CHAPTER 20
“‘Energy’, ‘chi’, ‘magic-power’, or the more commonly accepted ‘mana’. However one may refer to it - and my list was by no means exhaustive - the mystical energy that permeates the world is a constant subject of research, philosophy, and experimentation. One of my favorite esoteric papers on the subject was written by Professor Len ‘The Blob’ Cornaccus.
Professor Cornaccus theorized that additional body mass could be used to improve a body’s mana capacity. Their work - published in an unfinished state - outlined the steps necessary to achieve a Skill that could convert excess body fat into mana. The astute of you may notice that what they claim the Skill could do is not quite the same as increasing one’s mana capacity. It is an interesting achievement all the same. Professor Cornaccus’ bulging appearance in the weeks before their unexpected death led to the unfortunate moniker. To my knowledge, none have since attempted to take over the research or incorporate his Skill.”
~Unknown
I felt the blood drain from my face. Jusep’s ruined body was suspended horizontally, like he’d been lifted by invisible marionette strings. Silently, he levitated in our direction. His clothing was in tatters and stained with blood. A long cut along his face, scabbed and misshapen, puckered in a way that suggested scarring was inevitable.
Wait… what? How?
That wound should have still been raw. Fresh. Tulos partially obscured my vision of Jusep to pluck him from the air. The motion spun Jusep around enough that his other wounds became visible, all partially sealed. Even the irregular stumps where his right arm and leg used to be were-
Holy fuck… he…
Tulos said something as he rushed past me and into the house, but I didn’t hear it. Was Jusep breathing?
That could have been me.
I almost didn’t notice as Vix slowly trudged out of the forest, her tongue lolling as she drew in deep, shaking breaths. For a moment, it looked as if her tails had multiplied and cascaded like a peacock’s. When I blinked she was back to her usual two. I felt a brief stab of pressure between my eyes that faded just as quickly as it appeared.
“Did you help Jusep, girl?” I inquired weakly, still reeling from… everything. I doubt she heard me. Bella’s bawling had only intensified after-
Oh yeah… Bella’s here.
The realization that I should comfort her washed over me like rain. I felt so detached from everything, even as my own feelings ravaged me.
“Good girl,” I said robotically as Vix slowly padded past. I started reaching out to pat her out of habit but caught myself halfway. She laid down between us and continued to pant. I watched mutely as her chest rose and fell in rapid sequence.
I could think of no other explanation for what happened, though. After what I’d seen Vigil do, I was ready to accept Vix having magic of her own. It was like she’d given Jusep magical triage. The thought conjured the pristine image of Jusep’s injuries to mind. I tried not to dwell on it. I failed.
In some ways, it was ironic. I’d been worrying about the memories of my old life fading away for years. Now I just wished I could forget one of the new ones.
***
The afternoon Sun reminded me that hours had passed since then. I liked to think I was growing numb to the memories that insisted on replaying in my head. That didn’t make it true, but it was a comforting thought. While the adults in my life managed the crisis, I was left to wait. It was awful.
Once, before I was Will, my friends and I came across a car accident while driving down a county road. One of the cars had flipped and we heard a woman screaming. No one had died, but two of the passengers needed urgent medical attention. Calling an ambulance was the easy part, it was the waiting that eroded my spirits. I knew nothing I could do would help those people. I felt powerless. I felt insignificant. I felt useless. Even as my memories of the experience dulled with age, memories of the feeling remained sharp as ever.
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It’s why I was able to recognize it so quickly.
I hadn’t even been able to comfort Bella. She stopped crying eventually, but everything I could think of saying just rang hollow in my head. I could have lied. I probably should have. Some nonsense about everything being okay might have worked.
Amy was getting closer. What would her reaction be when she saw how I failed to look after her son? Righteous fury sparked within me. Why in the flying fuck had we been left unsupervised to begin with? If literal monstrous predators were just stalking around, how could anyone have concluded giving us free rein was a good idea? It wasn’t the first time I lashed out at the situation. Something wasn’t adding up and it was gnawing at me. The fire of my anger sputtered out. I couldn't feed it.
I watched numbly as Amy crossed the final piece of distance between us. She clutched her skirt firmly around her hips to move unobstructed, yet even as her run slowed to a walk her hands remained locked in place. Her hair was disheveled and her eyes were frantic.
Amy didn’t acknowledge my presence. She slowed just enough to avoid getting caught up in the garden and navigate the steps to our door. To her, I was invisible. Hours of anxiety amounted to nothing and the sheer gravity of my irrationality finally broke through the fog that hung over my mind.
Of course she wouldn’t pay me any mind! If she’d heard what happened, I could hardly imagine what she must have been thinking. What hypothetical scenarios had she tortured herself with as she ran? She entered our home and the tangled ball of unease in my gut went taut, caught up on the tension. For a moment, the world hung in fragile tranquility, only to be shattered by the wails of a tormented mother.
It was palpable. Infectious. It struck something inside of me that was decidedly human and I could not help but empathize with the woman. Everything can change in an instant. I understood that more than most.
“Will.” The sadness emanating from our house almost drowned out Tina’s voice. There was a sharpness to it that put me on edge. When I turned, her and Vigil were right behind me. I hadn’t heard them approach. Tina looked conflicted, like she was struggling with something. I noticed her hair was back to normal, but…
It’s the eyes. They’re still silver.
“You should not have to hear this, Will. Come with me.” She motioned towards the kennel and started walking. Vigil fell into step beside her. I considered disobeying. I felt responsible for what happened, so-
“Will. Now.” She didn’t look back, but I saw her stride go rigid.
Oh… I really am an idiot. It’s not always about me.
“Coming, mom.” My voice came out with a slight rasp. When was the last time I took a drink of water? I decided I didn’t care.
***
Most of the dogs weren’t in the kennel. Apart from the most recent litter, it was just Vigil and Vix.
“Where are the others?” I asked in an effort to break the silence. I didn’t know what was happening to Tina, but Tulos’ earlier words came to mind. Talking to her son might help ground her, or something. Any prospect, even a slim one, of being able to do something positive amongst the turmoil felt like a lifeline in a storm.
It took Tina almost a full minute to respond. I felt the bloodied bandage on my hand - a rush job by Lianda - start to itch and had to resist the urge to scratch at it. Vigil was resting his head in her lap so she could idly give him pats. It was something she’d do while we unwound on lazy afternoons. Seeing it now, it looked meditative.
“They are roaming.” There was almost no inflection in her tone. “If there are more fueha I do not want them to get too close without us knowing.” Given the context, I assumed fueha were the stoat-panthers.
“Is that safe?” I couldn’t imagine a regular dog faring well if they got ambushed by one of the stoa- one of the fueha.
“No.” The answer was quick. Curt, even. She grimaced, like the answer tasted bitter. I almost protested. I’d helped care for those dogs for years, albeit in the limited capacity afforded by my childish body. I’d grown attached. The thought of any of them getting hurt, of putting them in danger, felt like a betrayal.
This is what they are bred for.
It was a sobering thought. They were livestock guardians in a world inhabited by monstrous predators. In the eyes of most, it was probably better for a dog to die if it meant saving human lives... or their livelihoods. I could see the logic, but that didn’t mean I had to like it.
Time and place. Time and place. I repeated the phrase a few times like a mantra. Voicing my displeasure in that moment wouldn’t help anyone. I regretted the line of questioning and desperately wanted a change of subject. Anything. It was the final wave in the sea of shit that was my day, sufficient to erode the last of my restraint.
Fuck it, I thought.
“Mom?”
“Yes, Will?”
“The System says I am ready for Advancement.”