Before I went to bed yesterday I only removed my shoes. They had come on by themselves before I fell asleep. I've kicked off the covers, they lay at the foot at the bed underneath my boots. I don't want to get up even though I know that Clover is waiting at the crescent-moon stairs. It's also where I need to prepare myself for the first contract. That I soon have to reap some poor soul whose life has ended way too early.
After the breakfast was over, Clover had said that he wouldn't be waiting outside of the resident building like he had done the day before, instead he would wait at the crescent-moon stairs. We would receive the contracts from Blomst. Contracts. It seemed like it was more than one. I hadn't dared to ask if we would reap multiple souls. Had Clover reaped a couple of souls before he came for mine? Sometimes it feels like I forget what he is, what Artemis is. And what I am now. They had seemed normal at breakfast, like completely ordinary people. There was something comfortable with Artemis, that she looked like she was from my time. Nine also looked like he hadn't been dead for a long time, but the empty ice blue eyes made me think that he had seen more than both Artemis and Clover.
I repeat my family's names. Every day and night I'll repeat them, I'll cling onto their names as long as I can. I have to force myself to remember. I cannot forget.
It's a good start that I remember their faces. It doesn't feel like I'm about to forget something, like my memories are going to stay. It's too good to be true. I try to say my name out loud – my real name – but it's hard. It doesn't come out right, it sounds awkward and unpleasant, and it feels like my tongue is swollen.
I study the faces. I still recognize them. Emma looks much younger than what she did when I saw her last, when she rocked my corpse back and forth on that dark road. That picture is burnt into my memories and I'm thankful for that. I rather remember it as clear as I can if that means I can keep all my memories. If I can remember her name and how she looks like, that memory is a small price to pay.
The corridor is as lonely as always. When I reach the Eleven I follow the black stone slabs out of the town and into the singing forest of moon-trees. The beautiful song that the bark is singing sounds more like tragic celebration of death now when I know where I'm heading.
Clover is waiting below the stairs, his arms are folded over his chest and is in fact not smiling the smile he had given Artemis in the dining hall. Instead, he looks annoyed.
"Finally," he mutters. "I was just about to go and get you."
I shrug. "I'm here now."
He rolls his eyes and make hand gesture that I should follow him. We walk up the white stairs and he doesn't knock or open the door.
"You'll open it this time, better that you get used to opening doors," he says.
I raise an eyebrow. "I think it's been a few years since I was taught to open doors."
He smiles, not the same smile he gave Artemis, yet a smile.
"I think so too. But these doors are a little different."
"Magical doors? I've figured that out."
They seem more like portals than doors, I've already learnt to not expect anything normal on the other side of them.
"Doors don't just lead anywhere, some of them can take you almost anywhere. Others – like this one – have multiple destinations but can't lead anywhere. Some worlds are forbidden to traverse without permission, no matter the soul wanderer. As an apprentice you're only allowed in your own world, and places I'm allowed to take you to."
"I guess it's not as simple as just opening it?"
Clover stands aside. "If you do that it will lead you to the corridor of doors, you have to imagine the waiting hall in front of you to be able to reach it."
I move my hand over the door's surface and sigh when I can't feel the white against my fingers.
"It helps if you knock. Imagine the place, it's easier if you've seen it before and if you haven't, think about what you've learned of the world. When you knock, imagine that the door will lead you do the room or world you're seeking. The soul wanderer that held my apprenticeship taught me that. All you need to do is to think of the waiting hall."
"How many times should I knock?"
He shrugs. "How many times you'd like."
I thought he had knocked different times for a reason, I feel stupid that I overthink everything he does. I don't want to show him that I feel embarrassed, and I hope that he won't notice.
I knock two times and think about the waiting hall, the seven gates and the stone signs above. How the room rotated like it was formed like an orb, we sat in those chairs for hours. I had no idea what was waiting the first time.
When I have a clear picture of the hall I open the gate and step forward with Clover. On the other side is the long corridor with the orange lights, this time they are lit up. The dark clouds press against the roof, footprints are created and disappears after a few seconds.
"This isn't the waiting hall," I mumble to myself.
I follow Clover down the long corridor.
"You always come here if you're heading to the waiting room. Wolf has to give us a queue ticket."
"Is that what Wolf-skull's name is?"
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"Wolf-skull?" It sounds like he's holding back a laugh. "Is that what you call him?"
I give him an annoyed side-glance and ask another question about Wolf, "Is he a creature like the others in the worlds? Or was he a human once?"
"He's something in-between. The creatures – or the entities as they often go by – aren't doing any jobs for the guardians or soul wanderers. The skeletons with the animal-skulls work for the guardians. I think their whole existence relies on them."
Wolf is next to the large gate and is picking on a thread with his bony fingers, he looks up when we arrive. The orange eyes glows like fire inside of the empty eye sockets.
"Clover!" says Wolf and reaches out his arms; he moves the glowing eyes over to me. "I remember you, Clover's new apprentice."
"Orchid," says Clover.
I want to correct him and tell him that my name is Jonna but the words aren't coming out. I open my mouth and close it again. Wolf gives me a sympathetic look.
"Are you meeting Blomst?" the fingers move back to the thread on his clothes, he pulls at it when he speaks. "What errand?"
"Contract," Clover says.
Wolf turns towards the door and stares. That's the only thing he does until he focuses on Clover again.
"Done, take a queue ticket."
Clover is just about to knock on the gate, but Wolf holds up a hand.
