glaring at her.

“I was simply bored of the pampered life and planned to use my knowledge to become independent. Really, with my stupendous luck, I can basically find gold lying anywhere when I need to.” Heliotrope said while showing me a pile of gold coins from a pouch hanging on her waist.

I see now…

The reason why Heliotrope’s brilliance was dazzling and annoying for me is because of one fundamental thing.

Heliotrope was rained with blessings while I, as long as I can remember, drowned in the muck of misfortune. She was given everything, I was stripped of what little that I have.

She was loved and revered…

I was loathed and abandoned…

“Wait, I’d like to point out one thing. Emperor Nazhral is here because he was looking for you, right?” I reconfirmed one of the things she mentioned, about her basically running away.

“It is as you said. Nazhral is here because of me. Why did they rush the siege towards the Gauls without regards to any etiquette? It’s all because of me, because I ran away. They cannot afford to lose me after all.” Heliotrope admitted without showing remorse. “If anyone died along with the whole fiasco, I will take the blame. So what now, Aster?” She stressed her words heavily as she turned towards me.

“…It can’t be helped. It was all circumstantial. Whether I blame you or not, things won’t change. The people I was with yesterday may all have died in the hands of Emperor Nazhral and that can’t be helped. What good will it brings if I place blame on someone now?” I wasn’t that shaken. It was all, as I said, circumstantial.

“But it’s a fact that you have lost someone or something. The war between the Gauls and Rousse ended when you came. For the Rousse, King Corcairdhearg mac Nessa the Sixth was a tyrant and believed that they need to relieve the people of such figure. For the Gauls, they must have seen that the Rousse are stepping onto their deep beliefs for the Faes. No one was in wrong but no one else is in the right.” Heliotrope explained as she leans over to my face with a blank countenance.

“It doesn’t matter anymore. Whether the Gauls are wrong or right, what I know is that everything must come to an end. Elder Doiteain and Elder Domhan always told me that the war is nearing its end and their defeat is absolute. I knew everything from the start…” I stated those words of acknowledgment but my chest tightens and my face started getting heated.

“…Let’s continue walking.” Heliotrope cocks away and set her sight forward again.

With that, I once again withheld back my emotions that were almost drawn out. It was hours later that I noticed that Heliotrope was trying to poke where it hurts. Whether it’s out of sadism or boredom, her ways of doing so were effective. I reflect on that conversation wholeheartedly.

For the entirety of a week before arriving on a town close to the border of the Kingdom of Madd in which Heliotrope claims, we were doing nothing but idle chatter and meaningless talk involving nothing but Heliotrope herself. Halfway through it, I started telling her about what I know from my own world which fascinated her to no end.

Even though she was selfishly talking about her hobbies, she told nothing relating to any of her personal woes and such. As I thought, she was also guarded around me. Probably because she also felt that I was probing her with an intention to pry further.

For the first time in my life, I wanted to delve deeper into someone’s life. It wasn’t a coincidence that was bedazzled by her. It was like looking at my polar opposite that made me envious and laments on my own life.

She’s bright, witty and knowledgeable. I found a lot of people with a personality like that, however, there was something about her the pulled me towards her to the point I was scared myself.

Is it because we are both divine beasts proclaimed by many? Or is it because I was envious of her splendor? King Cuh and even the Elders were motivated to summon a divine beast because they saw that bright and moving charm brought by Heliotrope. I was nothing more than a result of the bedazzlement…

Since Heliotrope and I are traveling unimpeded, we arrived at a fairly sized town independent from the ruling of the Kingdom of Tirrheaarn. I can judge that we did walk quite a mile but since we have a horse to carry our luggage and did minimal breaks, we arrived with a little fatigue.

“Make sure to put up your hood. Remember, we divine beasts are an existence unbeknownst to the mass. “Heliotrope reminded me as she herself puts up her robe.

“Even if you say that. An inspection must be done to us. In their suspicion, we might have to remove it.” I reasoned out. Honestly, the reason Heliotrope wants to enter the town is so that we can sleep in an inn tonight. I am fine with anywhere like we did for the past week…

“Watch me.” Heliotrope smirks and proceeded to stride towards the guard as she handed me the rein of the horse.

It was just a brief conversation amounting to ten seconds and Heliotrope handed the guard something shiny. I assume it was a gold coin, basically bribery. With permission, they let us in. It was quite easy for Heliotrope to do such a thing, or rather, she did such feat as if fate handed her such a favorable situation.

I could only watch in astonishment.

As we entered the town, we are already entertained and brought to an expensive inn per Heliotrope’s request. And per her whim, we got the most expensive room and got the best treatment. I should note that there was no bribery other than the circumstance with the guard earlier.

After that, we were served with the most luxurious food with a roasted fowl with permeating smell of fresh herbs together with cold grape juices, almost a wine.