"Wait... Write down the names you want to remember," says Wolf to me.
I feel a lump in my throat.
"It doesn't stop it, eventually you'll forget. If you write it down, it'll slow down the process somewhat."
"Wolf," warns Clover, "You can get in trouble if you–"
"The process with the memories is painful, I'm only giving some advice on what can make it easier. I don't stop the process. I'm not breaking any rules."
Although the last words were harsh and confident his fingers move nervously over the thread.
"Something to think about," says Wolf to me and takes a step back.
I thank him with a nod, my mouth is dry. I don't think my voice would hold if I tried to say something.
"Don't tell anybody," Clover says when I approach.
He knocks and a small brown paper comes out of the hatch, he pulls it out and this time he keeps it as he walks through the open gate.
I look back at Wolf and I don't see any doubt or a sign that he regrets what he told me, even though I saw the nervosity before. I follow Clover and the gate slams shut. We're in a hall I've never seen before, it's smaller than what I had imagined when I knocked on the door in the Eleven. But there is no question that this is a waiting hall. It's the same orb-like room where soul wanderers are waiting on chairs close to the walls.
"We're in Blomst's own waiting hall," says Clover
We sit down at the chairs that just grew out of the floor, they look like logs but are the form of a stool. The walls are covered with greenery and branch, as well as flower that are vibrating a few seconds and then they spin twice and start vibrating again. There aren't as many soul wanderers here as in the large waiting hall, but there are about a hundred of them.
We're in the waiting hall in what feels like a half an hour, there is no clock here and it's hard to know how long it has been. I know that it's almost our turn when I start seeing the other side.
It's only one gate this time and it's made of old wood. On the walls flowers and vines are growing closely together, some branches remind me of gnarly and thin, desperate hands trying to reach the gate. The number on the wooden sign above changes to twenty-three, the number on Clover's card. This time the gate opens slowly for us and displays the same whirling darkness. On the other side it's the same room as the first time, dressed in greenery and wood. Blomst sits at her desk and looks through papers with uninterested eyes. She slightly moves her hand, and two chairs slowly grows out of the floor.
"Sit," she says, and we do as we're told.
She looks like she did the first time I saw her, but there is something tense underneath the light skin.
"You're late," she says with a forced smile.
"We couldn't make the room go any faster," Clover says.
She glares at him. "Alas, I'm not in a mood for these kinds of games today, Clover."
If I wasn't laying in bed and dreading this, we would have been here earlier. I hope that we're not the reason for her dark mood. She smiles again, it looks tense and forced.
"What has happened?" Clover asks and leans back.
"Too much," she says and breathes deeply through her nose, "All too much"
Whatever happened it has her on a very bad mood, I can even feel it in the air, a heavy feeling that pushes me further into the chair.
She forces a smile. "Oh, but do things ever go right?"
"Rarely," Clover answers.
"All too seldom," she sighs.
She puts her elbows against the papers and clasp her fingers together. She closes her eyes and seem deep in thought. It takes a few seconds before she opens them again. The air doesn't feel as heavy, like she forced all the negativity out of this room.
"The first contract for your apprentice," she pauses, "Or well, it's Clover's contract. But Orchid will be there and watch. Get paid even."
"Paid?"
She smiles with her teeth. "Of course. I'm sure you've already seen the entities in the Eleven, there are places where you can pay with soul-dust. You can see this as a paid internship, or whatever you humans call it."
"What is soul-dust?"
"It's a part of a human's soul."
I don't dare to say what I'm thinking, but she sees right through me.
"It's not dangerous for the soul. It's like..." She ponders for a while before she continues, "like giving blood at a hospital. It won't hurt nor weaken the soul in any way. We take such a small part that it won't make any difference, so you can be calm."
Clover is picking on one of his nails, he has probably already heard everything she has to say.
"So, it doesn't hurt the soul at all?" I ask.
Blomst sighs deeply and I can hear how Clover just manages to hold back a laugh.
"Of course not, we wouldn't have let the entities use it as their currency if that was the case. You take such a small part that nothing will change."
"If you touch it, you can sometimes feel them," Clover adds half dramatic and Blomst scowls.
"And it's not dangerous," she reminds us, but mostly me.
I grimace. "It just feels a little... vulgar."
"It's not."
"At least we don't devour the souls like The Fractured Ones." Clover's face is wrinkled like he tasted something sour.
I don't dare to ask about whatever The Fractured Ones are.
Blomst glares at Clover. "No matter what the condemned entities do or don't, we're not them. You don't need to feel either shame or guilt for taking such a small part of a soul, Orchid."
I'm not so certain that I'm alright with taking something from a soul, it still feels vulgar.
Blomst gives us a satisfied smile and puts three stone tablets on the desk. "You have three contracts today. Most of the time it is between five and fifteen per day, but since Orchid is new, I was thinking it would be better to begin with three."
At first glance the three stone tablets seem to be blank, but if I focus I can see something written over them. It is names, humans and both of mine and Clovers. I'm under Apprentice and Clover is under Soul wanderer-contract. Date, time of day and place are also written on the tablets.
Clover puts them over each other and takes each in his hands, it takes a few seconds before they disappear.
"Good luck," Blomst says and gives us her satisfied smile.
She puts a stone on the desk. It looks like the stone Clover had tried to use on me, but this one doesn't shine in the beautiful blue glow. I know that it doesn't belong to Clover and that this one is mine, that I am expected to use it. I carefully pick up the stone in my palm.
"May you have a good harvest," she adds softly.