In the end, the people of the inn happily served us and gave their best room with two beds for us. There weren’t any ill intentions from them. They were just charmed by Heliotrope’s charisma and naturally moved to give her the utmost treatment.

At that night, for the first time, we lay our backs on a bed after a fresh bath and it made Heliotrope extremely happy. She was quite adventurous for someone living in indulgence up until now.

She changes her clothes around me. I wasn’t uncomfortable with it, however, I will tell her to keep in mind of people around her.

“You’re not going to change, Aster?” She asked me sheepishly.

“I supposed I need to.” I’ve gotten comfortable around her that I easily strip down my clothes to change. She frowned upon my act.

“You are the one to speak about proper etiquette.” Heliotrope pokes at my thigh as I change.

“…I do not matter. It doesn’t matter who sees…” For someone who knows my own value, I cannot bother who may see me. My self-importance is transient, almost non-existent.

“Pfft, tacky as ever. Have you heard of the news circulating?” Heliotrope changes the topic. I slowly nodded to her question. I’ve caught wind of conversations between some passerby and I saw a lot of posted parchments in some boards.

“They are…going to execute Elder Doiteain publicly…” I couldn’t describe my voice as I squeeze out those words, however, I felt like something was strangling my neck.

“Yes, that! Apparently, it is to show the people of the Gaul the end of King Corcairdhearg mac Nessa the Sixth’s regime and to deplete every ounce of motivation left from the loyal extremist of the Gaul army.” From lying down on her belly, Heliotrope jolted up in her lingerie and happily explained the situation.

“…Elder Doiteain was caught after all.” I slowly sank down on my bed as I tried hiding my countenance in the verge of tears from Heliotrope.

“Man, I hope I can watch the execution itself. Is it beheading, burnt to a crisp in a stake, or just whipping to death? There are a lot of nastier things out there but it’s a public execution.” Heliotrope happily listed the things that could be done to Elder Doiteain.

“…” I couldn’t reply anymore. The sun has sunken many hours ago and the moons shine brightly tonight spelling the time to sleep. However, I can feel deep down, I cannot.

The days I spent with Elder Doiteain and with the others. Even with King Cuh, there was a bond I wanted to remember, to keep, to cherish. There was a love that bloomed but unanswered between King Cuh and I and up until this day, I still don’t know how to answer him.

I was given new life and purpose by them, even if I am uncertain of what I should or what I could do. However, they did not berate me for anything and tried to reach out to me despite my misfit negative attitude.

They were putting a blind faith on me that I don’t even know what for. Even they themselves don’t know what they are putting their faith for. But I was happy deep down. I was happy that they readily indulged me and warmly treated me even though the reason I came here felt superficial.

Slowly, I came to realized that I was in love with the thought of becoming an object of adoration or even just the idea of it. My days spent on the hospitals compared to the days I spent warmly with King Cuh and the elders are like heaven and earth.

And at this very same moment that I was crushed with all these sadness and regrets that I should have realized sooner. All those moments that I should cherish are long gone together with the people I wanted to be with…

All of it is just memories now…

I wasn’t able to grasp anything tangible…

It hurts…

“Why…why am I…experiencing so much pain…?” I forced those words out of my lips, almost squeezing while burying my head on the bed. Tears started flooding my eyes and I uncontrollably sob while I tightly grasp my chest that refuses to breathe from all the sobbing.

Why…?

I was so numb to it…

I was so used to being alone…

I was fine…

I didn’t know that leaving people behind unwanted hurts this so much…

“They don’t deserve to die just for me…I don’t deserve them…and yet, they are the one who suffered…” I bring nothing but…misfortune…”It would have been better if I…died…” I uttered those words.

No more…

Why…?

“I want to die…” I said those words with fleeting voice, as shrill as a glass breaking. I felt like this transient life I was granted was nothing more than an extension of the pain I tried withholding from my past life. I was…

“That won’t do. Right now, I am enjoying seeing you breakdown like this.” A voice full of confidence, full of splendor, and full of gentleness enters my ears. I warm and soft hands reach out to my cheeks and forcibly pulled it out of the bed top.

“Ah…?” I was startled, confused, and currently, breaking down. It was something I never experienced before so I don’t even know what to do but…

“Even so, I won’t let you die on me. Not that you’ve already enthralled me. Not that you’ve already got my attention. Not that I’ve already found someone like you. You can’t die.” Words as devious and evil, however, it felt comforting.

Heliotrope’s words pierce me and at the same time, warmth overflowed onto me as she burrowed my face full of tears on her chest, stroking it lovingly.

“For now, indulge on my goodwill. I shall not let you go after all.” Heliotrope said with words ringing like a bell. It was light but sullen that I felt how she heavily wanted me. As I felt such feelings, I started breaking down in more tears on her bosom.